Almost lost faith by Zaira Albereo

Authors Note: The song I used in the beginning is from a German band called “Juli”, which means July. I translated the lyrics, trying to keep the flow.

With every wave came a dream

but dreams just go by

your board has gone dusty

your doubts are foaming over

you’ve waited all your life

you’ve hoped that she existed

you’ve almost lost the faith

you’ve not moved the slightest

now she’s slowly coming up to you

the water slaps you in the face

you’re seeing your life like a movie

you can’t believe she’s gonna break

this is the perfect wave

this is the perfect day

just let yourself be beard

the best is not to think it over

this is the perfect wave

this is the perfect day

there is more than you know

there is more than you say

Bardsey Island, Wales 2010

Anna looked at her friend and teacher with unbelieving eyes.

“You just… did it? You didn’t even know his name!”

Claudia looked a little caught in the cookie-jar. “Well, things were a little different back then.” she grumbled.

“Although he was your enemy?”

Claudia left eyebrow crept upwards. “Hey! What are you? The Vice Squad?” she exclaimed.

Anna grinned. “I’m sorry, Tia… please, go on!”

“I don’t know… maybe you are just not old enough yet…”

“Oh Tia, come on!” Anna hung on her arm, looking at her with huge eyes. “Please! Don’t be mad at me.”

Claudia laughed. “Stop that act. I haven’t fallen for it since you were four.”

Anna laughed too. “Yeah, mom was always much easier to get bye…”

“As I remember, you could be really annoying... this “hair-incident” when you were eight! Duncan really was pissed.”

“Yeah, so, what happened with you and Methos? Did you live happily ever after? And why did I never met him?” Anna obviously was keen to change the subject and Claudia agreed..

“Methos always has been a little complicated… he was already three thousand years old when I met him. That’s a lot of life. And back then life was tough, much tougher than you can imagine. And so there were things in Methos past that haunted him, although he was trying very hard to leave them behind…”

Britain, 83 n. Chr.

Methos had woken with the first light of dawn. He looked beside him. No, it hadn’t been a dream. She was still there, lying in his arms. He could feel her warm skin against his, a strand of her long chestnut hair tingling his cheek. He slowly came up on his elbow, careful not to wake her.

He couldn’t stop looking at her. She was a warrior, but lying there in her sleep she looked more like a nymph. But then he wouldn’t make the mistake to underestimate her. When he first had seen her on the battlefield he had known that this creature on the black horse was a force of nature. And somewhere in his heart he wondered if she wouldn’t destroy him.

‘Run!’ a voice in his head whispered. ‘Run, as long as you have the chance!’

But he couldn’t detach himself from what he saw there in his arms.

In this moment Claudia stirred and opened her eyes.

“My name is Methos.” he said with a smile.

Claudia smiled back. “I’m Claudia of Llanfairyngh.”

“I’m delighted to make your aquaintance.”

“Methos...” Claudia said. The name rang a bell.” I think I actually have heard of you.”

“You did?”

“I heard of a commander who stopped the massacres and the pillaging of some troops further south. They said you stood up to a whole army.”

“You know how these stories are exaggerated.”

“Maybe. I also heard your men would hand out food to the families.”

“Don’t mistake me with the hero…” Methos obviously didn’t like being made that and Claudia let it pass.

They gathered their belongings and set out together, Methos briefly irritated to find two horses where he had left one.

“I didn’t bring your horse.”

“It always finds me.” It wouldn’t be the last surprise Methos would have around her.

When they reached the hill above the battlefield they stopped and Claudia had to swallow back the nausea that crept up in her. The hills were red. Those who had been slayed were baking in the sun, flies were buzzing over them and crows where picking at the dead faces.

Claudia turned her horse. “I can’t.” she said softly. “These were people I knew. People I ate and drank and danced with. It’s such a waste.”

“It is.” Methos said.

“Then why did you come here?” Claudia asked a little bitter and not at all sure she meant the Romans and not him specifically.

Methos met the challenging question. “I became a Roman. I became a soldier. I was sent here. What brings you anywhere? Decisions. There are good ones, there are bad ones. Sometimes you’ll know, sometimes you won’t.”

“Have been around for a while, have you?”

“Three thousand odd years.”

“Three thousand? Woof. That’s a lot. How was it back then?”

“Can’t remember, really. Like now, I guess. Empires rise, empires fall. Nothing changes much.”

They rode in unity.

“You probably have to get back to your unit?” Claudia asked after they had ridden for a while in silence.

“Where are you going to go?” he asked instead of an answer.

“I don’t know.”

“How about coming with me?” Methos asked

“And then what? Watch you fight my people?” she asked with a sarcastic edge, reminding him that they were enemys.

“I’ve been ordered back to Rome. Actually I’m thinking about retiering.”

“Rome.” Claudia looked doubtful.

“You’ve ever been there?”

“Just once. But I didn’t really do the sight-seeing routine. I…uh, had other things in mind.”

Methos gave her a questioning look, but she didn’t give anymore explanations and he let it pass.

“In my opinion, if you have to live in the Roman Empire, it’s best to do it in Rome. The honey coated ants in the Colosseum are delicious, although the showings aren’t really mine. I have this place on the hills. Quite a view you have from there, although not like the one at this little summer place I owned once just outside Herculaneum… won it in a wager… unfortunately it was destroyed when that idiot Tacitus thought it was a good idea to behead another immortal on Holy Ground… ” he knew he was babbling, but couldn’t really stop himself.

“It really was the reason for Pompejis destruction then?” Claudia asked amazed. She had heard of that incident but it was just a rumor she and Ramirez came across on their way back from Galilea, before they had split up.

“Yeah. Tacitus always was a little rash when you got him in rage.” Methos said shrugging.

For a while neither of them spoke. Then Claudia stopped her horse and said “All right.”

“All right what?”

She turned her horse, so that she was facing him. “I’ll come with you.”

“Well, that’s great. I mean, we’re going to have fun.” he said trying to sound nonchalant while his heart was leaping.

“Yeah. I think we will.” She said smiling. He rode up to her then and kissed her and she kissed him back, wondering how it could feel so good to kiss the enemy.

When they were riding back in the direction of the roman camp, Claudia looked at Methos from the side.

“Just one thing, Methos…”

“Hm?”

“Tell me you joked about the ants!”

“Tell me he was joking!” Anna said.

“He was joking.”

“Thought so.”

“He didn’t really like the ants. He was much more for the peacock brains.”

“Urgh!!”

Rome, 84 n. Chr.

They had taken the journey to Rome on the water this time, which brought them on a lot faster. Rome, Claudia had to admit that, was quite an experience, although not always a good one. There was the architecture, their were the bath houses, there was the art and the food… but there also was a decadence and lavishness Claudia couldn’t really cope with.

Where she had come from, people were used to work hard for their living. Claudia had helped on the fields since she could walk. She had gone hunting and fishing. Her mother had taken her into the forests and shown her where to find the right herbs to heal the sick, and her father had shown her how to anvil and forge from the point she could lift a hammer. People did not have much but they were proud of their work and to help another was a point of honor.

In Rome everything was different. There were people who worked hard and others who wouldn’t work at all. Still those who did the work usually were the poorest. There were people who bathed in milk and others, who were so poor they had to beg for pittance on the streets to get some food.

Methos, she found out, was not only an entertaining tour guide, but a man full of surprises. He seemed to live a good life but still was kind to the pauper and treated the few servants that lived in his house, like they belonged to his family. But then he was a man with secrets as well. He wasn’t very talkative about his past and sometimes he would go out without sharing his reasons. Normally Claudia wouldn’t object, they both were independent beings.

But one evening after they’d been in Rome a few month and Methos again left the house without explanation, Claudia just got a bad feeling in her guts. She knew better then to ignore her instincts - and went after him.

Methos took the steps up to the temple, his senses sharpened. Larus had asked him to meet here and he had accepted. This was Holy Ground, let’s see what he wanted. He felt the buzz, so the other immortal must already be there. When he stepped into the inner courtyard a man came out of the shadows.

“I didn’t think you would come.” he said.

“Why wouldn’t I?” Methos replied.

“I didn’t think you’d be that stupid.” the other said in this instant Methos felt a sharp pain cutting in his chest and looked down only to see an arrow sticking out of it. It hurt like hell. It always did.

“What are you planning, Larus?” he coughed, reaching for his sword. But it was no use here. This was after all Holy Ground.

“To watch you die.” Larus said coming closer. “And then take your head.”

“No! That’s…”

“Oh please, don’t tell me about the rules. Rules are for losers.”

Methos staggered backwards trying to reach the steps, he felt his warm blood running out of him while his limbs grew colder. He fought a loosing battle. He was dying. So, this was how it was going to end. After three thousand years, maybe it was enough. But a face was swimming before his eyes… and he didn’t want to die.

But he did anyway.

Claudia reached the roof of the temple’s front building in the same moment Methos finally fell to the ground. She felt her blood rush, her rage and fear mingled in it. Methos was lying defenseless in the middle of the large courtyard, only slightly illuminated by the half moon, looking through the heavy clouds.

She took her bow. She took an arrow. The temple darkened again as the moon vanished, but she probably just had this one chance. The immortal in the courtyard was looking around wildly as her buzz reached him… and she shot. The arrow whirred through the air and hit him just a little down his left shoulder.

He cried out in pain and anger, stumbling back and clutching his chest. “Get him!” he shouted to the darkness behind him. And Claudia saw the movement of a shadow between the arches on the opposite side of the courtyard. It had to be a mortal, at least she didn’t feel a buzz. Silently she crept nearer on the balustrade towards the arches, always staying low in the shadows. Methos was still out cold and probably would stay that way until the arrow was removed. The other immortal on the other hand, while lying on the ground now, wasn’t dead yet. Claudia had obviously missed his heart by a few inches. Still even he seemed to be afraid to break the one rule that had brought Pompeji down only five years ago. He must have planed to remove Methos as soon as he was dead and take his head outside the temple. How unsporting of him…

Claudia glanced a last time at them, then concentrated on the mortal shadow that was sneaking in her direction. Unfortunately the thought hadn’t occurred to him to look for her a little more upwards. Therefor Claudia just had to wait for him to pass below her and then jumped down her sword in hand. With a small noise she landed on her feet just behind him. He turned with his sword drawn and lunged for her head. Claudia ducked and with the same movement buried her blade in his chest.

“Noooo!!” it was the cry of a dying man, but with a last force, Larus came to his knees and looked at her with murder in his eyes. “You will regret that for the rest of your short life! I will find you and then you will beg me to kill you!”

“Yeah, fine. Get yourself an appointment. And don’t make it Holy Ground then!”

But the immortals eyes glazed over before he could answer and so Claudia went over to Methos body, removed the arrow and took the lifeless weight on her shoulders.

She didn’t want to take a risk and so she slung him over her horse and rode straight towards Methos villa on the hills. He stirred when she was heading up the road to his place but it wasn’t before she stopped at the entrance to the property, that he had recovered enough to sit up. He slided from the horses back and sat down hard against the surrounding stone wall.

When Claudia jumped down as well Methos looked at her. “You saved my life. You risked your own to save mine… why would you do something that stupid?”

Claudia gave him a wry look. “You’re welcome.”

“I didn’t say ‘thank you’.”

“Well I assumed, this little speech was your own strange way to do so.”

“I don’t want you to risk your life for me!”

“And I don’t want you to die!”

She held out a hand to him and he grabbed it still looking grudgy.

“Oh come on, cheer up! You can make it up to me.” Claudia said.

“Really?” he said, not quite able to hide his grin. “And how would I do that?”

“I guess you’ll find a way…” Claudia said grinning as well.

There was a thunderstorm coming up and the first drops of rain were already coming down, so they headed for the house but didn’t quite make it before the downpour began, and when they got to the entrance they weren’t exactly dry anymore. They started to kiss and undress each other, and as the force of the thunderstorm grew, their kissing became more and more passionate.

Still their love-making was slower and more intense than it had ever been before and while the storm was howling outside and the thunder was rolling, and they were clinging to each other in a infinite rhythm Methos started to see flashes of events before his eyes he didn’t recognize. A house in the forest, a couple with smiling faces, green hills and a lake with a waterfall where he was swimming… and then flames, the smiling couple slaughtered, roman soldiers grabbing him… raping him!

Methos was too shocked at first, but when he noticed the look on Claudia's face it dawned on him, that this was not a one-way-experience, and that while he was dipping in her sub-conscious, she was doing the same with his. Panic flooded his brain, as he grew aware what she must be seeing. The look on her face told him he was right. It was the look of utter terror.

He withdraw himself from her at once, retreating to the other side of the room. He was shaking. What had she seen?

Claudia was to horror-struck to move. What she had seen, in what she knew must be glimpses from his past, had been sickening and ghastly. It all had gone so fast, pictures crushing into each other. Villages burning, screaming, men being killed by her, woman being raped by her, blood and fire and death and in between always men with masks on horses, a peaceful camp of nomads turned to ashes while a small girl was being raped in front of her, pain, so much pain and humiliation, she was raped, she was tortured, she couldn’t take no more but it didn’t stop, it didn’t stop…!

Slowly she raised her head and looked at him with tears in her eyes. He was clutching a blanket, starring at her so terrified he was frozen. His breathing came hard, like a trapped animal.

The tears were running down Claudia’s face now. “What have they done to you?” she whispered.

Methos heart beat even faster. He didn’t want to ask. He didn’t want to know. “What have you seen?” he croaked.

She looked him in the eye. “You. I’ve seen you. I’ve seen all that atrocity that happened to you…”

“You mean that happened because of me.”

“No. I…I felt your pain, your fear, your…humiliation.”

“Really? Well I felt your pain and humiliation too!”

“You’ve seen my first death?” she stood up and slowly stepped towards him.

“Yeah. That Romans could have been me!”

“No. Not anymore.” she stretched her hands out to him.

“You don’t understand!” he cried, retreating further. “What you’ve endured, I have inflicted.”

“I know. How long ago?”

“A millenia…”

“And before that?”

“I can’t remember.”

“That’s not true. I’ve seen the horror that happened to you and yours inside your head.”

Methos grew ashen. “Oh God…”

Claudia then closed her arms around him. “I’m not a saint Methos. You’ve seen what I endured, but not what I became afterwards. I killed every roman soldier that crossed my path. First I only wanted to kill the ones who killed my parents and raped me. But my hate got out of control, it didn’t matter anymore. One day I saw myself through the eyes of a little boy, whose father I had come to kill, and I understood that I had become what I was fighting.”

“What did you do?”

“I went away, I tried to change, to live my life differently.”

“I slaughtered through what you today know as Persia for centuries. Ever heard of the four horsemen of the apocalypse? You think you can compare this? You think you can just walk away from that?”

“No. I wouldn’t in the world presume that I can imagine what you went through. But I think I know whom you have become. Not a saint either. But a strong man. A wise man. A good man.”

“You don’t know that.” he said with pain in his voice. “You don’t know anything about me.”

“Let’s say I have a knowing heart. And a pair of very well working eyes to go with it.”

She reached out for him and gently stroked his face. He closed his eyes in pain. He had been sure that if she ever would find out who he was – which he had intended to never let happen – she would at least leave him cold if not come for his head.

“How can you not hate me after what you have seen?”

“It’s not my duty to judge you for something that happened in a time I’ve never seen. I can’t expect to ever be able to understand what you were, or how you’ve become like it. Even less how you managed to turn into who you are now. The man I’ve fallen in love with.”

Methos stood absolutely still.

Claudia lay her arms around his neck and kissed him and he kissed her back and when they finally fell down on the bed, Methos made love to her with such a tenderness, he made her cry. They both cried when they finally reached the climax.

They slept cuddled up to each other. But a pressing feeling woke Methos in the middle of the night. It was fear. ‘Run!’ the voice in his head whispered. He looked down at this beautiful warrior-witch, that today had saved his life, made unbelievable love to him and had forgiven him all his trespasses. She didn’t understand, that she had fallen in with the devil.

Slowly he stood up and dressed. He took his sword and a few belongings. Then he gave her a last look. She was the most gorgeous woman he had ever met in his whole long life. She was everything he had ever wanted – and he didn’t deserve her.

“He just left?” Anna exclaimed. “How could he do that?”

“He thought he had to save me from himself.”

“Because he had done those bad things back then?”

“Yeah.”

“What did he do?”

Claudia hesitated. Methos past was… well… not really made for the ears of an eighteen year old.

“That’s another story for another day. It’s already getting dark. Time for bed, I’d say. You’re going to have a hard day tomorrow.”

“Yeah, because you’re going to make it hard.”

Claudia grinned. “Exactly.”

While Anna was walking back to the cottage, Claudia let her eyes wander over the waves for a last time. Where was he right now? And had he finally managed to lose his demons?

TO BE CONTINUED

A/N: Reviews are what keep us authors running. I'd love to hear your thoughts, wether good or bad.

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