|You'll Never Know
Author: santeria PM
Edward looks back on his original plan to ignore Bella. Oneshot. Breaking Dawn spoilers.Rated: Fiction K - English - Edward & Bella - Words: 451 - Reviews: 4 - Favs: 4 - Follows: 1 - Published: 10-06-08 - Status: Complete - id: 4579819
|A+ A- Full 3/4 1/2 Expand Tighten|
Summary: Edward looks back at his original plan to ignore Bella. Oneshot. Breaking Dawn spoilers.
You'll Never Know
They say follow your heart,
Follow it through,
But how can you
when it's split in two?
And you'll never know...
"Face to Face"- Siouxsie and the Banshees
Honestly, I had never meant to fall for her. It wasn't natural for my kind to befriend humans in such a manner. When I first smelt her blood I had almost lost control and slaughtered the whole class just so I could taste her. To this day I marvel that I managed to hold myself back.
After that first smell, I had made a vow to myself: I would avoid Bella Swan completely, and whenever I caught a trace of her delicious scent I would stop breathing so that I wouldn't be tempted. Bella doesn't know this, but those first few days of being without her were pure agony for me. The whole time I was struggling with myself, torn between my loyalty to my coven and family, yet some innate part of me was screaming that she was vital to my very existence. I was being pulled two separate ways but was stuck in some indecisive limbo.
It was Tyler's van that settled the matter for me. I risked my secret-- my family's secret and their well-being—in order to save her from being crushed under that van. No matter how much I later tried to rationalize my actions, I realized that I had done it solely because I loved Bella Swan. I, a monstrous vampire, loved an innocent human girl. I had been sickened by myself at first; there was no way I could ever have a relationship with her. The amount of self-control required for that would be astounding, and more likely than not I would just end up murdering her. But I couldn't stop myself loving her, and eventually I just gave in to my feelings, hoping I was doing the right thing.
Now, staring at my beautiful vampire wife cuddling Renesmee in her arms, I can't believe how foolish I had bed been back then. To think that I had tried to shut Bella out of my life! If my plan had succeeded...I shudder, thinking of how I would still be alone now, with neither Bella nor Nessie to carry me through my eternal existence. Bella does not know the extent to which I struggled against her or how much pain I was in those first few weeks.
But having Bella as my wife is certainly worth it. This, I make sure she knows.