OK! Before I start this, I'm going to go on the regular rant that everyone does… I do not own the characters named in this story. They are property of their respective owners. This story is meant for entertainment purposes only, and not for my own personal gain. The only thing that I own in this story…is the story itself. Now, prepare yourself for…

The Marvelous Misadventures of Snake

P.S. the bold text in the story means that Snake is writing/speaking in his log that he keeps. The Riiing! Riiing! is his Codec going off. I suggest that you know something about Snake and the Metal Gear Solid games before reading if you want to understand the Codec conversations.

Chapter 1: The Royal Pain in the Ass

Snake's Log: Date: October 1. 0700 hours. I'm being sent on a mission to spy on a princess. From what I heard, her castle is heavily guarded. I'll have to be careful. The chopper is dropping me off now. Snake out.

The helicopter landed and Snake jumped out. He ran behind a tree and looked at the castle. It was definitely big, and was guarded by…mushrooms?

--

Riiing! Riiing!

"Otacon, this is Snake. Do you read me?"

"I hear you, Snake. What's wrong?"

"I'm at the castle, but I think something's wrong here. It's guarded by mushroom things."

"Those guys are called Toads. They are the primary subjects in this kingdom. Don't underestimate them, Snake. From the info I've gathered, they are rumored to have superhuman strength!"

"Got it. Hmm. I wonder if they taste like that mushroom thing that I ate in the jungle that one time…"

"Uuugh, Snake!"

--

Snake snuck around to the back, careful not to be spotted. He saw an air duct and climbed in. He crawled around in the duct until he smelled perfume. A very strong perfume.

"That must be my target," Snake said to himself. He followed the smell until he found the source. He looked down through a grate in the air duct to see a princess in a pink dress. She had long blonde hair, and was skipping around the room. After a while, she sat down at a table and pulled out a couple of dolls from under the table. She began to play tea party with them. She was having a great time with her dolls when she looked up at the air duct.

"Eww, something smells!' she exclaimed. She walked up to the wall and pressed a button. Suddenly the air duct snapped open and Snake fell through. "Hi, Mr. Snake! Do you remember me? My name's Peach!"

"Like I could forget," he replied. "You were the most annoying out of all the people at that Brawl thing, next to that pink marshmallow."

"Do you want to play tea party with me? I've got a special dress for you!"

"I'd rather not. I've got to get going now." He started to walk out of the room when the door slammed closed.

"You are going to play tea party with me, and you're going to like it!" Peach said in an almost demonic tone. She stamped over to him.

"No! No! Noooo!!"

--

Riiing! Riiing!

"Snake, do you copy? Snake? SNAAAAAAKE!!"

--

Snake woke up slowly.

"Where am I?" he said to himself. "And why am I wearing a frilly pink dress?"

"Yay! You're up!" Peach said happily.

"Oh no, it's you! I'm still at the castle, aren't I?"

"Yep! And you're going to stay here forever and ever with me!"

"Hell no!" Snake yelled. He tore off the dress and picked a grenade off of his belt. He threw it at the wall and it exploded, making a big hole. He ran out as fast as he could.

"NOOO!! Come back!" Peach yelled. "Hmmph! Well, I still have Mario to play with me…" she said mischievously…

End Chapter 1

Author's Notes

Did you all like it? It's the first of many, and Snake is going to spy on, attempt to kill, or do various other things to all of the people from Brawl (and maybe the people from Melee)! Leave a review if you have a preference on which character you want him to seek out next! First come, first serve basis! And when Snake said pink marshmallow in the story, he meant Kirby. Do Snake's Hidden Taunt on Kirby (or search it on Youtube)!