A Beckoning Light

Title: A Beckoning Light

Author: Kira_Bouviea

Fandom: Supernatural

Pairing/Characters: Dean/Castiel, mentions of Sam

Warning: Excessive use of fluff, authors first time writing anything remotely close to a sex scene, more fluff, and pie used as a metaphor. Also, the characters are probably not at all in character, since this is my first time writing in the Supernatural Fandom. Last thing, I think this is probably pretty blasphemous, maybe.

Summary: Dean Winchester needs to understand something of love; Castiel wants to understand his human. Roads are taken and roads are ignored.

Authors note: There is a ridiculous amount of fluff, which I usually try not to indulge in, but since it is Dean and Castiel, I think I’m just going to go with the flow and write what my muse tells me too, because we both grew up watching soap operas. Also, this is taking away from my valuable NaNo time, but it wouldn’t leave my head until I wrote it. Ah heck I might even use it as a plot map for my NaNo anyways since it is 50K of Dean/Castiel.

A Beckoning Light

A Dean/Castiel story with an appearance by Sam Winchester

Fluff; slightly ashamed fluff

One: Hallelujah by Kathryn Williams (Castiel)

Your faith was strong but you needed proof

Dean Winchester was a man of Faith, that much Castiel knew. Dean’s mother had instilled, in her oldest child a strong sense of faith, to his family, to his friends and to God. If nothing else, Dean tried to give that gift to his brother, he knew that faith was something that his mother would have wanted Sam to have.

However years of pain and suffering had eroded that faith, Dean needed proof to strengthen the faith that had never quite left him. Castiel wanted to be that proof. Castiel needed Dean to have faith. Not just for the mission that his Father had sent him on, but because Castiel wanted Dean to believe again, it was the only way that he could be hopeful that Dean would be able to one day accept love. Castiel wanted to be the one to show Dean that love

Two: Mercy On Me by Christina Aguilera (Dean)

Oh lord have mercy on my soul

For I have walked the sinful road

So I'm gonna get down on my knees

Beg forgiveness to help set me free

Lord have mercy on me, please

So don't let me fool around no more

Send your angels down to guide me through that door

Well I've gone and confessed my regrets

And I pray I'm not held in contempt

I'm so lost, and I need you to help me repent

Dean has done a lot of sinning in his life. He’s fornicated, he’s stolen, he’s lied, he’s cursed, and he couldn’t count the number of times that he’s take the lords name in vain. Plus, you know, there was the whole murder thing. Dean kind of figured that God wouldn’t over look that particular sin, even if the people that Dean killed were possessed at the time. Murder is murder in Dean’s book.

So when he finds out that an actual Angel of the Lord was the one to pull him out of hell, Dean’s understandably a little surprised. Dean hasn’t prayed since after his mother died was killed, but seeing proof of his mothers faith standing before him, Dean’s tempted to start praying again. Of course Dean wouldn’t be Dean if he didn’t make it difficult for himself or God first, and so he called Castiel a dick.

Three: Good Enough by Sarah McLachlan (Castiel)

It's not the wind that cracked your shoulder

And threw you to the ground

Who's there that makes you so afraid

You're shaken to the bone

And I don't understand

You deserve so much more than this

So just let me try

And I will be good to you

Just let me try

And I will be there for you

I'll show you why

You're so much more than good enough...

“What’s the matter? You don’t think you deserve to be saved?”

Castiel can’t stop remembering those words. He said them, and he knows that it was true, it is true, but there was something else stopping his charge, his human, from believing. The angel just couldn’t figure out what it was.

This mystery would just have to wait however. Castiel couldn’t just ask Dean what was wrong. Especially since he had threatened to send him back to hell. Even angels can sometimes lose control of their emotions, and Castiel had just come from a fight, damnit. Plus Dean Winchester had a particular way of annoying him. Castiel wouldn’t admit to being just the tinniest bit afraid for what his charge had just lived through. He wouldn’t admit how likely it was that Dean could have died when the Witnesses were raised.

It was when he heard Sam ask, demand, for his charge to talk about his time in hell that Castiel understood. Even though Dean loved his brother, being in such close proximity to potential evil, contained, for now, not for long, not even Dean could stop this, would have an effect on Dean.

A nasty trick about hell, the more you’re around evil the more you remember.

Four: Dante’s Prayer by Loreena McKennitt (Dean)

I did not believe because I could not see

Though you came to me in the night

When the dawn seemed forever lost

You showed me your love in the light of the stars

Though we share this humble path, alone

How fragile is the heart

Oh give these clay feet wings to fly

To touch the face of the stars

Breathe life into this feeble heart

Lift this mortal veil of fear

Take these crumbled hopes, etched with tears

We'll rise above these earthly cares

Dean has always known that there are two sides to any coin. He has, really. It’s just, knowing and believing are two very different things.

There’s so much lore on demons and other “nasty” things, so that’s point one to his belief in evil things, dark things, but what Dean has forgotten is that there is an equal amount of lore about good things, angels, god, he just hasn’t read the Bible since his mother died.

Now there’s this angel telling him that God has a plan for him. That God finds him worthy. Dean still has a hard time believing it, he’ll never admit that he already does, he’s just scared that this is some trick, that Castiel, his angel, will tell him that God doesn’t need, want, him any more. He’s afraid that Castiel will leave.

Dean just wants Castiel to prove that he’s worth saving.

Five: Building A Mystery by Sarah McLachlan (Castiel)

You live in a church

Where you sleep with voodoo dolls

And you won't give up the search

For the ghosts in the halls

You wear sandals in the snow

And a smile that won't wash away

Can you look out the window

Without your shadow getting in the way

Oh you're so beautiful

With an edge and a charm

But so careful

When I'm in your arms

You woke up screaming aloud

A prayer from your secret god

Castiel watches Dean sometimes, it’s not against his mission, this strange feeling he’s started to get when he thinks about the Elder Winchester, his. He worried, at first, when he started to experience this heavy feeling in his chest when he would think about Dean in danger, as he usually was.

When Dean was infected with ghost sickness, his Father would not let Castiel go to him. It was a test, a test for Castiel, and a test for Dean.

It was a test of faith for the both of them, though Dean is never to know this.

For Dean it was to see what he would do, confronted with his deepest fears, the ones that he never let himself acknowledge. When Dean clasped the bible to himself, Father smiled. His child had chosen right. He had not let his fear control his actions. Dean did not attempt to kill the Sheriff when he burst into the hotel room; he tried to help him, even as he saw the black eyes. Dean knew that it was the sickness. And when the fear became too much Dean found comfort in the bible. Yes, God was pleased with his child.

For Castiel, it was a test to see what he would do when confronted with a charge in danger, in pain. Would he follow his Fathers orders or would he defy him to save his charge. God knew of Castiels’ feelings for the mortal, it was to be expected. However, even if his angel did love the mortal, he needed to follow his Father’s commands. Castiel wanted to go to Dean, but as always he would listen to his Father and believe that this path was the correct one. Castiel passed this test, even though it started to give him doubts. These doubts would also be a test, a test for both Dean and Castiel, but this would be addressed later, it was not time for it yet.

God, spoke to Castiel at great length, he wanted to know that his angel was doing the right thing, that he would not be corrupted by lust, but that he would follow the greater message, that of love. God always wanted his children to be happy, all of them.

Six: Good Enough by Evanescence (Dean)

And I'm still waiting for the rain to fall.

Pour real life down on me.

'Cause I can't hold on to anything this good enough.

Am I good enough for you to love me too?

After the Ghost sickness, Dean realized a lot of things; he realized that his faith had never quite left him. Even if he denied it to the entire world, even if he lied to himself and said he didn’t believe in God anymore, he never had quite lost his faith. That was one of the only things of his mother he really had.

However, even if Dean did have faith, even if he believed in God, he wasn’t sure if he wanted to admit to it. If you don’t acknowledge it, it can’t go bad. It can’t leave.

When Castiel looks at him and asks him to believe, Dean can’t help it. He can’t say no to Castiel, he can’t lie. If it was Sammy, Dean might have a twinge of regret, but he’s been known to lie to him before. Castiel is different. It’s not that Castiel can tell when he lied, even though he can. It’s just that lying to Castiel feels too much like lying to himself, to his soul. And Dean can’t make himself do that.

He just hopes that this faith that he has in Castiel isn’t misplaced.

Seven: Believe by Staind (Castiel)

Believe in me

I know you've waited for so long

Believe in me

Sometimes the weak become the strong

Believe in me

This life's not always what it seems

Believe in me

Cause I was made for chasing dreams

Castiel wants Dean to believe, in anything, in everything. In his Father, in love, in goodness, and in his angel, Castiel wants Dean to believe, because without belief there can be no love. And Castiel does want Dean to love him.

When Dean looks up at him with stars in his eyes and says “Yes, I believe,” in a hoarse voice, Castiel can see that he does, can see this belief like a physical thing, it lights up Dean Winchester’s soul and Castiel could cry, because… finally.

Eight: Possession by Sarah McLachlan (Dean)

Through this world I've stumbled

So many times betrayed,

Trying to find an honest word,

To find the truth enslaved,

Oh you speak to me in riddles

And you speak to me in rhyme

My body aches to breathe your breath,

You words keep me alive,

Dean doesn’t know when he started to feel this way. He doesn’t know when he started to need Castiel. It’s not just a physical thing, even though the vessel that Castiel has chosen is beautiful, because Dean knows that this is not what Castiel really looks like. Its an emotional thing, though Dean would never admit out loud to something that could lead to a chick flick moment in front of anybody else but Castiel.

Dean’s very soul calls out to Castiel, and from the way that Castiel acts sometimes, Dean’s willing to bet that it’s not a one-way street. Dean’s not stupid though, he knows enough of the bible to know that if he lies with Castiel that he’s damning not only himself, but more importantly his angel.

After listening to Castiel give voice to the fact that, yes, he does have doubts, Dean knows that if he wanted to he could make Castiel fall from heaven, it would be such an easy thing to do, but that’s not something Dean can bring himself to do. If he can’t have Castiel in a physical way, then Dean will make sure that his angel stays in a place where he will be loved, if not by Dean then by God the Father.

Dean loves Castiel too much to let him fall.

If Castiels mission is to guide Dean so that he can avert the apocalypse, then Dean’s mission is to make sure that Castiel never let’s himself fall. Dean will make sure that Castiels’ doubts are unfounded, that God is correct in his path.

Nine: Always On Your Side by Sheryl Crow & Sting (Castiel)

But is there someplace far away, someplace where all is clear

Easy to start over with the ones you hold so dear

Or are you left to wonder, all alone, eternally

This isn't how it's really meant to be

No it isn't how it's really meant to be

Dean is an enigma to Castiel. He is not afraid to admit it. He is loyal to a fault to his brother, but he does not expect this loyalty to apply to him. He doubts Sam’s loyalty to him. He left once, he’ll leave again. Dean doubted John Winchesters loyalty to his eldest child, until the very end, because it’s hard to doubt someone who went to hell for you. Dean even doubts Robert Singer, even as he loves him, because Bobby is the closest thing that Dean has to a father, on earth. However, even though Dean loves Bobby, he worries that Bobby will leave him. That Bobby will become tired of him.

Dean doubts Castiel, and that hurts the angel, because Castiel loves Dean. Dean doubts that Castiel will stay, he thinks that as soon as the apocalypse has been averted that he’ll leave Dean alone again. Even if Dean was never alone, because Castiel has always watched Dean, has always been with Dean. He loves Dean. Castiel pulled Dean out of Hell, how can he not love him?

The angel just doesn’t know how to make Dean believe that. Even if Dean Believes in God the Father, he doesn’t necessarily believe that anyone could really love him. Doesn’t believe that an angel of the Lord should love him. Castiel needs to find a way to make this right, for both of their sakes.

Ten: Lost by Anouk (Dean)

If roses are meant to be red

And violets to be blue

Why isn't my heart meant for you

My hands longing to touch you

But I can barely breathe

Starry eyes that make me melt

Right in front of me

When Dean sleeps he dreams of hell. Every night without fail, hell meets Dean in his sleep.

Tonight however his dreams take on another form. He’s in his old house and his father is telling him a story. About how the bible was written by man, and even though they meant well, because how could they not, writing down Gods word, that sometimes meanings become lost in translations. About how, no matter what, love was the answer, a soul is never meant to be alone, be it angel or human, because no matter the form, love was love and soul mates call out to each other. Love is the higher form.

Dean knows distantly, that this is something that John Winchester would never say. He knows that this must be a lesson from his other Father. He wants to make a joke about usually the children asking permission from their intendeds’ father, but he can’t make himself say it. However the man wearing the visage of John Winchester smiles and Dean knows that he never needs to say it.

“Dean, you must follow your heart, don’t let your doubts take love away from you.”

Dean wants to ask about Sammy, but before he can he wakes up. And later when he’s standing in front of Lucifer in his brothers’ frame, he knows that he never needed to ask. Sammy always did have a problem with love, even more so than Dean.

Eleven: I Want To Hold Your Hand by Across The Universe (Dean)

Oh please say to me

You'll let me be your man

And please say to me

You'll let me hold your hand

Dean has never been on this side of the road before. He’s always the self-assured one, picking up girls at the bar, wooing them out of their pants and into his bed, but this is different. This time feels different, how can he tell an angel (his angel) that he loves him. How can he tell Castiel that he want him, not just physically but emotionally and spiritually too. He doesn’t just want to have sex with Castiel; he wants to be one with the angel in every way possible.

But looking up at the pie and coffee that Castiel has placed in front of him, Dean knows that he doesn’t have to. Dean also knows that Castiel is one of the only people who could make Pie and Coffee into a promise of something more.

Twelve: Angel by Sarah McLachlan (Castiel)

Spend all your time waiting

For that second chance

For a break that would make it okay

There's always one reason

To feel not good enough

And it's hard at the end of the day

In the arms of an angel

Fly away from here

From this dark cold hotel room

And the endlessness that you fear

Sam Winchester has slowly changed. The curse that Azazel placed on him as soon as those drops of corrupt blood fell into his mouth has finally destroyed his soul. Now Dean Winchester feels that he has failed. Castiel doesn’t know what to do. It was a given that Sam Winchester would fall, it was fated.

There were two roads that could have been taken by the Winchesters two.

In one Sam would become the second coming, he would destroy all of the darkness that toppled his family from their throne, and he would lead a happy life with is brother at his side. There would have been white picket fences and children. Both brothers would have had wives and both wives would have given the Winchester men, children. It was the preferred path and like a previous time in history, it was the path that wasn’t taken.

The angels could not predict when it happened, because surely it happened before Dean Winchester was condemned to hell, but Sam Winchester was letting the demon blood take over his heart and mind, and now the second path was being taken, and this path had one outcome.

The second path led to dark times for the Winchester brothers. It led to civil war between the two once loyal brothers, and it led to death and destruction, and for one of them it led to damnation. For the other, for Dean, it leads to death, but it also lead to life, just a different type of life. The second path led to the resurrection of the fallen Angel Lucifer. It also led to temptation among Gods Angels, it could have led to the damnation of his angels, but free will is a funny thing, for the truly devout, free will doesn’t matter, because if an angel, or a human truly believed in God then they would not fall.

Castiel was to be Dean’s redemption and Dean was to be Castiels salvation.

Thirteen: If I Fell By Across The Universe (Dean)

If I fell in love with you,

Would you promise to be true

And help me understand.

Cause I've been in love before

And I've found that love was more,

Than just holding hands.

Sam was gone, and he wasn’t coming back, Dean was all alone now. His brother, sammywhydidyouleave was never going to come back. Dean had nobody.

“Never” a quite voice whispered, in Dean’s ear, and it resonated in his soul. “You are never alone Dean.” Dean felt a hand grasp his face in a firm grip and pull it up. Dean didn’t want to but he looked into his angels’ eyes.

“Sammy”, Dean couldn’t finish because his brother had left, and if Dean didn’t have his brother what did he have?

“You have me.” Came the whispered promise, and Dean knew it to be true.

Those three words almost broke Dean, but the feel of chapped lips pressed against his healed him. It was a promise stamped into Deans arm, and into his soul, I will never leave you, you are never alone.

Fourteen: In My Arms by Plumb (Castiel)

Castles they might crumble

Dreams may not come true

But you are never all alone

Because I will always

Always love you

Clouds will raise up

Storms will race in

But you will be safe in my arms

When Castiel found Dean slumped in the hotel room that he had previously shared with his brother, his betrayer, he feared. It was time, this could be the time that Dean Winchester was saved, but it could also be the time that Castiel himself fell.

Castiel felt Dean’s pain, his betrayal, and worst of all his doubts. Castiel knows that for Dean to be saved, those doubts need to be eased, to be erased. The only way that the angel knows to do this may lead to his greatest temptation and his fall. It is the only way and he will not loose Dean, he cannot.

When Castiel presses his lips to Deans he feels a shock of desire run through him, he has loved Dean, but he has never lain with Dean, he has not felt the human emotion of lust. He never would have if he had not kissed Dean, his other half. This is his test he knows, what will he do with this emotion known as lust.

He goes to kiss Dean again, but feels a finger pressed against his lips. “No Cass, not yet” The words are whispered, and Dean is still so very close to him, hasn’t really moved back from this kiss and Castiel can feel Dean’s breath whisper against his face. “It’s not time, I won’t let you fall.” These are whispered with quiet determination, because no matter if God does not disapprove of Dean and Castiels union, he does not approve of love being confused with lust.

Castiel looks into Dean’s eyes full of wisdom and knowledge, because Dean knows what he feels, he knows lust, but he wants Castiel safe. Castiel sees this and he loves.

Fifteen: I Need You To Love Me by BarlowGirl (Dean)

But I need you to love me, and I

I won't keep my heart from you this time

And I'll stop this pretending that I can

Somehow deserve what I already have

I need you to love me

Castiel is beautiful. Dean knows this and he also knows that Castiel could have fallen, all because of Dean. Dean could have been the reason that his angel fell. Instead he is the reason that he does not give into temptation, this Dean is still having a problem believing, but laying curled up into Castiels side with his head cradled against his chest as Castiel whispers truths to dean, he’s starting to believe a little bit.

Dean was Castiels temptation, he whispers. But Dean was also Castiels salvation. The greatest thing Dean could have done was save Castiel from Falling and he did. Castiel explains how Dean has made their relationship possible because he has shown that it is not based on lust, but love, because Dean was willing to give up Castiel to save him. Dean was willing to accept that they could never be physically intimate and still wanted to love Castiel, even if he could never touch him. That level of devotion made it possible for Dean and Castiel to be one in every way shape or form.

And one path was well on its way to being fulfilled.

Sixteen: Beautiful by Me’Shell Ndegeocello (Castiel)

May I kiss you

May I kiss you there

So beautiful you are

The first time that Dean and Castiel make love, not have sex, but make love, it was awkward. Not because Castiel didn’t know about sex, he was an angel; he knew the mechanics of it. Because he was an angel however, it meant that he had never actually had sex; because when you’re an angel you don’t need to be physically intimate to show your love and devotion. It was only humans who lacked any other way of showing love on such a deep level who used sex as a means of expressing it.

The first time they made love Dean had to coach Castiel through it, but Dean was a very giving lover, he didn’t judge and he made sure that Castiel fully understood Dean’s devotion to the angel. In return Castiel did the same, because even if it was awkward at first, Castiel was a quick study. And in the end he showed Dean just how much he was loved.

Seventeen: So Close by Jon McLaughlin (Dean)

You’re in my arms

And all the world is calm

The music playing on for only two

So close together

And when I’m with you

So close to feeling alive

In the end both brothers died. There was never going to be a way around it. As soon as Sam started down the path where using his powers from Azazel became a right their path was sealed, because how could someone so dark be brought down except without taking the life of someone who exuded so much light into the world. In the end the world was saved from the darkness that Sam Winchester was capable of, but it was also deprived of the light that Dean Winchester could have brought it. A balance had to be struck and it was kept.

Being dead wasn’t a terrible prospect for Dean. This time when he died, Dean didn’t go back into the pits of hell, instead he passed through the gates of heaven with his angel at his side. Waiting for him there was his mother Mary and his father John and Bobby who had chosen death before he would betray Dean. Yes Dean was Dean on earth, but he still had a life to live in heaven and he would always have his angel by his side.

Eighteen: If Everyone Cared by Nickleback (Dean and Castiel)

From underneath the trees, we watch the sky

Confusing stars for satellites

I never dreamed that you'd be mine

But here we are, we're here tonight

And as we lie beneath the stars

We realize how small we are

If they could love like you and me

Imagine what the world could be

It was amazing how much Dean could see of the world now that he no longer lived in it. He saw all of the death and violence and greed that mankind was lead by, but he also saw all of the love and peace that people had for each other. He no longer believed, as he did when he was alive, that mankind was not capable of being noble or worthy of good providence. Dean now saw that everybody had a choice to be good or bad, and that it was in this choice that they were noble because more often than not people chose to be good. It was the good acts that were ignored in favor of the bad being told, when people looked at human nature.

THE END.