DISCLAIMER: Gravitation belongs to Maki Murakami. I'm just borrowing the characters to fulfill the needs of my own morbid plot bunnies.

AN: It was a tough call, admittedly. So tough that I wrote two very different versions of the first chapter. I liked the 1st person chapter much, much more. This is a very personal tale and it deserves all the intimacy I can muster. So, here we are again. This is set immediately following 'Great Love'. My original plans for this story have altered considerably. I was planning on leaning on the celebrity status of Bad Luck for a lot of the plot, but as it turns out (as it always turns out), the characters have other plans. Particularly one OC who really, really wants to make herself known. She's practically demanding to be written. Anyway, she'll have to wait. It's not her turn yet. Yuki has things to say, Shuichi has revelations to have, Tohma has sinister plans to set in motion, etc, etc. Anyway, you will notice that I will put lyrics and song titles at the beginning of every chapter. It's because I have this nasty habit of making soundtracks for my fanfics. I think they're fabulous, you may think otherwise. ;) Plastic Stars by Freezepop pretty much sums up all the warm, fuzzy feelings that Eiri has at the beginning of this chapter (and the massive use of synth helps out, too!). This is a really long author's note...sorry. Enjoy! Reviews are welcomed and will be treasured forever.

WARNING: Explicit language, adult situations, likely drug/alcohol abuse, potential for violence, and definitely, at some point, smutty business will be afoot. IF YOU ARE UNDER THE AGE OF 16, YOU MAY WANT TO LEAVE THE PREMISES. Consider yourselves warned.

You say - there's no place you'd rather be when you're lying next to me
I say - there's no one you'd rather see when you're lying next to me
You say - that you never want to go when you're lying next to me
I say - that I want to take it slow when you're lying next to me

Plastic stars in our private galaxy
Synthpop stars come and play a show for me

You say - you are totally complete when you're lying next to me
I say - even your tears will taste sweet when you're lying next to me
You say - a better place cannot be found when you're lying next to me
I say - let's make my bed a playground when you're lying next to me

~Plastic Stars, Freezepop

Eiri

Beams of sunlight crept through the paper blinds, coming to rest hotly against my back. It was the sort of minor annoyance that I would have simply rolled away from on any normal day, but not today. Today my memory kicked in quickly. Today, there was something nagging at the back of my mind. Something that told me today was not a normal day. Something that insisted I return to the land of the living and open my eyes now. A familiar face filled my mind, smiling, laughing, being obnoxious. Shuichi. My eyes snapped open and I blinked them in a furious attempt to clear my vision of early morning floaters and general bleariness. I turned my head to my left, my blurry eyes searching, searching for...a tuft of black hair poking out of the top of the futon, an arm draped carelessly above the pillow, the fingernails on said hand painted blue for some inane, "artistic" reason. I didn't really care about these details so much as the fact that he was still here. That the last week hadn't been a total dream. That he was alive. That he still loved me.

A very selfish part of me wanted to wake the little brat up so that he could fill my day with his bright enthusiasm, while another part wanted to watch him sleep a little longer. I tugged the futon down gently so that I could see his face. There was something very beautiful about his face – both effeminate and masculine, both restful and vibrant. I wondered if he knew… I certainly hadn’t told him so. He mumbled my name almost instinctively and rolled into me, his leg wrapping around mine, his arms clutching my shoulders in an act of unconscious possessiveness. For once, I didn't mind. I didn't feel suffocated or trapped. In fact, I could have stayed like this for the rest of the day.

As though reading my mind, the phone rang in a genius foil of all my quiet plans. Shuichi buried his face into my shoulder, clutching on harder as I struggled in the opposite direction to reach the phone on the nightstand.

"Hello?" I said quietly, glancing at Shuichi. He was still fast asleep. Possibly drooling. Idiot.

"Eiri-kun," Tohma's smooth voice rolled through the receiver, "I was wondering if you could be so kind as to bring Shindou-san into the studio."

"He's sleeping," I replied snappishly. Why did Tohma always insist on disrupting Shuichi and me?

"Eiri-kun," Tohma replied lightly, a hint of warning in his voice.

I growled into the phone and nudged Shuichi. "Hey."

Shuichi smiled in his sleep and I pushed him a little harder. "Wake up."

"Nnngh?"

"Tohma's on the phone."

It was amazing how those four little words snapped him to life to suddenly. He sat up quickly, snatching the telephone from my hand and pressing it to his ear.

"Seguchi-san?"

I watched him, his wide eyes staring forward with all the rapt concentration of a kindergartener. There was a seriousness to his expression now that overshadowed his stupidity. It was like Shuichi had finally grown up. I wasn’t sure that I liked it. Actually, I really didn’t like to think about it at all. The truth was that I couldn’t bear to think that I held all the responsibility for it. Well, whatever. For now, just being with him like this was enough.

The sunbeams leaking through the window danced across his pale skin, highlighting the lines of his chest and giving him a sort of strange, ethereal glow. It was as though the superstar had gone supernova. He nodded and made little, affirmative Shuichi noises. I was too busy watching his lips, soft lips that I wanted to touch with my own, to really listen to what was being said. After a moment or two, he snapped the cell phone shut and hunched his shoulders, destroying the otherworldly imagery. I sighed. Just when I was really coming up with a good description, something I could use in a book. Right. Using Shuichi in a book would go over really well. He pursed his lips and hooded his eyes, his heavy eyelashes brushing the pale skin beneath. Okay, I could definitely use him in a story. I probably already had.

Shuichi turned to me and my eyes dropped to his lips. They were moving again. "Yuki, are you listening?"

"What?"

"I said Seguchi-san wants you to come with me."

I frowned. "Why?"

Shuichi shrugged and started to climb out of bed. My heart sank as he finally removed himself from the sunlight, disappearing into the shadows of the room. Back to the cold realm of reality. He reappeared a minute later dressed in a pair of baggy cargo pants holding a scrunched up black t-shirt in his hand.

“Aren’t you getting up, Yuki?” he asked quietly.

I shrugged and fished a cigarette out of the box beside the bed. I pushed it into my mouth and moved to light it.

“You shouldn’t smoke in bed,” Shuichi mumbled, pulling his shirt over his head.

“You shouldn’t wear nail polish. Aren’t you gay enough?”

He smirked at me, drawing his knees up onto the edge of the bed and crawling towards me, until his face was mere inches from mine. Then he pulled the unlit cigarette from my mouth very slowly and leaned in to kiss me. His eyes rested on my lips for just a bare moment and I could feel myself growing hard. Just like that. Then the little shit stuck out his tongue and jumped off the bed before I even had a chance to make a grab for him.

“Come on, Yuki. Seguchi-san sounded mad.”

“He did?” I groaned as I stretched my legs over the bed. Did Tohma ever sound mad? I thought he generally sounded less and less angry the angrier he was. Well, perhaps Shuichi was far more perceptive than I had anticipated. I pulled on my jeans just as Shuichi returned to the room holding a clean shirt out to me. I took it from him and stared at it.

“Who ironed this?” I muttered as I pulled it on.

Shuichi shrugged and gave me a little smile before disappearing from the room again. I made my way out into the hallway which was glowing warm with golden sunlight, lighting the path that Shuichi had galloped down. He was pulling on his shoes by the door. It was astonishing that he was an international superstar and he still wore ratty running shoes. I suppose it was part of his style. Urban chic, or whatever.

We left the apartment complete with the necessary sunglasses, not that they helped us much beyond keeping us from going blind when the photographers got too close. I glanced outside to see the mass media madness that NG’s hired thugs were barely keeping at bay. They caught a glimpse of Shuichi and pushed at the barricade even more. Shuichi had been keeping himself, well, basically indoors since we walked off that plane. Sure, I’d read the papers which had either focused on the fact that Shuichi had appeared in public after it had been announced that he was missing officially or the fact that we had walked through the cavalcade of reporters hand in hand. Are the lovers back together? Good question, I suppose. Every time I brought up, well, anything regarding us or that nasty, little predicament, Shuichi was quick to silence me in one way or another. Truthfully, I wasn’t going to push it. I was happy with pretending that it had never happened.

“Shindou-sama, Yuki-san.”

Tohma’s hired thug was paid to wait for us to try to make a grand escape. They had it all planned out, the NG team. Surprisingly, K wasn’t involved in some way. Then again, maybe he was. I glanced over my shoulder suspiciously. He’s probably in the ceiling tiles… The thug, or bodyguard, or whatever he was called, took us down to my car. He explained all the details to us: how we were to wait until we had the signal, how we were to follow the grey Audi, how we were not to deviate from the planned route, etcetera, etcetera.

“What a pain in the ass,” I grumbled as I climbed into the car.

“I’m sorry, Yuki,” Shuichi said quietly.

I shot him a nasty look. “You’re sorry that you’ve surpassed Sakuma?”

His cheeks reddened ever so slightly and he looked adequately miserable. “Well, no. But-“

I ruffled his hair lightly and smiled. Cautious shock washed over his features and I wasn’t sure why. “Don’t apologize if you don’t mean it. It’s still a pain in the ass.”

We drove in relative silence. I only say that because we weren't talking. Shuichi had turned on the radio and was humming along to songs as he stared out the window. A Bad Luck song came on and he started singing along. Occasionally, he would pause and mutter something about how that particular line should have been rewritten or sung differently. I pointed out that the whole song should have been rewritten by someone with actual talent. He pretended to ignore me.

As we reached the NG building, the grey Audi slowed considerably. I took me a minute to see why. There were thousands of people surrounding the building. I could see now where they had cleared enough of a pathway for us to get from the car into the building.

“Shu, when I stop the car, just stay there until I get over to your door, okay?”

Shuichi looked at me disbelievingly and smiled as though I had said the sweetest thing imaginable. All I’d suggested is that he stay in the car to avoid the bloody mob so that I could get over there and we could actually make it inside the building with all our limbs attached. Still staring at me as I pulled the car over, he reached his hand out to brush my cheek.

“I’m used to it, Yuki. I’m sorry if it’s a hassle for you,” he said softly.

He was telling me that he didn’t need me. Okay, maybe he wasn’t intending to tell me that, but he had done just that. I pulled away from his hand and pulled out a cigarette.

“Fine. Do what you want.”

“Yuki,” Shuichi said with an exasperated tone, “Don’t be mad.”

“I’m not.”

Shuichi gave me another disbelieving look. “Fine,” he conceded without much of a fight. My God, he’d changed. He turned away from me, but stayed seated as I lit my cigarette.

“Are you going to get out?” he asked after a moment.

I glanced at him and shook my head before climbing out of the car. The crowd went a little mad. It was hard to tell whether it was for me, or just because the door had opened , or even because my being in the car meant that Shuichi was in the car. God, I hoped this wasn’t going to become a regular occurrence. I walked over to the passenger side and opened the door.

“What am I? Your chauffeur?” I muttered at Shuichi.

He smiled and pulled his sunglasses over his eyes. “You insisted.”

Little shit. I turned my back on him and stalked off to the doorway without so much as waiting for him. It wasn’t until I was inside the doorway that I realized he wasn’t beside me. He was a good ten feet away, signing autograph books. I leaned against the window and listened to the madding crowd. They screamed his name, they screamed my name, they screamed for Bad Luck. It was all pretty ridiculous.

I turned away from the crazy scene; there were hired thugs on the job and Shuichi would be fine. He didn’t need me, after all. Well. It seemed I couldn’t avoid my little monster. There he was on the jumbotron, just inside the doors of NG. It was a music video from the release of their last album, before the world tour and right after…well, after that.

A sultry, 20-foot high Shuichi stared back at me from the screen, his perfect mouth moving to form words I couldn’t hear. What had I missed in that year? What had I lost? A beautiful woman with too much makeup on her face sauntered onto the screen, the focus of the scene going in and out with the beat of the music. She wrapped her arms around Shuichi, the camera closing in on her hand sliding across his chest. I felt a pang of…something. Jealousy? Pain? I don’t know. It was all acting, of course, but the problem lay in the uncertainty of it all. Before, he would come home from a video filming and there was no doubt that he was mine. But, then? Then I was out of the picture. Then he could have easily taken that actress…

The door opened before I had a chance to complete that thought. Good thing, too. Shuichi pulled his sunglasses up into his hair.

“About time,” I growled as I took one final drag of my spent cigarette.

Shuichi just ignored my annoyance and entangled his fingers with mine, pulling me along. Like he had in New York. There was something very attractive about his assertiveness that made me both want him more and feel obsolete. There wasn’t anything different about him except that he’d become used to sticking up for himself rather than relying on me for it. I should have been glad, right?

I tossed myself into a chair in Tohma’s office and stared at my brother-in-law’s back. He was tapping a finger against the glass, watching the crowds of people below. He was intentionally keeping us waiting, intentionally making Shuichi sweat. I rolled my eyes at Tohma’s back and stuck a cigarette in my mouth. Shuichi fidgeted uncomfortably beside me, as though awaiting instant death. As if. Tohma wouldn’t do anything too drastic to him, after all. Well…then again…this was Seguchi we were talking about… I took a short, nervous drag on my cigarette.

“I love it when it rains in Tokyo,” Tohma said suddenly, his soft voice shocking me into irritation.

“Cut the bullshit, Seguchi. I have things to do,” I hissed.

“Yuki!” Shuichi cried, his hand shooting out to grip mine.

Tohma turned slowly and smiled at me. Oh dear. He really was pissed.

“If you insist,” he replied lightly, sitting down at his desk. The smile on his face was false. He sat there for a few minutes, his fingers toying with his notepad. He knew how to play Shuichi to perfection, just like he knew how to play the synth. He was almost a master. Shuichi squirmed miserably in his seat before jumping to his feet and bending into a low bow.

“I’m sorry! My absence was inexcusable!”

I watched a cruel smile stretch across Tohma’s face as he left Shuichi unsatisfied in his bow for just a few seconds too long. He really was a shark.

“Please sit down, Shindou-san,” he said at length.

He then took great pleasure in telling Shuichi about all the trouble he’d caused. Tohma knew better than to bring up the marketing side of things, so he brought up Shuichi’s weak point instead – his friends. His fans. His family. All the people he had made worry about him. I knew that it would have been appropriate for me to be angry with Shuichi for disappearing like that, but I really wasn’t. In fact, I was more annoyed with Seguchi for interrupting our reunion than I was with Shuichi. I wondered if that rightful anger would ever actually catch up to me.

Tohma continued to torment Shuichi, which really had little to do with me. I wasn’t even sure why I was here. Tohma asked Shuichi what he felt would be an appropriate punishment and Shu automatically went for the predictable – an increase in workload. But, any idiot with half a brain who knew Shu would know that increasing his workload would hardly be punishment. It occurred to me then what Tohma was planning.

“Well, I don’t think that will do, Shindou-san,” Tohma said, straightening out some papers on his desk disinterestedly, “No, starting today, you are suspended from working in the recording studio.”

“What?” Shuichi asked in a state of shock.

It was a bit cruel. Ingenious, but cruel. I smirked to myself. Good. If he was suspended from recording, that would mean that he would be home more. I caught Tohma’s eyes on me and frowned.

“You are suspended from recording,” he repeated, his eyes never leaving mine, “But you will spend the next week correcting the public relations mess you left in your wake. You will do interviews in all forums: print, television and radio. You will fix what you have broken and you will do it alone.”

Shuichi looked about as pleased as if someone had just executed his family right before his eyes. It was a good expression, downcast eyes, a plump, pouting lip, misery personified. Another usable description for a book.

“What about Hiro and Fujisaki?” Shuichi asked meekly.

“They will take a well-deserved vacation.”

“That seems fair.” For some reason, the sound of defeat in his voice struck a chord within me. Why should he suffer when it was clear that he left because he was suffering?

“What the fuck is this all about, Tohma?”

I could see Shuichi’s head snap upwards in my peripheral. He was as surprised by my outburst as I was. Tohma, on the other hand, shrugged lightly. I could see from his expression that he was pleased to have upset me. As though this was my punishment for going to New York. As though he wouldn’t have been able to find me. Whatever.

“You don’t even know why he ran off!” I hissed hotly.

Tohma raised his eyebrows at me. “Do you?”

“I-“

I, of course, had no idea why he had run off. Or when. Or how. Or who with. Or where to, for that matter.

“That does bring up a very interesting point, Shindou-san. I assume you were in New York,” Tohma said lightly again.

Shuichi drew in a quick gasp of air, staring at his knees. His small hands gripped the fabric of his pants, forming fists so tight that his knuckles were bloodless. He looked up at me, almost fearfully, before answering.

“No,” he admitted, his eyes holding mine with a look of…what? Shame? Embarrassment? Guilt?

“Where did you go?” a soft voice asked. I was shocked to realize that it was my own.

Shuichi hesitated, breaking eye contact with me finally to glance at Tohma with a contemplative face.

“Shindou-san,” Tohma said in light, persuasive warning.

“I was in Los Angeles.”

“Los…?” Tohma started. His expression darkened suddenly. “He lied to me. Did you ask him to lie to me?”

“I…uh…sort of,” Shuichi mumbled weakly.

I felt a storm of emotions bombarding me all at once. Tohma would only be so angry if someone close to him was lying. Someone close to Tohma, who lived in LA, only brought one person to mind. Sakuma Ryuichi. Shuichi had been with him. But, why? And in what capacity? Did I even want to know, really?

Tohma rose from his seat and slammed his hands on the desk, unable to control his anger anymore. A rare sight, indeed.

“Your suspension has been extended for another week. That’s two weeks of interviews,” he said, his voice shaking and on the mere edge of control, “Now I suggest you get out of my office, Shindou-san, before I lose my temper with you.”

Shuichi was smart enough to get out of his seat as quickly as his agile body would allow, which admittedly was pretty quickly. He bowed low and made a quick escape towards the door. The emotions that were stirring around somewhere deep within me forced me to draw another drag from my cigarette. I had to stay here, if only to keep Tohma distracted enough to prevent him from doing anything…rash.

“Oh, and Shuichi-san,” Tohma said very softly, his eyes piercing mine to make his point, “This time no questions are off limits.”

“I haven’t seen you this angry in a long time,” I said after Shuichi had escaped out the door.

Having been forbidden from recording, he was likely off to find Hiroshi and Suguru. That wouldn’t be a reunion I would want to see. In all likelihood, I’d be nursing Shuichi’s black eye tonight if what I know of Nakano’s temper still rang true.

“It’s been a long time since Ryuichi has lied to me so blatantly,” Tohma replied, “But what about you, Eiri? You’re not angry?”

Angry? No. But there was something else stirring up inside me. Something ugly and barely suppressible, even though I wasn’t sure what it was just yet. That was probably for the best. I took a long drag of my cigarette and an uncomfortable image of Shuichi taking comfort in the arms of Sakuma Ryuichi filled my mind. The ugly thing clawed at my insides. I closed my eyes and took another drawn out drag, remembering Shuichi’s painted nails illuminated in the morning sunbeams. I smiled at the memory, which seemed to subdue the ugly creature for now. My eyes snapped open and I peered at Tohma. There was only one thing to admit at a time like this and he could interpret it however he wanted.

“I don’t know how to feel.”