Chapter 13: Trust

Bella.

--

Silence rushed by as I absorbed his words. I don’t know if I can. They were hollow, but they somehow felt heavier than anything else.

“Okay,” I heard myself say and took a deep breath. “Okay.”

“Bella - ” he started, his eyes still screwed shut.

“No,” I stopped him, holding up my fingers to his lips. He kissed them lightly and slowly peeked out from under his lashes. I caught a sharp breath as I saw the tears pooling in them. “Please don’t,” I pleaded.

“Bella,” he murmured, letting go of my hands to grasp my face. I shivered at the contact, his touch still sending unfair shocks through me. “Please understand.”

“I do,” I said, sighing as everything clicked into place inside of me. “I really think I do.”

His fingers brushed against my lips and I savored the sensation. He leaned forward slowly, his eyes deep and pained, to kiss my forehead first, then his lips dragged softly to the tip of my nose until he reached my lips, pressing them against his own.

“Can I tell you something anyways?” I asked against his lips and he leaned his forehead on mine, pulling his mouth away. I sat back and then moved so I could lean against him. He snaked his arms around me readily, pulling me in between his legs. I cuddled into his chest for a moment while his fingers played absently with my tangled hair. I took his silence as a sign to continue. “I did a lot of thinking about marriage while you were gone.”

He inhaled audibly and then let go of it in a steady stream. I watched him carefully, knowing I was treading on tender ground.

“It used to be so hard for me to understand why anyone would want to put themselves through marriage,” I started again and Edward’s face twisted slightly. I reached up to smooth the frown lines from his face, not wanting him to be unhappy right now. “All I had as an example for marriage was my parents and that obviously didn’t work out too amazing. They fought all the time - still do - and then put me through a lot of pain when they divorced. I didn’t want to voluntarily put myself through that.”

I paused, taking a breath and sitting up a little straighter. Edward had resumed running his fingers through my hair, but I couldn’t tell if what I was saying was resonating with him or not.

“While you were gone, I had a lot of time to think about it,” I said, mentally adding, although it wasn’t until this morning with Emmett that I really got it. “And I realized that being married to you would never be like that. My parents made a mistake in marrying each other too soon, but me marrying you could never be a mistake. You’re the only one for me and I shouldn’t have ever doubted that.”

His stoic expression faltered as I finished and I blinked back the tears that had suddenly rushed to my eyes again. Wordlessly, he pulled me closer in a hug and I wrapped my arms around him return, holding myself as close as possible to his warmth.

--

There was no more talking that night. Edward eventually led me to the bedroom again and this time lay down with me without protest. He held me through the night, but I slept fitfully, waking at the smallest noise. Edward always seemed to be awake though, waiting to hum me back to sleep by his side. I wondered if he slept at all that night.

In the morning, I woke to an empty bed and sounds of movement coming from the living room. I stretched slowly, throwing my arms out to fall dully against the space where he had lain beside me.

I slipped back into the jeans I had worn yesterday, but kept his shirt on. Slowly, I padded out to the living room to take in the slowly emerging life that was coming out of all of Edward’s boxes. Not seeing him immediately, I peeked into the kitchen to spot him heating up something in the microwave that had appeared since last night.

“Good morning,” he greeted, turning to me with a small, bleary smile before I could even announce my presence.

“Morning,” I replied tentatively, but I didn’t hesitate when he held his arms open for me. I rushed into them, sinking gratefully into his embrace and smiling against his warm shirt. He kissed the top of my head and I smiled at the gesture.

“I’m afraid the microwave will be the only source of breakfast this morning,” he said apologetically as it beeped loudly interrupting our moment. “I obviously haven’t had time to do any kind of real grocery shopping.”

“That’s okay with me,” I laughed.

He smiled and pulled the biscuits from the tray before setting them on the waiting plate. We ate in silence, giving me time to observe how much he had managed to put away while I slept this morning. Besides the new additions to his countertops and shelves, I felt a palpable shift in the atmosphere between us. Somehow, it felt easier to just be standing here with him, knowing that I had at least spoken my piece to him. Although his words still sat heavily on my heart, I knew there was genuine reason for them and that traitorous, flickering flame of hope inside of me refused to be snuffed out after all the progress we had made in the past few weeks.

“I should get going,” I sighed when I spotted the time blinking at me from his microwave.

“You don’t have to,” he said, sounding a bit disappointed.

“I would stay if I could,” I assured with a regretful smile. “But I promised my mom I’d come in today and I need to get home so I can change and shower.”

He nodded in understanding and began to clear the counter of breakfast. I yawned and stretched one more time. Edward smiled at the movement and stopped what he was doing to wrap me in his arms again.

“Have I told you recently that you’re beautiful?” he asked suddenly, staring down at me with an unreadable expression on his face. I couldn’t help the smile that found its way onto my face.

“Yes,” I answered happily. “But It never hurts when you do anyway.”

“You’re beautiful,” he whispered before quickly pecking me on the lips. I pulled him down for a longer kiss, threading my fingers through his hair readily. For the moment, last night was forgotten and we could just be happy together.

“You’re beautiful too, you know,” I informed him as he pulled away. He laughed briefly before going back to throwing away the remnants of our breakfast. The smile that lingered on his lips warmed the parts of my heart that were still cold and uncertain from last night.

“You should get going,” He said after a minute, not sounding particularly happy about it still.

“Yeah,” I agreed, sharing his sentiment. I jogged quickly to his room to grab my shirt from last night and then came back out to find him waiting in the hallway for me.

“Call me when you get off?” he asked.

“It might be late,” I warned.

“Doesn’t matter. I’ll be up.”

“Okay,” I agreed, and took his hand to lead him toward his door. He followed in compliance, but still looked thoughtful. I threw him a curious glance, but didn’t question the sudden shift in his mood. I was used to them by now.

“I’ll see you later,” I said softly and reached up to kiss him lightly. He nodded and opened the door for me. His lips were pursed as if he were trying not to say something. I squeezed his hand one last time before letting go and stepping out into the hallway, heading to work.

“Bella,” he called after me before I had gotten too far and I turned back to see him leaning against his door. When he saw he had my attention, he beckoned me back over to him and I went willingly, curious. When I was close enough to hear his unsteady breathing, he licked his lips in preparation and continued in a barely controlled tone, “I want you to know there will never be a day when I don’t want you as my wife, okay?”

Startled, I swallowed quickly, wondering if I had heard him correctly. Meeting his eyes, I knew I had. A small, relieved smile tugged at my lips and not trusting my voice, I nodded to him and then turned to leave. That would have to be enough for now.

--

“Hey Bells!” Phil called from somewhere behind me. My hands paused in their work. “When you get a chance, your mom wants to talk to you.”

I sighed and looked down at the half-finished dish in front of me. It’s not like I hadn’t been waiting for it all night, but she still chose the most inconvenient time to want to talk to me.

“Go ahead and go,” a voice interrupted my rebellious train of thought. I looked up to see Angela, the woman I’d hired to take over the kitchen when I wasn’t there, standing beside me. “I’ll finish this up so you don’t keep your mom waiting.”

“Thanks,” I said with a fleeting smile before I wiped my hands on my apron and headed over to the office. I knocked casually on the ajar door before pushing it open to see my mother flipping through a stack of papers. It was all really for show; Phil did most of the paperwork I didn’t get to these days and my mom just came around to switch stacks around. I used to find it endearing but as I grew older, her scatter-brained ways had started to slowly grind against my nerves more.

“Hey, mom, what’s up?” I asked, throwing myself into the empty seat in front of the desk. She looked up with a strange look, casting a watchful eye over me before pushing whatever she was messing with aside. I raised an eyebrow at her behavior. This was a bit out of the ordinary.

“Bella,” she started, sounding concerned. I recognized her lecture tone immediately and tried to keep my face from showing my discomfort. “Alice stopped by today with her boyfriend.”

The phrase seemed out of place, but she always came to her point in a roundabout way.

“Okay,” I said slowly, waiting for her to continue.

“Alice let slip something a little disturbing that you hadn’t told me,” she sighed and her face was uncharacteristically grave. “When were planning on telling me that you were seeing Edward again?”

“Mom...” I trailed off uneasily, not sure what to say. When Edward left, she had been devastated for me and any mention of him in the past two years had always brought out her protective side. I hadn’t told her yet because I hadn’t been sure how to define what was going on, but I didn’t want to hide it from her anymore. “I’m more than just seeing him again.”

“Are you sleeping with him?” she asked, sounding defeated.

“No.” I winced. Not for lack of trying.

“Then what is it?”

“I’m in love with him.” I smiled at my own words, liking the way they sounded coming from my mouth. It was the first time I’d been able to say them to someone else without feeling dreadful.

“Oh, Bella,” my mom sighed. Her eyes were mournful as she took me in, but my suddenly lifted mood couldn’t be dampened. “How do you know he won’t hurt you again?”

“He won’t,” I promised immediately, without hesitation. “And I won’t hurt him either.”

She was silent for a long moment before sitting back in her chair. Her long fingernails tapped the desk as she chewed over my words.

“Mom, we’re finally working things out. I really think we have it together this time,” I explained. I wanted her to understand my decision more than anything in that moment. “He’s the one for me.”

She nodded, looking me full in the eye, before allowing a tense smile to light her features.

“As long as you’re sure,” she said. “I just don’t want you to get hurt again.”

“Trust me,” I assured her. Then on second thought, I added, “Trust him.”

--

Everyone keeps asking and this is probably easier to answer here: yes, I’m trying to finish this story up quickly. I’m leaving very soon for a trip where I’ll have very, very limited access to internet because of where I’ll be and I know that when I come back I won’t want to do fanfiction because I’ll be busy packing for a move. So really, it’s now or never to finish this fic up.

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