Author: Queenbeth2 PM
AU. Edward loved before Bella and he lost everything, including the boy he never knew he wanted. So he meets her, empty and cold he is afraid of letting her in. Little does he know that she is the key to his heart, and finding what he lost. ExB please reaRated: Fiction M - English - Drama/Romance - Edward & Bella - Chapters: 13 - Words: 46,976 - Reviews: 191 - Favs: 69 - Follows: 105 - Updated: 07-17-09 - Published: 10-30-08 - id: 4626036
|A+ A- Full 3/4 1/2 Expand Tighten|
DC: I don't own it
Summary: AU. I never smiled until I met you. I can't begin to tell you how it hurt, having everything I ever loved ripped from me. Having to stand and watch, helpless, as they took my whole world. You filled me with a new happiness, Bella. A happiness I never believed that I could feel again.
Edward knelt on the ground sobbing. Carlisle sat silently behind him watching, waiting for a moment to come. When it finally did he turned Edward into him and held him gently.
"Everything I touch is destroyed," Edward sobbed dryly into Carlisle's chest.
"What will you do now?" Carlisle asked smoothly. "Will you just leave him?"
Edward didn't respond. Carlisle waited.
"You want me to say no."
"I would like that, yes," he answered. Edward turned and looked at the creature on the ground in a pool of burgundy red. The creature was tasting the substance on it's fingers. It seemed to enjoy it.
"How is it any different from earlier?" Carlisle asked.
"She was alive then," Edward muttered. Carlisle sighed and moved away from his adopted son. He knelt down and gathered the baby into his arms. "I'm a monster."
"We all are," Carlisle reminded him.
"Not you," Edward said, "I'm sure if you had been here she would have survived."
"Edward you have to stop it," Carlisle said firmly, looking directly into Edward's blazing red eyes, "what is done is done and there is nothing you can do to prevent it, now here, take him."
"Edward Anthony Masen Cullen you got yourself into this mess now take care of him!"
"You can't make me!" Edward snapped. Carlisle pushed the infant into Edward's arms and left.
Hurt him and I will never speak to you again!
Edward glared at the door he left from. He looked at the body of the woman he loved. As much as he wanted to place the blame solely on the creature in his arms he couldn't. Yes, it had been the baby that weakened her so terribly and it had been the baby that broke her spine and shattered her innards, but it had been he, Edward, that was too weak to save her. He bit into the soft flesh and the monster within him took over.
He had been wary of pursuing a relationship with Emma. She was human and fragile. Carlisle and Esme had been pleased when he had found someone to love. They were delighted. His control was beautiful. Her blood never called to him. She smelled about as delicious as any other human. He let her into his world. He allowed himself to love her. He had known her from childhood and had fancied her at one time. She never learned of what he was. That was, until after it was too late.
When she woke up with bruises on her arms and very little memory of what happened to cause them she was suspicious. If that wasn't enough, she saw him in the sunlight. She was terrified of him. So he went away. He learned that she was pregnant and came back.
He came back and she didn't speak to him. He heard her thoughts. She hated him. But yet he loved her so deeply. The plan was simple. After the baby was born he would take it and leave her to whatever she would do.
Sudden images burst into his mind. Images of Carlisle leaving angrily with a confused tone. Images of his dead mother toned with sadness and pain. Edward felt his heart sink. The baby believed that it was he that killed her mother. He wanted it to be true. He wanted him to have been the monster.
"No," he murmured, "I killed her, not you. I didn't have the strength to save her. It was never you little one."
He fidgeted a little and Edward saw more images in infant's mind. His own face looked back at him in her mind.
Bad? he asked mentally. Edward shook his head no. Sadly, he brushed some of his bronze hair from his face and smiled softly.
"I suppose you need a name," he murmured. He looked at him with vivid green eyes. He smiled. He looked just like him. "Kellan," he decided. He cradled him in one arm and left the small house. Carlisle would help him clean up. He took him home where Esme was sitting.
"Oh! Oh Edward! Carlisle told me everything! Are you alright?!"
"I'm fine," Edward said quietly. He found that there was already a bottle filled with blood waiting for them. He smiled sadly. Carlisle knew that he was going to do the right thing. He took the bottle and sat on the sofa with Kellan in his lap and offered him the bottle. He latched onto the rubber nipple and suckled happily. His eyes drifted closed lazily as he drank.
"So you'll take care of him then?" Esme asked. Edward nodded. He couldn't stop looking at him. He was so beautiful and so perfect. He fit so snugly in his cradled arm. He reached up to him and he smiled. He heard Carlisle come in but he was too lost in his newborn to care.
When he drained her bottle he put it aside and just held him. He drifted into sleep and he held him, still mesmerized by his face. His lashes were perfect reddish brown and rested so perfectly against his pale skin. Kellan was a couple shades lighter than he was and warmer too. He loved the way it felt on his arms. The strange warmth, hotter than a human. He smelled like spices and the fall.
He wasn't aware of just how much time he had spent gazing at his baby, as still as a statue. Kellan opened his eyes and smiled at him. He kissed his forehead gently and then realized that he was still covered in the drying blood from his birth. He took him into the kitchen and filled the sink with warm water before setting him carefully in it and washing him with a nervous feather light touch, as if he were a soap bubble.
"He is a beautiful baby," Carlisle said. Edward smiled as he washed the baby's hair. "What did you name him?"
"Kellan," he answered.
"Well he is a beauty."
Kellan smiled up at Carlisle and reached out his hands. Edward laughed and took him out of the sink and dried him. Then he let Carlisle take him.
"Hello beautiful boy," he cooed. He chuckled when he explored his face with his fingertips and tugged lightly on his hair. "You're such a curious thing. And so big! Much larger than a newborn should be."
"I'm afraid," Edward said, "he grew since last night."
"We'll keep an eye on it," Carlisle said, "monitor his growth and make sure he's okay. Don't worry, Edward, he'll be fine."
"He's my baby, of course I'm going to worry."
Carlisle laughed and snuggled Kellan before Esme took him for breakfast.
Edward leapt out of the bushes with a playful roar. He looked around and saw the giggling bronze headed boy and ran after him. Kellan jumped into the air and giggled when Edward jumped after him, effectively capturing him in his arms. He was a month old and already he was more precious to him than anyone ever had been. He was afraid but he knew, somehow, that he would be alright. He wouldn't die within a matter of years. He couldn't. He wouldn't let him.
"Grandfather!" He cried happily, jumping out of Edward's arms when they hit the ground and running to greet Carlisle.
"Oh hello there Sport!" Carlisle said happily, lifting him up and kissing his forehead. "Have you been a good boy today?"
"Yes, sir!" Kellan said happily, "Daddy and I played games!"
"Alright kiddo come here," Edward said with a laugh in his voice that made Carlisle beam. He took Kellan and spun him around. His musical laugh filled the air and filled Carlisle with unbridled joy. He was sure that Edward would be miserable since he lost her mother but here he was, laughing and smiling as if this was everything he ever needed. He was so careful with the boy and treated him like the prince he believed him to be.
"A part of me is jealous," Esme said with a small smile, "I guess because all I wanted to be was a mother. But I'm happy for him."
"Nana!" Kellan squealed. Edward set him down and he ran to Esme and leapt into her arms. "Nana, daddy and I have been playing all day!"
"Have you really?" Esme asked, "you must be so tired!"
"No, not really," he said, "I'm hungry though."
"Well should I make something for you?"
Kellan wrinkled his nose, "what kind of something?"
"Well we have pasta, if you want to wait I can make a casserole or something."
"I want daddy to make eggs for me," he said, "he makes them good."
"I'll take your word on that."
Esme laughed and kissed his cheek before he jumped down and ran to Edward. He was the most spoiled child in the world and his family loved it. Edward carried him inside and told him to go play while he made dinner for him.
Carlisle came in and leaned against the counter. "You, my son, are completely and totally whipped."
"I can't help it," he said with a laugh, "he's the most beautiful little thing I have ever seen and I can't help but spoil him."
"You two are inseparable. It's precious."
"He keeps me from dwelling on my mistakes," he said quietly, "on what I really am."
"Oh Edward please don't start that again," Carlisle groaned, "listen, you made a mistake. Everybody does."
"I'm odd as it is. Anyway you have to stop blaming yourself."
"How can I not?" Edward asked, "if I recall it was me that got her pregnant and it was me that tried to change her but failed by losing control."
"Are you happy though?"
"Yes," Edward said defeated as he put cheese and tomatoes on Kellan's omelet, "yes, I am happy. I didn't think anyone like me deserved to be this happy."
"Oh Edward," Carlisle sighed. He ruffled his hair and went out into the living room.
Edward laid on the grass on a beautiful sunny day, far away from anyone. Kellan laid peacefully on his stomach, sleeping. He could hear his steady breathing and see the dreams that passed through his head. He was almost three months old now but he looked like a five-year-old at least! He couldn't believe how much he had grown! But he loved him all the same. He brushed Kellan's hair softly with his palm and tucked a few strands behind his ear. He stirred slightly but didn't wake. The sun felt good and he was sure that he was quite content.
Around them the scraps of paper blew around them. It had been crafts afternoon. Edward had watched in unnecessary worry as Kellan cut out little paper shapes. He laughed as he cut a sloppy heart and then frowned when Edward showed his perfectly cut one.
"No fair!" he had whined. Edward ruffled his hair and laughed. "Will this make Nana happy?" he asked.
"Very," Edward said with a smile, "she loves it when you make things for her."
"Don't worry daddy I'll make one for you too," Kellan assured him.
Edward kissed the top of his son's head. He was so peaceful and happy, asleep on his father's chest. Edward stopped the little paper heart from blowing and when the wind died down he returned his hand to it's place on his son's little shoulder.
He stiffened when he heard footsteps. "Carlisle?" he said.
We're close, I'm sure. Hurry up now.
Edward sat up, catching Kellan as he slid down and woke with a start. Kellan looked up at him with narrowed eyes and a scowl on his face. Edward, however, wasn't paying attention. He jumped up and held him tight.
"Whose there?" he asked.
"Word on the grapevine tells me that you have something we want," a silky voice responded. Edward saw a few cloaked figures slip into the clearing. He wondered if it could possibly be who he thought it was. He had never met them in person but Carlisle had told him stories. The cloaked men and women of the Volturi. He suddenly realized how the scene looked before them. Kellan, in all of his perfection, looked like a immortal child. Then he knew why they were here. He knew exactly why they were here.
"What is your name?" the leader asked. He was Aro. Long black hair and glittering black eyes. Edward could see it in his mind, a nomad he had never met before saw Kellan and believed he was something else. He knew he was going to do something rash. He could see the images in the minds of Aro's companions. They were going to kill his son. They were going to kill his only reason for existence.
Over his dead body.
Edward turned and ran. He sped through the trees and by now Kellan was afraid. He was watching behind them with wide scared eyes and gripping Edward's shirt so tight he tore it. "Daddy!"
"You can't run forever!" Aro called after Edward. He heard the ripple of the cloaks in the wind and when he burst into the next clearing he skidded to a stop before he crashed into the wall of soldiers. He turned and Aro was waiting.
"Seize the child," Aro ordered smoothly.
Edward was trapped by iron arms. He broke through them and more came.
"DADDY! DADDY HELP ME!" Kellan screamed.
"KELLAN! NO! STOP! HE'S NOT WHAT YOU THINK!" Edward cried. "SEE FOR YOURSELF! HE IS PART HUMAN!"
Aro held the boy tight and examined him.
"NO! DADDY! DADDY HELP ME!" Kellan screamed. He kicked Aro in the chin but it had no effect.
"Please! Aro please he's my son!" Edward cried, "he's my son with a human! You know that! You can see that!"
"The boy is a danger to our world and will be take care of," Aro said.
"NO!" Edward screamed. He thrashed against the vampires that held him. He twisted and squirmed, fighting the resistance. He let out a cry of pain as he heard what sounded like metal ripping. Then his arm jerked free. He heard what sounded like a stone falling on the ground and his arm was free. However the hand that broke away from him was replaced by three others. "KELLAN! KELLAN!"
"DADDY I'M SCARED! DADDY!"
Kellan's screams filled the air as the cloaked figures encircled him and then there was nothing. In all of the minds Edward could see a lifeless form and blood. His body went cold. His heart fell to his feet and they let him go at Aro's command. Edward felt the ground crash against his knees.
They were gone. As fast as they had come they were gone. His cries shattered the peace that had fallen. He looked down and saw that he had ripped so hard in his struggle that his hand tore off. Carlisle would help him fix it.
They were gone. All of them had vanished like ghosts. Vanished with the only part of his life that made it worth living.
"Edward! Edward what happened?!" Esme cried.
"They were here," Carlisle said angrily. "Edward, where is Kellan?"
"Gone," Edward croaked. "They took him. He's gone and I let them take him. I couldn't save him. I can't save anyone."
He felt arms around him. He felt Carlisle help reattach his hand. He felt the venom on his arm, sealing the rips in his skin but he didn't care. He couldn't care. He felt a hole inside of him and he knew that it was only going to get worse. Carlisle took him home. He stopped when his foot crunched on something. He looked down. It was a paper heart. He reached down and picked it up.
Edward broke down again and Carlisle carried him home.
Edward sat at lunch on a rainy day in Forks. He looked over when he heard the unfamiliar voice sitting next to Jessica Stanley. He looked away from her and focused on Alice and her conversation with Jasper.
Don't engage with humans. Whatever you do. Don't get involved.
He clenched his fist and stopped breathing. He had to stay away. He had to protect himself. Never mind the strange pull he felt towards Bella Swan. The desire to probe her mind and find out why he couldn't read her.
And then she looked at him. Their eyes met.
I'll try to update soon. For now I'm off to work the haunted house! Whee! Scaring people is fun! I'm thinking about writing a little story about Eddie and Bells in a haunted house. I dunno. I have part of it written and it's based almost exactly off of the theme we chose for the one this year. Anyway, I'm rambling. Enjoy and please review!