|The Melody Haunts My Reverie
Author: borntodanceninefour PM
Edward's POV from after returning from Italy. Can he earn back Bella's trust, and what issues must they face now? "She deserved better than me, than someone who was constantly risking her life and putting her in danger― just by my presence alone."Rated: Fiction K - English - Hurt/Comfort/Romance - Bella & Edward - Chapters: 2 - Words: 8,274 - Reviews: 28 - Favs: 28 - Follows: 15 - Updated: 11-29-08 - Published: 11-10-08 - id: 4648484
|A+ A- Full 3/4 1/2 Expand Tighten|
Thanks to the brilliant Smileazf for being such a great beta!
I looked down at her sleeping form, wrapped tightly in her thick blue quilt. I closed my eyes and let my head fall back. I took a deep breath, breathing in her enticing scent.
The burning pounded in my throat, and I invited the familiar fire in. It was a reminder of what I hadn't had in the last seven months― what I had now.
That is, if she still wanted me back.
I wouldn't blame her if she didn't accept me now. I had left her, and I had lied. I had committed a heinous crime when I had told Bella that I didn't love her. There was no way that someone couldn't love that angel.
I was brought out of my reverie by Bella's beautiful, magnificent voice. She murmured my name, and for a moment, I was sure she had woken. I flew into the shadow beside her closet, not wanting to get caught. Who knew how she'd react to me now?
She whispered my name again, followed by "I love you," and I knew that she hadn't awoken; she was simply talking in her sleep.
This was just like the first time I had stolen into her room in the dead of night. The feeling of electricity shot through me then as well as now when my name sounded from her lips.
I smiled despite myself. How many times had I envisioned her familiar sleep-mumbling while I was gone? Too many times to count, that was the answer.
I slowly slipped out of my hiding place and knelt down next to her bed. I folded my arms in front of me on her bedspread, and leaned my head forward so that our faces were mere centimeters apart.
Her sweet, intoxicating breath blew cool across my face, and I reached out to stroke her cheek with the pad of my thumb. Even in her sleep, Bella blushed. I felt my lips curl up into a small smile at the appealing sight. I pulled back carefully and raised myself up to my feet so I could take in the full view of her.
She was gorgeous and exquisite, even in slumber. Her warm brown tresses fanned out beneath her, framing her pale, ivory face. Her full cherry red lips were parted slightly, quietly taking in air. I was mesmerized by the wonder in front of me; I couldn't get enough. She looked so alluring, such a vision; I had to take a deep breath to stop myself from jumping into bed with her and kissing her ardently.
Her eyes were closed, but I imagined those chocolate brown orbs and found myself kneeling once again next to her bed beside her. I could get lost in those deep oceans if I wasn't careful. I kissed each of her eyelids ever-so-gently, taking care not to wake her.
Her breathing sped up for a moment, and I smiled at her body's constant reaction to my touch. The grin slipped from my face as I wondered if this would still happen after tomorrow morning.
I had messed up, and I knew it. I had thought that leaving was the best option at the time― no, not best… the only option for Bella. If I wanted her to be safe and happy, I'd have to leave. I had stuck by this firmly when I had presented my idea to my family.
I let my mind remember that day, when I had told them we were leaving.
It seemed like just yesterday. Well, it technically was the last day I had considered my life as living.
It was the middle of the night, on September 13th―Bella's eighteenth birthday.
After she had fallen asleep, I had waited until I was positively sure that she was out cold, before I had stolen out her window and into the black cover of the night.
Usually, the wind whipping through my hair as I ran was exhilarating, the feel of the night like a comfortable blanket wrapped around me. Tonight, I could not take ease in these familiarities. Instead I ran with my head down, blinking back the tears that I knew couldn't come.
I arrived at my house at a little past one in the morning. Carlisle and Esme were finishing up cleaning the house from the disastrous attempt at a birthday party. They were in the kitchen, throwing away the remnants of the glass table.
Aliceentered the house mere seconds after I had; she had just come back from finding Jasper. They headed straight for the stairs, wanting to be alone in their bedroom to think.
"Alice, Jasper. Carlisle, Esme. Emmett, Rosalie." I called their names at a conversational level; I knew they'd be able to hear me regardless.
Esme flitted into the room, followed by Carlisle close behind. Emmett walked at a slightly slower pace, and Rosalie entered a bit behind him. Jasper and Alice turned around and stepped closer into the semi-circle they had formed.
My voice was grave when I addressed them all.
"We have to leave."
"What do you mean, Edward?" Esme's voice was soft.
"I mean that we all have to leave Forks. We have to... leave behind... Bella." I let out my breath sharply. No one else dared breathe, or even move.
For a moment, everything was silent―even their thoughts. Then, everything exploded all at once.
"What do you mean?" Emmett screeched. "You can't do that to Bella― we can't do that to her!"
I just shook my head at him, not meeting his gaze… glare was more like it, though.
"Maybe you should rethink this, son," Carlisle whispered, almost imperceptibly.
I just shook my head again.
"No," I said. "I've already made the decision. You all have to be gone by the end of the week."
"Edward," Esme said. "There has to be some other solution to this. If you want..." She trailed off and swallowed uncomfortably, letting her mind continue the rest. 'We could go away, and you could stay here… with Bella.'
I could see the dead look in her eyes, and I spoke quickly to relieve her.
"No, Esme. I'm leaving, too. Seriously, what did I expect to happen? It would be selfish of me to stay with her. She'd get older… I'd stay young." I took a deep breath and held it, letting my right hand fly up to pinch the bridge of my nose. I shook my head vigorously, shaking the image out of my head― the image where I stayed with Bella until her...end.
Emmett turned suddenly to Alice.
"Did you see this, Alice? Did you know this was going to happen?" he demanded.
"No," she insisted, leaning against Jasper. "I was… busy… checking on… other things."
I knew she was talking about looking out for Jasper after what had happened tonight. And I was glad― I didn't want anyone aware of this until it was necessary. And now, it was necessary.
Rosalie spoke up then, surprising us all.
"I don't want to move again. All this girl has been to our family is an inconvenience… and now we have tomovefor her?"
Emmett put a restraining hand on his wife's shoulder. She shrugged it off and stomped upstairs to her room. We heard the door slam, rattling on its hinges. Emmett shot me an apologetic look before darting up the stairs behind Rosalie.
"Edward, there's got to be a better way to do this. You can't leave Bella."
"I'm positive about this, Carlisle. I'm not budging. I don't want to do this, but I have to. I have to make her safe." My voice broke on the last word, and suddenly, Alice had thrown her little arms around my waist.
"Oh, Edward! Please don't do this! You are going to regret this." She stepped back a bit. "Just let me show you." She closed her eyes and her mind began its whirlwind transition into a vision. I jumped forward and shook her tiny shoulders; perhaps I was a little too violent, as I heard Jasper growl beside me. I ignored him and addressed my sister.
"Alice, no! We are not staying. And further more, you are not to look into her future…atall. Do you understand?" She nodded slowly, keeping her eyes on the floor. I looked up at the rest of my family members.
"That goes for the rest of you, too. We've done enough damage here. We've inflicted enough pain on Bella's life." I closed my eyes when I said her name, and her beautiful face flashed behind my eyelids. I quickly opened my eyes again, not able to bear it.
"Edward," Alice said slowly. I nodded, letting her know to continue. "When can we say goodbye to her? I want to let her know that I'll miss her."
I bit my lip to keep from crying out with the aching pain my heart was currently suffering. When I spoke, my voice was barely audible.
"You can't do that Alice. There will be no... goodbyes." It hurt to even think the words. "'A clean break.' It's the only way... She'll heal quicker..."
"And what about us, Edward?" Jasper asked. "Will we heal? Will our family heal?"
Will you heal? he thought silently.
The rest of my family didn't say anything, but I could hear their agreement in their minds.
I ignored Jasper's final comment.
"In time..." I said, looking out the window-wall towards the river. It was late at night and dark out, but I could see just fine. A small doe had its head bent down, lapping up a steady stream of water. As I spoke these words, his head flew up, and his eyes grew wide. I let out the breath I hadn't noticed I'd been holding, and he turned and fled into the surrounding forest.
"That's not fair Edward!" Alice's small voice pulled my thoughts away from the deer, and my eyes flashed immediately to her face. I could hear Emmett's deep growl showing his accord from upstairs, as he tried unsuccessfully to pacify Rosalie. "Bella's my best friend, Edward. She's not only dear to you..." she trailed off when she saw the fire in my golden eyes. She saw she couldn't win this one; I was determined...
"And where do you propose we go now?" Carlisle asked. I looked at him and Esme, standing with their hands intertwined, and I shut my eyes. I couldn't take any shows of affection at the moment.
"I suggest you guys go up to Alaska. I'm sure Tanya's family would appreciate you guys staying with them."
My use of the second person did not go unnoticed by them.
"You do not wish to come with us, Edward?" Esme's delicate voice had her looking so very feeble. She tried to compose her face and thoughts before she upset me further, but the attempt was halfhearted.
"No, Esme. I do not wish to follow you all."
Alice opened her mouth to ask where I was going, but quickly shut it again as a vision popped up in her mind. I watched along with her as I saw myself through her thoughts.
I was on my side, curled up in a fetal position, on a rotting wooden floor. The room looked quite small, and the darkness was such that no human would be able to see an inch in front of them. I kept whispering one word, over and over again... 'Bella.'
It seemed fitting, and I nodded to myself back in the present. It seemed like this would be the perfect setting for me... Wherever 'this' was...
It looked on the outside as I felt on the inside.
Emmett came down then, dragging an unwilling Rosalie behind him. She folded her arms across her chest in an act of resistance and talked in an icy, bitter tone.
"We just moved here, Edward, and already you want us to go again― You want us to start over.
"Rosalie," Emmett warned, and when he said those words, her resolve faltered. Her mindset changed for just barely a nano-second before she collected herself again―but it was more than enough time for me to see what she was hiding.
I could see the real reason behind her anger, her resentment. This had nothing to do with having to move― but it had everything to do with our family's emotions.
She was afraid of what this would do to us all―and frankly, so was I.
But I was not worried enough to not follow this through.
I had made a decision, and I fully intended on sticking by it.
I could see the error of my ways now.
As I stared down at my love, the bearer of my heart, the reason for my existence, I couldn't help shuddering as I remembered how it had been without her. My life had lost all its meaning, and nothing was right. The darkness had shrouded my life so fully, and I had embraced it. Because feeling nothing was better than feeling that torturous, unending, agonizing pain that came with being without Bella.
I hadn't even gone home yet since we had arrived back in Forks from Italy. I was still too scared that that feeling would return, no matter how long it would be for. I couldn't be separated from her now― it was entirely too excruciating.
I thought about what tomorrow would bring. What if Bella decided that I wasn't worth all the trouble she had been through? Heaven knows my family had put her through the tumbler many a time over the last year.
She deserved better than me. She deserved better than someone who was constantly risking her life and putting her in danger― just by my presence alone.
But I was too selfish.
I knew that I would beg if I needed to. I would apologize and try to make her see just how sorry I was.
And if she couldn't accept that, well…. Well, I wouldn't accept it…. But I wouldn't deny her her rights and feelings, either.
I would always be there, watching over her― her silent, invisible protector. Her guardian… what? Certainly not angel. No, just her… guardian.
I stood up and walked around to the other side of her bed at a human speed. I examined her from all angles, watching the soft rise and fall of her chest as she inhaled and exhaled.
I reached the other side of her bed and cocked my head slightly, running my eyes up and down her body, memorizing every twist and curve of her figure.
I stepped a bit closer to the wooden frame of her bed. I placed once hand on the mattress and leaned forward, bringing my other hand up to rest on the back of her head. I ran my fingers lightly through her smooth hair, reveling in the scent of strawberries that was released into the air.
I slipped into the bed beside her, pulling the blanket up just enough and sliding my legs underneath it. I faced her back and wrapped my arm around her waist, snuggling myself closer to her. I burrowed my face into her neck, closed my eyes, and breathed deeply.
I loved the sweet smell of my Bella. She smelled like honey, and lilac, and summer, and the best of all… freesia. That flower had never smelled the same to me after I had met her.
No, nothing smelled as amazingly pure and as tempting as my beloved.
I tightened my hold on her and scooted closer, pressing my body up behind her securely.
I had at least a few more definite hours with my angel, and I intended to spend them all here, content by her side.
I began to hum a tune that I hadn't played in the last seven months.
And as I let the melody of Bella's lullaby drift across the dark room, I fell into the closest thing a vampire can experience to a slumber.
Musical Inspiration: I Miss You by Blink 182
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