Joey

Angie was starting kindergarten, she’d be starting. And she was so cute, just so precious to me. But every mile stone she reached kind of made me sad, since Julia couldn’t see it.

Three years. It’s been three years since her death, and it seems like yesterday. It seems like no time has passed between this day and that one. I thought maybe I was trapped in this grief. Not letting go. If I was a movie character I’d be that guy from Sleepless in Seattle, the guy Tom Hanks played. I can’t remember his name. Julia forced me to watch that movie with her and I had groaned, ‘chick flick’ I said, but we laughed and shoved each other and made popcorn, and Angie had just been a baby then.

If I’d ever known that my life would resemble that movie. Not the Hollywood movie make-believe parts but the grief stricken widower part, if I’d ever known, I don’t think I would have watched that movie.

Craig

Summer camp had to end sometime, I guessed. Everyone was kind of quiet on the bus ride home, just staring out the window. It was kinda a long summer, and we did a lot at the camp and everything, and people were tired. But that’s not the reason I was so quiet. I just really didn’t want to go back. My dad and everything, I mean, it’s difficult living with him, and trying to do everything right, and he loses his temper. He loses his temper a lot.

Joey

I didn’t want to think sales were slipping at the car lot. Sure, I closed up early sometimes and that didn’t help. But it was hard to focus on it. Hard to focus or really care about anything except Ang. She was the only thing that mattered anymore.

Craig

I sucked in my breath. I’d screwed up, again. I made him angry. We had this new house, and I wasn’t used to it. But it was big and nice just like all the other houses. It didn’t matter where we lived, he’d still do this. He’d still explode in anger at me. And I felt like I couldn’t breath. I couldn’t think. I don’t even remember what I did. I just watched his hand reach for his belt.

Joey

It was an act, most days. Talking with Angie, pretending that I was okay. In reality I was missing Julia so much I could taste it. This useless wishing. Nothing would bring her back. All the pictures I have of her, their number is limited. It doesn’t even really seem like her in them anymore. I can’t see her anymore.

Craig

I felt like I didn’t want to talk to him. Fuck him. He could hit me all he wanted to. I just sat at the kitchen table and poured cereal into a bowl and ate it, and I didn’t even taste it. He just sat there drinking his coffee, all dressed up for work. He wasn’t talking to me and I didn’t care. Good. Just go to work.

Joey

Angie was sleeping, dressed in those thin pajamas with the little shirt and the little pants. Julia has never seen her this big. Everything that happens, every new thing she does, I always think that Julia is missing it. Everything in my life is quantified that way. I talk to her in my head, ‘I’m sorry, sweetheart. I’m so sorry you had to miss this,’

Craig

It was okay. I could be better. I wouldn’t make him so angry anymore. If I wasn’t such a terrible kid things would be different. I was watching T.V. but not really watching it. Ridiculous shows. Flipping back and forth from ‘Saved By the Bell’ to MTV. Yeah. I’d be better. I swore I would be.