AN : The next few chapters will be a bit short. That is until the main part of the story happens.

you're so nice and you're so smart

you're such a good friend i hafta break your heart

tell you that i love you then i'll tear your world apart

just pretend i didn't tear your world apart

-Kimya Dawson

November

I haven’t heard from him since I told him I loved him. True to his word he never called me. Some times I would spend hours just looking at my phone connected to the charger on my nightstand. Not one did it ring with his voice on the other end. It both infuriated me and made me so sad.

Maybe I should call him.

I tried once. The phone picked up after a few rings. Emily answered with a bright cheery hello.

As soon as I said my greeting she was silent until I had to ask her what was wrong. She wasn’t cold towards me, in fact she was very warm and caring. Something I hadn’t expected right away. We talked about a few things. How she was doing and then how I was. I decided to not tell her about the constant headaches I was experiencing since coming back to Boston.

When the topic of Embry came up she hesitated.

“He misses you.”

I didn’t need anymore clarification to know that things were bad. Very bad. I told her to tell him I miss him too, that I would find time to call him soon. It was a blatant lie. I had all the time in the world to talk to him.

As I was telling her goodbye I heard a loud crash followed by the crying out of my name in the background. Before I could say anything Emily said goodbye and hung up.

I redialed but no one answered.

The constant headache got worse at the knowledge that Embry was not doing okay. I know it wasn’t exactly my fault but I felt like I was responsible somehow for the suffering he was enduring.

My head was constantly throbbing, like someone was taking a hammer and constantly banging it against my skull. Every time I tried to alleviate the pain by rubbing my temples it seemed the pain would just leave and travel to my ankles. What was up with that?

No matter how many scans I had there was no root to the constant pain I was feeling. It was either headaches or constant back pain.

I took intense pain medication followed by muscle relaters at night.

Life went on as it normally did.

In the middle of November I got a small envelope in the mail. The return address was marked La Push. I ran so fast up into my room I forgot about the pain in my thighs as I raced up. I would worry about the burn later.

After ripping it open, there inside was nothing but a picture.

Embry and I were sleeping on the couch in Emily’s house. She must have taken it while I was passed out along with him. HE looked so happy as his arms were around me.

We looked so happy. Together.

I was an idiot for leaving like that. But would a few more weeks would have done? It wouldn’t have made a single difference.

The only picture I had in my room was a picture of my entire family. It was on my nightstand all the time. I picked it up, popping the picture out to replace it with the one of Embry. The portrait of my family I placed on my bulletin board.

With the new photo of Embry and I near by bed I could wake up to see his face every morning.

God I miss him.

My fingers moved to lightly graze over the phone. I curled my fingers into my palm. I couldn’t. We made a deal. No talking on the phone.

I was a coward.

It was during my mourning that Mike came back from his over seas trip. It alleviated some of the tension I was feeling, but only slightly.

Constantly he tried to get me out of the house to go gallivanting around Boston like we use to. Hopping on the trains and riding them all day. Even the Chinese food from that great place I liked wasn’t even enough to pull me out of my funk.

He had enough of my sulking one day.

“What is wrong with you Evelyn? You’re like the walking dead about here.” We were attempting to play fuse ball out on the back porch where had had set up it up while moving back into his bedroom.

With a flick of his wrist he shot the ball into my goal, signaling he won.

“Seriously, why are you acting like this? I’ve never seen you so sad. All worked up over some kid?” That got me going right away, though I had always shut my mouth from his stupid comments.

“He’s not just some kid ok?” I snapped at him.

He looked at me startled by my standoffish position. “You only knew him a few weeks Eve, I mean its not like you loved him or something.” I looked away “Right?” I still didn’t look at him. “Oh shit.”

I felt a hand on my shoulder. Looking up I saw his eyes were full of shame.

“I’m sorry. I didn’t know it was anything like that. Mom told me you met up with a guy over there. I had just assumed it was some summer fling.”

“I don’t want to talk about it anymore.” I spit at him. Hugging the over sized sweatshirt I had been wearing since I went to La Push I turned to go back into the house.

“Just because a guy says he loves you, doesn’t mean its true. I mean guys do it all the time to you know…” He trailed off.

Stupid brother.

“It wasn’t anything like that. I didn’t sleep with him.” I heard him breath out a sigh of relief. I rolled my eyes. “Besides, he never actually told me. He was asleep.” I pushed the porch door open to go back inside.

The rest of September went by so fast. It blended into October. I almost got lost in the hype of fall until I saw adds on the tv for Halloween hair rides and all sorts of celebrations. The images of seeing people dressed up in werewolves costumes got to me.

Any progress I had made of pushing Embry out of my mind stopped at that moment. I regressed for a few days into the hermit I had been when I first got back.

Where was that damn letter he promised me.

He promised me damnit!

My wishes came true on the first week of November. Mike laughed at me when I tore at the envelope so hard that it flew out of my hands and went flying in the air.

In the privacy of my room I sat down on my bed cross-legged to read it. My heart pumping a mile a minute.

Evelyn,

I don’t really now how to write a letter, it seems kind of early seventeenth century don’t you think? I mean normal people use things like cell phones and the internet. But we seem to be reduced to using pen and paper. Why? Well that’s a stupid question I guess. You said no phone and then email after that.

I guess what I’m saying is…

Shit.

I hate this. I. REALLY HATE THIS. Next time I’m writing with a pencil so I can erase. You’re probably wondering why I’m babbling on like some old lady spreading gossip.

I miss you. There I freaking saw it. Happy? You better be. Emily is looking over my shoulder to make sure I say nice things about every here. Nothing has changed. Except that the local kids have decided that the sightings of large dogs was a great thing to dress up as for Halloween. I cant wait to see the little buggers coming to the door. Do you think shifting would scare them enough to never come here anymore? Quill thinks we should so we can eat all the candy.

Damnit Eve. I miss you so much it kills me you know? Nah, you probably have no idea what I’m talking about. Think I’m a weird stalker yet? Or just a loony wolf?

Thanksgiving is suppose to be extra big this year since another family from a nearby reservation is coming down to have dinner with us. I wish you could be here. I need a distraction from the things going on here.

Don’t worry, really. Its nothing we can’t handle. There was a bloodsucker here a few weeks back. Jake and Quil got a few scratches and I wasn’t even in the area so don’t worry okay? I know you probably will anyway. Emily said women do no matter what you tell them.

By the way sorry for the lateness of this. I wrote one earlier in the month but since I got busy I figured I would re-write you one.

Now its your turn to tell me about all the wonderful things you have been doing.

Love,

Your Fang, Benji

Embry Call.

My heart soared at his words of missing me. I wish I could reach through the page and tell him the same thing.

God I miss that man.

The vampire talk did make me a bit skittish actually. Even being back here I was scared of it a bit. I tried not to go out at night alone in the fear of seeing one. I know it was stupid but I was still frightened. Mike thought I was crazy for making him go out with me to the corner store. I told him, ‘you never know when rapist is around.’ He bought that and never questioned my motives for dragging him with me anywhere ever again.

Dread was filling me when I read the last line. ‘Now its your turn to tell me about all the wonderful things you have been doing.’ How was I going to tell him that I was sick? That I was getting intense migraines? He would freak out. Possible come here. The thought of that wasn’t so bad, but it wasn’t as bad as people thought it was. I mean right now I felt fine.

I caved.

I wrote about my ailments. I told him about how the tests they ran found nothing wrong with me.

Hopefully he wouldn’t find me a complete weirdo.