Hey guys here is the next chapter, let me know what you think :)

The next morning, Elliot woke to his alarm and felt three tiny hands over his face. He laughed when he saw his son sprawled over his stomach with both hands on his dad's face and Molly's tiny hand over his nose. He turned and saw that Olivia was in quite a same position with their other two children.

"Time to wake up guys…" Elliot said.

"Mmmm…" Was the simultaneous groan of his family.

"You guys have to go to school and Mom and I need to go to work." Elliot said.

"Five more minutes." Christian groaned.

"Fraid not buddy." Elliot said. "Come on…"

Olivia yawned. "You're Dad's right. You guys can't be late again today."

They all groaned again. "Ok…" Lizzie said jumping up. "Come on guys…" she said pulling Christian and Peter with her.

"Thanks sweets." Olivia said.

"Mommy day care?" Molly asked.

Olivia nodded. "Yes. You need to go to daycare today."

Molly pouted. "Go to work you?"

"I don't think so." Olivia said kissing her head. "The station is no place for a little girl like you."

"Mommy is a girl." Molly said.

Olivia smiled. "That I am. Maybe when you're older Molly."

Molly nodded. "Ok Mommy."

Molly turned to her Dad. "Morn Daddy."

"Morning Moll Doll." He said kissing her cheek. "Sleep well?"

She nodded. "Uh huh…"

He smiled. "Good. Why don't you go play until we come and get you ready babe."

Molly nodded. "Ok Daddy…" She said jumping down from the bed and began to run to her room.

Elliot reached his wife just before she was about to get out of bed. "Liv…"

She looked back at him slowly. "Hm? What?"

"You ok?" He asked.

She looked away from him. "Yes. Of course. Why wouldn't I be?"

"Livvie…" He whispered kissing her neck. "You can't hide the truth from me."

Olivia smiled. "Elliot…I'm fine. Really…"

He sighed. "Liv…today would have been Jake's birthday…and last night with the chardonnay…I know how it must make you feel."

Olivia turned to her husband and held his face in her hands. "Honestly baby…I'm fine. Don't worry." She said kissing him gently. "Now let's get ready for work. "

"Liv…" Elliot whispered.

"Elliot please…just drop it. Ok?" She asked looking at him tiredly.

Elliot knew that look to well. It mean if you push me any further we won't be talking for a week. So he just nodded his head. "Right…ok. Sorry."

She nodded thankfully. "It's ok. Now…I don't want to be late. So hurry up." She said as she walked towards the bathroom to take a shower.

Elliot sat for a moment and just wished that he could find a way to fully get through to his wife one of these days. "Yeah…I'm coming…"

At the station it was a fairly quiet day. Olivia was sitting with her partner Finn filling out some paperwork from the case they had solved from the day before. Munch and Elliot who were now partners were going through some files on a low profile case. Munch could tell that Elliot was upset about something.

"Having trouble with Liv?" He asked.

Elliot looked up at Munch. "What?"

"You seem tense about something today. Are you having marital problems?" He asked.

Elliot sighed. "No. We're fine. And no offense Munch…but if Liv and I were having problems I don't know if I would go to you for advice. You don't' have the greatest tack record when it comes to marriages."

"This is true." Munch said nodding his head. "But I know you and Liv pretty well."

Elliot nodded. "Yeah so?"

"I can just tell that something is eating at you." He said.

Elliot sighed. "Today is just a hard day ok?"

Munch stared at him for a moment. "Why?"

Elliot dropped his papers and stared at his partner. "Because today would have been Jake's fifth birthday."

Munch's face fell when he realized his mistake for pushing Elliot. "Oh…Elliot…I'm sorry…I totally forgot. I just-"

"Yeah its fine. I don't want to talk about it ok?" He asked.

Munch nodded. "Ok…"

Cragen came out of his office. "You done with those files?" He asked.

"No. No we're not done! Can't everyone just get the fuck off my back today? Jesus." He said as he dropped all the files and they got mixed up.

"I don't like your tone with me Detective." Cragen said.

Olivia and Finn looked up from their work. "Yeah well I need some air."

"Detective-" Cragen warned.

"I said I need some air!" Elliot yelled as he made his way towards the door to the roof.

"What's going on with your partner John?" Cragen asked.

"I kind of pushed him a little to far about something." He said.

Olivia stood up and walked over to them with Finn hot on her heels. "What do you mean John? What happened?"

"He seemed upset so I asked him if something was going on with you two and he said no. So then I kept pressing the matter and he mentioned that today would have been Jackie's fifth birthday…" John whispered. "Then he got upset…"

Olivia sighed. "He's been stuck on that…"

"I feel terrible." Munch said shaking his head.

Olivia shook her head. "It's ok John. You wouldn't have remembered…" She turned to Cragen. "Cap do you mind if I go and talk to him?"

"No. Take all the time you need." Cragen said patting her back.

"Thanks Cap." She said making her way up to the roof, she looked around for a few moments until she spotted Elliot leaning up against the side looking out at the New York Skyline. "Well you'll be happy to know that Cragen isn't going to kick your ass for yelling at him."

Elliot turned quickly when he heard her voice. "Liv what are you doing up here?"

"I came to check on you." She said walking over to him.

"You don't have to do that Olivia. I'm a big boy." He said bitterly.

Olivia jumped at his snickering tone. "I know that Elliot…but you're my husband…"

"You won't talk to me when you're upset so why should I talk to you when I'm upset?" He asked still not looking at her.

Olivia held onto the side of the roof for support, she hadn't expected him to snap at her like this. "Elliot I-"

"I have done everything I could to try and help you move past all your demons Olivia but you won't lean on me. You still won't let me in after all these years. Do you know how much that hurts me?" He asked looking at her slightly, his eyes beginning to water.

"Elliot I'm fine. I don't know what you're talking about." She said staring up at him, searching for answers that she could always see.

Elliot laughed sadly. "No. You're not fine Olivia. You pretend to be strong so you don't have to face your past. But anyone who meets you can tell within ten minutes that there are dark secrets that have bottled up inside of you." He said.

"I'm sure there are things that you haven't told me about your past Elliot. Where is all of this coming from?" She asked sadly.

"Last night…with the bottle of chardonnay…I could tell there was more to the story. And then when I asked you to talk to me this morning you wouldn't." He said. "Why not?"

Olivia looked down. 'You know I don't like talking about my Mother Elliot."

"It's me Olivia. It's just me. Your husband…" He whispered. "Why can't you let me in to that side of you?"

"Because it's not something I enjoy talking about Elliot." She said looking at up with sad eyes. "It's not a real conversation starter."

Elliot shook his head. "I know that. But it just feels like after all these years I'm still a stranger to you."

That one hurt the most. "Elliot…why are you saying all of this?"

"Do you remember what happened after you lost Jake?" He asked.

Olivia looked down. "Please don't do this now Elliot…"

"No. Do you remember Olivia?" He asked.

She swallowed hard. "Yes…"

"So then you remember how you completely shut me out? You remember how you stayed in bed for three months without talking to me or your children?" He asked.

"Elliot…I was upset. I didn't know how to deal with it!" She yelled.

"Do you think it was a joy fest for me either Olivia? That was the second baby we had lost. It killed me too." He said.

Olivia shut her eyes. "I know that."

"Then why did you do that to me? To this day we've yet to talk about it. You just woke up one morning and said that you were ready to go back to work and that was it. Nothing…we never talked about it again. Why?" He asked angrily.

"Because I didn't want to talk about it!" She screamed.

"You can't go through life without talking about things like that Olivia. You just can't." He said.

"If it bothered you so much why didn't you bring it up then? Why bring it up all these years later when we are happy?" She asked.

"Because I knew you would get upset. I live my life to try and make you happy Olivia. There are times when I have to walk around on egg shells to keep from saying something that might upset you." He said. 'I can't do that anymore."

Olivia looked down. "I thought it was my fault…" She whispered.

Elliot stared at her for a moment unsure if he had heard her correctly. "What?

"I thought it was my fault that I lost Erinn and Jake…" She whispered.

Elliot shook his head. "Olivia what are you talking about?"

"I thought that I did something wrong. I tried to follow all of the doctors instructions but it obviously wasn't good enough and I knew how much you wanted another baby and I felt so helpless. I felt like I couldn't' give you what you wanted and I was so ashamed. And it just hurt so much…physically yes…but emotionally…it wrecked me Elliot. It broke my heart and I didn't know how to deal with it. I grew up being told it wasn't ok to show your emotions and I just shut down after that. I know it was wrong…I'm sorry. I'm so sorry I just…I can't…I didn't…" She started to sob.

"Olivia…" Elliot said feeling like crap now. "Shhhh…come here." He said pulling her close. "Shhhh…it's aright. I'm sorry…I shouldn't have said any of that."

"No. You should have. You're right…I don't tell you how I feel. That's wrong. You're my husband…my partner in life…the father of my children…it's wrong that I shut you out like that." She whispered into his chest. "I'm so sorry…"

He held her tighter. "It's ok. I just…I let this day get to me. I just wish that they were here and I got upset. I'm sorry…I love you. It's going to be ok…"

Olivia held onto him as tight as she possibly could. "I love you too…"

He kissed the top of her head. "Shhhh…I'm sorry."

"I love you so much Elliot." She said into the crook of his neck."

"I know baby. I know…I'm sorry. Shhhhh." He whispered.

"Elliot I-" She was about to say when her phone began to ring. "Shit…"

"Don't answer it." He said.

Olivia looked at the caller ID as she pulled away from Elliot. "It's Molly's day care…" She whispered. "Hello?"

"Hi Mrs. Stabler this is Cassie Malloy." She said.

"Oh hi Cassie. Is everything ok?" Olivia asked.

"I'm afraid that Molly isn't feeling to well. She just threw up everywhere. " She said.

Olivia squeezed her eyes shut. "Oh…the poor thing. She wasn't feeling well last night but she looked better today. I uh…I'll come and pick her up."

"What's wrong?" Elliot mouthed.

Olivia put one hand finger up. "I'll be there ass soon as I can. Thank you for calling me."

When Olivia hung up Elliot looked at her. "What's wrong with Molly?"

"She threw up." Olivia said. "I have to go pick her up."

Elliot sighed. "Ok…"

She started to walk away but he grabbed her arm. "What?"

She turned and looked at him. "Liv…"

She stared at him. "What?"

"We'll finish this conversation later?" He asked.

Olivia swallowed. "Sure…"

He nodded. "I'm sorry."

She nodded. "I know…"

"You know I love you right?" He asked.

Olivia nodded. "Yes. I love you too."

He smiled and kissed her gently. "Tell Cap I'll be down in a minute?"

She nodded. "I will." She kissed him again and then began to walk away.

Olivia wiped away her tears and walked into the precinct. "Olivia are you ok?" Finn asked.

"We got into an argument but its ok. We figured it out." She said smiling softly.

"You sure?" He asked.

Olivia nodded. "Yes." She turned to Cap. "Captain, Elliot will be down in a moment. And Molly's day care juts called…she's sick and I need to go pick her up. Is that ok?"

He nodded. "Sure. You've had a rough day. I'll send Elliot home soon too."

She nodded in appreciation. "Thank you."

Olivia grabbed her coat and she was heading out when Finn grabbed her arm. "Call me if you need anything baby girl." He said.

Olivia nodded. "I will. Thanks Finn." She said kissing his cheek.

"Get some rest girl. I'll see you tomorrow." He said as she just smiled and walked away.

Olivia drove to Molly's daycare and walked in to see Molly crying at the table as Cassie sat with her. Olivia walked over to them and picked her up.

"Hey baby." Olivia said rocking her back and forth.

"Threw up." She said hiccupping.

"I know sweetie. I'm sorry I thought you were feeling better today. I'm going to take you to the doctor now." Olivia said rubbing her back.

"Hurts Momma." She cried.

Olivia held her daughter close. "I know honey. Don't worry, Mommy is here now ok? I'll take care of you."

"I'm sorry to have bothered you at work." Cassie said.

Olivia shook her head. "Don't worry about. I'm glad you called. Thanks for watching her until I got here."

"No problem. Just let me know how she is ok?" She asked.

Olivia nodded. "I will. Thank you."

Olivia walked out and took Molly to the doctor to find out what was wrong.

Meanwhile at the precinct, Elliot finally returned to his desk with a weary John. Cragen walked away from Finn's desk and over to Elliot.

"Elliot-" Cragen began.

"Look I'm sorry Cap. I shouldn't have snapped like that…I'm sorry." Elliot said.

Cragen nodded. "It's ok Elliot. I understand. And in fact…if you want to head home you are more than welcome too."

"But I haven't finished my paperwork." Elliot said.

Munch stood up. "I can finish it Elliot."

Elliot turned to Cragen. "Sir?"

"Elliot…family comes first." He said.

Elliot smiled. "Thanks."

Just as Elliot was at the door Munch caught up to him. "Hey wait up Elliot."

Elliot turned to his partner. "What's up John?"

"I want to apologize." He said sincerely.

Elliot shook his head. "John don't mention it…its ok. How were you supposed to know?"

Munch sighed. "You and Liv are two of my best friends. I care about you guys and I hate to see you hurting like that. I shouldn't have pushed you."

Elliot smiled. "It's really alright Munch. Liv and I are strong…we will get through this. And I appreciate your concern, I shouldn't have jumped at you like that. I was just upset."

Munch smiled. "I'm glad we cleared that up. Take care of Liv man."

Elliot nodded. "I will. Thanks for helping out John."

Munch nodded. "Anytime."

Meanwhile at the doctor, he told Olivia that she Molly had the stomach flu and he had prescribed her with the proper medicine. She was walking out of the office with Molly in her arms when she bumped into Elliot's priest Father Michael.

"Mrs. Stabler." He said smiling.

Olivia smiled back. "Father Michael. How are you?"

"Oh I'm just fine dear, I hope this little one isn't sick…" He said referring to the sleeping child in her arms.

Olivia smiled. "She has the stomach flu, but we are on our way to go get her some medicine to fix her up."

He smiled. "Well I hope she feels better."

Olivia nodded. "Thank you father. I'm uh…I'm actually glad I ran into you."

"Oh yeah? What can I do for you my dear?" He asked.

"I wanted to talk to you about something." She said looking down.

"Well sure Olivia, what is it?" He asked.

"Hold on." Olivia said smiling as she put Molly down in her car seat while she slept. "Well…I mean I do come to church with Elliot…but I'm sure you know that I'm not actually…Catholic."

Father Michael nodded. "Elliot has told me a bit about your past. You're mother wasn't exactly a religious woman."

Olivia smirked. "No. Not really…"

"But that doesn't make you any less welcome in our parish Olivia. You are a wonderful woman that has done so much for this city. You and Elliot are a fine couple with four beautiful children. You are always welcome at St. John's." He said honestly.

Olivia smiled. "Well thank you Father…but that's not really what I wanted to talk to you about."

"Well then what is it?" He asked.

"I'm not sure if you would remember…but today would have been Jack's fifth birthday…" She whispered.

"Oh yes…Jack…" He whispered.

"Yes…and…I lost two babies father. And I can't help but think that I did something wrong. I know that Elliot has always told me that God does everything for a reason but I don't understand why he would have taken my two children from me?" She asked.

"God does work in mysterious ways Olivia." He said.

Olivia nodded. "That's what Elliot says. I don't want you to think any less of me because it is hard for me to understand your religion when growing up…God didn't exist for me. I never believed in God because of the things that had happened to me. But I can't help but think that because I didn't believe in him that's why God would take my children."

Father Michael sighed. "Olivia…God loves all living things on Earth. He would never punish you for what you grew up with during your childhood." He said.

"So was it something I did wrong?" She asked.

Father Michael looked at her for a moment. "One of the hardest things a parent will go through in life is losing a child Olivia. And you of all people know that not only because of what happened to you not once…but twice…but also because of your line of work. I can't imagine what you have gone through in your life and I know that losing your two children was very hard for you and Elliot. But you did not do anything wrong Olivia."

Olivia nodded. "I hope you're right."

"It's hard to move on from things like that…but you have four beautiful children Olivia and a husband who loves you. Know that Erinn and Jack love you and will meet you in Heaven. They wouldn't want you dwelling on this, they would want you to live your life with your family." He said.

"Will I be able to go to Heaven?" She asked.

Father Michael smiled. "The Bible tells me that you have to be baptized to go to Heaven Olivia…but I don't think God could deny a woman like you who has done so much good in this world."

Olivia smiled as the tears welled up. "Thank you Father."

"You're welcome Olivia. Now…go home…be with your family. I hope to see you in mass on Sunday?" He asked.

Olivia nodded. "We'll be there."

"Good. Say hello to the family for me. And have a wonderful night." He said winking at her.

Olivia watched him walk away and felt a sense of release within her heart. She took a deep breath and then got back in the car and drove off to the Pharmacy. After she picked up Molly's prescription she drove back to their house. When she pulled up out front she saw Elliot's car in the driveway and she smiled. Carefully picking up the sleeping little girl in her arms she walked into the house and saw Elliot beginning to make some lunch. He smiled at her and she pointed to the sleeping girl in her arms. He nodded and watched as she walked upstairs to put Molly to bed. When she came back downstairs she took Molly's medicine out and put it on the table. Elliot walked over to her and pulled her into his arms.

"Hey baby." He whispered.

She held him tightly and breathed him in. "Hi."

"Is everything ok?" He asked.

Olivia nodded. "She has the stomach flu."

Elliot frowned. "Poor thing."

Olivia nodded. "The doctor said to give the medicine to her tonight so I'll do it when she wakes up."

He leaned forward and kissed her forehead. "Ok."

"What are you doing home?" She asked as she snuggled into him.

"Cragen let me go home early." He said kissing the side of her face repeatedly.

Olivia sighed gently. "I'm glad he did. I need you."

He rubbed her back gently. "I need you too baby."

"I'm not that hungry…can we just go up to bed for awhile? Just hold me?" She whispered.

Elliot nodded. "I can't think of anything more I would like to do."

Olivia smiled. "Good."

"Go upstairs and I'll clean up." He said.

Olivia smiled and kissed him gently before walking up to their bedroom. A few minutes later, Elliot slid in beside her and held her firmly in his arms. Olivia kissed the nape of his neck gently and he shivered.

"You smell good." She said giggling.

Elliot laughed. "Thank you."

She sighed. "I ran into Father Michael outside the Doctor's office."

Elliot was quiet for a moment. "You did?"

She snuggled further into him. "I did."

"What did he say?" He asked.

"I talked to him about Jack and Erinn…" She whispered nervously.

Elliot pushed back from her slightly. "You did?"

Olivia stared at him for a moment. "Are you mad at me?"

He shook his head. "No. Of course not."

"I just wanted to know if he could give me an answer as to why we lost them." She said.

Elliot sighed. "Only God knows the answer to that baby."

"Does it bother you that I'm not all that religious?" She asked.

"No. I understand why you don't believe as strongly as I do. And I respect that you have never tried to change me and that you have allowed me to share me beliefs with my our children." He said.

"I think it's great that you believe in God Elliot. I guess it's just hard for me to believe as strong as you with everything I've been through." She said.

Elliot nodded. "I understand that."

"But you've shown me a whole new side of your religion. I do believe there is a God…I just have a hard time with it all sometimes." She whispered.

He kissed her nose. "It's ok Olivia."

"I just don't understand why he would take them from us…" She said tearing up again.

"I don't know baby. I wish I could answer that for you, for us." He said holding her tightly.

"God I'm sorry…I'm such a mess these days." She said.

"What's going on in that head of yours Olivia?" He asked rubbing her temples with his thumbs.

"I never told you that I went to see my Mom when I was pregnant with Lizzie." She said.

Elliot stopped moving his fingers. "No…you didn't."

Olivia sighed. "I should have…"

"I thought you hadn't seen her since the night we told her we were getting married? When you got into that fight?" He asked.

Olivia sighed and rolled onto her back. "No matter how old I get Elliot I can't help but want that mother daughter relationship with my mother. And so when I found out I was pregnant I couldn't not share it with her…"

Elliot rested his head on his hand and propped himself up with his elbow. "I understand that…" He pushed a stray hair out of her face. "What did she say?"

Olivia closed her eyes and began to share the story with him…

Olivia was six months pregnant as she waddled into the elevator to her old home. It had been a year and a half since she had spoken to her mother. And the last words her mother had said to her was: "He'll leave you…you'll end up alone Olivia. You're just like me…"

Olivia shivered thinking of that day, she had told Elliot she never wanted to see her Mother again that day and yet here she was. Sighing, she stepped out of the Elevator and walked onto the sixth floor and walked up to apartment 12D. She slowly lifted her hand and knocked gently. A few moments later the door opened and a disheveled woman stood before her.

"Olivia?" She croaked.

"Hi Mom…" Olivia whispered.

Serena grimaced. "Well I can't say I ever thought I'd see you again.."

Olivia looked down. "Things ended pretty badly last time we spoke."

"Look at you…knocked up?" Serena asked.

"Mom…can I come in?" She asked.

Serena sighed. "I suppose so…"

Moving aside, Serena let Olivia into the apartment. It looked worse than it did the last time she had been there. There were empty bottles and cans everywhere. It smelled terrible and there were dirty cigarette butts lying everywhere.

"I wasn't expecting visitors." Serena said coughing as she sat down on the couch.

Olivia nodded. "It's fine Mom."

"So let me guess…you got knocked up and Elliot left you and now you need a place to crash?" She asked.

Olivia looked down at her wedding ring. "No. Elliot didn't leave me…"

"Then why are you here? And are you pregnant or did you just gain a lot of weight?" She asked snickering.

"I'm pregnant." Olivia assured her. "Six months."

Serena lit a cigarette. "Huh…"

"Mom…could you…not do that? It's not good for the baby…" Olivia whispered.

Serena stared at her for a moment. "Are you serious?"

"Please…" Olivia whispered.

Serena coughed and put out the cigarette. "Fine." She looked up at Olivia. "What can I do for you?"

"I uh…I know things ended badly with us but I couldn't imagine not telling you that I was pregnant. That you were going to be a grandmother…" Olivia said smiling.

Serena laughed. "Did you think I would care?"

Olivia swallowed the lump in her throat. "Well I was hoping you would be happy for me."

Serena smiled. "You were always optimistic. Always thought that someday I would magically begin to care about you."

Olivia closed her eyes tightly for a moment. "Mom I understand that you were raped…but I just…don't you care about me at all?"

Serena stood up and walked over to her. "Do you really want the truth?"

Olivia nodded slowly. "Yes."

Serena put a hand on Olivia's stomach. "No."

Olivia felt her eyes begin to tear up. "You can't mean that…"

"Olivia…you're a detective. You deal with rape victims everyday…do you think any of those women care about any of the children they may have been burdened with?" She asked.

Olivia sighed. "I know what you went through was hard but I-"

"Oh don't give me the detective crap Olivia." Serena said backing up. "I'm sorry if it bothers you so much but I never wanted you. But back then I couldn't have an abortion because it wasn't an option."

"Then if you didn't want me…why didn't you give me up for adoption?" She asked.

"Why would I burden someone else with a little bitch like you?" Serena asked.

Olivia sighed. "Look Mom…I didn't come here to fight with you. I just don't understand why you can hate me so much. I can never say that what you've been through was an easy thing but I did everything I could to make you happy."

Serena shrugged. "Whatever."

"I'm sorry you hate me so much, I wish I could change that. But I wanted you to know that I was having a baby. I wanted you to know that I am so happy…that Elliot is a wonderful husband and that we are w family. I wish you could have been at the wedding but you made it perfectly clear how you felt about him. I hope you have a good life Mom…Goodbye. I won't bother you again…" Olivia said walking out the door without ever turning back.

Elliot was rubbing her stomach gently. "I'm sorry baby…I wish you had told me about that. You shouldn't have had to go through that alone."

"I was going to tell you but when I got home that night you had this beautiful candle lit dinner and I fell in love with you all over again. The minute I stepped into your arms I knew that I was going to be ok and I just didn't want to talk about it." She said looking over at him.

Elliot smiled and leaned forward to kiss her. "My goal every morning is to make you smile Olivia. I hate going to bed fighting with you or seeing you sad…you are the love of my life Olivia. I will be by your side forever. Whatever you need, you lean on me…no matter what it is. Ok?"

Olivia smiled and rolled onto her side to kiss him passionately. "I love you Elliot Stabler. Thank you for being you."

Elliot smiled and kissed her back. "Thank you for being you too."

"We're going to get through this…" She whispered.

"We can get through anything Liv. Our love is strong." He assured her.

She smiled. "I know."

He kissed her head gently. "Let's take a nap baby…I just need to hold you."

Olivia snuggled into her husband and told herself that everything was going to be ok.