Fighting the Pain

Summary: Based on the promo for 9x05. Grissom depressed, desperate, and slowly falling apart seeks refuge in Heather to give him some advice. Hurt/Comfort/Angst

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"You're here for a different reason, everything that I've told you…you could've read in the book."

His tired eyes met hers as her hand clasped his in comfort. "I…"

"It's her, isn't it?" He bowed his head and nodded. "What's wrong?"

"She's gone…" His voice cracked softly. "I barely eat, I don't sleep…I can't work. Warrick's dead, Sara's in another state…"

She placed a hand underneath his chin and lifted his eyes to meet hers, unshed tears in the grey blue depths once so alive now seemingly dull.

"You're burning out, Gil. You have critical questions to ask yourself. What do you want in life now? What is your goal?"

"I want her, Heather. She's all I want right now…but she's so out of reach. I asked her to marry me before she left the first time…" A tear trailed down his left cheek, collecting in his beard. "I said some things that probably caused her to leave again, but if she would've really looked at me she would've known not to go."

"What bothers you most?"

"The fact that she couldn't stay and let me help her with her pain." He shook his head.

"Maybe it was something she was afraid of, something she couldn't face herself?"

"I would do anything for her."

"Even if it meant leaving? Even if it meant leaving this behind?" She gave a soft sigh. "You've told me so much about her and how you felt the last time we were able to talk. She brings out a light in you, a glow, which only love so deep can bring. Whatever you said to her, I'm sure was only in your pain. You felt betrayed by her leaving the first time because it brought out all the fear that you revealed. She has given you a precious gift and taken it away like snapping a stick in half. This second time wars with both your mind and heart. The loss of a dear friend just adds to that torment."

"She said she was happy, but something in her eyes says different." He sniffled. "I just can't do this much longer."

"What are you thinking?"

I thought we could survive anything…

"I'm not sure…not anymore. Not about this, not about her, not about anything in my life anymore. I had it all once, and now it's gone." His hands went to his temples.

"I'm going to tell you this once and only once. When you've finished finding someone to replace yourself, go find her…be with her. You need her just as much as she needs you. Life is only truly full when you've found someone you love, you both love each other. Stop being so stubborn."

"She left ME." He clenched his teeth and pressed his fingers deeper into his temples. She grasped his face in her palms and once again they locked eyes.

"So be the one to take that final leap, challenge and question. But never question what your heart tells you." His face contorted in pain as tears streaked down his face. "Do you love her?"

"I can't ever stop, it's not possible."

Guiding him up the stairs she watched as he curled over to the side and heard his quiet racking sobs. Shutting the door with a muted expression, she prayed silently that they'd both learn their lesson and cherish what they have.