Wakatte Itahazu (I Should Have Known) by Comet~Princess

Disclaimer: I really should name the stuff I do own instead. It would certainly make the disclaimer shorter. ^_^"" Bishoujo Senshi Sailormoon and Weiss Kreuz belong to their respective owner, which is not me. The song Wakatte Itahazu is from Fushigi Yuugi, another anime that doesn't belong to me, and is sung by Akemi Satou. The romanization and the translation of the song lyrics are both done by someone else. My knowledge of the Japanese language only goes as far as very few single world. ^_^"

AN: Look! I'm not dead! ^_^"" Due to my current obsession with Weiss Kreuz, this story came to mind. ^^ Happy birthday to Akiko-chan!! ^_^ I'm so sorry that I didn't write the pairing that you requested, but I have so many other stories with them, I thought I'd try something else. In addition, I am once again about a week late for a birthday fic. _ So comes the sickness called laziness and procrastination. The cure seems to be the Internet being down for a few days. -_-;;; Also, thanks go out to Usa-nee-chan for letting me pick which fic she updates next. ^^ You're so nice, Usa-chan! *huggles* And to Chibi Tenshi-chan *glomps* and Angel-chan *tackles* for being wonderfully inspiring people and authors. To SilverRay-chan for constantly reminding me that I need to start writing. ^_^ I changed this so much from the original. . . And to all reviewers for your encouragements! ^_^

As a side-note, please know that this song is in Japanese. I've included the romanization of the lyrics on the left hand side, and the English translation are on the right hand side when they show up in the story. The perspective alternates between the two main characters, separated by the lyrics section. (ie. Girl's perspective, lyrics, guy's perspective, lyrics, girl's perspective, lyrics, etc.) I hope it's not too confusing. ^_^

Warnings: READ!!! SPOILERS for Aya-kun's past. And the first bit may be a little confusing if you don't know his past, but it becomes clear if you do choose to spoil yourself ^^, so don't fear that. Also, mild swearing and lots of angst. *sweatdrops* I've been reading too much angst. -_-;;;

Timeframe: For those familiar with Weiss Kreuz, this takes place during the first half of the show, and I played around with the ages to make it fit this fic. You'll know what I mean when you get to it. ^_^ For SM, I suppose it'd be after Galaxia. Age would be twenty.

Okay, let's start! I hope you enjoy!

---

I've never laughed on this day, not since he left. I stared at the ceiling, looking up from my bed at it. I just want to go back to sleep, let the day pass by. Then I can laugh again tomorrow. I shut my eyes tightly, willing myself to fall into oblivion. A couple of minutes passed, but nothing happened. I sighed and slowly sat up. I guessed I was going to have to live through today. I stretched, and the sunlight from the window glinted off the diamond on my left hand. I brought the ring closer to my face and stared at it. Am I even doing the right thing?

What am I thinking? Of course I am! This is my destiny! I'm going to marry a wonderful guy who is my soul mate. He's nice to me. He has the job and the money, and he loves me. He wouldn't leave me. It's even been foretold that I'm going to rule a kingdom in the future with him, as well as give birth to a daughter. But then, why do I feel so empty? Why do I still remember?

~*~*~*~*~

toorisugiru koibito-tachi no waraigoe mune wo shimetsukeru The laughing voices of lovers passing by makes me get all choked up.

~*~*~*~*~

The sunlight peeked through the slit between my curtains, hitting me in the face. I half expected the childish voice of my sister floating through the room, waking me up, asking me to take her to the fair. No, not so childish anymore. If that incident hadn't happened, she would be nineteen today. Damn that bastard Takatori. I swore that I would kill him then, and if it took my life in exchange for that, I would finish the task.

I reached out and opened the drawer next to me, lifting out a slim book with a hard cover. Opening it to the first page, I gently traced my finger over Aya-chan's familiar handwriting. Almost by their own will, two pictures fell out from between the pages of the book. Aya-chan's memories. One was of our family, Mom, Dad, Aya-chan, and me. I actually looked happy then. What's joy now? I don't think I remember, I thought with the slightest bit of sardonic amusement. I flipped to the other picture, and immediately, any amusement left me. I suddenly felt as cold as the way I treat the people around me.

Laughing sapphire blue eyes stared back at me from the picture, matched with a heart-shaped face framed by sun-kissed blond hair. Her smile was as broad as Aya-chan's, who stood hugging the older girl, her braids flying freely in the wind. She's not mine anymore, I reminded myself as I shoved the two pictures back into the journal and into the drawer. She never will be.

~*~*~*~*~

ameagari no
shuumatsu no gogo na no ni
watashi hitori machi wo aruku
soba ni
itai no ni Even though the rain has stopped
on this weekend afternoon,
I'm walking the streets all alone,
even though
I want to be with you.

~*~*~*~*~

I picked up the umbrella that was resting near the front door and put on my boots. I yelled over my shoulder at my mom to tell her I'm leaving, shutting the door behind me with a loud bang. She probably thought I was going to visit my fiancé. But that's a reasonable enough assumption. Who else would a twenty year old girl think about when she's going to be married in a few months?

I sighed as I walked through the streets of Tokyo in the rain. How fitting for my mood. And how ironic, in a sense, that it would also be raining on the day I say goodbye.

I still remember when we first met. Fate was what I called it then. But maybe coincidence is a better word now, since Fate and Destiny apparently have other plans for me. It had been raining, just like it is now. It was a school day, and I had had detention again. I had picked up my umbrella and was ready to head over to the arcade to meet up with Naru, my best friend. That was when I found a girl, maybe a year or two younger than me, standing at the entrance to the school, looking into the rain.

~*~*~*~*~

sonna koto wakatte-ita hazu suki ni nareba natta dake kurushimu koto I should have known this. If I fell in love with you that much, I would hurt just as much.

~*~*~*~*~

I remember Aya-chan coming home giggling that day, the first time she's done that since our family moved to a new district in Tokyo. It had only been a few weeks, but it felt like she hadn't been happy for a lifetime. Every time school was brought up at the dinner table, she would clamp up and refuse to say anything. I just assumed it was a girl thing that guys shouldn't pry into, but I didn't know, until after the day of destruction, when I read her journal, that she was having trouble making friends and fitting it at school. It seemed strange to me that someone like my sister would have that problem. She was always such a cheerful, gentle spirit, but now, I know that life can be very cruel.

A blonde haired girl, slightly shorter than even Aya-chan, carried an umbrella for the two of them, and was chatting away at a mile a minute. I was actually impressed with both of them, the blonde for the speed she was talking at, and my sister for being able to keep up. The brotherly instincts kicked in and I asked her who the other girl was.

Aya-chan introduced her as Tsukino Usagi, a girl in a higher grade that had offered to walk her home after seeing her stranded at the school during the rainstorm without an umbrella. She looked up and gave me a sunny smile, and that was when I met her eyes, deeper than the ocean, brighter than the sky, sparkling with innocence, purity, and joy.

~*~*~*~*~

setsunai ne wakatte-iru no ni
omotte-iru anata dake wo
konna ni
aenai toki mo

Even though I know it's heart-wrenching,
I keep thinking only of you,
even when
I can't see you.

~*~*~*~*~

I can see them in my dreams sometimes, or maybe it's a memory so deep that I can't forget, no matter how much I try. Twin pools of hyacinth, burning with a fire so intense that flames seemed to jump around them, jump around him, matching the fieriness of his red hair. That was the first time I met him. My new friend's brother. I remember staring into them, for how long, I didn't know. I just knew that my cheeks were slowly turning rosy from the way he was looking back at me. We finally snapped out of it when Aya cleared her throat. I turned back at her, and I should have known then that by the way she was smirking at us, she was about to have a field day with this little encounter.

I stared up at the white building in front of me, almost afraid to go in. I hadn't visited her in such a long time. It almost felt like a violation to come back and see her. But I don't know where else he would show up. And I need to tell her as well, or leave a note for her. She is my friend, despite what happened between. . . no, I shouldn't remember him. And after today, I would never think of this again. Today is the last time I'm going to mourn over this. I should be thinking of the future, not dwelling on the past, no matter how much I want to.

Taking a deep breath, I walked up to the receptionist and asked for the patient I was looking for.

~*~*~*~*~

donna toki mo
issho ni ite hoshii nante
omoccha ikenai to Even though
I know I shouldn't think about
how I wish we could always be together,

~*~*~*~*~

I walked into the flower shop part of our dwelling, grunting at the greetings my teammates called out to me. I picked up the bouquet of roses on the table and left the store without another word. I could hear Ken questioning where I was going with a bunch of flowers, and Yohji muttering something about a girlfriend. Honestly, I couldn't care less who they thought I was seeing with the flowers. I think I lost the ability to feel awhile ago. I growled low in my throat. If I ever get my hands on Takatori, there wouldn't be a piece of him they need to bury. Because of him, I lost my parents, I nearly lost my sister, and I lost-

I mumbled darkly under my breath. Why do the thoughts always come back to her? I'm supposed to concentrate on my revenge. Nothing else is supposed to matter. I haven't thought of her in a very long time, not since Weiss was established, so why today? Today was just Aya-chan's birthday. No, it was also the day everything around me crumbled. . .and the day I walked out of her life. Of course, how could I forget? Aya-chan had teased me so much after the first time we met. She kept saying that it was about time her older brother actually paid attention to the opposite gender. I swore that if it had been anyone else, they would have had my katana down their throat. She even started having fun playing matchmaker. And for some reason, I hadn't minded. I wasn't sure whether it was because I was happy that she was smiling and laughing again, or if it was because it had been her that my sister had chosen to set me up with.

I parked my car in the parking lot of Tokyo General Hospital and shook my head. I knew even then that it would be unhealthy to care for someone that deeply. Care for. . .the words rang in my head, mocking me. Who gives a damn about the choice of words? I retorted darkly at the laughing voice. It doesn't matter anymore. As much of a heart I lacked, I still don't want her involved in any of this. That's why I walked out that day.

~*~*~*~*~

osaete-ita
watashi no kokoro no koe
tomerarezu ni ima mo afure
sou de
kurushii no even now, the voice of my heart,
which I've tried to suppress,
seems to overflow
endlessly...
so much so that it hurts.

~*~*~*~*~

To say that Aya's attempts at getting me together with her brother was embarrassing would have been the understatement of the decade. But somehow, it was the backfiring of the crazy plans that got us together. It was as though we found a mutual amusement over them. She used to claim that we took an eternity to get together. Funny that it only took a second for everything to shatter.

I stared at the still form of the active young girl I used to know and love like a sister. I could hardly believe that was the same girl that I had walked home that rainy day. The newspapers said it was an accident, but I doubt it. From the ice I saw in his eyes the last time I saw him, there had to be more. The last time I saw him. . . exactly three years ago today. I came to the hospital after hearing about it, but I couldn't even talk to him. No, no one stopped me. It was the way he glared at me through those frozen purple depths, warning me to stay away. Even as I took a step to approach him, despite the dangerous aura he was giving off, he turned and walk away. We had always had an understanding, even without words. And right then, I knew that reality as I had known, was nothing more than a fantasy that I could no longer get back.

Gently, I squeezed the still girl's hand and smiled through my tears. Tears? I reached up and brushed them out of my eyes. I promised not to cry today. I promised. I reached into my purse and pulled out three envelopes, two letters and an invitation. I laid them next to the vase of flowers on the table.

"Take care, Aya-chan. Sayonara," I whispered before walking out of the silent room. The echo of my voice throughout the room taunted me as I walked down the hall, tempting me to walk back in. . .and wait for him there instead.

~*~*~*~*~

watashi ni wa wakatte-ita hazu
aishitatte hitorijime
dekinai koto I should have known.
I just can't keep my love for you
inside, all to myself.

~*~*~*~*~

I wasn't sure what I was expecting as I approached my sister's hospital room, but it certainly wasn't the lingering smell of strawberries and vanilla. I walked in, half expecting her to be sitting there. But the room was as empty as it always was. She came though, I knew she did. My eyes scanned the room, and immediately found the evidence to my suspicion. There, on the table next to the flowers, were three letters. I glanced at Aya-chan, checking for anything different in her, but found nothing. Of course, she would never hurt anyone or anything, contrary to myself.

I put the flowers down and picked up the letters. One was addressed to Aya-chan, one was to both of us, and on the last was written Ran. Ran, how long has it been since someone had called me that? Three years, my sub-conscience answered. I picked out the one to the two of us, addressed with a fancy calligraphy script instead of her handwriting. Silently, I read through it. A wedding invitation. Does she expect me to go and watch her pledge her life to another man? Fine, I don't care. Right. . . the annoying voice in my head replied sarcastically. I squished the voice, feeling the tiniest bit of satisfaction as I did so.

I growled and tossed the invitation aside. I picked up the letter she addressed to me and read that too. She told me about her life for the past few years, what she's been doing, and how she met the guy that she was going to marry. She asked about me, and Aya-chan. She voiced her thoughts on the so-called accident. Her instincts never ceased to be right, as it seemed. But none of that mattered. The only thing that jumped out at me was the last line.

I just want to see you one more time. Atashi matte yo.

She'll wait for me? Where? And why am I even thinking of going anyway? I glanced at Aya-chan, and suddenly, I knew where she was. It's the last time, I told myself. Just once more. The final goodbye.

~*~*~*~*~

demo ima wa taisetsu na omoi
watashi dake ga mieru hontou
shinjite
aishi-tsudzukeru But now, it's a precious thought.
I believe in the truth
only I see,
and keep on loving you.

~*~*~*~*~

I stared out into the pond from underneath the cherry blossom tree. This was where we shared our first kiss. My friends always thought that I just liked the view, and I've never bothered to correct them. No one was out in the park except for a few others walking through, and me. The rain continued, though it was much lighter now. I felt his presence before I heard his footsteps. I waited without turning around, not knowing what to expect. The footsteps stopped, but the silence between us continued. After a few more minutes, I grew restless. I wanted him to say something. I needed him to say something. Please Ran, do something. Do anything! I need to know if I'm making a mistake.

As though he sensed my silent plea, he spoke up, "What do you want?"

"Nothing," I whispered in return, "nothing at all. I just want to see you."

I could almost feel him shrug, boring holes into my back with his eyes as he did so. "There's nothing else to say," he answered my unspoken question.

Slowly, I turned to face him, willing myself not to cry when I met his eyes, still frozen like the Arctic, but intense as it always had been. I could feel my resolve to end this crumpling. I had to ask. I had to know. "I came to say goodbye. But before I do, just tell me one more thing, Ran," I started. "Do you and I still exist? Am I making a mistake with what I'm going to do?"

His voice was monotonous when he answered. "You tell me that. Are you happy with your own decision?" That said, he turned and walked into the rain, disappearing into the light fog.

~*~*~*~*~

watashi ni wa wakatte-ita hazu
aishitatte hitorijime
dekinai koto I should have known.
I just can't keep my love for you
inside, all to myself.

~*~*~*~*~

Why did I say that? I should have told her that there wasn't anything more between us. Then she would have gone on her way, married that other guy, and permanently leave my life. Between Aya-chan, Weiss, and the bastard Takatori, I would have to be the devil himself to pull her into this mess. But my mouth had just decided to ask her whether she was happy or not with her decision, and leave things untied. Sure, she could be happy with her life and move on, but from her letter and the sorrow in her ocean blue depths, I know the answer to my own question without even having to ask her. So why did I ask her if I already knew the answer?

I slammed the door to my room as I walked in, almost feeling Omi wince as I did so. I pulled out the two pictures I had carelessly shoved back into the drawer this morning. She smiled back at me from the stillness of the picture, along with Aya-chan. I could suddenly hear my sister's voice ringing through my head, telling me to stop blocking my emotions off. That's what she said when she got fed up with the subtle plans. I think that she would have locked us together in a closet eventually if we hadn't gotten together then. Fine, I admit that I care for her, maybe even lo-. No, I don't know anything other than how to kill. I was never comfortable when it came to this foreign pang in what was left of my heart, not even before everything fell apart, and even less so now.

I stared at the picture that portrayed the carefree nature of my old life. Do I want her with me now? Despite everything? Do I still want to continue to shut out everything and everyone else? Or do I want the sunshine and the smile that can ease the pain, if only a little?

I swore aloud. Bloody hell, for someone who is supposed to be completely taken over by the need for revenge, I'm certainly not fitting the job description for these past twelve hours. No matter, it's her play now. I no longer have a say as to how this version of Romeo and Juliet is supposed to turn out.

~*~*~*~*~

demo ima wa taisetsu na omoi
watashi dake ga mieru hontou
shinjite
aishi-tsudzukeru But now, it's a precious thought.
I believe in the truth
only I see,
and keep on loving you.

~*~*~*~*~

I stared at the address written on the piece of paper in my hand. I can't believe I'm doing this. In the past twenty-four hours, my life had suddenly taken a complete three-sixty. Yesterday, I had been engaged to a man I was "destined" to be with, who loves me, and who had been foretold to be my future husband. Today, I've broken off our engagement, told him that I wasn't happy with the way Destiny planned everything. He had been surprisingly understanding, and told me that as long as I was happy, he would be too. I wanted to break down and cry then. I don't deserve to have his love. I care for him. Heck, I even love him, just not way he wants me to. The only thing I managed to choke out was that I hope he could find someone who did deserve him.

I sighed. And of course, the second half to my day would be looking for the one my heart continued to remind me of, though I don't know why. He wasn't the nicest person in the world, nor the friendliest. He was just. . .Ran. I can't help but love the lost, caring soul buried beneath the frozen exterior. So here I am, standing in front of the flower shop where he worked, going by his sister's name, for a reason that I only have suspicions to. I never would have guessed he would end up working in a flower shop, but I think the past day had just proven to me that nothing in life is truly expected.

I took a deep breath and pushed open the door to the store, the wind-chime jingling as I did so. After a few seconds, a boy around my age came out from the back room. I was about to ask him whether the man I was looking for worked here when three more guys showed up from the back room. My heart skipped a beat when I saw him. From the way his eyes skimmed over my appearance, I knew he had noticed the missing diamond ring from my finger.

All scenery and sound around me became a blur when I met his gaze. Not even the questions from his co-workers woke me from my trance. The only thing I could concentrate on was the deepness of his eyes. They flickered for a second, and I could have sworn I saw the tiniest bit of the old flame burning once more in those frozen amethysts.

---

End.

AN: No, I didn't end it there because I ran out of lyrics, nor did I end it there because I couldn't come up with anything else. Yes, it is the ending. ^_^ Those familiar with my style probably saw it coming. I think I've played one too many Final Fantasy game. ^^""" Please tell me what you thought. Thanks in advance! Hope you enjoyed it!