The Jiraiya show

by Chi (xXxFrostyIceCubexXx)

Disclaimer: The day I own Naruto, I will grow angelic wings and fly to the moon.

Summary: One shot. Naruto has called his boyfriend Sasuke onto Jiraiya's show, accusing Sasuke of not paying enough attention to him. SasuNaru

Genre: Romance/ Comedy.

Dedicated to Pahoyhoy :D

- - -

The chanting of the audience signalled the shows start, “Jiraiya! Jiraiya! Jiraiya!” Their voices loud, excited, ready. Their hands pumping the air cheering his name.

As the chants died down, and the pumping turned into to heavy claps, the audience slowly sat down, eagerly awaiting that days shows' inevitable fight; that shows tag line? 'Why don't you care?'

Finally the audience sat down as Jiraiya walked down the steps, waving to his fans, a wide grin on his face, a promise for a show full of excitement and fun. Roars of praise come from the audience; people wait patiently for his introduction.

Slowly Jiraiya walked around the front line, shaking hands, giving them their fifteen minutes of fame. Pulling away from the crows the noise all died down and Jiraiya turned to face the camera,

“Remember the proverb you only hurt the one you love? Well now it seems that is out and the new in is you only ignore the one you love; with us today is Uzumaki Naruto who's unreliable lover is never at home,”

Panning towards the stage, the camera changed its mise en scene from the audience to a young, fit looking blond. Angry, yet saddened blue eyes searched around, checking escape routes should the need to run off arise.

Biting on his lip, he noticed the camera facing him. Jiraiya could tell he didn't want to be there, but like everyone else who had came on the show, they needed to, want or not. Walking towards the man Jiraiya held out his hand.

A small greeting, a connection of trust between them, “Welcome to the show Naruto,” Jiraiya spoke, nodding his head in acknowledgement. Smiling slightly Naruto nodded his head,

“It's good to be here Jiraiya,” He replied, though his tone suggested otherwise. No one ever wanted to admit their relationship was in shambles, nor did anyone want to admit it on national television, yet some would do anything to keep their relationship together and Naruto was one of those people.

Walking up to Naruto, the camera's tracked his movement, zooming in on the pair as Jiraiya pulled up a seat beside Naruto. The audience watched thirstily waiting for the moment they would get to boo someone.

Back with Jiraiya, the Camera's had zoomed into a close up view of their faces, “So Naruto, why are you here today?” Jiraiya asked sympathetically, gripping Naruto's hand. Gulping Naruto looked up at the screen saying 'The Jiraiya show'.

“Well my boyfriend, he, he, he is just a bastard.” Naruto breathed in heavily. The viewers watching from their sets bit their lips in anticipation. People who swore always gave the best arguments. Viewers in the on-set audience looked to the screen.

“I see,” Jiraiya replied, he had heard it many times over, too many times for his liking. Looking over to the screen, it flickered from the moving logo clip, to a live video of a dark haired man, looking bored, while show bouncers stood by him.

The audience didn't know whether to boo or not. They had never seen such hotness in their lives, nor did they know the full story to take sides yet. Jiraiya understood this story already, “Uchiha Sasuke. He's a couple of months older am I correct?”

Naruto nodded, gripping his chair tightly as Sasuke looked straight into the camera. Naruto knew Sasuke only came on this show to appease him; a rarity, such appeasement. Yet Naruto didn't care, as long as he got his views out in a setting where Sasuke had to listen, he just didn't care.

The camera had long since zoomed out, and in on Sasuke, who was blankly staring up, his legs crossed, a bored expression on his pale face. Panning back onto Naruto and, zooming in slightly, Jiraiya spoke once again, “So Naruto, why is Sasuke such a bastard?”

Anxious home viewers stared intently at their screens, as on set audience members chatted in the background, in barely audible voices. Naruto closed his eyes; his saddened face slowly went, replaced by anger.

“Because that twat faced prick goes to work in the morning, comes home at night- yes I live with him because he asked me to- expects me to have dinner ready- just because I don't fucking work because he doesn't want me to- and be a good house wife, all the while he ignores any of my wishes!” Naruto huffed, suddenly standing up and staring at the screen with venom.

Jiraiya once again nodded in understanding, obviously people who went on their show knew it, therefore knowing this story had been told and resolved so many times over he didn't understand why no audience member had learned from it yet.

The females of the audience nodded their agreement. It was evident a lot of them suffered similar problems, or knew of people who had. Many of the men bowed their heads; the majority of them anyway had at least once been a bastard in the same way as Sasuke.

Coughing slightly, Jiraiya replied, “Well then, are you ready to see Sasuke?” Naruto shifted his chair away from the third and final one before nodded in a 'go for it' fashion. Smiling at Naruto's guts, Jiraiya called out, “Everybody, Uchiha Sasuke!”

The crowd roared out excitedly. Finally it was happening. Finally it was the exciting starting point of the show. The vantage point of the camera changed; ready to pan Sasuke's entrance, while on screen Naruto could see a bouncer telling Sasuke to go on, most likely, telling him the no fighting rule as procedure most likely demanded.

As Sasuke walked on stage, the camera followed him. The audience was in an uproar, boo-ing Sasuke off stage, he just ignored them. His and Naruto's business wasn't theirs. Only God knew why he had agreed to go there.

As the vantage point changed once again, a new camera had zoomed in on Naruto and Sasuke, with Jiraiya barely in the shot any more. Glaring at Naruto for humiliating the Uchiha name on television he took up the last seat, and 'hn'ed as Naruto gave him the middle finger.

The audience laughed, and Jiraiya, who had stood up by now inwardly smiled as he walked over to Sasuke and held out his hand, “Welcome to the show Sasuke,” Glancing up for just a moment, Sasuke shrugged him away. This show person had nothing to do with it either. Fuck the lot of them, “Not the social one eh Sasuke?” Jiraiya chuckled, taking his seat back next to Naruto.

Naruto bit his lip, he was waiting for Sasuke to say something. Sasuke would always say something first. Surprisingly silent, Naruto bit his lip harder until Jiraiya spoke, “Okay Naruto what do you want out of today?” Naruto glanced at him shocked,

“I want this ass hole to actually listen to me” Naruto growled, jabbing a finger towards Sasuke. About to reply, Jiraiya held in his voice as Sasuke barked out a laugh. Growling harder, Naruto scowled at him, “What's so funny teme,”

Sasuke finally made the effort to get involved, “You are moron, you think I ignore you? Che, dobe how can I ignore you, you never shut the fuck up, Sasuke this, Sasuke that, you're like a fucking five year old, you are twenty dobe. T-W-E-N-T-Y,” Sasuke finished retreating back into his silence.

The audience frowned. Naruto spluttered over his words. He so badly wanted to punch Sasuke right then. He came on this show to sort their relationship out and Sasuke goes and says he's like a child? Fuck that! “Shut the fuck up jerk, you're a first class bastard, I don't do that at all, I don't even get a word back to prove you are listening,”

“Hn,”Sasuke replied, staring at the audience with an intensity that frightened them all. Jiraiya just frowned, what these two had was a very sever communication problem, no duh he mused to himself. Shaking his head he caught Naruto's reply,

“See you twat faced ass hole! Hn, when the fuck did 'Hn' become a valid reply!” Naruto shouted, jumping up and walking forward to Sasuke, the bouncers by now had starting to move just in case. Sasuke shrugged. He couldn't care less about any of this.

Jiraiya decided it best be time to intervene, “Naruto, I think you should sit down, we should hear Sasuke's side before trying anything okay?” He said gently, yet loudly. He had moved and rested his hand on Naruto's shoulder, who sat down grudgingly.

“Whatever.” Naruto miffed.

Grinning Jiraiya patted him on the back causing him to cough, as the vantage point changed once more, showing to at home viewers only Sasuke and Jiraiya, “So Sasuke, is Naruto being truthful? What is your story?” Jiraiya asked.

Sasuke raised an elegant eyebrow. Should he explain the long lists of Naruto's faults, or just demand they go home and walk off. Naruto would surely follow. He always did. Smirking, Sasuke decided to carry on. It was slightly amusing, he had to suppose.

“If you insist, Naruto is an idiot, he is loud, he never shuts up, he demands so many things, he didn't want to work, I told him not to I could support us both, I own Uchiha corps of course I can support us both, I ask for dinner of course I fucking expect dinner to be ready for me after all the hard work I do, it's equal trade, I do all the work, he does little things at home, it's not that hard,”

Sasuke had probably never said so much at once in his life, but looking over at Naruto it was all worth it. The look of pure building up rage on Naruto's face was enough to make any lover feel proud of themselves. There was only one level of rage that only a lover could cause one to reach.

Secretly Jiraiya frowned. He was taking Naruto's side in this fight, he understood Sasuke's need for help from Naruto and he would touch upon that, but he had to show Sasuke he was living in old times; unrealistic times.

Naruto was reaching the point of no return. He was going to punch Sasuke's face in, whether or not the bouncers were there. Using the moment everyone's guard was down as Jiraiya moved back to his seat next to Naruto. The blond moved.

Pouncing on Sasuke, everyone was in too much shock to even notice that Sasuke had turned the fight around and was now straddling Naruto, pinning Naruto's arms down as Naruto screamed his pretty little head off. Sasuke threw no punches, he just restrained.

He wasn't stupid enough to hurt his lover on television and be seen as even more of a bad guy. He did have some dignity he wanted to keep. Come the time the bouncers clicked into action, Naruto had bucked Sasuke off of him and returned to his chair, sulking about his defeat.

Clearly amused the audience had split into two. Some cheering Sasuke on for putting up with Naruto's obvious anger issues, the others feeling Sasuke probably caused them and rooting for Naruto. Jiraiya was torn; now he had more to sort out. What fun.

Calculating it in his head, Jiraiya mentally noted what to do; stop the ignorance, stop the anger, create a balanced relationship based on communication, or maybe see that they break up if all else fails. He nodded to himself ready.

Breathing in Jiraiya calmly spoke; this wasn't a pair he should shout with; especially since Uchiha corps paid some of his cheque. What rotten luck. What terribly rotten luck.

Jiraiya forced on a smile, “Well it seems to me that you two have classic relationship issues, Sasuke you are stuck in the past, and Naruto, you are too brash, you need to work together or the relationship might have to end, ”

Turning his head to glare, Sasuke planned to have this guy fired if he made Naruto break up with his due to this. He knew he was living in the past, he didn't really give a fuck, Naruto had known this for years, since they'd got together four years ago, since he thrust into Naruto three years ago, since he asked Naruto to move in with him not long ago.

Naruto nodded, he knew he was too brash, but how could he not be with Sasuke as a lover. He wanted to change their relationship so it wouldn't have to result in the breaking up, why go through the effort of the show if it was only to end the relationship.

As Naruto turned to Sasuke, the forgotten loud audience quietened down, he bowed his head, and spoke softly, “Sasuke, I, I, I'm sorry, but I really want you to talk with me, I want it to be like when we first met, even if you were a jerk faced bully back then too, I, I, I-”

“I know Naruto,” Sasuke interrupted. Sasuke had stood up, this entire thing was pointless, and how many times had he said that to himself? Or Naruto when he caught the man watching it, “Naruto, everything I do is for us, I know we don't talk much, but, but I am willing to try harder,”

Jiraiya looked perplexed. This was the first time ever that he had lost control of his own show. They seemed to have skipped his long ass speeches that pissed even him off, they had totally missed him sprouting out psychological knowledge and other stories about why and how they could become a good couple again.

Naruto nodded, as his eyes lit up, “Really Sasuke? You'll listen to me then?” Sasuke nodded, before making his way over to Naruto, who had jumped out of his chair before anything and jumped on Sasuke, forcing them to the ground.

The audience cheered loudly. Naruto's lips had crushed onto Sasuke's. Sasuke had wrapped his arms around Naruto and Jiraiya knew he'd have to break this up before it got out of hand. As perplexed as he was, especially since the way the show had gone mirrored a couple's argument at home, he felt happy.

He knew he had helped, even if it was only a little, because he had that same feeling he had every time he watched two quarrelling couples act lovingly with one another after attending his show. Never before though had a couple come in, had the shortest fight in history on the show before making it up by snogging their hearts out.

Feeling as if he should have the last word, he coughed and the pair broke apart. Turning crimson, Naruto moved back to his chair, while Sasuke moved back to his; after moving it close to Naruto. Smirking Sasuke gripped Naruto's hand and the audience aww'ed them, all previously hostility gone already.

Jiraiya sighed silently. The pair had spoke, and made up so easily. The ignorance was still going to be there he could tell, the brashness would also still be there, but in the end, the pair did have communication even if neither of them saw it too well.

Besides, ignorance and brashness were characteristics for both man, and he wasn't stupid enough to change their persona. That was suicide when one of them was partially your boss. He wondered whether the audience had realised that.

Either way, he thought as he smiled, it didn't matter, “Well Naruto, Sasuke, it was good having you on the show, if you ever have any communication problems again please do not hesitate to give us a call and we'll have some of my people help you the best we can,” Naruto grinned and clutched Sasuke's hand tighter,

“I don't think we'll be having any communication issues any more,” Naruto replied cheerfully as Sasuke hn'ed his agreement. Jiraiya chuckled as the audience clapped at the magnificence of Jiraiya's talk show and how it solved all relationship problems.

Even if in this case, all it did was force Naruto and Sasuke to have a good shout at each other, “That's good then, if you'd like to leave together on the left, it was a pleasure meeting you,” Jiraiya held out his hand and Naruto shook it,

“You too Jiraiya, I had fun,” Naruto chuckled. Jiraiya was shocked. Was Naruto bipolar? No... just in love. Still holding his hand end, Sasuke stared at it for under a second, before gripping Naruto's tighter and walking off the stage.

The audience cheered and Jiraiya felt happy as he watched the pair go. Another show was over and another couple were saved, as the vantage point changed once more, Jiraiya spoke as the camera zoomed out ultra slowly, giving a bird's eye view of the entire set,

“Well that's it for today, come back and visit us next week, for why long haired lovers don't like animals in the house; especially raccoons.” Jiraiya chuckled as the audience clapped harder, until the television set of Tsunade, Jiraiya’s wife, faded black.

“Silly husband, you should have stuck with your porn books,”

- - -

I was watching like talk show after talk show and it wouldn't leave my mind! It's kind of rushed, but hey, did we all get the NejiGaara hint near the end?? Did we? Did we please review and tell me if it was okay? Please :D hehe

Want an omake; I'm going to give you a short one anyway. It's a Sasuke seme, Naruto uke lemon.

- - -

Later that night, hours after the end of the show, found Naruto and Sasuke kissing passionately. Sasuke was guiding Naruto harshly into their room, smashing him against walls, and Naruto doing the same as they struggled to make their way inside.

The lights were dimmed, a perfectly romantic setting and the pair were already half naked as Sasuke crashed back down onto the bed. Greedily, Naruto clawed at Sasuke's trousers, while Sasuke yanked at Naruto's. Their heat was unbearable.

Sloppily getting out of the rest of their clothes, Naruto sucked on Sasuke's nipple, his hands pressing down on Sasuke's chest as he did. Sasuke moaned and pushed them further onto the bed, he didn't want to end up pushing Naruto off the bed as he took him.

Grabbing Naruto's ass, Sasuke pulled Naruto towards him, crashing their lips together, before rolling on top of Naruto, who groaned as his back hit the mattress, “Naruto?” Sasuke asked as Naruto's hand wrapped automatically around Sasuke's neck,

Stuck in his passion, Naruto answered, “Heh, yeah, oh god,” Sasuke had starting nipping at Naruto's neck. Their naked bodies pressing hard against one another, their needs becoming hard to ignore. Sasuke smirked into Naruto's neck,

“I love you,” Sasuke confirmed, as he pulled away and straddled Naruto, leaning over Naruto who took the chance to attack Sasuke chest and flip them back around, straddling Sasuke, he glanced at what Sasuke held, lube.

Naruto grinned, “Love you too bastard, since you complained I do nothing, why don't you just relax now?” Naruto giggled as he grabbed the lube, not giving Sasuke much choice. Gulping Sasuke watched, his heart beating fast as Naruto poured lube onto tanned fingers.

“Naruto?” Sasuke moaned as Naruto ground down into Sasuke, causing Sasuke to grip Naruto's hips, “Lube yourself dobe, or i'm going in rough,” Pouting Naruto muttered something about selfish bastards, before impaling himself on his lubed up fingers.

Wincing at the feeling, he watched as Sasuke watched him preparing himself. He could feel Sasuke's erect cock touching his spine's base and his own erect cock wanted to release. Stretching himself thoroughly, he pulled his fingers out and lifted himself up.

“Teme, guide yourself,” Naruto moaned as he struggled to hold himself up. Sasuke, who was lost in passion and need, snapped back into reality and held his cock, guiding it to Naruto's entrance. Slowly Naruto forced himself down as Sasuke gripped his hips.

Gasping at the intruding feeling, Naruto let out a small cry, “Naruto? Slow down,” Sasuke warned. Half his cock with already seated within Naruto, and Naruto was clenching him harshly. Naruto nodded, but failed to do as he was told, holding in a breathe he forced himself all the way down,

“Sasuke!” He cried out, as Sasuke arched upwards unable to control his lust feel body.

Soon began Naruto's lifts and thrusts down as he impaled himself over and over on Sasuke's cock. Using one hand to hold Naruto steady, he used the other to massage and squeeze Naruto's cock, pleasuring Naruto as Naruto pleasured him.

Their movements were getting erratic. Their bodies reaching their peaks. Sasuke, unable to hold out, yet not wanting to succumb to his release first, pushed forward pushing Naruto on his back, pounding into Naruto harder and harder as they both huffed and groaned.

Grabbing Naruto's cock, he vaguely wondered what happened to those lovely blow jobs Naruto gave him, and he Naruto, before feeling wetness on his stomach as Naruto cried out loudly, releasing all over Sasuke, clenching Sasuke tightly, forcing out Sasuke's own release.

With Naruto milking him for everything he was worth, Sasuke rode out his orgasm, while letting Naruto calm down from his. Finally pulling out, he noticed Naruto's whimper, and fell atop Naruto kisses his neck lovingly while reaching under the pillow.

“Naruto?” Sasuke panted, rolling next to Naruto, pulling his clenched hand from under the pillow. Naruto looked at him with half liddled eyes. He grinned and replied,

“Mmm Sasuke?” Naruto said, turning on his side to face Sasuke, “What is it?” Sasuke smiled and sat up, indicating for Naruto, no matter what lower pains he dad, to do so as well.

“Well, Uzumaki Naruto,” Sasuke started, as he held out a box, in which Naruto's eyes widened, “Will you marry me?” He finished. The look of surprise on Naruto's face was enough to tell Sasuke the answer.

Naruto fell backwards in shock, tumbling on the bed as he did. Alarmed Sasuke crawled over to see Naruto back down, sprawled across the floor in a position, Sasuke would definitely want to try later on, “Naruto?”

Grinning widely, Naruto had snapped out of his stupor and nodded eagerly, “Yes Sasuke, oh god yes!” Sasuke looked down smugly, and it was then that Naruto realised his position and jumped up wincing as he did before launching at Sasuke.

As the ring went on, Naruto felt his passion for Sasuke return with full force, as considering something hard was up against his spine. He had a feeling Sasuke's had returned to.

THE END

Hehe so there is the little omake for all you lemon lovers :D anyhow review anyway. -puppy dog eyes- it's only polite please :)