Trial and error

Prologue

The thought hadn't fully settled in as Hikaru stared at the empty spot beside him. Some unattached part of his mind was hoping that it would never settle in. If he would stay in state of disbelief then maybe… maybe it wouldn't hurt so much. If he didn't allow it to gain roots in his mind and heart then he wouldn't end up that pain welling up inside him.

He closed his eyes, the hands which had been holding onto a soft thousand-year-old fabric falling to his side limply. His room smelled like ink and water colour and Go. Hikaru was somehow aware that he had begun to associate that smell with Sai at some point. Even now the scent was telling him that it was safe and alright - that Sai was just beside him.

But he wasn't. And the pain didn't need to settle in because he had been carrying it with him for two and half years. It only needed to be freed from the hope he had been building around it, the wish that this time it was different. Except it wasn't. It was worse and Hikaru was alone again, this time without the luxury of disbelief and doubt. Sai had vanished right before his eyes, fading out of sight like nothing but a mirage. This time he couldn't tell himself that Sai had just gone somewhere, floated away, and that he would only have to chase after him…

Choked sob rattled through Hikaru, shaking him and making him slowly fall to the floor. After the myriad of fear, thoughts and memories of before his mind was painfully black. The absence of thought didn't help at all, though. It made the emotion only clearer. Grief, disappointment, disbelief, sorrow, anger, weakness, frustration, regret, grief…

"Hikaru!" voice suddenly intruded his pain filled mind. Hikaru looked up with gasp, but it wasn't Sai. It was his mother calling from downstairs. "Hikaru, there is a phone call for you!"

Quickly wiping his tears off, Hikaru coughed to clear the lump in middle of his throat. "Tell them I'm not here!" he called, his voice sounding choked and strange even to him.

"I already told them you're here. It's a doctor from Kyoto, she wants to talk to you about your art!"

Why would a doctor want to talk to me about art? Hikaru asked, for a moment about to just tell that he wasn't feeling like talking and that she should just tell the doctor call later. But then, still so painfully fresh in his memory, he heard Sai's voice in the back of his head, admonishing from being rude.

Why now, why do I have to answer a goddamn phone now? he asked to himself with anger and frustration, but got up. Wiping his face as dry as possible and trying to look normal even though he felt nothing but, he headed downstairs. There his mother waited by the phone.

"The dinner will be ready in half an hour," she said. "So don't talk for long."

"Hm, yeah," Hikaru answered, coughing again because his voice was still weird. Then, painfully pushing his mind aside, he picked the phone. "Hello, this is Shindo Hikaru speaking."

"Master Shindo. My name is Tanaka Masami. You are the artist who painted the Graceless Defeat, correct?" female voice asked.

"The what?" Hikaru blinked. He had never named a single artwork of his - he hadn't even thought about it.

"The byobu in Aoitsuki hotel," the woman specified. "The one about scene with the long haired man in Heian-styled clothing, sitting in front a Goban. One of the hotel managers informed me that the artwork's name was Graceless Defeat."

"Yes, I painted that, but I never gave it that name," Hikaru frowned a little, thinking back to the first folding screen he had painted. He had told Nakano about the scene, about the story behind it - the game Sai had lost and why. Maybe Nakano had told the buyer about it and they had given the work that name…

The Go-pro shook his head. "I suppose it doesn't matter. What about the painting?" he asked before frowning and realising that if the woman was calling about art, it was probably to order a work. "Right now I'm not taking in any orders," he added. "I'm sorry."

"I'm not calling you to order art from you. I want to talk about the man in the painting. Did you have a model?" the woman asked eagerly.

The words made Hikaru wince almost violently - mostly because of the eagerness in the woman's voice. "Yes… yes I did, but I'm sorry to say that he has… passed away," he forced himself to say the words, knowing that he would have to get adjusted to them, knowing that… he would probably have to say them again.

"Oh? Are you absolutely sure?" the woman asked sharply.

"Yes, I'm sure," Hikaru snapped. "Why?"

"Because for the last two years or so, there has been a man in the Kyoto City Hospital's coma ward who looks exactly like him," the woman said.

The words took only about split of a second to sink in, but far longer to be understood. "What?" Hikaru asked slowly.

"There is a man here, who looks exactly like the man in your painting. He was brought in about two years ago, two and half maybe," the doctor said. "Ever since then he has been in the hospital care, deep in coma. And for the entire length of that time we have been unable to find out who he is and where he came from. That is until a colleague of mine stayed in Aoitsuki hotel for a night and saw the byobu you painted."

Hikaru had to lean to the wall to keep himself from falling.

"When he told me about the painting, I contacted the hotel and got the contact information to your manager. Mister Nakano on other hand gave me your phone number," the woman continued. "I was hoping that you could give me the man's name and -"

"I'll come there," Hikaru answered sharply, his heart twisting as painful hope struggled to overcome the grief and confusion. "If it is really him, then I have to see him with my own eyes."

The woman was quiet for a moment before agreeing. She told him to ask for her at the reception and after memorising her name Hikaru thanked her and hung up. For a moment he stood absolutely still before turning and dashing up to his room to grab his wallet.

"Mom, I'm going out!" he called after running back down again and quickly toeing his shoes on.

"What? Hikaru, it's almost the time for dinner! Where are you going?"

"To Kyoto," he called and was out of the door before she could say anything else. As he jogged towards the train station, there was only one determined thought in his head. Sai!

x

This be Watch and learn's sequel, teh Trial and error. Cue drumroll. Hah, I made Wal's epilogue a teaser and Tae's prologue is the rightful epilogue of Wal. Confused yet? I am. And yeaah, this didn't surprise anyone, did it?

Please prepare for highly irregular updates. For some reason this story had been really hard for me to write even though I've been waiting for it for so long. Or maybe that's it. My own expectations are hard to meet. Anyway, I hope I don't dissapoint either you readers or myself as writer.

If you have questions go ahead and ask and I'll do my best to answer them in the next chapter's author notes.