|The Official Depressing Diary of Severus Snape
Author: Dobby's Socks PM
Readers can finally experience the real story of the mysterious Potions Master through his eyes, from right before Hogwarts to death. Warning: Author is usually on constant sugar high. Those who strongly support S/LE and can't take a joke should not read.Rated: Fiction K+ - English - Parody/Humor - Severus S. - Chapters: 5 - Words: 5,603 - Reviews: 9 - Favs: 2 - Follows: 6 - Updated: 01-07-12 - Published: 11-15-08 - id: 4656532
|A+ A- Full 3/4 1/2 Expand Tighten|
So….yeah. This has been sitting on the side-lines for a while. But I'm currently feeling angry at the world, and therefore I shall vent—Sev-style!
Dobby's Polka-Dotted Sock
I know, diary, it's been forever, but let me explain. School-work combined with my SNAKE duties has taken up a lot of my time. It's not like I have the easiest life, you know? Everything's not just dropped into my lap like stupid Potter. People like him probably can't even tie their shoelaces without a House-Elf's help; that or he gets Pettigrew to tie them for him, that idiot's already servant material.
That's why we SNAKE members really understand each other, diary. We all know and accept that there may be a difficult battle ahead, so we are preparing ourselves for the future. For example, Lucius is training to be a Ministry Advisor, so that the transition of power between whatever idiot in the Minister's office to the Dark Lord will be smooth and hardly disrupt the lives of the citizens. Well, except the mudbloods, half-bloods, blood traitors, half-breeds, and Muggles; but they'll be dead, diary, so no one really cares about disrupting that.
Anyways, the Christmas Holidays are approaching, diary, and I'm perfectly fine with that. Because for the first time, I don't have to spend it with my stupid family. It'll be nice to have a real, magical, Christmas, diary, even if Dumbledore's in charge of it. Some of my housemates and I have enjoyed watching the idiot Grounds Keeper at work. He's been chopping down enormous trees for our celebration and dragging them up to the castle without magic. It's a present in itself to see a half-breed in its proper place, serving us wizards and witches.
The only disadvantage to this holiday season, diary, is that Lily is going home. I don't see why; who in their right mind would want to go spend Christmas with Muggles? Especially Lily's ugly sister. But Lily is simply too good to them, diary, and it's almost endearing. Of course, she'll eventually have to step out of the way and let them join their fellow Muggle filth at the bottom of the new regime, but I think I can let her have this one last Christmas with them, diary.
Can't wait to see if I actually got a present,
I couldn't believe it, diary. Lily got me a present! She had her Muggle mother toil away in the kitchen to make me biscuits. I think she's starting to catch on to the whole ordering around of those below thing, diary. It makes me smile to think that her stupid sister was denied access to these delicious morsels.
Of course, I'm eating these biscuits in bed with an ice pack over one eye, diary. Why, you might ask? Because the FFFF struck again, at Christmas dinner, no less.
The old Headmaster had provided some stupid Muggle crackers or something, diary, and so he had us all pull one with somebody. Lucius absolutely insisted we try just one, I think he thought there was some kind of prize inside, diary. But when we pulled it apart, these stupid plastic fists on springs were released from each end, and both Lucius and myself were hit. Be glad you didn't see their faces, diary; the FFFF were literally roaring with laughter like the stupid Griffins they are. Well, except Lupin, diary, he went home sick or something.
The worst thing, diary, was that the Headmaster just laughed at their "little prank"! Little? If that punch had been stronger, I could have lost an eye! I know it's not bruised or anything, diary, but it hurts, I assure you. Poor Lucius is practically in agony on his deathbed. I think Narcissa almost killed her cousin. No one is allowed to mess with Lucius' face.
Anyway, I'm going to stop writing now, because it's giving me a headache looking at it with just the one eye. Hopefully, I will feel better in the morning.
Looking forward to some sympathy from Lily,
I've had absolutely nothing to do for days, diary. Lily isn't back yet, SNAKE duties are suspended for the duration of the break; I mean, even hard-working purists such as ourselves have to take a holiday every once in a while, right? And yet, the FFFF is running rampant around the school, unchecked and unchallenged. It's driving me mad, diary. Something should be done.
No, diary. Something must be done, to show those blood traitors who are really in charge. To put them in their place. And it has to be done by me, diary. Lucius is still laid up in bed from his injury, Narcissa is taking care of him, and Bellatrix is busy telling them they're both idiots.
Wish me luck, diary. I'm going.
Going to battle,
What's going to happen to Sev? Who will be the victor? Find out the next time I bother to update this crazy thing! Thanks so much for reading, and please review!