Author: DriftingSpirit PM
“Maybe we shouldn’t. Us switching personalities could be bad. Like really bad.” HUDDYRated: Fiction M - English - Humor - G. House & L. Cuddy - Chapters: 2 - Words: 4,054 - Reviews: 35 - Favs: 13 - Follows: 38 - Updated: 10-24-08 - Published: 10-10-08 - id: 4587881
|A+ A- Full 3/4 1/2 Expand Tighten|
She was nervous, to say the least. After a sleepless night of tossing and turning, she was also twitchy. And twitchy and nervous are not a good combination. How could she have been so stupid to agree to switch personalities with House? Had her brain fled the scene of the crime to chase butterflies? Or maybe fix a delicious bowl of corn? It didn't matter. It had left in her moment of need, and now she was stuck.
How to be House… Involved… What? How could she be House? What was it exactly that made him, him? She could be sarcastic. That part would be easy. What else, though? Make sexist, racist, bigoted, and prejudice jokes? Make Thirteen feel as uncomfortable about herself as possible while taking pot-shots at her sexual orientation? Her nurses would hate her if she treated them the way House did. This was going to have some nasty side effects on her job.
Then again, House was getting to be himself, mostly, while on the job. She should get to be herself too then while on the job, right? Maybe. Oh well. It wasn't like he was always going to be there when she was busy working.
She ran a hand through her still somewhat damp hair and frowned down at her clothes. Her power suit was definitely appropriate for her, but did it say House? No. House had never said anything about dressing as the other though. Why was she putting so much thought into this? He was probably insulting his team at that very moment and she was worried about how she was dressed. Ridiculous.
An image of House dressed in her pencil skirt and lavender blouse flashed through her head. She dug her teeth into her lip to avoid smiling.
"Are you okay, Dr. Cuddy?"
She cleared her throat as she acknowledged the donor sitting across her desk. "Of course, just fine. I think we are all squared away here. Let me walk you out."
He stood, shaking his head and waving his hands. "That's okay. I'll see myself out. You have a lot to do here, I imagine."
She nodded, offering him a smile. "Thank you so much, Mr. Ramsey. And please try to make it to the fundraiser next Friday. It's going to be a wonderful evening."
He bobbed his head once. "I'll try. Goodbye."
She watched him head out her glass doors and wondered if she had already lost the game. Was that conversation reflecting too much of her and too little of House? Well, duh. It was work, though, so maybe it didn't count.
Her eyes drifted to the clock on her computer screen. Just after eleven. House would be in his office by now. Maybe it was time she made an appearance as him.
The nerves flooded back as she sashayed to the elevator. She didn't know why, either, as she verbally sparred with him on a daily basis. This was different though. Very different.
She opened the door to his conference room just as, it appeared, House was about to insult Kutner. His lips froze mid-word, though, and the team turned to look back at her. What was she going to say? Why hadn't they had a class on switching personalities with a fellow doctor in medical school? Oh yeah, because she's the only one crazy enough to do that.
"Good morning, Dr. Cuddy." House greeted politely, resting both hands on his cane.
"Is it? I imagine wearing my underwear is uncomfortable." She garbled out and fought the blush rising into her cheeks at her own words.
He grinned at her, his lips spreading thin and wide. "You manage."
She didn't know what to say next, so she let her gaze wander to his team. All jaws down in surprise. She rested on Thirteen's expression. "What? Did you want to wear my underwear too?"
Thirteen shaped a word with her lips, but didn't say anything.
"Don't worry. Next sleepover I'll have with you." She winked at Thirteen, hoping she was acting how House did.
Next thing she knew, she was alone in House's office with him.
"What are you doing?" He inquired, looking confused, interested, and on the verge of laughter.
"Being you." She shrugged.
He chuckled. "And how was that being me?"
"How wasn't it?"
"Hitting on Thirteen? You think I hit on Thirteen? Or were you genuinely interested?" He chuckled again. "Of course, if you were genuinely interested…" He waggled his eyebrows at her.
"House, I wouldn't act how you are now."
His faced formed the expression of disbelief. "I even have to be you around you?"
"Is that going to be a problem?"
"No, I'd just be wearing less clothing, and putting a bit more sway into my hip movements."
She smiled. "Yeah, you need to work on your wiggle."
"Thirteen's been giving me private lessons."
"I wouldn't say that."
"Right. You only say boring things."
"If I'm so boring, how have I managed to hold your interest this long?"
His mouth opened for a retort, but none came.
She headed out of his office feeling extremely embarrassed. Maybe she shouldn't have come to see him. Now she only felt like she'd made an ass of herself. Wait. Wasn't that a good thing? House was an ass? Everyone had said so at least once. Yay! A step in the right direction.
Pausing just outside of Wilson's office, she watched the oncologist mutter into his cell phone. Only one thought passed through her head: the ultimate test. Wilson. He would know better than anyone if she were acting like House.
Adjusting her clothes and straightening her hair, she entered the office. Wilson jumped when she brushed in without knocking, rushing to get off the phone. He eyed her curiously and licked his bottom lip.
"Dr. Cuddy. Good morning." He stuttered out, gesturing for her to sit.
She tried to think of something House would say at that moment, but her brain was drawing a blank. What the hell? She knew House better than this! Instead of a witty comment or something, she dropped down into a chair across from Wilson and let her head fall in her hands.
"I don't know how to do this!" She told him through her fingers.
"Do what?" She couldn't see his face, but she imagined he looked concerned. Wilson's good at the whole compassion/worry thing.
"How to be House! I mean, I know him so well. But when it comes down to the heat of the moment, I can't think of a single line." Cuddy rested her chin on her hands and stared at him. "Help me out. This was your idea."
"Well…" Wilson began, "Try not to start conversations for awhile. It's a lot easier to respond sarcastically than to start a conversation with some mind-blowing… something mind-blowing." He smiled and nodded. "I seem to be very eloquent this morning."
"You don't usually falter in speech when you're busy staring at a woman's chest? Somebody's got talent." She smiled sweetly at him.
"You see? It's so much easier." He paused for a moment in contemplation. "Oh! Start playing pranks on people."
She raised an eyebrow at him. "What?"
"You know House. He loves a good prank. Mostly he plays them on me, but you could play them on him." He folded his hands together, clearly very proud of himself. "What do you think?"
Cuddy nodded and shrugged at the same time. "Sounds like a plan."
"So my advice was good? Helpful?"
She climbed to her feet, giving him a secret grin. "Sure. Thank you, Dr. Wilson."
"Of course." His eyebrows lowered in suspicion. "Wait. I don't like the look on your face."
"But you like the rest of me, right?"
She left Wilson's office, and drifted down the hall towards the elevator. Maybe she'd only been thinking about the negative side of things. This could be fun. Playing pranks on House? Being sarcastic is always fun, right? This didn't have to be a bad experience if she played her card right, she could come out on top. Both literally and figuratively…
House was in the elevator when it finally stopped on her floor. She strolled in, still grinning.
"I was waiting for you; I saw you go into Wilson's office." He told her in a high pitch voice. She supposed it was meant to be hers. "I went up and down twice before you finally came."
"That's what she said."
He grinned at her. "Want to make out?"
She shook her head at him in disgust. "I would never offer that."
"My interpretation of you would." He pouted out his bottom lip.
"Which fantasy would this be from?"
"No fantasy, just remembering the you that you were in college. I liked that you better. So open and… yeah, open covers most everything." His eyebrows jotted up for a minute before coming back down.
"This… this isn't how things are supposed to work with this game!" She exclaimed. "You are supposed to be on the defensive and I'm the one who should be making snide comments!"
"Hey, I gave you a shot. You just dropped the ball." He winked at her.
They had long since hit the ground floor and gone back up. She jabbed the first floor button vehemently, glaring at him. "I don't know why I'm wasting my time in an elevator with you."
"Because you want to make out." He supplemented encouragingly. "Right?"
She smiled maliciously at him as they arrived back on the first floor. "Right." She stepped out.
There was something wrong with her office; she realized when she passed through the double doors. All of the furniture was still there. The low hum of her computer said it had gone into sleep mode, so no one had messed with it. Oh, yeah. Cameron was sitting in her chair.
Her facial expression was bothered and confused. Her clothes said professional and model-small. Her history said 'I'm easy when I'm drunk or high.' Combining all of that together said… what?
"What did you do?" Cameron asked in a manner of greeting, standing. "What are you giving him in exchange?"
"My life, my body, my soul, and a homemade baked Alaska."
Cameron rolled her eyes. "You know that isn't what I'm talking about."
"You're talking about House."
"You're always talking to me about House. Is he just an excuse to spend time with me or does he really have that big of an effect on your life?" Cuddy questioned.
Cameron's mouth opened and closed several times. "I don't know how to answer that."
"Don't worry, that's a telling enough answer."
Cameron moistened her lips. "I passed House on my way into work today. He was polite and friendly and even somewhat enjoyable. Pleasant, really."
"Enjoyable? Pleasant? Sounds like we have a real problem on our hands." Cuddy responded sarcastically.
"I just assumed it had something to do with you."
"It does." Cuddy said honestly.
"You are giving him something in exchange?"
"What?" Cameron asked, looking thoroughly stumped.
Cuddy grinned broadly at her. "Sex."