I am not a love-child! by Mirai Trunks Disclaimer:I don’t really see why this is necessary but it seems to be the custom so heregoes:        I do not own my mother, I do not own my father, I do not own my friends,enemies and or acquaintances. I really don’t even own the strange twisted storyline that is my life. That belongs to someone with a strange twisted sense ofhumor who thought it would be oh-so-funny to have my parents name me afterunderwear. There. Now you can’t sue me. (I mean, its not like I don’t haveenough money, its just that its all in zenni)         I’m not much of a storyteller so I’ll explain to you why I am bothering towrite this. The day I discovered this site I was surprised, honored even,         “Wow” I thought “Lots of people are writing stories about me! I am such astud.” I read them. All of them. (I take that back, *most* of them. Who evercame up with the Trunks/Vegeta/Pan idea, I will find you one day and ask you“WHY?!?!?!?!?”) In any case I quickly exhausted the store of fics about me anddecided to move on to tales of my parents.         This genre was strange. Some of these fics were kinda gross, some sweet, somestupid, some funny but they all had one thing in common....I WAS A FRICKINLOVE-CHILD! All right, now one or two stories like this I could under stand, 20or 30 I could conceive, heck if only 50% fell into this strange genre I wouldn'tbe writing this but the fact is I have yet to find a tale that has even gottenclose to telling what truly happened. I mean, what kind of a slut do you thinkmy mom is? Sheesh.         I am here today to set you all straight and explain to you what trulytranspired. Yes, that's right, I know, first hand, what happened. You may ask        “how?” After you do that I’ll look at you like like you’re stupid and I say        “A little birdie brought me a video ta-I SPIED ON ‘EM! DUH!” If you are a onthe smarter end of the group of people who ask stupid questions you will quicklyrealized your mistake and ask instead, the more appropriate question        “Why?” Then I will explain there are two reasons. The first is: to make surethings were going down the right path. I’m no idiot, I know time travel canseriously fuck things up. I f somehow I changed something that resulted in menot being born there would be problems. I just wanted to keep an eye on things.         The second reason: blackmail. Pure beautiful blackmail. I mean, come on! From what I had seen of him, and judging from Goku’s reaction when I explainedmy heritage my dad falling in love with Mom was definitely something I didn'twant my trusty Kodak to miss. Who knows, maybe I could even get a shot of himin that infamous pink shirt.         If you have gotten this far on the question chain and are of the perverted sectyou will now probably ask as to what extent ::nudge nudge wink wink:: I spied onthem. I will promptly bitch slap you and once you’re out cold inform yourmotionless body this is a kid friendly story so I did NOT stick around for thehoneymoon. Kami, as if that's something I want to see -_-.         Now without further ado, the true story of Bulma and Vegeta. Setting The Stage        Alright, most people got the basic setting right. After the amazing and studly“strange purple haired kid” came and so kindly warned everyone of theirrespective impending dooms Vegeta came to the Briefs’ house to build up thestrength to go SSJ with the help of the gravity machine. Slowly he began tonotice Bulma and vice versa. My story begins with Yamacha already gone. (thisis another little discrepancy I find in other less reliable stories. If you’llpay attention I told Goku something to the effect of “Bulma and Yamacha weresuch a clash of strong opinions that they finally broke up” I did not say“Yamacha was caught cheating with 20 different women at the same time so Bulmakicked him in the balls and then Vegeta beat within an inch of his life” as somepeople interpreted it. In truth the break up was easy and rather painless) This story will be presented in scenarios. For obvious reasons I could not bewatching them all the time. Now with the stage set I will launch into my tale. Several Days after the infamous “Gravity Room Explosion”         Bulma stands in the kitchen doing the dishes. Many dishes. Many many dishes. Vegeta walks in from a training session and begins to rummage through therefrigerator. Bad idea.         “Vegeta is you *touch* another dish I’ll-” Bulma started.         “You’ll what women?” asked Vegeta with a mild look of amusement on his face ashe purposefully placed a gi-normous sandwich down on an equally large platter.         “GODAMMIT! TATS IT!” Bulma screeched “Now wash!” she commanded as she jammed adishcloth and dirty pot into his hands.         “I do not wash! What happened to that mother woman of yours? This is hertask.”         “Mom is sick and even if she wasn't thats no excuse. You ought to startpulling your weight around here as a guest and I think this is a perfect way tostart. I’ve been slaving away at this pile of plates for an hour and a halfnow. I’m tired, my feet hurt, I’m getting a headache. Now wash!” she commandedagain.         “You should be glad for the honor to serve such a guest as me” was the onlycocky reply. All this was not sitting well with Bulma. She must not have beenexaggerating about how crappy she felt ‘cause she was really allowing herself toget all steamed up.         “Have you ever done *anything* for someone else?” she demanded.         “Woman, I tire of your chatter.” Vegeta turned to leave. You could literallysee the heat radiating off Bulma now.         “YOU JACKASS!” she screeched. Vegeta stopped but didn't turn. Bulma continued“YOU PLANET DESTROYING, NAMEK SCREWING, FREIZA LOVING, TAILLESS SON OF A SICKBABOON AND DESPERATE PORCUPINE!” This got him to turn. The air around himbegan to shimmer, but Bulma wasn't finished. “You live at my house! Eat myfood! Use my gravity machine! I fix the damn contraption every time you fuck itup! I make you food! Clean up the random crap you leave around! Patch up theholes in the walls you make! Pay off the people who are trying to sue us andkill you cause you kill/destroy/steal their pet/house/car! I stay with you allnight at the hospital after just about kill your self! I care-” She stoppedherself and took a deep breath. Finally she added, quietly this time, “....andyou can’t do one thing for me.”         Bulma was apparently worn out by this long tirade and sunk to the floormuttering “damn my head hurts” with effort she stood up and made her way out ofthe kitchen up to her room without another glance at Vegeta.         The air around Vegeta had stopped shimmering and he stood there motionless witha face devoid of expression. I was about then I made my strategic exit, I hada feeling that if I was spotted then I would be killed, androids nothing. Ivowed to check in first thing in the morning.         I got there just about the time Bulma was waking up the next morning. Sheyawned and stretched but did a double take when she saw her clock. She lookedout to the gravity machine where the clanks and bangs of the daily trainingexercise could clearly be heard.         “I wonder why his highness hasn't bellowed for his royal breakfast yet” shemused. I suppose the recollection of the events of last night suddenly hit herfor her face fell and she surmised “he’s probably just giving me a head start onthe left over dishes before his next feast.” She heaved a heartfelt sigh andtrudged down stairs to her sudsy fate.         I turned and was going to go check on Vegeta to see if he felt any remorse whatso ever. After all thing, things weren't looking too good for the “Make aTrunks” cause. However I was brought up short by a gasp from Bulma. I went tosurreptitiously survey the kitchen. I smiled, things were looking up. Thekitchen was spotless and written sloppily on a post-it note that was carelesslyslapped on a cabinet were the words “For You” Things were looking up indeed.