"Previously on The Smashy Amazing Race," said Master Hand, "Eight teams of two travelled from Isle Delfino to Dream Land!"

"King Dedede abused his powers of ruler to hold up the other racers!"

"You should so abuse your king powers to get us in first place this leg!" laughed Toon Link.

"Arrest them all…" said King Dedede evilly into a walkie-talkie.

"Much to the disliking of other teams!"

King Dedede's taxi drove past, the penguin waving.

"Oh my gosh, it's that freaking bird that did this," said Samus angrily.

"Teams drove cross country to Ripple Field, where some teams ran into navigation troubles!"

"We are completely lost…" said Luigi, bashing his head against the steering wheel.

"We have no idea where we're going…" said Roy, driving the jeep slowly through a dirt path.

"But teams Toon Link and King Dedede, Wolf and Samus, Kirby and Pikachu and Jigglypuff and Ganondorf successfully navigated off road, forming the front pack!"

"You sure this is right?" screamed Toon Link, over the horrendously loud engine and bumps the car made, hitting things on the road.

"This is a short cut, son!" laughed King Dedede.

"I think we're on track," said Wolf, driving, "And I expect to get to the clue first or second."

"At the detour, all teams chose to go white water rafting!"

"WE'RE going rafting YAY" said Ganondorf, hitting the instructor over the head with a paddle repeatedly. "AM I WINNING?"

"Roy! It's wet!" moaned Zelda, in her dress and nice makeup.

"Wow dude, this raft is so cool!" said Falcon excitedly.

"Teams then drove to Mt. Dedede, where they had to don skiing gear…"

"don't you wISH YOUR girlfriend wAS hot like ME" sung Ganondorf, stripping in the shop.

Security escorted Ganondorf out.

"…and ski to a skiing Road Block!"

"I swear, we have to beat those stupid kids and that stupid bird, so ski as fast as you can down this green," said Wolf, fastening his boots.

"At the skiing Road Block, teams had to beat a skiing instructor in a race, however, Wolf, Kirby and King Dedede finished at the same time…"

"It's going to be a ski race, Pikachu!" said Kirby excitedly, picking up Pikachu and quickly skiing to the lift.

"…resulting in a ski race to the pit stop! Wolf and Samus, Kirby and Pikachu and Toon Link and King Dedede battled it out in front…"

"Come on! Build up speed!" said Samus angrily, knocking over a couple of kids learning how to ski.

"…but Jigglypuff and Ganondorf hatched a plan!"

"HEY LOOK this IS a WAY that WE CAN SPEED UP…" said Ganondorf, pointing to a snowmobile next to them.

Ganondorf pointed a gun at the man. "WE'RE GOING to the pit stop… SO TAKE us there!"

"Jigglypuff and Ganondorf inched out first, but were penalised for breaking the law!"

"WHAT?! You threatened him with a gun?!" screamed Master Hand, "You have been penalised for four hours!"

"OMGGgg it's your loss!!!!!" said Ganondorf angrily, "the TWEEN and people with an IQ below 70 market share are going to be upset with this penalty!!!"

"…giving Wolf and Samus their first, first place finish!"

"I can't believe you'd take away all of our money like that!" cried Samus. "I hate you Master Hand, I hate you!"

"Luigi and Peach ran into communication and navigational errors throughout the leg!"

Luigi jumped out of the car, stumbling from his alcohol intake. "DONDA ES RIPPLE FIELD?" he screamed.

"Honey, they speak English!" giggled Peach.

"I'm trying to communicate with the inferiors in their native tongue!" screamed Luigi angrily.

"…and despite the four hour penalty, came in last."

"That's right!" said Knuckle Joe, jumping out of Peach's chest, "And I'm Peach's divorce lawyer and you're going to lose everything!"

"Seven teams remain, who will be eliminated… next?"

The Teams:

Wolf and Samus (Newly Dating)

Roy and Zelda (Engaged)

Toon Link and King Dedede (Coal Miners)

Jigglypuff and Ganondorf (Dating Twelve Days)

Fox and Falcon (Frat Boys)

Wario and Mr. Resetti (Fire Fighters)

Kirby and Pikachu (Best Friends)

"This is Penguin Lodge," said Master Hand, "This five-star cabinet in the heart of Mt. Dedede was also the fourth pit stop in a race around the world!"
"Teams arrived here for a mandatory rest period, where teams can eat, sleep and mingle with other teams!"

King Dedede pushed Zelda into the pool.

"I CAN'T SWIM!" she screamed, drowning.
Everyone chuckled.

"AND IT'S FREEZING!" screamed Zelda.

…

"ROOY!" screamed Zelda.

"During the pit stop, the presence of Wario and Mr. Resetti puzzled other teams!"

Pit Stop

"Hey guys!" said Wario, walking into the lodge, sitting on a couch and taking off his ski boots, "We came in fifth place!"

Kirby, Pikachu, Wolf, Samus, Toon Link and King Dedede stared at Wario.

"Uh… do we know these guys?" said Kirby.

"Wario!" said Toon Link, "Fancy seeing you here! We're in The Amazing Race! Did you know that?"

…

"Yes!" said Wario angrily.

Wario and Mr. Resetti

"I honestly can't believe that nobody knew who we were!" said Wario angrily.

"Who are ya, boi?" said a mole.

"Oh, shut up Mr. Resetti!" said Wario angrily, punching the mole, knocking him stone cold to the ground.

Mr. Resetti walked in and returned to his seat.

Master Hand

"Can Wolf and Samus use their newfound first place and stay in the front of the pack? Will the racers' obliviousness to Wario and Mr. Resetti affect their racing? And can Jigglypuff and Ganondorf, having faced a four hour penalty, jumping from first to seventh, stop making crucial errors and climb out of last place?" said Master Hand. "Wolf and Samus, who were the first team to arrive at 11:27 AM, will depart at 11:27 PM!"

Wolf and Samus
1st to depart: 11:27 PM

"Let's do this!" said Wolf excitedly, ripping open the clue. "Fly to Corneria City and find the Monster Truck Stadium!"

"Teams must now fly over four thousand kilometres to Corneria!" said Master Hand, "Once they arrive in this space metropolis, they must make their way through the population epicentre of the planet, Corenria City and find this Monster Truck Stadium, where they will find their next clue!"

"Awesome babe, we're goin' back home," said Wolf, doing some disco moves.

"Those disco moves are so old, Wolfy," said Samus, yawning.

Wolf did the worm.

"Ooh," said Samus sexily. "New…"

Kirby and Pikachu
2nd to depart: 11:28 PM

Pikachu ripped open the clue. "Fly to Corneria City and find the Monster Truck Stadium!"

"Let's go!" said Kirby, running along in his protective beanie.

Kirby and Pikachu
Best Friends

"You know, we're just besties with Wolf and Samus and we have to stand aside to give them the illusion they're in control," said Kirby confidently to the camera, rocking back on his chair.

"We belong at the top of the pack," said Pikachu, "This race is just… so easy, we're the numero uno team so far…"

"But we do have some competition around here," said Kirby evilly, "And what we want to do is have teams like the frats and Wolf and Samus butting heads, so we go to the next leg and they get caught up and get eliminated…"

"That's right," laughed Pikachu, "And we plan to take Roy and Zelda and Wario and Mr. Resetti to the top three and win by like, ten hours. Awesome."

"Everyone else sucks!" said Kirby, looking straight down the barrel of the camera.

…

"Uh… maybe you want to do your interview in not the main hall," said Wolf angrily, sitting with the other eleven racers.

…

"Uh…" said Kirby.

…

"Just kidding!" laughed Kirby.

Kirby blew his party whistle.

Wolf and Samus
Newly Dating

Wolf and Samus hopped in their jeep.

"We're residents of Corneria," said Wolf, fastening his seatbelt, "We've both lived in Corneria for a long time so we're totally rocking this leg!"

"It's a very, very, very populated city," said Samus, "And no-one's used to that so we've already got the upper hand."

Toon Link and King Dedede
3rd to depart: 11:29 PM

"Fly to Corneria City and find the Monster Truck Stadium!" read Toon Link.

"Mwahaha! And then I shall crush everyone! And everything!" screamed King Dedede evilly, "Haha! Death to everyone else!"

…

Toon Link and King Dedede
Coal Miners

"I wouldn't describe our team as… normal…" said Toon Link. "First moment we're…"

An Indian on horseback stormed into the room and speared King Dedede.

King Dedede fell on Toon Link's lap, bleeding.

…

"Uh… maybe we should uh… cut…" said Toon Link.

King Dedede bled.

…

A stereotypical gay guy with an overdone lisp ran into the room.

"You ruined the mattress!" he screamed.

…

Wolf and Samus
Currently in 1st Place

"Woooaah big ol' jet airliiiner…" sang Wolf to the CD player.

"Dooon't carry me too far awwaaay…" sang Wolf.

Samus stared at Wolf.

Wolf changed to the next track.

"Abra… abracadabra…" sang Wolf, "I wanna reach out and…"

Samus stared at Wolf.

"…grab ya…" cried Wolf.

Samus stared at Wolf. Wolf changed to the next track.

"Some people call me the space cowboy…" sobbed Wolf.

Samus took out her gun. "Some people call me the gangsta of looove…" sobbed Wolf, hyperventilating.

Kirby and Pikachu

"So now that we're the token super villains," said Kirby evilly, "What evil things shall we do?"

"Slashing tyres so we get in front!" said Kirby.

Kirby pulled up next to Wolf and Samus's jeep, slashed their front tyres and sped in front.

Wolf and Samus's jeep spun out of control, stopping perilously close to a cliff top.

"Yaay!" cheered Kirby and Pikachu cutely.

"Being evil is fun!" said Pikachu evilly.

Wolf and Samus

"They just slashed our tyres!" screamed Samus angrily.

"Are you sure?" said Wolf, "They're so cute! And innocent!"

Kirby and Pikachu's jeep reversed. Kirby got out, slashed their tyres, ran back into the car and drove off.

Wolf growled.

Toon Link and King Dedede

"Boom! Pssh! Crash!" screamed King Dedede ecstatically, making onomatopoeic sounds as he ran over a Toon Link toy with a monster truck toy with a King Dedede toy inside.

"Okay, I'm very uncomfortable for several reasons," said Toon Link angrily, buttering a piece of bread, "First of all, it's very disturbing that you're simulating yourself killing me with a monster truck…"

"It's only a bit of fun, lass!" laughed King Dedede in his Scottish accent, spilling jam over Toon Link's toy corpse.

"Okay, that's it!" said Toon Link angrily.

Toon Link reached over and took the King Dedede toy out of the toy truck, bashed it against the windshield and smeared blood over his head and eyes.

"See how that feels?" said Toon Link angrily.

"OH GOD I SHOULD'VE TOLD YOU IT WAS A VOODOO DOLL" screamed King Dedede, bleeding out of his eyes.

"Oh King Dedede, you're a chuckler!" laughed Toon Link, hysterical.

"AAAAAHHHH!" screamed King Dedede, tornados forming, skeletons and zombies latching onto the side of the truck.

"What the hell?!" screamed Toon Link, hysterical, "What the hell?! What the hell?! What the hell?! AAAAAHHHHHHHH!"

Toon Link opened the jeep door and bailed.

King Dedede switched the lights on. "Geez, that kid's got problems," scoffed King Dedede, "All I did was just pay a couple dozen people in the special effects industry a couple thousand dollars each to create a realistic simulation of the apocalypse and give him a little scare and he overreacts! I can't believe him!" said King Dedede angrily.

Toon Link and King Dedede
Currently in 3rd Place

King Dedede reversed the jeep back towards Toon Link.

"Hey kiddo, why did you jump out?" said King Dedede, confused.
"Z- z- ZOMBIES!" screamed Toon Link.

King Dedede stared at Toon Link.

"You were probably dreaming, kiddo," laughed King Dedede, opening the side door, "Hop in!"

Toon Link walked in, shivering. "It was juuust a dream…" he said to himself. "Just a dream…"

King Dedede started the engine.

A special effects guy wearing a zombie costume jumped onto the front windshield, chewing on a fake human corpse.

"AAAAAHHHHHHHH!" screamed Toon Link. "DIE! DIE! DIE!"

Toon Link grabbed his sword and stabbed the zombie.

Eight Waddle Dees fell out of the costume.

Toon Link stared in shock.

"You're such a wimp, Toon Link!" laughed King Dedede, chuckling.

"OH MY GOSH WHY THE HELL WOULD YOU DO THIS TO ME???" screamed Toon Link angrily.

"I think you're overreacting a tiny bit," said King Dedede calmly, "Deep breaths and-"

"AAAAAHHHHH! DVWAUYDBUIWBDAAAARRRGGG! FEBWO FEUIBEU EDUIE SFXN WOEUHF JOPR!" screamed Toon Link, stabbing a tree repeatedly.

"…relax the shoulders," said King Dedede calmly.

"ASDFGHJK!" screamed Toon Link, setting the forest on fire.

"UFEIWIUNIEUFE!" screamed Toon Link, vomiting out lead paint.

"UYFUYFEBR!" screamed Toon Link,

Toon Link grunted.

…

"KFREBSFEWF!!!!!!!" screamed Toon Link, eating the tyres.

"You'll be fine boy!" laughed King Dedede.

"I'M GOING TO KILL YOU!" screamed Toon Link angrily.

"It's just you growin up, mah boy!" laughed King Dedede.

"SHUT UP!" screamed Toon Link, frothing at the mouth. "SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP!"

…

"It's just you growin up, mah boy!" laughed King Dedede.

"FEIUB FWEHFO HKOPR OPTHH!!!!!" screamed Toon Link, vomiting out his liver.

Dream Land International Airport

Kirby and Pikachu
Currently in 1st Place

"Evil super villains… will cut in the queue!" said Kirby evilly.

They ran to the front of the line.

A tall security guard looked angrily at them.

Kirby and Pikachu grinned.

The guard picked them up by their collars and threw them to the back of the line.

"Drat," said Kirby angrily.

Five minutes later…

The security guard stood at the front of the queue.

Pikachu ran behind him and pantsed him.

Kirby and Pikachu ran to the front of the line.

The security guard, now pantsed, looked angrily at Kirby and Pikachu.

Kirby and Pikachu grinned.

The guard picked them up by their collars and threw them to the back of the line.

"Drat," said Kirby angrily.

Five minutes later…

The security guard stood at the front of the queue.

Kirby ran behind the guard.

Pikachu turned off the electricity.

The lights flickered on and off.

The lights came on again.

Kirby locked the cupboard. They ran to the front of the line.

"Yaay!" said Kirby and Pikachu.

Everyone in the line stared at Kirby and Pikachu.

"Uh…" said Kirby.

Kirby blew his party whistle.

Applause.

Kirby and Pikachu
1st on 10:00 AM Flight

"We got on a 10:00 Corneria Air flight," said Pikachu.

"Looks like everyone's going to make the flight again," said Kirby, rolling his eyes, "The only advantage we have are seats at the front of the plane."

"I am so glad we used our stealth techniques to get these tickets," said Pikachu evilly, "Our ingenious plan got our tickets in just minutes! Virtually effortless!"

Wolf and Samus walked in, walked behind the desk, processed their own tickets and walked off.

"Amateurs," scoffed Kirby in his British accent.

Toon Link and King Dedede

King Dedede droved along.

"So…" said King Dedede, grinning slyly.

"Shut up," sobbed Toon Link, "I don't want to talk to you!"

"I'm still forcing you to, hyuk! Hyuk!" laughed King Dedede.

Toon Link sobbed.

"Toughen up," laughed King Dedede, patting Toon Link violently on the back.

Toon Link cried harder.

"Baby," dismissed King Dedede, rolling his eyes.

Wolf and Samus
2nd on 10:00 AM Flight

"Looks like everyone's going to be on this one flight again," said Wolf.

"This is ridiculous," said Samus, "Every leg except the first one we've all been on the same flight."

Fox and Falcon
4th to depart: 1:50 AM

"Fly to Corneria City and find the Monster Truck Stadium!" read Fox, "You have 182 dollars for this leg of the race."

"Let's go dude," said Falcon.

Fox and Falcon
Frat Boys

"We ran like, the worst leg yesterday," said Fox, chugging down a beer, "But we came in fourth… so it just shows that well… everyone here is really crap."

"Oh Fox, you're so feisty," said Falcon sexily, stroking Fox on the back.

Everyone stared at Falcon.

"Uh… that would be my impression of a gay guy," said Falcon.

"He does that almost all the time I'm with him!" announced Fox happily.

…

"Shh…" said Falcon.

...

"shh..." said Falcon. "...shhh..."

Wario and Mr. Resetti
5th to depart: 1:51 AM

"You have 182 dollars for this leg of the race," read Wario.

"Wait up!" screamed Mr. Resetti, doing his ugly mole pout, "I have to take mah bag of complimentary food from the hotel dingaling thing!"

Mr. Resetti waddled along, dragging along a bag of rubbish.

"Mr. Resetti, that clearly isn't any food the hotel gave you," said Wario angrily, "You've obviously been going through the trash again. Only cats and raccoons do that. I'm pretty sure there's roadkill or something in there and the car's going to stink."

"ROADKILL?!" said Mr. Resetti excitedly.

Mr. Resetti jumped into the bag.

"Get out of there!" said Wario angrily, "There could be chemicals, or drugs or needles or-"

Mr. Resetti pulled his head out, his face covered in needles.

"YOU IDIOT!" said Wario angrily, "You could have like, ten different diseases! …of the unpleasant kind!"

"Guess I'll have to… spread 'em round…" said Mr. Resetti excitedly.

Wario reached for the shotgun bag.

Toon Link and King Dedede
3rd on 10:00 AM Flight

"Well, guess it's just you and me, buddy ol' pal sitting on the same flight!" said King Dedede in his weird overenthusiastic uncle-like manner. "We're best of pals, right?"

"I can't believe you'd create a fake voodoo doll and zombie invasion just to scare me!" said Toon Link angrily, "That's just going too far! I thought I was going to die!"

…

"…die laughing?" said King Dedede, doing his wide 'anticipating a laugh' grin.

"I hate you," said Toon Link angrily. "I demand an apology!"

"…sorry?" said King Dedede, doing his wide 'anticipating a laugh' grin.

"Come on! That's not a real apology!" said Toon Link angrily.

"Okay, now my face is frozen," said King Dedede, doing his wide 'anticipating a laugh' grin.

"Whatever," said Toon Link angrily.

"Really," said King Dedede, doing his wide 'anticipating a laugh' grin.

"Haha, actually, that's quite funny!" laughed Toon Link.

"Help," said King Dedede, doing his wide 'anticipating a laugh' grin.

Toon Link continued to laugh.

Five minutes later…

The paramedics carried King Dedede away in a body bag.

"Oh my god, King Dedede! I'm not falling for this one!" said Toon Link angrily.

"Sign these death papers, please," said the ambulance officer.

"I know that's you!" said Toon Link angrily, ripping off some facial hair that looked to be the edge of a mask.

"GAAH!" screamed the officer, losing his hair.

"…oops…" said Toon Link.

Five minutes later…

"I'm sorry, King Dedede!" cried Toon Link, laying next to the penguin. "I got really upset when you did that bad practical joke on me, and I wanted to expose you! But now you're actually hurt!"

"I'm so sorry!" sobbed Toon Link, rubbing on King Dedede's belly, "And if you get out of this alive, I want you to know, I completely forgive you-"

"I'M HERE!!!!!!!" screamed King Dedede, violently shaking everything inside the ambulance, causing it to tip over on the side and 45 kg of medical waste to fall on Toon Link. "Hyuk! Hyuk! Hyuk!"

"UIFRE PTHK THOPR HRITNOHN!" screamed Toon Link, inhaling two gallons of pain killers and discarded skin.

Toon Link grunted.

Fox and Falcon
4th on 10:00 AM Flight

"Dudes, we are all totally on the same flight," said Falcon.

Wario and Mr. Resetti
5th on 10:00 AM Flight

"Look boi! I'm Batman!" said Mr. Resetti excitedly, holding up a magazine.

"That's cute Mr. Resetti," said Wario.

"Where's mah bat mobile, huh boy?" said Mr. Resetti angrily.

"Okay, just because the magazine says that you're batman, doesn't mean that you're actually Batman, okay?" said Wario, "It's a personality quiz, okay?"

…

Mr. Resetti whimpered. "But I wanted to be Batman so bad!" wailed Mr. Resetti, bucketing out tears.

Sad music played. "Why? Why? Why?" cried Mr. Resetti.

Roy and Zelda
6th to depart: 3:07 AM

Read Roy, "Fly to Corneria City and-"

"THEY HAVE LIKE EIGHTY-FIVE THOUSAND SHOPPING CENTRES THERE!" screamed Zelda violently, snatching the wallet from Roy's belt.

Zelda ran into the car and drove off.

"MWAHAHAHA!" laughed Zelda evilly.

Zelda

"You know, I was kind of in it for the money before," said Zelda, "But I think Roy's such a sweet sweet guy and I'm beginning to be in love with him!"

…

"Why are you driving the car without him then?" said the cameraman.

"Uh…" said Zelda.

Jigglypuff and Ganondorf
Last to depart: 3:27 AM

"FLY to CORneria cITY AND FIND THE MONSTER TRUCK STAIDUM" read Jigglypuff.

"LET'S GO" said Ganondorf, "WE SHALL RIDE OUR BOAT THERE"

"um… but how are we going to ryde a boat there???" said Jigglypuff.

"WE WILL SACRAFICE our cameraman to the God of BOAT TRAVEL" said Ganondorf, picking up a gigantic stone, "THE GOD of BOAT travel on Tarmac in mountain roads"

"Okay, seriously, do I have to keep on filming these guys?" said the cameraman to the producers through a walkie-talkie, "I've been injured six times since the start of this race! They're a danger to society!"

"THE ONLY DANGER WE FACE is the danger of having too much fun" said Jigglypuff.

Ganondorf beat the cameraman repeatedly with the stone.

"THE ONLY DANGER WE FACE is the danger of having too much fun" said Jigglypuff.

"GOSH HURRY up and drive the boat" said Ganondorf angrily.

Jigglypuff steered the stationary boat back and forth.

"YES I ALMOST SEE ANOTHER TEAM" said Ganondorf excitedly.

Roy and Zelda
6th on 10:00 AM Flight

"We're all equal again," said Roy.

Jigglypuff and Ganondorf
Last on 10:00 AM Flight

"THANK YOU KIND SIR FOR ALL YOUR FREE MERCHANDISE" said Ganondorf, taking a sack full of stolen goods from the newsagent outside.

"I never let you take that!" said the owner angrily.

Security took Ganondorf away.

"I HOPE SHE MADE LOTSA SPAGHETTI" said Ganondorf.

Security tasered Ganondorf.

"Owie," said Ganondorf.

"All teams are now on the same 10:00 AM Flight to Corneria City which lands at 5:00 PM local time!" said Master Hand.

Corneria City

Shots of a giant metropolis, jam packed full of people, cars and buildings played on the screen.

Corneria Airways Flight
Landed at 5:11 AM

Fox and Falcon
Currently in 1st Place

"Frat sprinting powers!" declared Fox, running out.

"Yeah we kinda jumped customs so we should run faster," shouted Falcon, security guards with batons chasing them.

Kirby and Pikachu
Currently in 2nd Place

"Supervillain power!" cheered Kirby and Pikachu, each giving each other a high-five.

"Wolf and Samus are now behind because of an anonymous tip-off about a certain drug bust," said Kirby, winking to the camera evilly.

Wolf and Samus
Currently in Last Place

"For the last time, we have no drugs!" said Wolf angrily.

"Oh… sure…" said the disembodied hand customs officer in a Welsh accent, "Then what's…"

He took a packet of weed from his pocket and poured it onto the table.

"…THIS?!" he said dramatically.

"Your weed," said Wolf angrily.

"Oh," said Crazy Hand.

Security dragged him away.

Jigglypuff and Ganondorf
Currently in 3rd Place

"RUNNING from THE AIRPORT, to go on a race," rapped Ganondorf, "IN DREAM land I got sprayed with some mace… the acids and the bases sprayed all OVA mah face… JIG and Ganon are right here to bust down this place…"

"Ganondorf's freestylin skills are on show," rapped Jigglypuff, "I'M an MC I just got me a mo…" Jigglypuff pointed to her fake moustache.

"WE'RE THE WRAPPIN MOTHERfreakers from Calgary" rapped Jigglypuff and Ganondorf, "SO OPEN UP YOUR wallets and give change to me"

"WE'RE broke cos I spent money on a beats machine," said Ganondorf, "so to you all as you can see my rappin' will be clean"

"WE NEED moneh for a taxi so we'll hitch a ride," rapped Jigglypuff.

"TO the freestyle shop where I can bust a rhyme," rapped Ganondorf.

"We'RE YO brothers, different mothers," rapped Jigglypuff and Ganondorf together, "WE'RE PUTTIN on a show"

"TO GET YO SPARE CHANGE CASH" rapped Sonic, "And clippers for her mo"

"DON'T BE HATIN or migratin' all away from the scene," rapped Ganondorf.

"WE'RE THE FREESTYLE brothers give some money to me" rapped Ganondorf and Jigglypuff.

"MOTHA" screamed Ganondorf. A call signal beeped on the screen.

"I LIKE TUCKA" screamed Ganondorf, "GIVE yer MONEY TO ME"

"WE'RE THE brothers give us monehs and just let us be" rapped Ganondorf and Jigglypuff.

The audience applauded and threw money at them.

"YAY NYOM NYOM NYOM" screamed Jigglypuff and Ganondorf, digesting the coins for later storage in the event they needed to pay for something and could aptly regurgitate the money as they pleased.

Fox and Falcon
Currently in 1st Place

"Dude, it's like all of the teams that could actually run have been eliminated," laughed Falcon, climbing into the taxi, "I dunno where Wolf and Samus were but we were like the only team that could run…"

Wario and Mr. Resetti
Currently in 4th Place

"I need a resuscitator!" screamed Mr. Resetti, panting as they continued their long fifty metre marathon to the carpark.

"We can make it!" screamed Wario, covered in sweat.

Toon Link and King Dedede
Currently in 5th Place

"Hurry up, you're faster than this!" said Toon Link angrily next to the walking King Dedede.

"I know," said King Dedede, smiling, still walking.

…

"THEN WALK FASTER!" screamed Toon Link angrily.

"Nope!" laughed King Dedede.

"I HATE YOU!" screamed Toon Link, "THIS IS THE WORST BIRTHDAY PARTY EVER!"

Toon Link ran off crying.

Roy and Zelda
Currently in 6th Place

"Come on, Zel!" said Roy, walking along the travelator.

"ROOY!" screamed Zelda, "My feet are moving without me moving my muscles! I'm siiick!"

"It's a travelator," said Roy.

…

"Stop embarrassing me, Roy!" said Zelda angrily, "You're the worst boyfriend ever!"

Zelda remembered the money. "My looove!" shouted Zelda, hugging Roy.

Wolf and Samus
Currently in Last Place

"I swear, that hold up was the work of another team," said Samus angrily, sprinting through the hall.

"Yeah, I think one of these teams are starting to become crafty and evil," said Wolf angrily.

"Maybe it's the kids," said Samus.

"Nah, they're too cute and innocent," laughed Wolf, "Samus, please! They're so cute and innocent! They couldn't possibly be the evil ones! Please Samus, them? The evil ones! Oh! Samus! You're so funny sometimes!"

Samus stared at Wolf.

"Oh Samus!" continued Wolf, laughing, "How could you possibly-"

Downtown Corneria City

Fox and Falcon

"Dude, everything is so crowded here," said Fox.

"I know… if we totally did it, like everyone would see us," said Falcon sexily.

…

"Why does your diction pertain to so much sexual undertone when I am clearly a person of the same sex as you?" inspected Fox, "Why, this kind of dubious behaviour could only relate to some kind of sexual attraction! And your suggestion of 'doing it' implies sexual fornication which means you are implying that you are a…"

1920's Horror Music played. "…A HOMOSEXUAL!" screamed Fox.

"Uh… jokes," said Falcon.

"Oh," said Fox.

"Jokes," said Falcon sexily.

"…A HOMOSEXUAL!" screamed Fox.

"Jokes," said Falcon seriously.

"Oh," said Fox.

"Jokes," said Falcon sexily.

"…A HOMOSEXUAL!" screamed Fox.

This continued for some time.

Kirby and Pikachu

"What shall be our next super villain action?" said Kirby evilly.

"We SHALL POLLUTE THE ENVIRONMENT!" declared Pikachu evilly.

They threw a plastic bag out of the car.

"Mwahahahaha!" laughed Kirby and Pikachu evilly, "Mwahahahaha!"

…

"I feel really guilty about that," said Kirby glumly, "I never knew I'd have such a conscience about being a…"

Kirby grinned evilly, "…evil supervillain!"

"Mwahahahaha!" laughed Kirby and Pikachu evilly, "Mwahahahaha!"

Jigglypuff and Ganondorf

"MAYBE WE SHOULDN'T HAVE EATEN SO MANY COINS" said Jigglypuff, several dozen gold coins falling out of her mouth as she spoke.

"NONSENSE" said Ganondorf, coins falling out of his mouth as we spoke, "HOW ELSE COULD WE CARRY SO MUCH MONEY?"

…

"…we HAVE THIS WALLET!" said Jigglypuff happily, holding up a wallet.

"YOU mean I was eating these coins for all of these YEARS?! VERY CLEVER, JIGGLYPUFF" said Ganondorf. "I SHALL EMPTY MY LIFETIME'S SUPPLY OF COINS INTO HEAR"

Ganondorf leant over, and thousands upon thousands of coins poured into the small wallet.

"YAAAAY" said Jigglypuff and Ganondorf.

"BUT YOU must now carry it lady as you are the lady and I am the man and I do noithing" said Ganondorf angrily.

Jigglypuff attempted to lift the 50kg case of coins up.

"BUT GANNIE I CAN'T" said Jigglypuff, crying.

"SHUT UP I AM BIG AND STRONG and muscular and sexy AND I WILL LIFT IT UP" said Ganondorf.
Ganondorf attempted to lift it up.

"NOO WHAT SHALL WE DO?!" said Jigglypuff.

…

"NYOM NYOM NYOM" said Ganondorf and Jigglypuff, eating the coins.

Wario and Mr. Resetti

"Wow boi, this is such a crazy hustlin' and bustlin' city," said Mr. Resetti, rambling on, "You better walk close to me or you could get lost… ol' Resetti will keep you safe from them mafia people and those crooks… ol Super Resetti and his ol' boxing skills…"

"Yeah Mr. Resetti, will do," said Wario.

Wolf and Samus

"All the other taxis are taking the main road, and our guy knows the side streets," said Wolf, peering out the window, "I think we'll be able to beat some people there."

Roy and Zelda

"ROOY! Make the traffic faster!" said Zelda angrily.

Toon Link and King Dedede

"This is so embarrassing," said Toon Link, covering his head with his hands.

"And I am not fat!" said King Dedede angrily, his backside caught in the door of the taxi.

"We are so far behind!" said Toon Link angrily.

"I'm almost there!" said King Dedede, pulling himself into the taxi.

King Dedede pulled harder. "NGGGHHH!" he screamed.

Nothing happened.

"Oh God, what if I see someone I know?" said Toon Link, his eyes widening even more than normal.

"Nonsense!" laughed King Dedede.

King Dedede wiggled his buttocks back and forth in time with techno music in the background.

"Oh, Hi Toon Link!" said Tetra the spunky pirate, holding up a bag of designer clothing and shopping. "How's it…"

"Oh God... please don't notice…" muttered Toon Link.

King Dedede kept on wiggling.

"Don't notice what?" said Tetra, "Fancy seeing you here! What are you doing here?"

"Well uh… I was just on my way to…" said Toon Link.

"Hey big bro!" screamed Aryll, running from fifty metres away towards Toon Link, "Heard you were going on that show with your coal mining buddy and-"

"No! No!" said Toon Link, "I was uh…"

"What's that guy doing stuck in a taxi?" said Tetra, "That's disgusting!"

"Hi ladies!" said King Dedede sexily, "Call me Triple De… Dedede means love and sexiness… I'm Toon Link's friend!"

"Who's that guy?" said Tetra angrily, "What the hell? Are you part of this… butt wiggling dance thing? You are disgusting-"

"I swear! I don't know this guy!" said Toon Link angrily.

"Okay, I am seriously not your friend anymore," said Tetra, "Goodbye Toon Link."

"But-" said Toon Link.

"Uh… Toon Link? you were adopted," said Aryll, "I'm glad I'm not blood related to you. Goodbye."

"But!" said Toon Link.

Valoo the great big red dragon swooped into the taxi rank, settling next to Toon Link.

"Hey ol' pal!" said Valoo excitedly, "You just won the 'Coolest Sailor in the Great Sea Competition' and I'll just give you these two hundred thousand-"

Valoo saw King Dedede.

"This is your friend?!" said Valoo angrily.

Valoo flew off.

"YOU'VE RUINED MY ENTIRE LIFE!" cried Toon Link. "I CAN NEVER RETURN TO MY HOMELAND AGAIN!"

"Hyuk! Hyuk! Hyuk!" laughed King Dedede.

"Goodbye, cruel world!" screamed Toon Link, raising his sword.

"Hyuk! Hyuk! Hyuk!" laughed King Dedede.

Blood.

"…oh," said King Dedede.

Monster Truck Stadium

Shots of Monster Trucks running over cars played.

Fox and Falcon
Currently in 1st Place

"Yes dude, Monster Trucks are going to be awesome!" said Falcon excitedly, running through the door into the arena, "Yes!"

"Let's do this!" said Fox excitedly.

Kirby and Pikachu
Currently in 2nd Place

"Oh my gosh… I wish we can go on the monster trucks!" said Kirby excitedly, waddling in.

Wolf and Samus
Currently in 3rd Place

"Damn, if only not for the hold-up we'd be here first," said Samus angrily, spotting the other teams.

Jigglypuff and Ganondorf
Currently in 4th Place

"Stroke! Stroke!" screamed Jigglypuff and Ganondorf, rowing through the main gates.

Fox and Falcon
Currently in 1st Place

"First place, dude!" said Fox excitedly, grabbing the clue. "Road Block! Who wants to DEMOLISH SOME CARS?!"

"Road Block! A Road Block is a task that only one person can perform!" said Master Hand. "In this Road Block, that team member must don this protective race suit and climb into a monster truck! Then, they must complete three laps of this inner circuit which contains jumps, bumps and random explosions and fireworks!"
"Once they have completed these laps, they must drive to the outer circuit and crush three remotely controlled environmentally friendly cars! Once they have completed this, they will be able to claim their next clue!"

"You're the F-Zero guy, you're the driver," said Fox suavely.

Kirby and Pikachu
Currently in 2nd Place

"Fast Forward!" read Kirby.

"Fast Forward!" said Master Hand, "Upon completing a Fast Forward, one team can skip all tasks and go directly to the pit stop!"
"To claim this Fast Forward, teams must risk their safety and do a motorcycle jump a terrifying distance of 20 metres! There will be a safety net underneath the jump, however, teams must both make the jump and then hold their balance on the other side until the finish line before their jump will be counted as legal! The first team to have both team members claim a legal jump will claim this Fast Forward!"

"Do a bike jump to claim this Fast Forward," read Kirby.

"I don't think I'll be able to do the jump, I can't ride a bike," said Pikachu.

"Okay, Road Block!" said Kirby, "Road Block! Who wants to DEMOLISH SOME CARS?!"

"I'll do it," said Kirby, grinning evilly.

Wolf and Samus
Currently in 3rd Place

"Fast Forward," said Wolf. "We wanna do it?"

"Nah, let's wait until later when all the remaining teams have used it," said Samus.

"Road Block! Who wants to DEMOLISH SOME CARS?!" read Wolf.

"You should do it, my hunky hunky Wolf," said Samus, smiling suavely.

Wolf and Samus giggled.

"You never call me that," said Wolf suspiciously.

"Oh God! I should have told you!" cried Samus, "The hunters are coming! We've got to hide, baby! Hide in the cupboards! Here's twenty dollars, you go buy yourself a new abode in Maycomb and start yer life there! Take a pseudonym: Boo Radley, yer, Boo, and never come out of the house so them hunters can never touch yer Wolf skin, okay hun?"

"Okay!" sobbed Wolf.

Wario and Mr. Resetti

...

"...they're on to us," hissed Mr. Resetti.

Jigglypuff and Ganondorf

"Road Block, who wants to demolish some cars?" said Jigglypuff sexily.

"I will," said Ganondorf.

...

"Do you want to... demolish me... later?" said Jigglypuff sexily.

Jigglypuff massaged Ganondorf. "Some people say... my foundations are very..."

"...unstable..." whispered Jigglypuff.

"I'M GOING TO DRIVE A VROOM VROOM CAR" said Ganondorf excitedly.

Falcon
On Road Block

"Hi, I'm Mike, I'll be running you through the safety instructions today," said a technician, "The-"

"Yeah, whatever," laughed Falcon, "O'DOYLE FRATERNITY RULES!"

Falcon accelerated, shaking the guy out of the truck and accelerated.

Falcon went over the first hump, and the truck tipped on its side.

"…owie," said Falcon.

Wolf
On 1st Lap

"Woohoo!" cheered Wolf, going over the first hump.

"The key to driving this is just taking your time," explained Wolf to the camrera, "People who just put their foot down and think that they're going to-"

Ganondorf and Kirby sped past, driving like maniacs, jumping over the hump and making the first corner, mainly because they knocked over several barriers on the side to make the dodgy turn.

"Okay, this means war," said Wolf angrily.

Ganondorf
On 1st Lap

"LA LA LA LA LA LA" sung Ganondorf, having a complete disregard for his surroundings, running over maintenance trucks and ambulance stretchers, his random badly-planned steering wildly zooming through the course.

Kirby
On 1st Lap

"Not so fast Ganondorf, as I have… projectiles!" laughed Kirby evilly.

Kirby threw a tomato at Ganondorf's monster truck. It hit the back wheel.

"Yeah! Take that!" said Kirby angrily.

Wolf sped past.

"I'll red shell you if you're not careful!" said Kirby angrily.

Wolf
On 1st Lap

"On the other hand, the fun part of this is going full speed," said Wolf angrily, zooming towards Ganondorf, and ramming him in the back.

Ganondorf
On 1st Lap

Wolf pulled up next to Ganondorf's monster truck.

"HI YOU ARE AN AMATer and I am the pro so don't try and overtak me n00b LOL" said Ganondorf.

Wolf rammed into the side of Ganondorf's truck.

Ganondorf fell out, and took an eight metre plunge.

"AND EVERYBODY'D BE SURFING" sung Ganondorf.

Falcon
On 1st Lap

"Dude… I'm the only guy here who drives cars for a living! Why can't I steer this stupid vehicle?" said Falcon angrily, his truck being assisted up for the second time.

"Stop driving with your feet maybe?" said Fox angrily.

"Oh, shut up Dan! Stop trying to make all of the decisions for the team!" said Falcon angrily. "We're a team you know, okay?"

Wario and Mr. Resetti
Currently in 5th Place

"I'll do the monsta truck boi!" said Mr. Resetti excitedly, "I drove these things for twenty-five years!"

"No you didn't!" said Wario angrily, "You're a serial liar! You had a paper boy job and postie job and that's it!"

"I was a taekwondo instructor for thirty-two years boy," said Mr. Resetti angrily, "Watch what you're sayin' boi!"

"No you weren't!" said Wario angrily.

"I'm a human lie detector for the CIA! I've been at it for eighty-nine years!" said Mr. Resetti angrily.

"You're not even that old!" said Wario angrily.

"Well I get to go on the monster truck and you don't, so there!" said Mr. Resetti angrily.

Wario walked off towards the monster trucks.

"Wait boi! Wait boi!" cried Mr. Resetti, his head raised to a ninety-degree angle, bucketing out tears from the side of his eyes, "I want to be it sooo bad!"

Wario sighed. "You can go on it if you really want."

"Yippee! Guess I'm better than you boi, I get to go on the monster truck and you don't-"

"SHUT UP!" said Wario angrily.

Toon Link and King Dedede
Currently in 6th Place

"I'll do it," said Toon Link angrily, "I have a bit of anger to take out."

Toon Link stared at King Dedede angrily.

"Now boy, you implying that I've caused some anger in yourself?" said King Dedede in his Foghorn Leghorn voice, "Nonsense, son!"

Toon Link walked off angrily.

"Pansy," scoffed King Dedede.

Downtown Corneria City

Roy and Zelda
Currently in Last Place

"Oh, we are so stuffed…" said Zelda, sobbing.

Monster Truck Stadium

Wolf
2nd Lap

"I'm leading the pack, just," said Wolf, accelerating over the first jump. "This is so freaking loud."

Ganondorf
2nd Lap

"WaIT UP WOLFY I'M GONNA GET YOU" said Ganondorf, holding up a machine gun.

"GANNIE NO" screamed Jigglypuff, "IF YOU kill wolf we might get a time penalty"

"OH YEAH that would be very bad" said Ganondorf, "THE PENALTY PART OLOL"

Wolf slowed down and as Ganondorf pulled up on the side of him, he hit Ganondorf with a wok, knocking him out of the truck.

Ganondorf fell out, and took an eight metre plunge.

"AND EVERYBODY'D BE SURFING" sung Ganondorf.

Kirby
2nd Lap

Kirby whizzed past Wolf.

"You snooze, you lose!" laughed Kirby.

Kirby reached the corner. He pressed hard on the break, tentatively made the turn and took another five seconds to straighten up again. Wolf passed him.

"I don't know how to steer, okay?" said Kirby angrily.

Wolf's car got hit by fireworks, slowing the car down. Kirby zoomed past.

"You snooze, you lose!" laughed Kirby.

Falcon
Finished 1st Lap

"Done with the first lap!" said Falcon excitedly, accelerating through the finish line.

Falcon ran over a couple of spectators.

"FRAT POWER!" screamed Falcon.

"The boys back home are gonna be so proud of me," said Falcon, the camera panning in on the skull being crushed by one of his tyres.

Toon Link
1st Lap

"I… hate… that stupid… Dedede…" said Toon Link angrily, accelerating angrily.

"Hi Boy!" cheered King Dedede, waving to Toon Link.

"SHUT UP!" screamed Toon Link angrily.

Mr. Resetti
1st Lap

"He is… so slow…" said Wario angrily to the camera.

"In the naavy…" sang Mr. Resetti patriotically, going over the first hump at about 20 miles an hour, "You can sail the seven seas…"

"Hurry up!" said Wario angrily.

Mr. Resetti sang faster.
"The car, you idiot!" said Wario angrily.

"But boi!" chuckled Mr. Resetti, "You told me to hurry up… so I… hurried up mah singing!"

Mr. Resetti snorted and laughed.

Wario angrily flung a shoe at Mr. Resetti, knocking him out stone cold.

"AAARRRGHHH!" screamed Wario angrily.

Roy and Zelda
Currently in Last Place

"No-one's tried the Fast Forward," said Roy, peering over to the motorcycle jump, "We're so far behind, it might be our only option…"

"But Rooy! I'm scared!" said Zelda.

"We might just have to try this one!" said Roy, "We're ages after these guys!"

Wrecking Course

Wolf
On Wrecking Course

"Did my third lap!" said Wolf excitedly, driving towards the outer course, "This is where the destruction begins!"

Kirby
On Wrecking Course

"This is where the misery begins…" said Kirby, rubbing his hands together evilly.

Ganondorf
On Wrecking Course

"IT'S NOT CRUSHING" screamed Ganondorf, panicking.

"THAT'S BECAUSE ur trying to repeatedly ram into the concrete structure holding up the building" said Jigglypuff, "and not the cars"

"SILLY WOMAN… u don't know what you're talking about!!!" laughed Ganondorf.

"SHUT UP U RACIST" said Jigglypuff angrily, "IM gunna blok u 4evar if you keep this up! FROM MY E-MAIL TOO"

"I'M SORRY HONEY" said Ganondorf, ramming into the concrete structure, causing it to start to tear apart.

Jigglypuff: THAT's OKAY honey

Ganondorf: CAN WE BE bf/gf again yes?

"I LOVE YOU GANNIE" said Jigglypuff.

"I LOVE YOU JEEGS" said Ganondorf.

Ganondorf ran over Jigglypuff. "I LOVE YOU HONEY"

"THANK YOU but can YOU PLEASE GET THE 80 TONNES machine OF ME?" said Jigglypuff angrily.

"I THINK It's OFF me not OF ME duh" said Ganondorf angrily.

"HELP" said Jigglypuff, dying.

"FIX UR GRAMMAR FIRST" said Ganondoarf angrily.

Inner Course

Falcon
3rd Lap

"Dudes, we're almost done!" said Falcon excitedly, veering around the last corner.

Toon Link
2nd Lap

"Everywhere I see it's like there's a constant reminder of him," said Toon Link angrily.

"Because I'm RIGHT HERE boy!" shouted King Dedede very loudly into Toon Link's ear.

"AAAAAHHHH!" screamed Toon Link, jumping into the roof of the car.

"Hyuk! Hyuk! Hyuk!" laughed King Dedede.

Toon Link, whose neck was stuck in the roof of the car, grunted.

Mr. Resetti
1st Lap

"Hurry… up!" sobbed Wario to Mr. Resetti, who hadn't completed the first corner yet.

"Y… MCA!" sung Mr. Resetti.

"You're going to spend eight years of rehabilitation there if you don't hurry up!" said Wario angrily. "In the pool and there's all of these unhealthy antioxidants and neurotoxins in there, and it will cause your skin to stop being moisturised!"

Motorcycle Jump

Roy and Zelda
On Fast Forward

"Rooy, I don't know if I can do this!" said Zelda anxiously, putting on her bike helmet.

"Zel, I think this might be our only chance of getting through this leg!" said Roy, putting on his motorcycle suit.

Wrecking Course

Wolf

"Let's test this baby! Yeeha!" screamed Wolf over the roaring engine, "This is freaking awesome!"

Kirby

Kirby spotted a car in front of Wolf's monster truck.

"Dibs!" screamed Kirby.

Wolf ran over the car.

"Nobody breaks the rules of dibs when I'm around…" said Kirby angrily.

Wolf
1 Car Crushed

"This course is the real deal, baby!" said Wolf to the camera, "The little course we just did is the baby stuff, but this course has twice the jumps and twice the danger!"

Inner Course

Ganondorf

"EXCUSE ME KIND LINK could YOU HELP ME UP I am the elderly" said Ganondorf.

Toon Link drove past.

"MR. MOLE CAN YOU HELP ME" said Ganondorf.

Mr. Resetti's monster truck drove along in neutral towards Ganondorf's truck. His car went over a hump and tipped on the side.

"I GUESS NOT BECAUSE ur tipped on the side" said Ganondorf, laughing.

"You're tipped on the side too, boi!" said Mr. Resetti angrily.

"…SHUT UP YOU" said Ganondorf angrily, "GRRRrrr"

Wrecking Course

Kirby

Another car entered the course.

"Dibs!" screamed Kirby.

Wolf accelerated and crushed the car.

Wolf
2 Cars Crushed

"THIS… MEANS… WAR!!!!" screamed Kirby in his deep manly voice.

Kirby accelerated and started ramming Wolf's monster truck from the side.

"Oh, teehee Kirby! That's really cute!" laughed Wolf, "What are you, evil?"

"DIE DIE DIE" screamed Kirby, taking a crowbar and swinging it at Wolf's head.

Wolf reached down to grab his coffee, his head being missed by just inches. "Oh kiddo, you got yourself some imagination," laughed Wolf.

"This DOES NOT end here!" screamed Kirby dramatically.

Wolf turned on easy listening music in his super turbo-pumped destructo monster truck.

Falcon
1 Car Crushed

Falcon accelerated his pulverising monster truck and crushed the car flat.

"Yes! This is awesome! I'm awesome!" said Falcon. "Only a skilled driver like me can do this! Yes! Awesome!"

Falcon did some breakdancing moves atop the moving truck.

Motorcycle Jump

Roy and Zelda
Attempting Fast Forward

"Rooy! I'm scared!" said Zelda, sitting on her motorbike.

"Do you want to do some test jumps?" said Roy, "There's a smaller jump that's ten metres on the left, you can try that and get comfortable."

Wrecking Course

Kirby
0 Cars Crushed

"I can't lose to this guy!" said Kirby angrily, "How do I get an edge on him?"

Wolf
2 Cars Crushed

"Abra… abracadabra…" sung Wolf to the cassette player in his truck.

Kirby
0 Cars Crushed

"A-ha!" said Kirby evilly.

Another car pulled out, about a quarter of a lap in front of them.

Kirby revved his engine and sped up next to Wolf. "I wanna reach out and grab ya…" sung Wolf to himself.

Kirby reached over, took Wolf's Steve Miller Band mix tape and threw it in front of Wolf's truck.

"AIIIEEE!" screamed Wolf like a girl, braking and sliding to avoid the tape.

Kirby accelerated towards the car.

"You'll pay, Kirby!" screamed Wolf angrily.

"I love you mixtapeywapey!" said Wolf cutely to the tape.

Wolf
2 Cars Crushed

Wolf jumped out of the car, grabbed the cassette, took a grenade out of his pocket and hurled it at Kirby's truck.

Wolf jumped back into his truck.

"You're such a cute tape yes you are!" said Wolf in a condescending 'talking to a puppy' voice, nuzzling the tape.

Kirby
0 Cars Crushed

Kirby accelerated to the car, just metres in front of him.

A grenade landed in the seat next to Kirby.

"AAAAHHH!" screamed Kirby, pressing the brake, causing the truck to spin in circles. Kirby picked up the grenade and threw it into the centre of the arena.

"You'll pay, Star Wolf!" screamed Kirby angrily.

Wolf zoomed past and crushed the car.

"Doggone it!" said Kirby angrily.

Wolf
Finished Road Block

"Yeehaa!" screamed Wolf in his cowboy accent.

Wolf jumped out of the truck and took a clue.

Wolf and Samus
Currently in 1st Place

"Yes!" said Wolf, doing a headspin and doing a breakdancing pose.

Samus opened the clue. "Make your way to the Corneria Complex and find Cheeseburger Land!"

"Teams must now travel twenty-two kilometres to Corneria Complex, the planet's largest shopping complex!" said Master Hand, "Once teams arrive here, they must find this cheeseburger vendor to receive their next clue!"

"Let's go," said Smaus.

Wrecking Course

Kirby
0 Cars Crushed

"Concentrate… super villain… powers…" said Kirby, meditating.

Ganondorf
0 Cars Crushed

"SO I HAVE TO CRUSH THREE cars for MY CLUE?!??!?!" said Ganondorf to the supervisor.

"Yep," he replied.

"LA LA LA" said Ganondorf, accelerating off the course.

He rammed through the stands, crushing the entire structure, broke through a weakness in the wall and headed outside into traffic.

"LA LA LA" screamed Ganondorf, ramming the truck through peak-hour traffic, crushing dozens of cars, injuring many.

"We're going to get sued," said the supervisor, covering his eyes.

"You can stop now!" said the supervisor angrily.

"LA LA LA" screamed Ganondorf, running over nearby buildings and war memorials.

The police came and started shooting at Ganondorf.

"I HAVE THE CHEAT MODE ON SO I HAVE INVINCIBILITY" scoffed Ganondorf at the police's weapons.

Ganondorf got shot. "OW I MUST HAVE ENTERED THE code wrong"

Ganondorf
19 Cars Crushed

"I GOT OUT on BAIL" said Ganondorf, running back to Jigglypuff, "somehow NOBODY DIED But I AM TECHNICALLY allowed to leave the country but I WILL anyway as my PSEUDONYM David TENnant JAJAJA"

Ganondorf took the clue.

"MaKE yOUr way to the CORNERIA complex and Find the cheeseburger land!" read Ganondorf.

Kirby
0 Cars Crushed

About five or six cars made their way out on the course.

"Oh, so NOW they come!" said Kirby angrily.

Kirby crushed them all.

"Super villains are apathetic when it comes to enjoying obviously cool things," said Kirby to the camera seriously.

"Teehee! That was so fun! And awesome! Yes! Oh my gosh that was the best! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah!" cheered Kirby.

"Super villain… …out…" said Kirby dramatically in a deep, villainous voice.

Kirby and Pikachu
Currently in 3rd Place

"Make your way to the Corneria Complex and find Cheeseburger Land!" read Kirby.

"How was that?" said Pikachu excitedly.

"Super villains do not disclose their feelings…" said Kirby dramatically.

"Oh come on! I'm sick of being a super villain anyway!" said Pikachu angrily.

"Only… an impostor would dare say such a thing!" said Kirby angrily. "Are you the real Pikachu?"

"I don't wanna be a super villain anymore!" said Pikachu angrily.

"I don't think he is," narrated Kirby to the camera, "There's only one way to deal with this…"

In the interrogation room

Kirby poured a cup of water over Pikachu, who was tied up.

"Where's the real Pikachu?!" screamed Kirby angrily, slapping Pikachu on the face.

"Ow! Kirby! This is just taking it too far!" said Pikachu angrily.

"But would the real Pikachu say that?!" said Kirby suspiciously.

"Yes!" said Pikachu angrily, "It's me! Pikachu!"

Pikachu stared at Kirby angrily.

Kirby grinned sheepishly. "…buddy?" chuckled Kirby nervously.

Pikachu stared at Kirby angrily.

Motorcycle Jump

Roy and Zelda
Attempting Fast Forward

"People are just starting to leave," said Roy, "So I'm just hoping that there's heaps of tasks because, well, we might get this done slowly."

A shrieking sound played.

"Rooy!" screamed Zelda, falling onto the safety net of the smaller jump.

"You're doing good, honey!" said Roy.

"ROOY!" screamed Zelda, tangled in the net.

"You're doing semi-good..." muttered Roy.

"I HAATE YOU!" screamed Zelda angrily.

The motorbike started to eat up Zelda’s leg.

“ROOOY!” screamed Zelda.

Crushing Course

Toon Link
0 Cars Crushed

"Come on, boy!" cheered King Dedede, "Today, kid! Today!"

"I've like, never driven a car before! I think this is a great achievement!" said Toon Link angrily, "And I don't even want to talk to you! You've ruined my entire life!"

"Only the social one!" laughed King Dedede.

"Also… I kinda… sold your meds for some bird seed because I was really hungry…" said King Dedede.

"On the brighter side, guess I did ruin your entire life!" laughed King Dedede.

Toon Link had a seizure.

"Because if you're dead yer life is kinda ruined," explained King Dedede.

“OH GOD TAKE ME TO THE HOSPITAL” screamed Toon Link.

King Dedede looked up. “…I’m… …waiting!”

Fox and Falcon
Currently in 4th Place

"A job well done!" said Falcon, wiping his hands on a towel. "I think the spectators were very happy with my performance."
A couple of bystanders were put on stretchers into the ambulance.

"Uh… dude… I don't think that was really cool what you just did…" said Fox, shocked.

"I can make it… hotter…" said Falcon sexily.

"No!" said Fox angrily. "You totally like, hurt some people!"

"...rawr..." said Falcon sexily.

"Shut up!" said Fox angrily.

"...rawr rawr..." said Falcon sexily.

...

"Are we done?" said Fox angrily.

“I don’t know… are you done?” said Falcon sexily.

The police took Falcon away.

“Hi there… muscle men…” said Falcon sexily.

Mr. Resetti
0 Cars Crushed

"We're going to get eliminated…" said Wario angrily, "You can't trusty this guy with anything! He can't operate a toaster by himself, let alone a gigantic truck!"

"I've operated a lotta trucks in mah life boy!" rambled Mr. Resetti, stuck in a ditch, "Look at me go boi! Look at me go! Whoopee! Hehe!"

"You're completely still," said Wario angrily.

"I'm gonna go back to mah home town and replace that clock that I broke as a kid which is the reason my pa doesn’t talk to me!" said Mr. Resetti excitedly.

Mr. Resetti sobbed.

Corneria City Highway

Wolf and Samus
Newly Dating

“I swear… those kids are like… the spawn of Satan or something…” said Wolf, shivering. “I mean… first they try and ram us off a cliff in Dream Land, and then Kirby tried to destroy my Steve Miller Band cassette! They are so evil!”

“I’d consider the latter normal behaviour,” said Samus.

…

“You have made a very grave enemy today,” said Wolf angrily, holding his cassette tape protectively.

Wolf cradled the cassette tape in his hands, nuzzling it against his face, “Don’t worry baby… everything will turn out alright…”

Kirby and Pikachu
Best Friends

“I think we should stop being super villains now,” said Kirby, holding up a cake, “So I baked this ‘I baked a cake… let’s become friends again’ cake to give to Wolf and Samus!”

“How could you possibly fit the equipment to bake a cake inside a small taxi?” said Pikachu angrily. “It’s logistically impossible… I mean, first you’d need a couple of power sockets to-”

Kirby stared at Pikachu angrily.

“So you mean just because we’re fictional depictions of video game characters; we’re allowed to defy the laws of logic, continuity and gravity?” said Pikachu angrily.

“That’s ridiculous!” said Pikachu angrily, wearing a moustache, floating in zero gravity in his Utahan accent.

Wolf and Samus

“Went to dance… looking for romance… saw Barbara Ann and I thought I’d take a chance… Bar-” sang Wolf.

“You two-timing scum!” screamed Samus, raising the crowbar.

“It’s a song!” sobbed Wolf, “It’s a song!”

Kirby and Pikachu

Kirby and Pikachu’s taxi pulled up next to Wolf and Samus’s.

“There’s their taxi where they’re inspecting their heirs over there!” said Kirby excitedly.

“Wolf and Samus! We have a present for you!” cheered Pikachu, holding up a cake. “We’re not evil anymore! Let’s be friends forever!”

Wolf and Samus

“We’re… (inaudible) evil… (inaudible) forever!” shouted Pikachu from the taxi across from them in the noisy tunnel.

“They’re evil forever?!” screamed Samus.

“Those freaking kids are out of control! Someone has to put a stop to them!” said Wolf angrily.

Kirby and Pikachu

“Roll down your windows!” shouted Kirby excitedly.

Wolf and Samus

“Roll… (inaudible) windows!” shouted Kirby excitedly.

“AAAAAHHHHH!” screamed Wolf and Samus, horrified.

“What does that even mean?” said Wolf.

“I dunno,” said Samus.

“AAAAAHHHHH!” screamed Wolf and Samus, horrified.

Kirby and Pikachu

“Guess they didn’t hear,” said Kirby, rolling down his own window, holding the cake out, “We need for the cake to get inside!”

“Use this brick!” said Pikachu excitedly, finding a brick from inside his mouth.

Wolf and Samus

Pikachu threw a brick, smashing their window.

“Oh my God, they’re going to kill us!” screamed Wolf, shrieking like a girl.

“We have a message for you!” said Kirby excitedly, holding up the ‘I baked a cake… let’s become friends again’.

Kirby threw the cake into Wolf and Samus’s taxi. Due to a gust of wind, all of the letters except ‘bomb’ fell off into the air.

The cake in between Wolf and Samus.

“Do you like our message?” said Kirby excitedly.

Wolf and Samus read.

“BOMB?!” screamed Wolf and Samus.

“AAAAHHHBEIYFEWBUI!” screamed Wolf and Samus, breaking the cake apart to find the bomb.

Wolf took out a candle. “OH GOD THIS IS THE BOMB” screamed Wolf.

“SOMEONE SET US UP THE BOMB” screamed Samus.

“STOP REFERENCING OLD CRAP” screamed Wolf.

Wolf threw the candle back into Pikachu’s taxi.

“Die! Die! DIE!” screamed Wolf.

Kirby and Pikachu

“Die! Die! DIE!” screamed Wolf.

A candle landed next to Kirby.

“Oo… kay…” said Kirby.

“Those guys are just really paranoid…” said Pikachu.

Wolf and Samus

“OH MY GOD THEY ARE SO EVVVILLL” screamed Wolf.

“I LOVE YOU JEEGLYPUFF” said Ganondorf.

“OOPS RONG TAXI BUT you GUYS have The SAME accent” said Ganondorf.

“OLOL” said Ganondorf.

“Okay, you can get out now,” said Wolf angrily.

“HI SAMUS” said Ganondorf, lifting the bottom his pants to reveal his fat penguin thighs, “I’VE BEEN WORKING OUT AT THE GYM”

Jigglypuff and Ganondorf

“HEY TAXI DRIVER I DON’T THINK YOU KNOW wear you r GOING” said Ganondorf.

“YES THAT IS Probably because YOU COVERING HIS EYES so he cannot see OLOL” said Jigglypuff.

“OOPS” said Ganondorf, letting go.

“AND YOU ALSO REMOVED HIS EYES From HIS EYES sockets because you proposed THAT YOU COULD SEE WITH FOUR EYES” said Jigglypuff.

“OOPS” said Ganondorf, putting the eyes back in.

“AND YOU also REMOVED HIS BRAIN SO HE CAN’t process the images RECEIVED From the RETINAS” said Jigglypuff.

The taxi driver died.

Fox and Falcon

“Dude, this city is really unclean and dirty,” said Fox, “And our taxi driver smells…”

“That’s because he projectile vomited onto me after your little binge fest,” said the taxi driver angrily.

“I’m calling the health department, that’s just unsanitary!” said Falcon angrily.

Monster Truck Stadium
Wrecking Course

Toon Link
1 Car Crushed

Toon Link rolled over his first car.

“Good job, kid!” cheered King Dedede overenthusiastically, “You’re doing well!”

“Shut up! I’ve been at this for fifteen minutes!” said Toon Link angrily.

“I’m so proud of you son,” cheered King Dedede, “Even though you’re a failure at life you’re almost not a mistake!”

“Shut up! I hate you so much!” said Toon Link angrily. “You’re not even my dad!”

King Dedede raised his eyebrows.

“Oh God this is the worst day of my life,” said Toon Link.

Driving Course

Mr. Resetti
Finished Course

“Oh my God, he’s finally done! Yes! Yes!” cheered Wario, kissing the ground.

“I wouldn’t kiss around there boi,” said Mr. Resetti, “Mr. Resetti was doing his… y’know, business there…”

Syndicated children’s programming laugh track.

Fast Forward

Roy and Zelda
1st Attempt

“Okay, we’ve done the practice jump a few times, and now we’re going to try the main jump now,” said Roy, putting on his safety helmet.

“ROOY!” screamed Zelda.

“Yes?” said Roy.

“This helmet is like, messing up my hair!” said Zelda angrily.

“…it’s a helmet, Zel!” said Roy.

“Oh! Shut up! You’re such a goodie goodie! Who needs helmets anyway?” said Zelda angrily.

Five seconds later…

“ROOY!” screamed Zelda, being carried off on a stretcher.

Corneria Complex

Wolf and Samus

“We’re like, ten seconds in front of Kirby and Pikachu,” said Wolf, peering behind the back of the taxi, “I hope we beat them to the lights because it’s the next turn.”

Kirby and Pikachu

“Come on, speed up!” cheered Kirby to the taxi driver.

Wolf and Samus’s car zoomed through the amber light. Kirby and Pikachu’s taxi came to a halt.

Wolf and Samus

“Come on, we have to get there before the kids find us!” said Samus, jumping out of the taxi.

“We know where the shop is,” said Wolf to the camera, “Samus eats a lot of cheeseburgers.”

Samus pulled the safety on her gun.

“I was joking!” said Wolf angrily.

Kirby and Pikachu

“Drat,” said Kirby angrily.

The light changed.

“Yay for four second lights!” cheered Pikachu.

Wolf and Samus

Kirby and Pikachu’s taxi pulled up next to the entrance.

“How- How did they get here so quick?!” screamed Wolf.

“Just beat the kids!” said Samus angrily.

Jigglypuff and Ganondorf’s taxi crashed through the front entrance, breaking the glass. It shattered, missing Wolf’s face by just inched.

“EVERYONE HERE IS A FREAKING MORON” screamed Wolf.

“Run! Run!” screamed Samus.

Jigglypuff and Ganondorf

“WAIT SAMUS I hAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU” said Ganondorf, holding up a lead pipe.

“ME TOO” said Jigglypuff, holding up a spear, “ALTHOUGH on SECOND THOUGHTS I Think I gOT THE ORDER WRONG, you see I WAS ORDERING A three-dimensional SPHERICAL object to GIB to you not a SPEAR OLOL”

“LA LA LA” sang Ganondorf, swinging the pipe, missing Wolf’s neck by centimetres.

Wolf and Samus

“Drat! We can’t lose them!” said Samus angrily.

Kirby and Pikachu sped past in the car that you won through the raffle table.

“Hiii!” cheered Kirby and Pikachu.

“We should have used the raffle car!” said Samus angrily.

Cheeseburger Land

Kirby and Pikachu
Currently in 1st Place

“Yess!” said Kirby and Pikachu excitedly, stepping out from the wreckage towards the clue box.

An angry security guard stood there.

“Uh…” said Kirby.

Wolf and Samus

“Come on! Come on!” said Wolf, running along.

“Yes! Foiled by security!” cheered Samus, watching Kirby and Pikachu being dragged off to an interview room.

“I’ll foil you in more ways than one…” said Jigglypuff sexily.

Wolf and Samus
Currently in 1st Place

“Detour!” said Samus, “Sell A Lot or Buy A Little?”

“Detour!” said Master Hand, floating past shoppers dramatically, “A Detour is a choice between two tasks! In this detour, teams have to choose between two different tasks that employees at this gigantic shopping mall have to complete: Sell A Lot, or Buy A Little!”

“In Sell A Lot, teams must go to one of these table vendors and sell fifty dollars worth of their shoddy novelty merchandise! Practically no-one requires these items, such as fake stickers, stamps with the world 'fail' on them and glue that dries instantly!”
“If teams can master the art of convincing drunk or mentally disabled shoppers to buy unnecessary items, they'll be... uh... selling? ...their way to the finish line? Who writes this crap?”
“In Buy A Little, teams will have to go to this pet store, buy a poodle and then train them how to use the check out equipment at a supermarket! Once their poodle has served five customers and has been paid half the minimum wage, teams will be able to get their next clue! This seems easy, but teams may find themselves teaching a poodle who... doesn't know how to speak English!”

“What kind of idiot would try and teach a poodle how to become a cashier?” laughed Samus.

“YES OUR POODLE TASK” cheered Jigglypuff from four inches away.

“WE TRAINED FOR SIX MONTHS TRAINING THE POODLES in case there was a PooDLE TRAINING task on THE RACE yESS the TRAINING payed off!!!!!!!” cheered Ganondorf.

“YAY YA YAY” cheered Jigglypuff and Ganondorf.

They ran off.

“Okay, seriously, do the poodles! DO the poodles!” screamed Samus.

“But-” said Wolf.

“DO THE POODLES!” screamed Samus, her mouth enlarging eight times in an anime style.

Security

Kirby and Pikachu
Currently in 3rd Place

“This sucks!” said Kirby angrily, cuffed up.

“Now kiddies, you just caused a five dollar and sixty cent damage bill,” said the head of security angrily. “What do you have to say for yourselves?”

…

“IT WAS HIM! I SWEAR!” screamed Kirby, crying, “This maniac! He-”

“Kirby! I’m on your team!” said Pikachu angrily, “I can’t believe you’d even say such a thing!”

“You’re going to have to do something very tricky to get out of this one,” said the security guard angrily, “Something very tricky.”

The security guard dangled the key to the cuffs in front of Kirby’s face, “Something veeeeerrry tricky because it’s going to be very hard to get out of this one,” said the security guard, oblivious to his key waving.

“Something veeeeeerrrryyy tricky,” said the security guard.

“Kirby,” said Pikachu excitedly, “I think we have to-”

“I’ve got it covered,” said Kirby confidently, smiling smugly.

“Oh please let us go!” sobbed Kirby, thumping his fists on the desk, “I’m so sorry! I don’t want to go to jail! I’ll pay the money! I swear! I’m so sorry!”

“Oh, there, there,” said the security guard, leaning in.

“DIIEEEE!” screamed Kirby, choking the guard with his cuffs, “Grab the keys, Pikachu!”

“The keys have been in front of your face for the last five minutes,” said Pikachu angrily.

Kirby looked up. He grabbed the keys, let the guard go, grinned sheepishly, undid their cuffs and ran out.

“Why, I’ll get you!” said the guard angrily, vaudevillian music playing in the background.

Kirby ran in, cuffed the guard to the table and ran out.

“Or maybe not,” sobbed the guard.

Monster Truck Stadium

Toon Link
1 Car Crushed

“I am doing so badly…” said Toon Link angrily, bashing the horn of the monster truck. “I can’t navigate or steer this stupid truck! I keep getting stuck! I haven’t even been able to start this car for like fifteen minutes!”

Toon Link looked behind him, watching King Dedede and Wario play catch with a monster truck engine.

“Hey! Give it back!” said Toon Link angrily.

They kept on throwing it to each other.

Toon Link got out of the car. “That’s just unfair! Now give it back! GIVE IT BACK!”

They kept on throwing it to each other.

Toon Link was too short.

Toon Link cried.

“Wimp,” said King Dedede.

Mr. Resetti
0 Cars Crushed

“Hey look ma, a car to crush!” said Mr. Resetti excitedly.

Mr. Resetti epically accelerated to 20 miles per hour.

Mr. Resetti ran over Wario.

“Oops, guess that was mah teammate mah boy! Oopsie daysie!” chuckled Mr. Resetti.

The police carried Mr. Resetti off.

“Where you takin’ me, boi?” said Mr. Resetti excitedly.

“Jail,” said the police officer.

They drove off.

“A little help here?” moaned Wario.

Motorcycle Jump

Roy
7th Attempt

Roy spectacularly leapt over the jump on his bike, just clearing the twenty metre jump. His back wheel clipped the back of the landing ramp, but the speed of the bike pulled him up, putting him on the other side.

Roy
Cleared Jump

“Yes!” cheered Roy.

“Woo! Go Roy!” cheered Zelda.

Zelda
8th Attempt

“I’m not sure if I can do this,” said Zelda, pressing down the accelerator.

She valiantly leaped off the top ramp, gliding through the air six metres before landing nose-first into the safety net.

“ROOOY!” screamed Zelda, clipping her thigh against the bike.

A shrieking sound played.

“Zelda!” screamed Roy, running for Zelda. “Are you okay?”

“Rooy! I’m bruised! I’m hurt! I don’t know if I can do this!” sobbed Zelda.

“We’re done for!” said Roy.

Dramatic pre ad-break music played.

Advertisement

“HI I’M GANONDORF AND THIS STORE IS GIVING AWAY FREE STUFF” said Ganondorf, wheeling a trolley full of stolen motor oil and children’s toys.

The Smashy Amazing Race

Zelda
Failed 8th Attempt

“Rooy! I’m bruised! I’m hurt! I don’t know if I can do this!” sobbed Zelda.

“We’re done for!” said Roy.

“…do you want to go for the Road Block? We can still do it, there’s two teams left!” said Roy.

“Okay! Come on!” screamed Zelda, “We have to do this so quick! So quick!”

Corneria Complex

Kirby and Pikachu
Currently in 3rd Place

“Detour!” said Pikachu, reading the clue. “Sell A Lot or Buy A Little?”

“Let’s do the cute little poodles!” said Kirby cutely.

Mel’s Pet Store

Jigglypuff and Ganondorf
On Buy A Little

“wE HAVE TO FIND An INTELLIGENT poodle WHO CAN GET THE JOB DONE quickly” said Jigglypuff methodically.

“Pick me,” said a poodle in a dramatic, deep Mexican accent, “I know the ways of the cashier… and if you buy me today, I will do the task as quickly as possible in exchange for… my freedom-”

“OH THIS LOOKs LiKE A SMARt ONE” said Ganondorf excitedly.

“HELLO I AM nintendog and I AM CUTE” said an poodle, “PICK me”

“YeS HE SPEAKS our native genius language hurrah” said Jigglypuff, “WE’LL BUY IT”

Jigglypuff put a plastic bag over its head.

“Y IS IT CHOKING” said Ganondorf.

Jigglypuff: LOL (takes bag off and puts it INTO a TROLLEY)

“Why does everyone choose the frickin’ idiot?” said the poodle angrily.

Wolf and Samus
On Buy A Little

“There!” said Wolf excitedly, sprinting into the pet store.

“Quickly! Find a smart looking one!” said Samus.

“Pick me,” said a poodle in a dramatic, deep Mexican accent, “I know the ways of the cashier… and if you buy me today, I will do the task as quickly as possible in exchange for… my freedom-”

“Yes! This kiddo looks smart,” said Samus, “I-”

“HELLO I AM nintendog and I AM CUTE” said another poodle, “PICK me”

“Oh… he’s so cute!” said Wolf admiringly.

“Is that Ganondorf and a poodle’s illegitimate lovechild or something?” said Samus, slightly disturbed.

“But he’s so cute!” said Wolf, nuzzling the poodle.

Samus looked at Wolf angrily. “Wolf! I’m very angry! Look at me! I’m very angry!”

Wolf nuzzled the poodle.

“STOP NUZZLING OR THE POODLE GETS IT” screamed Samus, taking her gun out.

“Okay! We’ll take the intelligent one! Chillax!” screamed Wolf.

Corneria Complex

Fox and Falcon
Currently in 4th Place

“Detour!” said Fox. “Sell A Lot or Buy A Little?”

“Oh, we’re so going to sell stuff… we’ll just put on our… sexy frat charm…” said Falcon, stroking Fox.

“…uh… does that involve stroking me?” said Fox cutely, “Is this related to the race in any way?”

“Yes…” lied Falcon, stripping.

Mall security came.

Mel’s Pet Store

Kirby and Pikachu
On Buy A Little

Kirby and Pikachu ran in.

“We need to find a poodle!” said Kirby excitedly, reading the clue again.

“Wow! This is so exciting!” cheered Kirby, “I’ve always wanted a different pet than my rat!”

Pikachu stared at Kirby angrily.

“…I actually…. own a rat…” said Kirby.

“…oh,” said Pikachu.

“Let’s take this one!” said Kirby excitedly. “It’s so cute!”

“That’s a raccoon, and I highly doubt they’re selling them,” said Pikachu.

…

“…oh,” said Kirby.

They took a poodle.

BudgetMart

Jigglypuff and Ganondorf
On Buy A Little

“OKAY mr. POODLE this IS THE CaSH REGISTER” said Ganondorf, “IT IS VERY ImPORTANT to GIvE hiM THE iNcorrect CHANGe and POCKET the ReST and then iF they cOMPLAIN send ur mexicaN gang FRIENDS after them okay?”

“tHIS IS A CUSTOMEr” explained Jigglypuff, “HE IS the ONE thaT UR gOING TO Steel FROM”

The customer stared at Jigglypuff and Ganondorf angrily, then proceeded to go and talk to the manager.

“MEXICAN gang friends, ASSEMBLE!” announced Jigglypuff.

Nothing happened.

…

Corneria Complex Market

Fox and Falcon
On Sell A Lot

“Sir, would you be interested in some of these novelty items?” said Fox, putting on his salesman charm. “You’ll be the life of the party!”

“Not particularly,” said the man.

“You’ll be the life of my party,” said Falcon sexily.

…

“I’LL BUY THEM ALL” screamed the man, his head enlarging in an excited anime-like style.

Monster Truck Stadium

Roy and Zelda
Currently in Last Place

“Road Block! Who wants to DEMOLISH SOME CARS?!” read Roy.

“I’ll do it,” said Roy.

“ROOY! This is so important!” said Zelda.

Toon Link and King Dedede
Currently in 5th Place

“Son, even though you think you can’t do it,” said King Dedede, inspirational music playing in the background, “Believe in yourself. Believe in your heart and believe in your soul.”

“I’ve been done for the last five minutes and you’ve just been playing pinball wasting VALUABLE RACE TIME!” screamed Toon Link angrily.

“You’re doing great!” said King Dedede, enabling ‘lazer double ball’ mode. “Awesome job, Toon Link!”

“I’M DONE!” screamed Toon Link angrily.

“It’s only a gaaame,” said King Dedede dismissively, “You see, you put so much care into this game… I’d say it’s at the point where you’re not even aware of your surroundings!”

Toon Link angrily unplugged the pinball machine.

“I’ll KILL YOU, you little prick!” screamed King Dedede, infuriated. King Dedede bludgeoned Toon Link to death.

The audience gasped.

…in a fun, family-friendly kind of way.

Applause.

Mr. Resetti
-1 Cars Crushed

“I’vee been workin’ on tha raiiilroooad…” sung Mr. Resetti heartily. “All… the diddle long ddaaaay…”

“SHUT UP AND START FREAKING DRIVING!” screamed Wario angrily, “I cannot actually stress to you how awful you’re doing at this task! You’re going to die from… senileness before you’re done here! Not only that but you’re the first person who has worked out how to actually be in a deficit in this freaking simple, stupid task! You somehow managed to steal a car off the street and donate it which means in fact you’ve given them one car so you have to destroy four to create a deficit of four in their car stock!”

“I’vee been workin’ on tha raiiilroooad…” sung Mr. Resetti heartily. “All… the diddle long ddaaaay…”

“SHUT UP! SHUT UP! SHUT UP!” screamed Wario, beating Mr. Resetti over the head with a shovel.

Roy
1st Lap

“I love you Rooy!” cheered Zelda excitedly. “Let’s do this really quickly!”

“I’ll try my best, Zel!” said Roy, hopping into the monster truck.

“Let’s kick Wario and Mr. Resetti!” cheered Zelda.

Corneria Complex Market

Fox and Falcon
Currently in 1st Place

“Dude, that was like the quickest task-doing ever!” cheered Fox.

Falcon opened the clue, “Find the place ‘where the fun never stops’ and earn fifty tickets for your next clue!”

“Teams must now navigate the confusing eight-storey four square-mile shopping centre and find this entertainment centre!” said Master Hand, “Once they arrive here, they must follow the marked ‘Amazing Race’ flags to the cashier, where they will get an unlimited games swipe card! They must then use this swipe card to play arcade machines and win fifty tickets!”
“Teams must then trade in their fifty tickets for a clue at the prize counter, but they must make sure that they don’t get tempted by the seductive other prizes for fifty tickets such as… a lollipop or… a chocolate bar!”

“Let’s use our frat navigation powers to find this arcade store!” announced Fox.

“Frat power! Boo-ya!” cheered Falcon excitedly.

…

“Where are we?” sobbed Falcon.

“We are so lost!” sobbed Fox.

BudgetMart

Jigglypuff and Ganondorf
Customers Served: 0

“OkAY POODLE NOW sTART STEELing from… I mean uh SERVING the CUSTOMER loills” laughed Ganondorf.

“nINTENDOG is SERVING THA customers” said the poodle.

A lady wheeled in a trolley.

“THAT WILL be NINE HUNDRED doaLLARS” said the poodle.

“I have four packets of crisps and a carton of milk, that’s like, fifteen dollars okay?” said the woman angrily.

“YOOINK” said Ganondorf, taking five dollars out of the woman’s wallet.

…

The woman walked out.

Jigglypuff and Ganondorf
Customers Served: 1

“WE short changed her HURRAH” said Ganondorf.

“HURRAH” said Jigglypuff.

Wolf and Samus
Customers Served: 0

“So we have a really intelligent poodle and we’ve given him a rundown so he’s ready to go,” said Wolf, smiling.

Kirby and Pikachu
Customers Served: 0

“Go kill ‘em, boy!” said Kirby, patting his poodle on the back.

“You’re doing a good job, boy!” cheered Pikachu.

The poodle stood still.

“Great job, Mr. Poodle! Come on! Let’s serve the customer!” cheered Kirby.

The poodle stood still.

Downtown Corneria

Toon Link and King Dedede
Currently in 5th Place

“Wow! This shopping centre is the largest in the entire planet!” said King Dedede, impressed.

“Wow!” said Toon Link.

“I mean, it would be so easy for me to accidentally get lost and ruin your race chances, wouldn’t it?” said King Dedede, grinning evilly.

“Come on! You wouldn’t do that! You’re my friend, okay?” said Toon Link desperately, “This race is really fun and we’re going to have a fun time, okay?”

Toon Link hyperventilated.

“Better out than in, I say!” laughed King Dedede.

“What? Why are you saying that? I’m not vomiting!” said Toon Link angrily.

King Dedede patted Toon Link on the back violently.

“Stop making me vomit!” said Toon Link angrily. “How would you like it if I-”

Toon Link whacked King Dedede on the back, “…hit you on the back? How would-”

“BLLLEEEUUUUUUU…” screamed King Dedede, vomiting kilos upon kilos of half-eaten sandwiches, comic books from his childhood, Waddle Dees, Toon Link’s friends and an alarmingly high amount of metal objects onto Toon Link.

“That’s everything I’ve eaten in the last year!” announced King Dedede, the entire taxi full of regurgitated objects, obscuring the driver’s vision.

…

They crashed.

Toon Link grunted.

Monster Truck Stadium

Mr. Resetti
1 Car Crushed

Mr. Resetti crushed his first car.

“Hoorah! You finally freaking did it!” said Wario angrily, “Now do two more!”

“Mr. Resetti needs to take his nap time now!” said Mr. Resetti, yawning, stretching his arms. “I think I’ve been doin’ a real great job so I’ll just… do mah hibernating thing now…”

Mr. Resetti fell asleep on the horn.

“Wake up, you idiot!” said Wario angrily.

Nothing happened.

“…wake up… please?” said Wario, grinning sheepishly.

…

…

Roy
Finished Course

“Rooy! You’re doing really good!” said Zelda, congratulating Roy.

“Thanks Zel! I couldn’t have done it without your support!” said Roy happily, sitting in his monster truck.

“NOW LET’S BEAT THESE BASTARDS!” screamed Zelda, loading her machine gun.

“Zel! Zel! Put the gun down!” screamed Roy.

“BAAAAAAHHHHHH” screamed Zelda, shooting the gun wildly across the stadium.

Corneria Complex

Fox and Falcon
Currently in 1st Place

“Oh noo!” sobbed Fox, leaning on the information desk, “We’re so lost and we have no idea where we’re supposed to go!”

“And we need someone to guide us in the proper direction so we can go to the appropriate destination!” sobbed Falcon, wiping his tears with a brochure from the information desk behind them.

“But there’s no hoh hoh no-one to help us!” cried Fox, stroking the hair of the information desk lady.

The information desk lady cleared our throat.

“If only a kind person, perhaps someone who was employed by the shopping centre could help us navigate the play hay hayce!” cried Falcon.

“I’ll help you!” said a midget man in a green suit.

“Hey! It’s Tingle! He knows the way!” cheered Falcon.

“I’m employed by the shopping centre! You obviously need to consult me!” said the information desk lady angrily.

“But I shall charge a fee of only four hundred dollars!” said Tingle excitedly.

“Hmm… that’s pretty cheap!” said Fox happily.

“I’m FREE!” said the lady angrily.

“Oh, but women aren’t allowed to talk!” said Falcon in a British accent.

“Ho, ho, ho!” chortled Falcon, Fox and Tingle, wearing their business attire, eye-pieces and top hats.

Budgetmart

Kirby and Pikachu
Customers Served: 2

“Come on, doggy!” said Kirby, moving the dog’s motionless body for him, completing the transactions himself.

Pikachu stood to the side of Kirby, grinning cutely so the official would not notice.

Wolf and Samus
Customers Served: 4

“Okay, our smart poodle is just outdoing Jigglypuff and Ganondorf’s dumb poodle,” said Wolf.

Jigglypuff and Ganondorf
Customers Served: 3

“OMG HURRY UP NINTENDOG” said Ganondorf, bashing the poodle repeatedly.

“LOL GANNIE he’s not going to hURRY up if you hit him” said Jigglypuff.

“LOL I Am GLADS to know THAt he is not actUALLy hitting me but someone else’s dog lulz” said the poodle.

Security took the other dog away from Ganondorf and put cuffs on him, dragging him off.

“I HOPE shE MADE LOTSA spAGHETTI” said Ganondorf.

Wolf and Samus
Customers Served: 4

“Come on, doggy!” cheered Wolf, the intelligent Mexican poodle stacking cans into a plastic bag.

Jigglypuff and Ganondorf
Customers Served: 3

“HURRY uP DOGGY hELP WOLF aND SAMUS let’S SHOW THEM” cackled Jigglypuff evilly, their dog helping process the receipt for Wolf and Samus.

Wolf and Samus
Currently in 2nd Place

“Okay! We’re good!” cheered Wolf.

“Awesome,” said Samus, taking the clue and handing it to Wolf.

“Find the place ‘where the fun never stops’ and earn fifty tickets for your next clue!” read Wolf.

“Find an info desk,” said Samus.

Kirby and Pikachu
Customers Served: 3

“I’m doing good!” cheered Kirby, moving the dog’s arms and legs for him. “Wait… no… you’re doing good!”

“But I want to do good!” sobbed Kirby.

Monster Truck Stadium

Roy
1 Car Crushed

“Come on, Roy! We have to beat these fat idiots!” screamed Zelda.

“I’m two metres away from you lady,” said Wario angrily.

“Come on, Roy! Wario says he’s really fat!” screamed Zelda angrily.

Wario punched Zelda in the face.
Zelda bled.

“Like… ow!” said Zelda angrily.

Corneria Complex

Toon Link and King Dedede
Currently in 5th Place

“Hurry up!” said Toon Link, running through the main entrance of the mall. “We have to run so fast!”

King Dedede drove alongside Toon Link in a stolen golf cart.

“Uh… that doesn’t belong to you, does it?” said Toon Link angrily.

Security surrounded the golf cart.

“Run away!” screamed King Dedede.

King Dedede waddled excruciatingly slowly away from the police officers.

“I think I’m beating them!” screamed King Dedede, gaining a metre.

The police officers started to walk towards him.

“Toon Link did it! I swear!” screamed King Dedede.

They arrested Toon Link.

“Bu- wha- but he- but I- but I didn’t- but he- but I swear, he- bu- wha- bu- he- wha-” said Toon Link, hyperventilating.

Toon Link grunted.

Jigglypuff and Ganonodorf

“WHOSE WOODS THESE ARE I THINK I KNOW” said Ganondorf

“HIS HOUSE IS IN THE VILLAGE THOUGH” said Jigglypuff

“HE WILL NOT SEE ME STOPPING HERE” said Ganondorf

“TO WATCH HIS WOODS FILL UP WITH SNOW” said Jigglypuff.

Funland Entertainment Centre

Fox and Falcon
Currently in 1st Place

“Okay, all we have to do is beat these kiddy games and we’ll be rocketing to first place!” cheered Falcon.

Fox took the swipe card.

“Okay, we have to find a machine that gives out lots of tickets!” said Fox.

“Ah! This looks like one that we’re really good at: the sobriety test machine!” cheered Falcon.

…

“Dude,” said Fox.

Budgetmart

Kirby and Pikachu
Currently in 3rd Place

“Find the place ‘where the fun never stops’ and earn fifty tickets for your next clue!” read Kirby.

“Come on! We can catch up and get first again!” cheered Pikachu.

Jigglypuff and Ganondorf
Currently in 4rd Place

“FIND the pLACE where the Magic is IN the HOLE” said Ganondorf.

“WrONG CLUE gannie” said Jigglypuff angrily.

“I THInK I HAD a Wrong CLUE whEN I ChOSE to be like ur boyfriend,” said Ganondorf angrily.

“Oooooh…” said a bunch of interested eleven year-olds sitting nearby.

“wAAAH waah waah” cried Jigglypuff, “I am So SAD oh no oh no oh no oh no sssss”

Nintendog whimpered.

Wolf and Samus
Currently in 2nd Place

Wolf and Samus stood in the elevator.

“We are totally in pole position now,” said Wolf, picking his teeth in a suave, masculine manner.

The doors opened.

“Come on, I think it’s there!” said Wolf, pointing to a sign.

Funland Entertainment Centre

Fox and Falcon
Tickets Earned: 6

“Yes! I improved from ‘infant’ to ‘little girl’!” cheered Falcon, playing the strength test game, an impressive one ticket coming out of the machine.

“Dudes, we have company,” said Fox.

Wolf and Samus
Newly Dating

Wolf and Samus walked in.

“WHAT?!” screamed Wolf, “How did they beat us here?”

“Come on! Let’s beat them!” screamed Samus, expressing her frustration by picking up a Daytona racing machine with her manly biceps and throwing it onto a little child.

Twelve tickets came out of the machine.

Samus picked up the blood-soaked tickets and cradled them.

Everyone stared at Samus.

“They’re just jealous…” whispered Samus angrily, “They’re jealous that you have me as your motherly figure!”

The police cuffed Samus.

“I am an independent, strong willed female character!” screamed Samus, “EMPATHISE WITH ME!”

Fox and Falcon
Tickets Earned: 16

“Come on, dudes! Let’s beat that stupid Wolf and that dumb bitch,” said Falcon really loudly.

Samus and Wolf were standing in front of Falcon.

Angrily.

Elevator

Kirby and Pikachu
Jigglypuff and Ganondorf

“We ARE SO SORRy NINTENDoG that we were arguing IN front of yOU we WeRE very angry but yOU do not deserve that our young child” said Ganondorf affectionately.

“Uh…” said Kirby, being cradled in Ganondorf’s arms, “That would be really nice except I’m not Nintendog.”

“TAKE THIS KIRBY” screamed Jigglypuff, repeatedly bashing the poodle with another poodle carcass that was beaten to death by another poodle carcass that so happened to be the poodle that Jigglypuff was bashing’s poodle father.

Jigglypuff shot the dog.

Pikachu uncomfortably took a step back.

Funland Entertainment Centre

Wolf and Samus
Tickets Earned: 27

“Go Wolf! Apply that athleticism into your ability to hit the crocodiles as they come out!” cheered Samus madly.

“I’m over here,” said Wolf, standing ten metres away.

…

“…you were not part of this conversation…” whispered Samus to the infant.

Fox and Falcon
Tickets Earned: 19

“Hit the crocs! Hit the crocs!” cheered Fox to Falcon, who was playing the crocodile-squashing game.

Falcon started madly hitting Fox repeatedly.

“Ow! What the hell?” screamed Fox angrily.

“I thought you said hit the Fox!” said Falcon angrily.

“How you possibly confuse those two words?” screamed Fox angrily.

“…we could… make up…” said Falcon sexily.

“That’s irrelevant,” said Fox angrily.

“I’ll make it… more relevant…” said Falcon sexily.

…

“Hello kiddies,” said Falcon to some nearby kids.

The FBI-

Jigglypuff and Ganondorf
Tickets Earned: 0

“I LOOOVE THE ARCADE” SCREAMED JIGGLYPUFF, “iT iS a fUN source oF ENTERTAINMENT”

“BUT we MUST gET THE TICKETS QUICK!” screamed Ganondorf.

“I HAVE AN idea!” said Jigglypuff evilly.

Forty-Eight Seconds Later

“LA LA LA” screamed Ganondorf, breaking open a machine with a sledgehammer.

“LA LA LA” sung Jigglypuff, breaking open Ganondorf’s sledgehammer with a sledgehammer.

“What the hell are you doing?!” screamed the manager.

Ganondorf took a roll of tickets from the broken machine.

“WE aRE REDEEMING our tickets” said Ganondorf.

“I’m not accepting that!” said the manager angrily.

Jigglypuff gave the tickets to the trainee and took the clue.

Jigglypuff and Ganondorf
Currently in 1st Place

“MAKE yOUR wAY to THE pIT stop of this leg, the sUMMIt” screamed Ganondorf.

“Teams must now make their way on foot five hundred to the pit stop of the leg, ‘The Summit’, a bar and grill located on the highest point of the shopping centre!” said Master Hands, “Teams must hurry, as the last team to arrive may be eliminated!”

“worning the LAST team to ArRIVE may BE eliminated!!!!” screamed Jigglypuff.

“oMG hurry HURRY” screamed Ganondorf.

Wolf and Samus
Tickets Earned: 48

“I can’t believe those idiots broke the machine!” said Wolf angrily, taking the tickets from the bashed open machine.

“Why didn’t we think of that first?” said Samus angrily, taking the pile of tickets from Wolf.

Jigglypuff and Ganondorf

“WE ARE GOING tO THE SUMMIT” sung Jigglypuff, unsuccessfully walking up a wall.

“WE ARE GOING tO THE SUMMIT” sung Ganondorf, unsuccessfully walking up a wall.

Kirby and Pikachu
Tickets Earned: 0

“Okay, the quickest way to get tickets is to use the jackpot!” cheered Kirby, pointing to a button-pressing timer.

“Oh, come on!” said Pikachu angrily, “These machines are rigged so that they only give out the prize after a certain number of plays! The probability of winning the prize is the probability of winning a slot machine, or division 4 in the-”

Kirby hit jackpot.

“Wheee!” cheered Kirby and Pikachu.

Kirby took the tickets.

Wolf and Samus
Kirby and Pikachu
Currently in Equal 2nd Place

“Make your way to the pit stop,” read Wolf, “The Summit!”

“Hurry! The last team to arrive may be eliminated!” said Kirby.

Kirby looked up and saw Wolf.

“Hey! It’s us and you again racing to the pit stop! It’s like you can never get rid of us!” laughed Kirby.

“Yes…” said Wolf angrily, “Yes it is.”

Jigglypuff and Ganondorf

“WE ARE GOING TO THE SUMMIT” screamed Jigglypuff, punching the wall repeatedly.

“WE ARE GOING TO THE SUMMIT” screamed Ganondorf, punching Jigglypuff repeatedly.

Fox and Falcon
Currently in 4th Place

“Hurry! The last team to arrive may be eliminated!” said Fox.

Wolf and Samus

“I’ve been to this bar before,” narrated Wolf to the camera, “But we have to try and lose these guys so I’ll pretend I don’t know where we’re going!”

“Pardon?” said Kirby, sitting on Wolf’s shoulder.

“AAAHHH!” screamed Wolf, falling backwards.

“Hehe! Did I surprise you?” said Kirby cutely.

Wolf moaned.

Pikachu took Wolf’s wallet and medication. They scampered off.

Wolf grunted.

Jigglypuff and Ganondorf

“LET’s go JIGGLYPUFF” screamed Ganondorf, dragging a random woman across the floor.

The woman screamed.

“LOL STOP trying to FOOL ME JEEGS” said Ganondorf.

…

Ganondorf realised he was not dragging along Jigglypuff.

“jeeglypoff?” said Ganondorf.

Fifty metres away…

“I’m Jigglypuff, and I like long walks on the beach,” said Jigglypuff sexily.

…

“…uh… where’s my wife?” said the man.

“Where is your wife?” said Jigglypuff sexily.

Fox and Falcon

“Dudes! Wolf and Samus ahead! Let’s totally follow them!” said Falcon, on a skateboard. “Radical! Radical! Cool!”

“Stop trying,” said Fox.

“Where is your wife?” said Falcon sexily.

“Wut?” said Fox.

Wolf and Samus

“That plan actually worked,” said Wolf, grinning evilly, jogging into a stairwell, “They’ve run ahead and now they have no idea where we are!”

The camera panned on the outside of Wolf’s bag.

“Shhh…” giggled Kirby.

“How are we supposed to get out?” said Pikachu angrily.

“What, honey?” said Wolf, running up the stairs.

“I didn’t say anything,” said Samus.

“I love you, my dearie!” said Samus in her Pikachu-like voice.

“That’s a pretty good Pikachu impression, Samus,” said Wolf.

“I… didn’t say anything,” said Samus.

“Yes I did honey,” said Samus in her Pikachu voice.

“Oh, okay!” laughed Wolf, “So you did say something.”

“Didn’t you hear me?” said Samus angrily.

“I obviously said something!” said Samus angrily in her squeaky Pokemon voice.

“I’m just teasing you Samus,” said Wolf in a very non-deep voice, “I am Wolf and I am… really uh… cool… yeah…”

“I love you Wolfy,” said Samus.

Wolf and Samus realised they weren’t talking. At all.

Wolf opened his bag, staring Kirby and Pikachu in the eyes.

Kirby and Pikachu slapped Wolf in the face, jumped out and ran up the stairs.

“Get them!” screamed Wolf.

Fox and Falcon

Fox and Falcon took the elevator next to the stairwell.

Jigglypuff and Ganondorf

Jigglypuff and Ganondorf were levitating upwards in the same style that the fizzy lifting drinks did.

“WOW NINTendog Thanks to you AS a CONVENIENT plot DEVICe we are NOW suddenly floating to the top floor without any explanation HOW nice” thanked Ganondorf.

They broke their heads on the glass roof.

Pit Stop

Dramatic camera angles.

The elevator opened. Fox and Falcon clumsily jogged towards the pit stop, about one hundred metres away. In front of them was a dining area full of glass tables, glass walls, diners and waiters holding up gigantic deep dishes.

Jigglypuff and Ganondorf levitated through the glass roof on the side of the top floor dining area, crashing ten metres in front of Fox and Falcon.

Wolf and Samus, followed by Kirby and Pikachu ran from the top of the stairwell.

Wolf and Samus

“Damn it! Why didn’t we take the elevator?” said Samus angrily, desperately trying to catch up.

“Yeah! Why didn’t you?” said Kirby angrily, sitting with Pikachu on Samus’s shoulder, “Now we’re behind!”

“Get off! Get off!” screamed Samus, shaking them off.

Fox and Falcon

“Dude, we’re like totally allowed to run in this restaurant!” said Fox, weaving around the diners and candlelit glass tables.

Jigglypuff and Ganondorf

“LA LA LA LA LA” sung Jigglypuff, running straight through the glass tables, shards of flying glass stuck in her skin.

“LA LA LA LA LA” sung Ganondorf, running straight through the glass tables, shards of flying glass stuck in her skin.

They reached a glass partition which had an entrance to the right.

“LA LA LA LA LA” sung Ganondorf and Jigglypuff, running through, bleeding.

Wolf and Samus

“I can’t believe it! Those idiots are risking their lives to beat us!” said Wolf angrily, hopping from table to table, overtaking Fox and Falcon.

Kirby and Pikachu

“Yay! We’re small!” cheered Kirby, weaving with Pikachu along the ground under tables and people’s legs.

Wolf and Samus

“We’re catching up!” screamed Wolf, jumping as quickly as he could alongside Samus.

“Wolfie, be courteous! They’re dining!” said Samus angrily, kicking several plates into people’s faces as they jumped through, “Say sorry!”

Jigglypuff and Ganondorf

“LA LA LA LA LA” said Jigglypuff and Ganondorf, rolling in the broken large shards of glass, even though nothing in the race required them to, and even though they were risking their blood to get to the pit stop first it was entirely unnecessary as they were not making any progress distance-wise trying to get to the pit stop.

Kirby and Pikachu

“Darn it!” said Kirby angrily, shards of glass in front of them.

Jigglypuff and Ganondorf

“HIS LITTLE HORSE MUST THINK IT QUEER” said Ganondorf.

“TO ANALYSE THE PLAY KING LEAR” said Jigglypuff.

“AND MILES TO GO BEFORE I SLEEP” said Ganondorf.

Fox and Falcon

“Dude! This is so cool!” cheered Falcon, barefoot, running through the glass.

…

Fox walked around the glass.

Pit Stop

Lots of dramatic angles.

The camera panned on a weaving staircase that led to the kitchen, the pit stop mat on the highest point of the shopping centre. Glass walls were the obstacle that made the waiters zigzag through the staircase.

Jigglypuff and Ganondorf, now completely red and covered in glass, possibly about to die soon, ascended up the staircase.

Wolf and Samus were just a couple of feet behind, not being able to squeeze past the fat old man.

Falcon squeezed into a staircase a couple of feet behind, followed by Kirby, Pikachu and Fox.

Wolf and Samus

“Let’s beat them!” screamed Samus.

Jigglypuff and Ganondorf, instead of weaving through the constantly turning staircase, jumped through the glass barriers and gained two metres.

“What? That’s not allowed!” said Samus angrily, “They’re not allowed to be that stupid!”

Jigglypuff and Ganondorf

“THIS IS VERY FUN YES YES” said Ganondorf, jumping through the walls of glass every three metres, ascending directly up the staircase instead of around.

“GANNIE THIS HURTS” said Jigglypuff, now unrecognisable because she was a collection of blood, organs and her brain was sticking out where her ears used to be.

Pit Stop

More dramatic camera angles.

Jigglypuff and Ganondorf, soaked in blood, jumped onto the pit stop mat.

Wolf and Samus, who took the stairs properly, ran onto the map unscathed. Kirby and Pikachu narrowly edged out Fox and Falcon onto the mat.

“Jigglypuff and Ganondorf, you…” said Master Hand.

Jigglypuff and Ganondorf’s bleeding bodies smiled.

“…are team number one!” said Master Hand.

“YAY YAY YAY NYOM NYOM NYOM” cheered Jigglypuff and Ganondorf, eating each other’s face.

“YAY YAY YAY NYOM NYOM NYOM” cheered Jigglypuff and Ganondorf, eating each other’s face.

“YAY YAY YAY NYOM NYOM NYOM” cheered Jigglypuff and Ganondorf, eating each other’s face.

“And I have some good news,” said Master Hand, “You have both won a brand new, shiny scooter!”

“I ALREAdy Broke IT OLOL” said Ganondorf, pointing to a scooter that was destroyed by a sledgehammer.

…

“…we didn’t give one to you yet…” said Master Hand.

…

…

“Jigglypuff and Ganondorf, I have some more good news for you,” said Master Hand, “You are officially the stupidest people ever to win a leg in the history of this race!”

“YAAAAAAY” said Jigglypuff.

“…Wolf and Samus, Kirby and Pikachu and Fox and Falcon,” said Master Hand, “You’re teams number two, three and four!”

“This is so freaking stupid!” said Samus angrily, “The only reason why we didn’t win is because they were the only people stupid enough to think that running through glass and giving themselves permanent injuries is a sensible idea!”

Falcon, covered in glass, whistled.

“Well… that was certainly one of the highest damage bills we’ve had for a pit stop yet,” commented Master Hand.

The camera panned on the on fire dining area, where everyone inside was bleeding or had tables impaled in their body.

Wolf and Samus

“This leg shows just how unintelligent our competition is,” said Wolf.

“We’re going to make them pay though!” said Samus angrily.

Dramatic music played.

Toon Link and King Dedede
Currently in 5th Place

“Detour!” read Toon Link, “Sell A Lot or Buy A Little?”

“Let’s look after the poodles,” said King Dedede, holding up the bloodied chainsaw.

They walked into the store.

Chainsaw noises.

Monster Truck Stadium

“We’ve had a deadlock for a while,” said Zelda, sitting on the side, “They’ve both been on two cars each for quite a bit.”

“Yeah, none of them are going fast enough to reach the cars,” said Roy.

Mr. Resetti
2 Cars Crushed

Mr. Resetti and Roy’s trucks were adjacent to each other, both trucks going at perilously slow speeds.

“She’ll be coomin round the moountain when she coomes!” sung Mr. Resetti, out of tune, really loudly, spitting on Roy in the truck next to him.

“Stop spitting!” said Roy.

“Stop bein’ so out of touch with da choo choos and the jimble jambles!” said Mr. Resetti in his loud Mr. T voice.

“Your English isn’t making any sense,” said Roy.

A single tiny environmentally friendly car pulled out in front of them.

“Sucker punch!” screamed Mr. Resetti.

Mr. Resetti swung wildly. Unfortunately Roy’s truck was about five metres away from his.

“Doggone it!” said Mr. Resetti angrily.

Roy accelerated. He increased his lead by a couple of metres.

Mr. Resetti threw a shoe at Roy.

“Gaah!” screamed Roy.

Roy’s truck stalled.

Mr. Resetti’s truck inched in front by about a metre.

The driver of the car in front got bored and left.

Roy tried to turn on the engine again.

“Haha! This be my carr! Arrrrrr!” said Mr. Resetti excitedly, licking his lips.

The car was ten metres in front of Mr. Resetti’s truck.

“Oh no you don’t!” screamed Roy.

…

…

“Oh naaaw! Oh naaaw! Oh naaaaw!” cried Mr. Resetti, bucketing out tears.

“He didn’t even try and stop you, you idiot!” said Wario angrily.

Mr. Resetti crushed the truck.

“Oh naaaaw!” cried Mr. Resetti.

“You finished the task, you moron!” said Wario angrily.

Wario took the clue.

“Oh naaaaw!” cried Mr. Resetti.

“SHUT UP!” screamed Wario.

“Oh naaaaw!” cried Mr. Resetti.

Wario did that attack where he eats them and pounds them against the ground with his teeth.

Wario and Mr. Resetti
Currently in 6th Place

"Make your way to the Corneria Complex and find Cheeseburger Land!" read Wario.

Roy
2 Cars Crushed

“Come on, Roy!” said Zelda angrily, “We’re in last place!”

Roy crushed a car.

Roy and Zelda
Currently in Last Place

"Make your way to the Corneria Complex and find Cheeseburger Land!" read Roy.

“We’re in last place again! Hurry!” screamed Zelda.

Mel’s Pet Store

Toon Link and King Dedede
On Buy A Little

“Okay, we need to find a poodle that will do really good!” said Toon Link.

Toon Link spotted a cute, white fluffy poodle.

“I like this one!” cheered Toon Link, with anime eyes.

King Dedede inhaled it.

“Haha, that’s funny!” laughed Toon Link, “Can I have my poodle back?”

“Uh… son… once I eat something… uh…” said King Dedede.

“Oh my God you just killed that poodle!” screamed Toon Link, “You’re a monster!”

“Yep! Hyuk, hyuk!” laughed King Dedede.

“Oooh, I like this one too!” said King Dedede, opening a budgie cage.

Toon Link started in shock.

“Goldfish… more like… no-fish!” laughed King Dedede. King Dedede inhaled the entire fish tank.

Toon Link smacked his face.

“Lolcats… more like… …nocats!” laughed King Dedede. King Dedede ate all the other pets.

“Great! Now you’ve eaten everything!” said Toon Link angrily, “You just killed like thirty pets! You’re a monster! How could you!”

“Shopkeeper…” said King Dedede, picking up the female attendant, “More like… shocked-keepe-”

“STOP!” screamed Toon Link angrily.

“Fiiiine,” said King Dedede angrily, tossing the shopkeeper backwards into the glass wall behind him.

“You are no fun at all,” said King Dedede angrily. “This is all just some harmless fun!”

King Dedede pointed to the blood, broken glass, human corpse and pet carcasses.

Laughter.

Applause.

King Dedede took a bow.

Wario and Mr. Resetti
Fire Fighters

“I think we’re a couple of minutes in front of Roy and Zelda,” said Wario.

“Oh naaaaw!” cried Mr. Resetti.

“You’ve been doing this for the last fifteen minutes, shut up already!” screamed Wario.

“Oh naaaaw!” cried Mr. Resetti.

“Stop it! Stop it! Stop it! Stop!” screamed Wario.

“Oh naaaaw!” cried Mr. Resetti.

Roy and Zelda
Engaged

“Rooy! Drive faster!” screamed Zelda, “We need to catch up!”

Zelda massaged the taxi driver’s back.

“I’m here, Zel,” said Roy, sitting to Zelda’s side. “We’re in a taxi… I’m not driving…”

“Oh my gosh, you think I’m so stupid, don’t you?” said Zelda angrily, “Just like all women! You’re so sexist, Roy! You think you’re so good! You and your intellect and your money and your money and-”

Zelda grinned evilly, “…money and money and money and money and…”

“I will buy a small country and I will be ruler of the world!” screamed Zelda evilly.

…

…

“Oh Zelda, sometimes I forget that you’re joking,” laughed Roy.

“I want your money, schmuck,” said Zelda angrily, pulling out her gun.

“Oh, stop it!” laughed Roy uncontrollably, like he was being tickled.

Zelda shot Roy.

“Teeheehee!” laughed Roy.

Toon Link and King Dedede
On Buy A Little

Toon Link stood outside the interrogation room.

“Give us the pets back!” screamed the five-foot woman angrily. “I know they’re inside you and still alive! I can see your stomach moving!”

“Nope!” laughed King Dedede.

“King Dedede, just give the pets back! We’re in a race!” screamed Toon Link angrily.

“Do you know what I’m capable of, you stupid bird?” said the woman angrily, putting her face in King Dedede’s.

“What are you going to do?” mocked King Dedede.

She pulled out the whip. “They say I can produce the fastest whip in this country. Now, if you mess with me, you mess with the whip!”

King Dedede inhaled the whip.

“Hey! Give that back!” screamed the woman angrily.

Wario and Mr. Resetti

“Hey boi! Look, it’s Roy and Zelda!” said Mr. Resetti cheerfully. “What a pleasant surprise!”

“That means that we could get eliminated!” said Wario angrily. “That’s bad!”

Roy and Zelda

“Roy! Roy! That’s another team! We’re equal with another team!” cheered Zelda.

Wario and Mr. Resetti

“We have to whip them at this next task or we’re going home,” said Wario.

Interrogation Room

Toon Link and King Dedede

“Okay, I’ll give you one last chance… give the pets back or else!” screamed the tiny woman angrily.

“Okay… fiiine…” said King Dedede angrily.

King Dedede projectile regurgitated all of the pets from the store onto the woman. The dogs, cats and budgies, from years of undeserved, cruel treatment and imprisonment, got their revenge by only the greatest act of courage: mauling the pet shop owner alive. As her blood spewed all over the room, the other dogs stood on the side of the room in an accomplished, proud manner, a tear shedding from each one’s eye as they had their first glimpse of their new life: freedom.

A poodle ran over and unlocked King Dedede’s cuffs. “Thank you, Sir King Dedede! How shall we ever repay you?”

Toon Link burst in, triumphant music played in the background. “Let’s serve these customers!”

A war-like roar came from the pets. Triumphant music played in the background.

They burst through the side room of the mall into the main corridor. In an army of hundreds, they ran in a stampede towards the supermarket, the human bystanders shocked at this unexpected revolution.

A change had taken place today like no other.

The pets convened around a cash register. The head animal, a poodle stood atop the register and declared, “Today shall be mark the first day for the freedom of pet kind!”

The animals applauded.

“But first…” the poodle declared dramatically, “We must repay our debt… animals… assemble! Help these five customers check out… that shall be the price for our freedom!”

Cheers.

A customer unloaded her shopping onto the conveyor belt in the check out aisle. The animals, using every wing, beak or paw they could lend quickly processed and packaged the shopping. The skill in the animals’ co-operation far outshone the trainee in Aisle 4, or even the veteran manager.

In less than two minutes, all five customers were served. The task was done. The animals had assisted the transactions at such a speed that would never be replicated.

The task at hand was done. Without looking back, they escaped to their freedom.

“I told them to do that,” said King Dedede, taking the clue.

“No you didn’t!” said Toon Link angrily.

King Dedede inhaled Toon Link.

Corneria Complex

Dramatic music played.

Wario and Mr. Resetti

“Get out! Get out!” screamed Wario, pulling Mr. Resetti out of the taxi.

Roy and Zelda

“Run Roy, run!” screamed Zelda.

“You have to run too!” said Roy, standing outside of the taxi.

“Make me!1” screamed Zelda angrily.

Wario and Mr. Resetti

“We have to sprint as fast as we can!” screamed Wario, sprinting.

“I can’t take it much longer, kiddo! Go on without me!” screamed Mr. Resetti dramatically.

“Okay!” screamed Wario, running ahead.

Mr. Resetti went into the lingerie store.

Wario looked behind. “Mr. Resetti! You don’t even need lingerie!”

“Rawr rawr,” said Mr. Resetti sexily in drag, in a revealing corset.

Security cuffed Mr. Resetti.

“What’cha doin, boi?!” screamed Mr. Resetti, “Them takin’ me away! Run fer yer lives, Scout!”

Roy and Zelda

“Roy! I can’t believe you’re making me sprint in these high heels!” sulked Zelda.

“Zel, this is the fifth leg in a row that I’ve told you that you can’t race around the world in heels!” said Roy, annoyed.

“But they make me look pretty!” sulked Zelda, shuffling along.

Zelda rolled her ankle.

“ROOY!” screamed Zelda.

Toon Link and King Dedede
Currently in 5th Place

King Dedede was rolling the trolley through the department store.

“Let me out!” screamed Toon Link, from inside King Dedede.

“Reeelax,” said King Dedede angrily, “I’m just giving you a rest… inside my mouth…”

“Well it’s not very comfortable here!” said Toon Link angrily, “There’s no space to move… and I’m not sure if what I’m sitting next to is digested food or one of those pets you ate before!”

…

“I’m hungry… I think I’m going to eat it!” said Toon Link.

Toon Link took the greasy object and took a bite.

The poodle whimpered.

…

Cheeseburger Land

Dramatic music played. The barely fit Roy led the pack, followed by a panting Wario, Mr. Resetti and a struggling Zelda in high heels.

Wario and Mr. Resetti
Currently in 6th Place

“Get to the clue! Get to the clue!” screamed Wario, pushing over several people to get to the clue box.

Mr. Resetti opened a clue, “Detour! Sell A Lot or Buy A Little?”

“We are totally selling,” said Wario.

Roy and Zelda
Currently in Last Place

Roy opened the clue.

“ROOY!” screamed Zelda, fifty metres behind, lying on the ground sobbing. “I broke my heels!”

Complex Cinema

Toon Link and King Dedede

King Dedede sat in the cinema watching the dance.

“Let me out!” screamed Toon Link. “Let me out!”

The other moviegoers stared at King Dedede angrily.

“It’s my stomach, okay?” said King Dedede angrily, “Shut up, Toon Link!”

“I’m really starting to suspect that we’re not actually travelling to the arcade,” said Toon Link angrily.

“Shut up!” said a moviegoer, “I’m trying to watch the movie! We’re not at the arcade, losers!”

“Why are you watching a movie?” said Toon Link angrily, “We’re supposed to be at the arcade!”

“It’s an arcade game, silly,” whispered King Dedede.

“Tell the guy in my mouth who I’m trying to trick that he’s in an arcade centre! I’m not shouting out!” screamed King Dedede to the back of the cinema.

“I thought we were at the arcade!” said Toon Link angrily.

“This is part of the game! I’m supposed to pretend that I’m tricking you into thinking that we’re in an arcade when we’re actually in a cinema to win tickets!” said King Dedede angrily.

“Oh, my bad,” said Toon Link.

The movie went on for another five minutes.

Corneria Complex Market

Wario and Mr. Resetti
Merchandise Sold: 0 Dollars

Wario examined the extremely spicy candy, fake fairy floss and the ‘fail’ stamps.

“Who the hell wants to buy this crap?” said Wario angrily.

“Come an’ get Wario’s cure all miracle potion! It made me a noooormal member of society!” announced Mr. Resetti excitedly.

Nobody showed the slightest sign of interest.

“He won’t go away unless you pay!” screamed Wario angrily to the crowd.

“Now why would anyone want me to go away?” said Mr. Resetti sexily.

…

Mr. Resetti pulled his thong out of his-

People started to come towards the table.

Roy and Zelda
Currently in Last Place

“Detour! Sell A Lot or Buy A Little?” read Roy.

“Let’s sell,” said Zelda.

Complex Cinema

Toon Link and King Dedede

King Dedede sat at the movie, chuckling heartily.

“Okay King Dedede,” said Toon Link angrily, “If you don’t go to the arcade, I’m going to get really angry!”

“Okay,” said King Dedede.

Nothing happened.

“Let me out! Let me out! Let me out!” screamed Toon Link, hyperventilating.

Corneria Complex Market

Wario and Mr. Resetti
Merchandise Sold: 15 Dollars

“We’re selling this merchandise really quickly, and we just hope-” said Wario.

“Look boi!” screamed Mr. Resetti excitedly, “It’s the free food samples cart!”

Mr. Resetti took a baby out of a pram.

…

Roy and Zelda
Merchandise Sold: 0

“Oh my God, we have to beat them or we’ll get eliminated!” screamed Zelda, pushing people out of the way to get to the merchandise cart.

Suggested Roy, “Zel, maybe you should be a bit less violent with-”

“Get OUT OF MY WAY, jerk!” screamed Zelda, kneeing Roy in the face.

Wario and Mr. Resetti
Merchandise Soild: 18 Dollars

“Dog for sale! Get yer dog!” said Mr. Resetti, holding up a baby.

“Mr. Resetti, put the baby down,” said Wario angrily.

“Give me my baby back!” screamed a hysterical woman.

“Is the doggy hungry?” said Mr. Resetti cutely, opening up a bag of dog food.

“Okay Mr. Resetti, that’s enough,” said Wario angrily.

“NO! DON’T!” screamed the woman.

Mr. Resetti tipped the entire four kilogram bag into-

“MR. RESETTI!” screamed Wario angrily, taking the baby back.

Roy and Zelda
Merchandise Sold: 0 Dollars

“Come on, get your lovely ‘fail stamps’! Fail stamps! Only two dollars each!” said Roy in a loud, salesman-like manner.

“Give that to me jerk! You have to be persuasive!” screamed Zelda, stomping on Roy with her high heels.

“BUY THIS OR DIE” screamed Zelda to a nearby shopper.

“Aah! Aah! Aah!” screamed the man, throwing cash at Zelda.

Roy and Zelda
Merchandise Sold: 15 Dollars

“I’m really not sure about this unethical marketing business…” said Roy to the camera.

Complex Cinema

Toon Link and King Dedede

“Okay King Dedede,” threatened Toon Link, “I have a sword. Now, if you don’t-”

King Dedede took the sword out of his mouth.

“Waaaaahhhh!” cried Toon Link.

“Shut up, baby!” screamed King Dedede, lodging his fist down his throat and punching several times.

Corneria Complex Market

Wario and Mr. Resetti
Merchandise Sold: 31 Dollars

“Like the last four legs of the race, my partner is not helping!” screamed Wario angrily.

“AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH” screamed Mr. Resetti, going around the merry-go-round.

Mr. Resetti took a breath.

“AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH” screamed Mr. Resetti, going around the merry-go-round.

Roy and Zelda
Merchandise Sold: 25 Dollars

“Okay,” said a man from mall security to Zelda, “You’re going to have to stop threatening the shoppers or I’m going to have to ask you to leave.”

“You think that’s going to work, huh?” said Zelda angrily.

The man threateningly held up a pair of scissors to Zelda’s merry-go-round free re-entry bracelet.

“NOOO! I’ll be good! Okay?!” screamed Zelda.

Complex Cinema

Toon Link and King Dedede

“We’re going to come last if you don’t leave!” sobbed Toon Link. “I hate you so much!”

“But the race is supposed to be fun,” said King Dedede, eating popcorn.

“But we won’t have fun if we’re eliminated!” sobbed Toon Link, hyperventilating.

…

“Just sit back and enjoy the movie,” said King Dedede.

…

“…I can’t see…” sobbed Toon Link.

The audience laughed.

“I didn’t see the joke!” shrieked Toon Link, bucketing tears all over King Dedede’s mouth. “I didn’t see the joke!”

Toon Link cried.

Wario and Mr. Resetti
Merchandise Sold: 45 Dollars

“We’re almost done! We’re almost done!” said Wario excitedly, hurriedly making the last transaction.

Wario took the last five dollar bill, and handed over the sales money to the shop owner.

Wario and Mr. Resetti
Currently in 6th Place

Wario took the clue. “Find the place ‘where the fun never stops’ and earn fifty tickets for your next clue!”

Roy and Zelda
Merchandise Sold: 40 Dollars

“Come on, Roy! We’re like a minute behind!” screamed Zelda desperately, “Get that last sale in!”

“We’ve got a queue forming, we’re almost done!” said Roy, quickly taking the money from several people.

“I don’t want to get eliminated!” sobbed Zelda, “It’s going to be a footrace!”

Complex Cinema

Toon Link and King Dedede

The credits rolled.

Toon Link was somehow now sitting to the right of King Dedede.

“Okay! The entire freaking movie is done! Are you happy?” screamed Toon Link angrily, “We’re almost definitely last! I hate you!”

“Now hate is a very strong word,” said King Dedede wisely in his wise owl voice.

“You like… don’t care about this race at all!” sobbed Toon Link. “You don’t care about me at all!”

“Yes I do Ness,” said King Dedede.

“I’m Link! My name’s Link!” sobbed Toon Link. “I hate you!”

King Dedede did a hearty belly laugh. “Oh Ness, you’re so funny!”

Toon Link ran off crying.

…

“Ness has problems…” said King Dedede angrily.

Roy and Zelda
Currently in Last Place

“They’ve got a minute on us and they’re probably going to the pit stop!” cried Zelda, opening the clue. “We’re going to be eliminated!”

“Come on Zel, run real hard,” said Roy, taking the clue from Zelda. “Find the place ‘where the fun never stops’ and earn fifty tickets for your next clue!”

“Oh my God, there’s another task!” squealed Zelda excitedly.

“Run Zelda! Run! And don’t let anything distract you!” screamed Roy dramatically.

Zelda ran past a ‘free handbag samples’ stall.

Zelda stopped.

“No!” screamed Roy, dragging Zelda along, “We have to keep on going!”

“But I want a handbag!” cried a distraught Zelda, running along in her high heels. “And it’s free!”

“But we want the million dollars, right?” said Roy, jogging along.

“Yess!” cried Zelda.

Zelda ran past a ‘free doughnuts’ stall.

Zelda stopped.

“No!” screamed Roy, dragging Zelda along, “We have to keep on going!”

“But it’s free! I’m even allergic to the dough but I love free things! Why?! Why?!” screamed Zelda.

Wario and Mr. Resetti

“Oh my God, hurry up!” screamed Wario angrily, “Doing interpretive dance moves whilst you are jogging is not actually going to help you conserve energy! At all!”

“But I learnt these moves on the internet and pa’s gonna be proud of me!” said Mr. Resetti excitedly.

Mr. Resetti fell over and broke his ribs.

“Oh naaaaw!” cried Mr. Resetti.

Funland Entertainment Centre

Toon Link and King Dedede

Toon Link, sprinting along and King Dedede, waddling alongside him, ran to a sign saying ‘Funland Entertainment Centre, Next Right’.

“We made it! We made it!” cheered Toon Link. “Now don’t stuff us up now, okay? Focus on the race!”

“Okay,” said King Dedede, “I’m going to focus on the race. I’m going to- OH MY GOD IT’S A FAKE MOUSTACHE SHOP-” King Dedede smacked Toon Link in the face and ran off.

“Get back here!” screamed Toon Link, chasing after King Dedede.

Toon Link wasn’t strong enough to open the door.

Toon Link grunted.

Roy and Zelda
Wario and Mr. Resetti

The camera panned over to Wario and Mr. Resetti, who were being overtaken by Roy and Zelda as they neared the arcade.

Toon Link and King Dedede

“GET OUT KING DEDEDE! GET OUT NOW!” screamed Toon Link angrily.

“Who’s King Dedede?” said King Dedede suavely, wearing a moustache.

Toon Link grunted.

Roy and Zelda
5th to Take Swipe Cards

“Okay, come on Roy! This is so important!” screamed Zelda, “This is so important! We have to win!”

“Just find a machine and start pumping out as many tickets as you can!” said Roy, handing a card to Zelda.

Wario and Mr. Resetti
6th to Take Swipe Cards

“If we don’t beat them, we’re going to get eliminated!” screamed Wario.

“Oh naaaawww!” wailed Mr. Resetti.

“But it’s not over yet! We need to play these arcade machines!” said Wario.

“What are those… are they like games? Like cow tippin’?” said Mr. Resetti excitedly.

“Uh… sure…” said Wario, “…just stay still while I get tickets and don’t break anything.”

Mr. Resetti had already broken five machines.

Screamed Wario, “OH MY GOD YOU OLD, SENILE CU”

Rofl Pony

“…rry.”

Toon Link and King Dedede

“Get out! Get out! Get out! GET OUT!” screamed Toon Link angrily.

“I don’t seem to know you,” said King Dedede sexily from inside the shop in a Mexican accent, “Perhaps you were looking for someone… without a moustache…”

Toon Link broke a window, grabbed King Dedede and dragged him towards the arcade.

“Ayuda! Ayuda!” screamed King Dedede dramatically.

Roy and Zelda
Tickets Earned: 24

“We’re doing good, Zel!” cheered Roy, clumsily rolling balls into targets.

“I love this machine!” screamed Zelda crazily, punching children in their face and taking their tickets.

“Zelda, that’s not a machine. Those are children,” said Roy.

…

Wario and Mr. Resetti
Tickets Earned: 11

“Look!” said Mr. Resetti excitedly, doing a headspin, “Look what I learnt, Wario! Aren’t you proud of me?”

“Whatever it is,” said Wario angrily, his back turned to Mr. Resetti, “Just shut up.”

“Look! It’s really exciting!” said Mr. Resetti excitedly, doing a backflip, “Look what I’m doing!”

“Mr. Resetti, your idea of exciting is being able to operate a microwave or open up the browser on a computer,” said Wario angrily.

“But I promise it’s good this time!” said Mr. Resetti, levitating.

“You say this every time!” said Wario angrily.

Toon Link and King Dedede
Last To Take Swipe Cards

“Look! Now we’re last! These guys were ages behind!” said Toon Link angrily, grabbing the swipe cards.

Roy and Zelda
Tickets Earned: 35

“Oh my God, Roy! Look! Look! Look!” cheered Zelda excitedly, “There’s another team! We’re still in this!”

Wario and Mr. Resetti
Tickets Earned: 18

“Mr. Resetti, hurry up and whack the moles,” said Wario angrily, swiping the card in Mr. Resetti’s machine.

“But… I’m a mole!” said Mr. Resetti, teary-eyed.

“Shut up and do it!” screamed Wario angrily.

“Oh naaaaww!” cried Mr. Resetti, whacking the moles repeatedly. “Oh naaaaw!”

Toon Link and King Dedede
Tickets Earned: 0

“We need to find something that spits out tickets the fastest!” said Toon Link.

“Look! The strength test!” cheered King Dedede.

“Yeah! Let’s do this one!” cheered Toon Link.

Toon Link ran over and swiped his card.

“Okay, whack it as hard as you can!” said Toon Link.

King Dedede whacked it as hard as he could.

The machine broke into pieces.

“YOU IDIOT!” screamed Toon Link angrily.

Two tickets came out.

“Whee,” said Toon Link.

Roy and Zelda
Tickets Earned: 47

“Good work, Zel!” cheered Roy, watching Zelda shoot basketballs clumsily into a net.

Roy took the last couple of tickets.

Roy and Zelda
Currently in 5th Place

“Yes! Yes! Yes!” cheered Zelda, taking the clue. “Make your way to the pit stop, The Summit!”

“I love you Zel,” said Roy, kissing Zelda on the cheek.

Toon Link and King Dedede
Tickets Earned: 8

“We are so close to elimination it’s not funny,” said Toon Link.

“Hyuk! Hyuk!” laughed King Dedede obnoxiously.

Toon Link stared at King Dedede angrily.

Wario and Mr. Resetti
Tickets Earned: 25

“Come on, Mr. Resetti, we have to beat them to stay in!” said Wario.

Pit Stop

Triumphant music played.

Roy and Zelda ran up the flight of stairs, walked across the windy observation deck, dropped their packs and ran onto the pit stop.

“Roy and Zelda, you’re…” said Master Hand.

Roy and Zelda smiled.

“…team number five!” said Master Hand.

Roy and Zelda cheered.

“So you guys were in last place at one point and had to quit the fast forward…” said Master Hand, “How do you think you managed to stay in the race today?”

“I think the last task we just new it was do or die, and we got our best place yet!” said Roy.

Dramatic music played.

Toon Link and King Dedede
Tickets Earned: 24

King Dedede grabbed ten tickets from the machine.

“Okay! Good!” cheered Toon Link. He explained to the camera, “King Dedede’s managed to find the right strength to hit the machine without breaking it and getting as many tickets as possible.”

Wario and Mr. Resetti
Tickets Earned: 42

“Come on, Mr. Resetti!” screamed Wario.

“I’m burnin’ carbs!” said Mr. Resetti excitedly, in a gym store opposite the arcade on a treadmill.

“What the hell are you doing?!” screamed Wario, “Get back here!”

Toon Link and King Dedede
Tickets Earned: 34

Another ten tickets came out of the machine.

“Come on! We’re doing good!” cheered Toon Link.

“NYOM NYOM NYOM” screamed King Dedede, eating the tickets.

“What the hell are you doing?!” screamed Toon Link angrily, “Give them back!”

Wario and Mr. Resetti
Currently in 6th Place

“Mr. Resetti! I’m done!” cheered Wario, taking the clue.

“OH GOD OH GOD” screamed Mr. Resetti, inside the popcorn machine.

“Daaah!” screamed Wario angrily.

Toon Link and King Dedede
Currently in Last Place

“Take the clue! Take the clue!” screamed Toon Link.

“But I’m too busy looking at this… sexy… sexy person…” said King Dedede, looking at his reflection lustfully.

Toon Link grunted.

Wario and Mr. Resetti

“Make your way to the pit stop, The Summit!” read Wario. “Warning, the la-”

“GET… HIM… NEUTERED!” screamed Mr. Resetti angrily, punching a dog.

Toon Link and King Dedede

“…ast team to arrive may be eliminated!” screamed Toon Link.

“HURRY! HURRY!” screamed Toon Link.

“WE ARE GOING TO THE SUMMIT” screamed King Dedede, punching the arcade machine repeatedly.

King Dedede’s fists bled.

Wario and Mr. Resetti

“Run! Run!” screamed Wario, running out dragging Mr. Resetti along.

“But I’m a mermaiiiiiiddd!” cried Mr. Resetti, his legs duct taped together.

Toon Link and King Dedede

“Whheeee!” cheered King Dedede, being dragged along very slowly by Toon Link.

“SHUT UP AND WALK YOURSELF” screamed Toon Link, vomiting out his spleen from the tension.

Wario and Mr. Resetti

“Look Pa! I’m not doin’ ‘ny effort and I’m movin’!” cheered Mr. Resetti.

“That’s because I’m dragging you!” screamed Wario angrily.

The camera panned ten metres behind Mr. Resetti.

“Hurry up!” screamed Toon Link angrily, dragging King Dedede along.

“It’s like a sledding race!” cheered King Dedede, “Except me and Mr. Resetti are doing work and you’re doing all of the hard work!”

The camera panned back towards Wario and Mr. Resetti.

“Get up, doofus! The Summit’s up this elevator!” said Wario angrily.

Wario pressed the button.

The camera panned back to Toon Link.

“Hurry! We have to make this elevator!” screamed Toon Link, dragging the old woman along.

“Help!” screamed the lady.

Mall police came.

“You’ve been punk’d!” chuckled King Dedede, “I was walking alongside you all along and you thought you were…”

Toon Link smacked King Dedede in the face.

…

“…ow!” said King Dedede angrily.

The camera panned five metres ahead, where Wario and Mr. Resetti were running into the elevator. The elevator doors started to close.

The camera panned back towards Toon Link and King Dedede.

“Make this elevator!” screamed Toon Link.

The elevator doors closed.

King Dedede threw his mallet towards the closing door. Triumphant music played. The mallet zoomed through the air. The doors closed.

…

The mallet fell through before the doors closed. The elevators went up.

Toon Link and King Dedede

“Doggone it,” said King Dedede.

“Doggone it? Doggone it? DOGGONE IT?!” screamed Toon Link angrily, “One and a half weeks of stuffing up this entire race and you can only suffice ‘Doggone it’ for one mistake? How about doggone it for ruining this entire race? I hate you! I hate you! You’ve ruined the entire race! We’ve lost! We’ve lost! I hate you!”

“We can still win…” said King Dedede.

“No we can’t!” screamed Toon Link angrily.

Wario and Mr. Resetti
Currently in 6th Place

They reached the top of the elevator.

Wario and Mr. Resetti strolled towards the pit stop, which was an entire restaurant and large winding stairwell away. The glass debris was somehow completely cleaned up.

Toon Link and King Dedede
Currently in Last Place

Toon Link stared angrily at King Dedede.

…

…

“Well… at least we’ve become good friends, right?” said King Dedede, smiling goofily.

“Don’t talk to me,” said Toon Link angrily.

…

King Dedede leaned in, grinning. He took a marker pen and started to draw a smile on Toon Link’s fa-

“STOP IT!” screamed Toon Link angrily.

King Dedede drew a frowny face.

Wario and Mr. Resetti

“Run! Run!” screamed Wario.

They ran across the restaurant at a strolling pace.

“We’re gonna make it! We’re gunna make it!” screamed Mr. Resetti.

Toon Link and King Dedede

The elevator opened.

Toon Link walked in.

King Dedede stood still, smiling.

“HURRY UP!” screamed Toon Link angrily.

Wario and Mr. Resetti

“Sprint! Sprint!” screamed Mr. Resetti.

They continued to sprint across the restaurant at an insanely fast half metre a second.

Toon Link and King Dedede

“If we still have a chance… please sprint…” sobbed Toon Link.

Wario and Mr. Resetti

“Ooh! Free bread!” said Mr. Resetti, looking at a nearby table.

“No! Mr. Resetti! Stop!” screamed Wario angrily.

“I’m gunna do it! I’m gunna do it!” cried Mr. Resetti, “I need my proteins!”

“The pit stop is right there!” said Wario angrily, pointing to the staircase in front of them.

“I need it! Or I’m gonna break a bone! And that would be sooo badd! Oooh naaawww!” cried Mr. Resetti.

Toon Link and King Dedede

“Prepare to run as fast as you can! They’re slow, we can catch them!” said Toon Link angrily.

Wario and Mr. Resetti

“Okay! Just steal bread from those people’s table! Just get it over and done with! Hurry!” screamed Wario angrily.

Mr. Resetti grabbed a woman’s hair and-

“That’s NOT food!” screamed Wario angrily.

Toon Link and King Dedede

The elevator doors opened.

“There they are!” screamed Toon Link, “Sprint! Please sprint!”

Wario and Mr. Resetti

“Get off me!” screamed the woman angrily, hitting Mr. Resetti repeatedly with her handbag.

“You wouldn’t hit… …a lady…” said Mr. Resetti sexily.

“You’re a dude!” said Wario angrily.

The woman kept hitting Mr. Resetti.

Toon Link and King Dedede

“Run! Run!” screamed Toon Link, sprinting his little legs along.

King Dedede, sprinting for the first time, started to jog along. Not watching his step, he knocked tables and people over as he ran.

Wario and Mr. Resetti

“Climb the stairs!” screamed Wario, running up two steps at a time..

“No! NO! One at a time!” screamed Mr. Resetti, “Or maybe you’ll have a fall! If you have a fall that’s no good at all! Climbing stairs just one at time! Being safe when climbing stairs will make you sublime!”

Toon Link and King Dedede

“We’re catching up!” screamed Toon Link, now fifteen metres behind the staircase.

Wario and Mr. Resetti

“Climbing stairs! Hold the rails! Hold the rails or you might just fail! Just climb the rail!” screamed Mr. Resetti.

“SHUT UP YOU DELUDED OLD MAN” screamed Wario.

Toon Link and King Dedede

“Run! Run!” screamed Toon Link, running two steps at a time.

“No! NO! One at a time!” screamed King Dedede, “Or maybe you’ll have a fall! If you have a-”

“SHUT. UP.” screamed Toon Link.

Wario and Mr. Resetti

“Hurry up, and climb the stairs!” screamed Wario, the pit stop just two more flights and a ten metre stretch in front of him.

“But one at a time! You better be safe!” said Mr. Resetti, “Safe is good and safe is great!”

Toon Link and King Dedede

“We’re catching up!” screamed Toon Link, catching sight of Wario and Mr. Resetti.

Wario and Mr. Resetti

Screamed Wario, “Okay! Just come up the MOTHERFU”

Toon Link and King Dedede

They were now half a flight of stairs behind.

“How do we get in front? They’re too fat! Oh God! We’ll lose because they’re fat!” screamed Toon Link.

Wario and Mr. Resetti

They reached the final flight of stairs.

Toon Link and King Dedede

“Go Waddle Dees! Attack!” screamed King Dedede, throwing Waddle Dees at Wario and Mr. Resetti.

Wario and Mr. Resetti

A Waddle Dee hit Mr. Resetti in the back.

Mr. Resetti almost fell over.

“Luckily I was holding onto the rails! Because I was holding onto the rails, I didn’t fail!” said Mr. Resetti. “Didn’t fail-”

Wario punched Mr. Resetti.

Pit Stop

Dramatic camera angles.

Wario ran to the top of the stairs. He dashed across the straight towards the pit stop, before ten Waddle Dees hit him, and he fell over.

Wario was a metre from the pit stop. He stood up.

King Dedede threw another Waddle Dee.

Wario was hit, and fell over.

Mr. Resetti, followed by King Dedede and Toon Link, five metres behind neared the top of the stairs.

Wario walked onto the mat.

Mr. Resetti finished the flight of stairs and ran across the final stretch.

“Go Toon Link!” screamed King Dedede. He hurled Toon Link at Mr. Resetti.

Mr. Resetti fell over face first.

“Don’t let him on the mat!” screamed King Dedede.

“Hurry, King Dedede! He’s too strong!” screamed Toon Link.

“Get off me, boi!” screamed Mr. Resetti.

King Dedede reached the top of the stairs. He ran towards the mat.

Wario punched Toon Link off Mr. Resetti.

Mr. Resetti jumped towards the mat and dived face first. He la-

Toon Link impaled Mr. Resetti’s entire body on his sword. He flung his sword backwards, causing Mr. Resetti to land on King Dedede.

Toon Link ran onto the mat.

Mr. Resetti, three metres in front of King Dedede, eyed the final seven metre dash to the mat.

He started to run.

“Noooooo!” cried Toon Link.

“There’s only one thing left I can do…” muttered King Dedede heroically.

King Dedede started to inhale. Triumphant music played. No. Actually, the ‘Circle of Life’ music played.

Mr. Resetti was pulled back by the extreme forces of King Dedede’s mouth. He fell into King Dedede’s mouth.

“You did it! You did it!” cheered Toon Link.

“I did it! I did it!” cheered King Dedede.

Triumphant music played. Everything played in slow motion.

King Dedede cheered. As he cheered spat Mr. Resetti out towards the mat.

“YOU IDIOT” screamed Toon Link.

“NOOOOOOO” screamed King Dedede in slow motion.

Toon Link found a pretzel on the ground.

“Mr. Resetti!” shouted Toon Link.

He threw the pretzel behind Mr. Resetti.

Mid-flight, Mr. Resetti altered direction and flew towards the pretzel. “OH MY GOD I’M GETTING A PRETZEL” screamed Mr. Resetti excitedly.

“Oh no you don’t!” screamed Wario.

Wario threw a bagel onto the mat.

Mid-flight, Mr. Resetti altered direction and flew towards the bagel. “OH MY GOD I’M GETTING A BAGEL” screamed Mr. Resetti excitedly.

“Oh no you don’t!” screamed Toon Link

Toon Link picked up a disk of Old Timey music and threw it away from the mat.

Mid-flight, Mr. Resetti-

King Dedede, moving in real time, walked onto the mat.

…

“OH MY GOOOOOOOOD” screamed Toon Link.

“NINTENDO 64” screamed King Dedede.

…

“Toon Link and King Dedede, you’re team number six!” said Master Hand.

“We made it! We made it!” cheered Toon Link.

“Wario and Mr. Resetti, you are the last team to arrive,” said Master Hand.

Sad music played.

“And I’m…”

Piano and violin sad music played.

“…sorry to tell you, you have been eliminated from the race,” said Master Hand.

“Oh naaaaw!” sobbed Mr. Resetti.

“There, there,” said Wario, patting Mr. Resetti on the back.

“We had a lot of fun, and we had a million dollars worth of memories…” said Wario, a tear running down his cheek.

…

“Which would freaking be mine if my partner was actually someone who had the basic motor co-ordination of a three year-old!” screamed Wario angrily.

Wario choked Mr. Resetti.

Wario and Mr. Resetti
Fire Fighters

“I think we made it a lot further than anyone expected us to…” said Wario, “We beat a lot of competitive teams…”

“Like Peach and Luigi!” said Mr. Resetti excitedly.

“Okay, maybe not them, but-”

“Or Marth and Squirtle!” said Mr. Resetti excitedly.

“Okay, we suck,” said Wario angrily.

Finish Times:

Jigglypuff and Ganondorf: 1:23 PM

Wolf and Samus: 1:23 PM

Kirby and Pikachu: 1:23 PM

Fox and Falcon: 1:23 PM

Roy and Zelda: 3:04 PM

Toon Link and King Dedede: 3:44 PM

Wario and Mr. Resetti: 3:45 PM – Eliminated

Review, telling me who your favourite teams are! Don’t forget to vote in the poll! Or point out any blaring errors… like Marth and Squirtle’s appearances etc.

Visit the Smash Mansion! Sorry for the long update, I’m really busy for the next eight months or so… but yeah… hope you enjoyed! Give feedback!