Hey everyone. Please read this:

To all my friends/reviewers/readers : You know who you all are - You are the reason this is fun for me. Thank you for being so faithful to this story!

A BIG THANK YOU TO MY BETA, JEN! (LJ: bell12804 & FF: stargirl888) : I've almost spent more time discussing things with you than my own husband! HaHa!

And from now on, all the QUESTIONS from the reviews will be addressed at the BOTTOM of the page, so be sure to check that out as well!

Chapter 12: You guys voted, so there is more of Bella's abilities and the meadow scene... But I MUST WARN YOU. This goes through the spectrum of emotions, so be prepared. Something inside me snapped when I wrote this chapter, and it really pounded into my emotions... I've been listening to David Cook's song "Permanent" and there is this lyric that said "Is this the moment where I look you in the eye? ...Forgive my promise that you'll never see me cry." and I just broke down. Here for awhile, I felt that this story hasn't had enough of Bella losing her control, and her thirst taking over. I hope that you guys forgive me for not keeping this entire chapter happy-go-lucky romantic, but I feel that this was necessary.

No worries, Chapter 13 will (hopefully) be more like you're wanting. All I ask for now is that you read this chapter because it will be shocking to you.
THE SONG IS UPLOADED FOR YOU TO DOWNLOAD ON MY PROFILE PAGE. I recommend you listen to it on repeat when you read it. It'll make a stronger impact for the words.
It's a long chapter, just in case I don't get to another one before Xmas.

Officially rated M.

[Don't worry, not as long away as you think for the impatient kiddies!]

... And again PLEASE REVIEW!

Disclaimer: I own nothing that is Twilight or Stephenie Meyer related. Just this little story, not the characters. [Robert Pattinson is on my Xmas list though. ;)]

For what shall it profit a man,

if he shall gain the whole world, and lose his own soul.

Mark 8:36

Chapter 12: Permanent

I found myself playing with the Cullen's brown and white boxer, Jetson, while Emmett and Edward were upstairs talking. Edward made a point to be three stories up and across the house from me so I couldn't hear them whispering that well. Alice joined me on the living room floor, and Rosalie sat on the couch, admiring her new outfit on me. She first attempted to dress me in tight jeans, a blue blazer jacket with a white long shirt under it, and heels. But after I confessed to them (behind Edward's back) that we weren't going to school today, she caved in and allowed me to wear a cute pair of dark denim jeans, two multi-colored tanks, and black flats, which I finally accepted. After begging non-stop for ten minutes, Alice fixed my hair into skinny waves, and let it flow down. By the time we were actually in the living room, I was in clothes I've never attempted to wear before, my hair fixed with an actual curling iron, and much more makeup then I'd ever attempted to torture myself with in a lifetime. However, admitting only to myself, I actually looked... Hot.

Huh. Who would have thought?

After twenty minutes of Edward bribing Emmett with God knows what to let us borrow his newly arrived custom Jeep from him, they emerged in the room with us. Edward looked incredible, wearing a dark blue button down shirt, fitting jeans, and matching shoes. His hair was his normal messy delight, and the side smile he wore made my body tremble in all the wrong - yet right - places. My breath caught in my throat as he walked in to sit next to me on the floor, and I found myself unable to look him in the eye. I bit the inside of my lip nervously and shied away, trying to remember how to breathe. I was glad I was the only one who could make out my hyperventilation, but I couldn't help but notice both Alice and Rosalie smirking in my direction, obviously realizing something was off with me.

"Hey you," Edward whispered before kissing the side of my head.

I smiled and pulled Jetson closer to me, hugging the dog tight. It amazed me how Jetson didn't fear me. Maybe because I wasn't a threat to him, since my thirst wasn't for him. He just looked up at me with his blinking big brown eyes and sloppy smile, his tongue bouncing up and down as I shook his paw.

I felt Edward's hands stroking through my hair, causing my body to tremble. I didn't know what was going on with me, I wasn't used to feeling this way... of feeling in love. I didn't know how to control myself from smiling constantly, and my breathing, and just... ugh, this was awful! I felt outside my own body. Like I was floating above it or something.

I was desperate to break the silence that lingered from Edward's words. "It's um, too bad you guys can't skip out with us," I stuttered to Alice's direction. Before she could reply, Edward's head cocked in my direction, and I realized that my inability to control my emotions just gave me away.

"Yeah," he exhaled, continuing to glance at me. "...It is."

Alice smiled as she climbed in Jasper's lap, who was awkwardly glancing between the two of us with a weird smirk on his face.

"I know!" Alice shouted. "You guys should have told me last night. I would have put on my famous Esme voice and got us all excused."

I nodded, tilting my head in Jasper's direction. He continued to stare at me.

I glanced over to the left with my eyes, to find Emmett and Rosalie cuddling on the couch, he whispering in her ear. She just giggled and bit her thumbnail.

My breath continued to come out tight, and I glanced back down to the ground. Jetson was raising his paw and tapping my leg with it, begging me to shake again. I giggled and shook his hand, and petted the top of his head with my other. "You're such a cute pup."

"He likes you," Rosalie chimed in. "He usually doesn't warm up to people this fast. Must be your charm, Bella."

I smirked. "Maybe."

Edward scooted closer to my side, and my shaking got worse. I thought about excusing myself to the bathroom in order to pull myself together, but I knew I'd probably stumble in front of everyone, since my legs were mushy at the moment. I sighed and looked down to my lap, ignoring Jetson's continued begging for attention.

"Are you okay love?" Edward whispered in my ear, concerned expression on his face, as he continued to play with my hair.

I nodded and forced myself to look at his face - not his eyes though - and smile. "I'm fine," I stated bluntly. "Just... anxious, for some reason."

Edward leaned in and rested his chin on my right shoulder, his arm hooking around my waist. "Me too," he whispered back.

I felt my body slowly settle down as his warm embrace soaked into me, and before a whole minute passed, I was calm. So strange, the different affects he had on my body.

"Thanks," I whispered to him.

He nodded, his hand rubbing soft circles on my back.

"Well," Alice said as she pulled herself and Jasper to their feet. "We've got to get going to boring school, or we're going to be late."

I frowned, watching everyone get up and gather their things. Emmett extended his arms and Jetson took a run and leap toward him, as Emmett caught him in an embrace. "Bye my baby!" Emmett shouted, rocking the big dog in his arms like an actual newborn. "I will miss you so much, my little lug nut."

Rosalie laughed and pushed Emmett to the side. "Come on, we're gonna be late."

Edward and I waved goodbye to them and called Jetson back over to us as they walked out the house. Now, as their car drove down the drive, I realized it was just us.

After a lingering moment of silence, Edward piped up. "Are you sure you are all right, Bella? You seem... frazzled."

I nodded, finding his eyes for the first time today. "Yeah, I'm just... not used to feeling this way. So.. vulnerable, and happy. It's weird."

He chuckled and pulled me closer to him. "I know. I feel it too. You should have seen me in the shower this morning."

My brows arched as vivid thoughts crossed in my head.

"What were you doing in the shower?" I guiltily mused, only imagining the wrong things.

He caught on to my sense of humor and smirked. "Dirty girl."

He shook his head, his smile growing larger. "No, I was feeling very anxious, and I kept dropping things and slipping up. It took me a long time to... you know, ...get done."

I laughed, continuing to bite the inside of my lip as the thoughts kept entering my mind. "I thought you were taking so long because..."

My voice trailed off as my laugh got louder, more exuberant.

Edward's laugh joined mine as he laid back on the carpet, throwing his right arm behind his head as his left hand continued to touch the small of my back. He pushed Jetson's face away, as the dog was trying to take advantage of his head on the floor by licking him all over. "My gosh, where is your mind?"

My body shook so hard from my laughing, and I realized I hadn't laughed like that in decades. "I am sorry, I don't know! I can't help it though!"

Edward thought for a moment as he tugged on his hair. "Well... What were you thinking about when I mentioned the shower?"

I covered my face with my hands and shook my head. "You don't want to know. It wasn't cleansing your body, that's for certain."

"Humor me."

My eyes met his as I pressed my lips together, holding back more laughs. "Y-You know what..."

He shook his head. "You're not drawing a picture here for me."

"Please don't make me say it."

Edward sat back up and scooted over to me again. "Okay. I won't pick on you anymore."

I exhaled. "Thanks."

"But just for the record, I didn't do that today."

As soon as I glanced at his face, and found him licking his lips, I lost it. My body relaxed as my laugh bellowed out, and before I knew it, I was on my laying on my side on the ground, curled up into a ball. My ribs were sore from the rocks and shakes of my body. "Wasn't in the mood?" I joked..

Edward climbed over to me on his knees and he threw one arm over my body, to where he was holding himself above me. I slowly rolled over on my back, evil smile plastered to my face, and my hands found his forearms. It amazed me how comfortable I felt around him. How I could joke with him about sex and life and stuff. How safe I felt under his body.

How in love I was with him.

"No," he whispered as his tongue danced along his bottom lip. "I'm always... in the mood, I just..." Edward pursed his lips together, thinking about whether or not he should tell me what he was truly thinking. "See, I knew you were in the house and was afraid you could hear me somehow."

That did it, the final straw.

I threw my head back from laughing so hard, and Edward's body lowered to mine, as he buried his face in my chest. "It is not funny, Bella! I was really worried!"

My laugh echoed around the house as my hands found the back of his hair. "I'm sorry. It's just.. You're so funny!"

His warm body rocked above mine as he let himself press against me. "I'm glad to be at your service."

Minutes passed as we calmed down.

His steady heart beat pushed against my stomach, and his warm hands slid along my ribs in light patterns. He rested his ear above my heart, and his body centered between my legs. I listened to his heavy breathing, as my own breath became lighter and shallower.

"So... beautiful." he whispered.

I frowned. "What is beautiful? It's hollow in there."

"No it's not... There's something different to this. See, without the beating, I can hear other things, such as your lungs when you inhale. It's miraculous."

I smiled. "Why do you have to be so sincere? Why can't you just run away from me?"

Edward's head lifted so he could rest his chin on me. "Now, what fun would that be for us? We'd both be miserable."

I nodded. "I'd still understand."

He shook his head. "I'm not going anywhere, Bella. Ever."

I shivered as his heart beat grew stronger, and I knew I needed to move away from him. Or else.

I gripped his shoulders and slid my body forward, underneath him. He smirked as certain parts passed his head, but thankfully, didn't say anything. I pulled myself on the couch for support, then stood to my feet.

Not speaking, I pulled him back up to his room and opened up his glass doors.

"So, are you ready for our date, cowboy?"

"Cowboy?" He mused as he hopped to his feet. "I'll show you cowboy."

He ran into a different room on the floor beneath us. After about fourty five seconds, he emerged with a pricy authentic cowboy hat. He stood in the doorway and gave me a cute model-like silly pose. He looked sexy in it, I had to admit.

"Very fitting," I complimented him.

He winked at me. "Thanks, little lady."

I laughed and threw on my jacket. "Before we go, I should warn you... There is some things you aren't taking into consideration. I am strong and very... I don't know... powerful. I don't want to emasculate you, being the woman in all of this. I don't want to scare you off."

He put on his jacket and shoved his hands in his pocket. "I think I can handle it."

"Are you sure? Because I'm going to be... tossing you around a bit."

He smirked. "I'm not afraid of you, Bella. You've never terrified me."

"Okay... Just know that you've been warned."

Before he could respond, I flew across the room to him, and grabbed his hand. The cowboy hat flew off his head, and I heard his breath suck in as I yanked him out of the windows and to the ground, making sure he landed on the balls of his feet softly beside me, three stories down.

"Holy shit!" He shouted as he laughed. "That was awesome!"

I laughed and gripped his hand tighter. "That's nothing."

I wrapped my arm around his waist as we ran toward the lake, and gripped him tighter, launching both our bodies across the moving water, toward the trees. He shouted excitedly when we met the large tree trunk.

"Okay," I started, my words excitedly tumbling out. "This is what is going to happen: I'm going to hold your hand and pull you with me. I won't let you fall or get hurt. Do you trust me?"

"In theory?" He joked.

"Just close your eyes!"

And with that, I dug my nails in my right hand into the bark and gripped his hand with my left. Keeping my balance on my right side, I pulled him with me and climbed up the tree, to the very top. His face was priceless and he was speechless, as I expected.

I laughed and threw my arms around his waist, to where we were looking at each other. I planted my feet into the limb we were standing on and threw myself and him backward, to the tree across from us. Then I bounced around until I found the thickest tree. We landed gently on our feet on a sturdy branch, and I climbed to the top of that one.

Edward remained mute as his eyes grew wider and a smile stuck to his lips.

When we got to the top of that tree, he exhaled loudly. "This is... absolutely incredible, Bella. I am at a loss for words. Do you do this often?"

I nodded. "When I need to get away."

He turned to take in the whole view, his hands continuing to hold mine for support. His face held beauty as he took in the scenery of the forest and the lake. I convinced him to relax as we travled around the branches, talking about things such as the hills in the distance or the animals below us.

Then, after a few moments, his eyes settled on mine. I held onto him tight as I leaned against the tree with my back, and tilted my head to the side.

"You are too cute," I humored him.

Edward shook his head and slowly walked to me, pinning me against the tree.

"You are perfect."

I smiled as my fingers stroked along his cheek. "You are too good to me."

Edward inhaled deep, taking in the whole view again before resting his eyes before mine once more. Then he shook his head. "I'm in love with you, Bella. I could never be too good to you."

I closed my eyes and exhaled. "Maybe you're just too good for me then. Regardless if I feel the same way for you, I know I don't deserve you. I mean, look at all of this. Look at our differences. I'm a freak, Edward."

"Bella!" Edward was fully against me now, his hands to my face as I held on tightly to his hips, keeping his weight balanced above him.

He shook my face lightly as his eyes burned into mine. He seemed to have forgotten that he was multi-stories up, standing on a tree branch.

"I don't want to hear stuff like this from you, Bella. Please stop addressing yourself this way. This isn't fair to me. If anything, our roles would be reversed, making you too good for me. I've accepted it as our fate, because here we are. You are here with me, because you want to be here with me. And I to you. So can you just... Bella, can you please stop doing this to yourself?"

I nodded, unable to respond.

"Good."

I closed my eyes as he pressed a gentle kiss on my forehead. "Now," he mused. "Show me what else you can do."

I smiled, and wrapped my arms slowly around his waist, pulling him against me. "Are you sure?"

He nodded.

"Are you afraid of heights?"

He shook his head.

I smiled and stepped to the side, off the branch. As we were falling to the ground, he couldn't help but shut his eyes and press his face into the side of mine. We landed softly, but as he pushed tighter to me with a reaction of shock, I fell backward, him landing on me in the leaves. We laughed for a few moments as he rolled off, onto his back.

"Oops," he chuckled. "Wasn't expecting that."

I giggled. "No problem. Are you hurt?"

"No, not at all. What a rush!"

"I know."

A couple of hours passed as I continued to impress him with my "skills". I showed him how I could bend tree root into a ball, how to push trees and rocks over with my body, how to leap around in a blink of an eye. Edward's eyes never seemed to hold fear, just amazement.

He enjoyed everything I showed him, even how fast I could run.

He was truly an angel, how easily he accepted me.

At last, we ended up being back at my favorite meadow, where the blue-green grass folded over and the butterflies floated around us. We laid in silence across from each other at first, our fingers taking in the other's face, neck, lips. We admired each other like they were a mystery.

It felt incredible.

As time went by and we discussed more about our adventure so far, we began to loosen up and get silly with each other. We sat across from each other in an indian-style position, with our hands extended, touching each other palm to palm.

We took in the texture of each other's skin, the heat to the cold, and the soft to the normal. At first, we were delicate with each other, admiring the difference in shade and whatnot. Then I joked around and asked him if he could try to warm me up, since he mentioned to me he didn't like that I always felt cold, only because he couldn't do anything about it.

"Warm you up?" He mused.

I nodded.

"Like... try to create a spark?"

I giggled. "Yes."

"Ooookay." His hands slowly began to slide up and down my palms. I giggled as I joined him. He muttered something like "wax on, wax off" under his breath, his movement increasing. After a few moments of laughing and pushing on each other's hands, Edward's hands dropped.

"Give up?" I asked.

He shook his head.

"But then why did y-" My voice was cut off as he climbed to his knees in front of me. I arched my brows, confused. "Are you alright?"

Edward nodded. "Of course. Only... I thought of a different way to create a spark."

"How?"

He smiled his angel smile, leaning closer to me. His face was inches from mine and I found myself laying backward, into the soft grass. I exhaled deep as he climbed above me, his hands trembling slightly, his mouth open a hint. "Do you trust me?" He asked.

I smirked, my body shaking. "In theory?" I mocked him, from earlier.

He shook his head as his smile grew. "No. I mean in general."

I nodded.

My hands slid up the sides of his arms as he lowered his face to mine, pressing his lips gently. I shivered beneath him, as the contact engulfed me. My thoughts began to both run wild and then stop all together.

It continued to astonish me, how perfect his lips formed around mine, like they were meant to be there.

Before I could think about it, I found my lips molding against his, going along with his motions.

Desperately wanting the motions.

Needing them.

I felt so lost in the taste of him, as if it were the most delicious thing in this world.

He exhaled as he relaxed his body, only holding himself up on his elbows now. His heart steadily thudded against me, and as I raised my head from the ground to meet him with more force, the beating increased. I discovered I liked this feeling, and slowly opened my mouth to him.

His warm breath surrounded me and when his sweet tongue entered, his heart began to beat out of control. I gasped, kissing him hard, my fingers tangling into his hair. He slid his weight above me a few inches, his jeans grinding into me without interference, and his fingers wound into the curls at the end of my hair.

Edward's breathing hitched as I slid my tongue between his lips, and that caused my body to feel swarmed with a weird sensation of heat.

Our kissing continued rapidly, and thoughts began to smother my head again.

My body adjusted to the rhythms pounding into me from his chest as I dragged my legs up, trapping his body with my knees. I was too afraid to swing them around his body, not fully trusting myself yet. It was bad enough how strongly his kisses alone made me desire him... How delicious they were.

How his tongue caressed mine.

How his warm bottom lip rubbed along mine so delicately.

He sucked in my bottom lip between his lips, and my body arched off of the ground.

I knew I shouldn't trust myself with him.

If I lost control now, my emotions could take ahold of me and I could snap, willing or unwilling, and it could be all over.

For him.

For me.

I gasped, pulling his head away. "Edward, I think we should stop. I, I don't know if I c-"

"Don't worry about me," he mumbled, burying his face into my neck. "I trust you, Bella."

His lips pressed into my neck as he shoved his body against me with more force, causing the heat to explode inside my body. His tender hand slid up the right side of my shirt, along my ribs, creating a blaze of heat against my cold skin.

I gasped, my fingers winding in his hair again.

A good percentage of me told me to lay back because I wanted this sooo damn badly and to go with that desire, but the smaller - yet more demanding - part of me told me to get the hell away from him. Now.

His sweet tongue trailed along my neck from my ear to the base.

As soon as he slowly began to press his teeth on my collar bone, I was on the other side of meadow, gripping a tree, gasping for air. My hand clutched my burning throat as I stared at him.

Edward sat on his knees, his hands and mouth open, shock and dumbfounded expressions written all over his face, which was flushed red a bit.

I looked away, shaking my head from the evil thoughts that were crossing my mind.

"I-I'm so sorry, Bella." He gasped, his hand shaking as he covered his chest.

I took a few steps back, sliding down to the ground, covering my head. All I could think about was the hard thudding of his heart, and all my eyes could focus on was the bouncing of the vein in his neck.

His delicious neck.

Those delicious veins.

I gasped, scooting myself back into the shadows.

"Bella!" Edward crawled on his knees toward me, but only a few feet. "Bella? I can't see you, are you all right?"

"Wait there, Edward! Please!"

"O-Okay."

A good ten minutes passed by us now as we remained frozen in our places. I tried to think about all the reasons I loved him, and how much he has saved me from my misery all ready. I had gotten so far with him in the past, and I used to never be able focus on him like this before.

But now, as my mouth continued to water, I felt the ache in my chest return. I needed to get away from him for a little bit, go hunt or something.

Distract myself.

But I knew he'd never find his way home from here, since I pulled him so deep into the forest.

"Bella?" Edward's voice was a faint whisper. "Are you angry with me? I am so very sorry, I didn't think."

After a few more minutes, I haggardly walked back into his eye sight, but stopped at the edge of the opening. "I can't lose control like this with you, Edward. It isn't safe for you."

He nodded. "I won't let you. I'll do better."

I felt my fingers curl into tight fists as a tiny splash of anger hit me. "It's not up to you to do better, Edward. This is me. This is my fault. This is my thirst that I need to control."

He nodded again as his voice came light and too soft. "Okay. I will help you then. What can I do to make this easier for you?"

"We need to get you home. I have to get away from here for a few hours."

He looked down. "If that's what you feel is necessary."

"It is." I wasn't about to take any more chances with him today, in both our fragile states.

Continuing to hold my rock hard stance, we walked back through the forest in silence. I kept my distance from him, a good thirty feet almost, as we walked side by side. Edward didn't speak, his hands out in front of him as he hopped over rocks and small rivers. I tried to ignore his heart beat, humming loudly to myself. I focused my thoughts on random crap, such as football and cotton candy and weird stuff I never cared about before.

By the time we made it back to his house, it was a little after one o'clock.

Edward opened the door to the house for me, but I shook my head. "I need to go."

He frowned, his body leaning into the frame. "Please don't."

I shook my head. "Today was a much needed wake up call, Edward. I don't know if I can control my thirst around you right now."

"Bella, I know you can."

I curled my fingers into fists again. "How do you know, Edward?" I asked icely, as the clouds began to roll in above us. "How can you be sure that I won't want to kill you the next time you press your teeth to my neck? How will you be able to tell that you can climb over me without the fear of your life ending? It shouldn't be like this, Edward. I'm not right for you. You should have someone who can te-"

"We're in love, Bella."

The words knocked me off my bearings, and I stumbled back a few steps. I sighed, unable to refocus on my speech. The sky evened out, but continued to stay dark as I glared at him.

"Yes. We are." he continued. His voice was very calm and certain, as if he could stake his entire life on it - or worse - that he was willing to stake his life on it. Right now.

We continued to stare at each other's eyes, as both our fists clutched into tighter balls.

I shook my head as the clouds grew darker.

I watched as his eyes became frustrated.

I prepared myself for the blow.

Edward's words came tumbling out, full force.

"You think you're so different from me, Bella, and you are not. You are incapable of knowing what I think about when we're together. You don't know, you cannot read minds. You have no fucking idea what it is like for me, being so little in comparison to all the great things you can do, that you surround yourself with. You have no clue what it is like for me to be able to look you in the eyes, feeling so small and irrelevant. I spend most of my time trying to figure out why in the hell you would want someone like me in your life?..."

Edward's voice trailed off for a few moments, but he gained control of himself quickly, as more anger bursted out of him.

He shook his head, slamming the side of his fist into the door frame.

"You know what, Bella? It would make more sense to me if you would just end my life. Then I'd feel that I had some kind of purpose for existing, for being able to be here on this earth for you."

"No Edward, it's n-"

"Yes, it is! It's just like you said the other night: We were placed on this earth to be with each other, it's the only way. Yet, it seems to me that no matter what else I try to do for you, no matter how hard I try to convince you that I don't care about what you are or how badly you want to rip me apart, it doesn't seem to sink into your beautiful, stubborn head. I canont figure out how else to tell you that I TRUST YOU."

I couldn't speak.

Edward shook his head, his voice shaking. "Apparently, you don't feel the same way about me. So just do it."

That got my attention.

My mouth dropped open as my eyes bulged out. "What?"

"Do it, Bella. Come on! Can we just get it over with?"

I shook my head fiercely. "What in the hell are you talking about?"

He stormed out of the doorframe and down the sidewalk to me. I scrambled back a few inches, but couldn't move much further.

His eyes burned into mine with the strength of a thousand fiery suns.

"DO IT!"

He was shaking all over his body.

It wasn't anger that crossed his face, no. It was something else. Something deeper then anger.

I couldn't figure it out.

"Edward, I don't know what you're -"

"Yes you DO, Bella. You know exactly what I am talking about. If THIS -" His voice cut off sharp as he thrusted his index finger to his vein on his neck, "-is more important to you the what we have for each other, than the dedicated love I have for you-"

I cut him off. "Edward, please stop!"

"No! If you cannot control your uttermost desire to taste my blood on your lips... If you cannot think of anything else in this entire world that is more important then THIS. LITTLE. VEIN. that is pulsing in my neck, Bella, then just do it. I'll give it to you, no questions asked."

I gasped, my hand covering my throat.

"Do it, Bella!"

I watched as tears welled up in his eyes and the pain and ache that drained across his lips.

At that moment, I realized what the expression was that covered his face: It wasn't anger at all.

It was pure sacrifice.

Because Edward loved me so much, so unselfishly, that he would give his life up for me.

My shaking hand moved and covered my mouth, and I watched as a single tear fell from his left eye, and his bottom lip quivering slightly.

"Please, Bella, just do it." His voice was a faint whisper as he wiped the fallen tear away from his lip with the back of his hand.

He took an unsteady step toward me, inches from me now. "...I love you that much."

Everything that was in my entire body suddenly weighed me down. The clouds opened up as the rain began to come down lightly, as if they were the tears I wished I could express. I felt as if I were a solid, and every weight in the entire world was crushing my chest. I so badly wanted to die somehow. To alleviate the pain in both of us. To escape.

I couldn't think, couldn't speak, and I most certainly couldn't move.

"...I love you..." Edward continued to whisper, and I realized that this was the not only the first person that I saw cry since the day my mother held me in her arms, but this was the first person I saw cry because of me. Because they loved me.

I tried to open my mouth to speak but as I watched another single tear fall, I shut it.

Edward shook his head, taking a step closer to me as he filled in the gap.

"Please? Please, Bella. You can have me, in any way you choose."

I swallowed hard, feeling as if my body was going to explode.

"I love you," he whispered in reminder again. "I've only loved you."

"I-I can't."

He shook his head as he wiped his eyes. "I won't fight you."

"No," my voice was so weak as my body felt more heavy. "I can't."

"Sure you can. It's what you want."

"No Edward. I-It's not."

My lips were trembling like his as I tucked my hair behind my ear, glancing up to see the torn and broken expression on his face that I caused.

The rain stayed light, but steady.

Like tears.

"I love you, Edward. I'm sorry, I can't."

His hands collapsed to his sides in defeat.

Mine followed to my sides.

Emptiness surrounded my head and I realized that all those previous wants had completely disappeared.

I no longer thirsted for him, couldn't even fathom the idea of taking his life now.

The mere thought of it churned my stomach, and made me feel disgusted. Nauseated, even.

We stood there in silence for a few moments, staring at our feet.

I listened to him sniffle and exhale. "Crying... So stupid," he mumbled in a whisper to himself. "That doesn't help anything."

I shook my head, unable to look up. "I- um, It made all...a-all" My throat closed up for a second I tugged on it with my fingers. "...it made all the difference in the world to me. I needed to see it."

"Why?" He was so embarrassed and I watched as his hands continued to shake.

Closing my eyes for a moment, I lifted my head and took a step to press myself against him. My hands found his warm face and I moved the last tear from his right eye with my thumb.

"I'm so sorry, Edward."

He shook his head, his hands finding my wrist. "Don't be. If this is what you want, there is no need for you to apologi-"

"Yes there is. It's not what I want at all. I want you. I need you. I love you, Edward."

His eyes found mine now, and I felt certain of my final decision. "I love you, Edward, and I will never react like this again. Ever."

"How are you so certain?"

I pressed my hand to his warm chest and felt calm as soon as the pound hit my palm. "Because I cannot imagine one second in this world without you, now that I have you with me. I cannot imagine this feeling, this thudding... gone, knowing I caused it so selfishly. I-I have this unsteady and painful ache in my chest, and I know it belongs there, because it's telling me how badly I do love you and how much I need you in my life."

I could tell he was still uncertain if he could trust my decision. "But I sw-"

"No." I covered his lips with my hand as I buried my face in his warm chest. I closed my eyes and inhaled his familiar, sweet scent. "You are my life, Edward. Without you, I don't exist."

His shaky hands slid down to the small of my back. "Are you sure, Bella? Is this what you really want, from now on?"

I nodded, taking in more of his scent. "More than anything. I've never been more certain in my life."

"Okay."

We held each other in silence for almost an hour.

We didn't care that the front door to the house was open, or that we were standing on a slanted sidewalk.

We didn't care as the rain began to pour heavily around us, more strongly now with the wind.

The ache in my chest grew heavier as the desire to cry against his chest became fiercer. Edward could sense something was wrong with me as he stiffened his pose. He pulled my face away from his chest, and as soon as rain washed over my face, he lifted his warm hands and wiped the small drops from underneath my eyes, as if they were my own tears.

"There you are," he whispered softly.

He knew.

I closed my eyes, hugging him tighter as I stood on my toes to try to bury my face in his neck. I couldn't reach, but felt his warm arms embrace me as he lifted my body from the ground. As soon as my wet eyelashes found the warmth in his neck, I felt at home. My fingers clutched against his wet shirt as he squeezed me tight, pressing his face toward the back of my head.

"I-I love you so much," I gasped. "I'm so sorry Edward."

"Shhh, it's okay love. I'm right here."

"I-I'm so s-sorry."

"Me too."

"No, it's me, I'm sorry."

Before I realized it, we were inside the warm house. I wrapped my arms and legs tighter around his body as lightening crashed around the house. I felt the ache continue to position itself in my chest, and I so badly wanted to be able to shed real tears, in order to release it.

He carried me up the set of stairs to his room, and sat on the edge of his bed, me still on his lap. I couldn't let go of him, didn't want to.

My hair dripped around the covers and our soaked clothes stuck to each others as we pressed tighter with our embrace.

Edward's voice was so reassuring, so calm and light. "I love you, Bella. I'll do anything for you."

I nodded.

"Don't ever forget that. I'm always here for you."

I nodded again. "Forever?"

"Yes."

My fingers clutched his shirt as I drug my eyes to his shoulder, inhaling deep. "Y-You promise?"

His warm hands found my face and slowly pulled it away from his body.

He smiled and pulled it to his own, pressing his forehead to mine. "Yes. I promise."

I closed my eyes as my thumbs stroked his cheek bones. "I don't ever want to leave you."

"You don't have to."

"Okay..." I nodded as I slowly opened my eyes and found his, our foreheads still touching. "And I don't want you to ever leave me, either."

"I'm permanent, Bella."

I nodded, inhaling deep. His breathing matched mine.

We both closed our eyes as we exhaled, and then we hugged again for the longest time.

I didn't care anymore about any of my concerns, or that stupid thirst that no longer mattered.

I didn't care about what Charlie would think about me falling in love with a human. He'd get over it.

I didn't care about anything else in this whole world besides the angel that held me close.

His life was all that mattered to me.

He was all that mattered.

So there we go, Chapter 12! Keep the reviews and compliments/suggestions/positive feedback coming in! They are always welcome. Please review and stay tuned!

ANSWERS TO REVIEW QUESTIONS/RESPONSES:

- Firstly, thank you to everyone who's continued to be faithful with their reviews per chapter, their positive feedback, advice, and their constructive critism, etc. It's been amazing and so enjoyable to come home from a long day's work and see the number rise from people who enjoy the story just as much as I do! You're the best!

- Okay, so I hope you enjoyed this and accept my apology for the short meadow scene. Please let me know what you think, I really put a lot into this chapter. It almost drained me and as I was writing it, my husband came in the room and was like "Why are you crying right now?" and I was like "Because this is so heartbreaking!" It really hurt to write it, imagining Edward's unselfishness.

- There wasn't too many questions this time around, you all pretty much understood the chapter well. But SiriuslyPadfoot'sGal did ask why Edward would be telling Bella to "be very still", when they kissed if she were the one that was the vampire. I chose that because I, first, wanted to keep Edward the dominant one. And second, as written in the chapter previous to this, Alice told Bella that Edward would be a "guide" and would walk her through it. So when I wrote that part, I kind of wanted to justify that Edward was the human still, but he also wanted to make sure that she could handle the fact that she was capable of controlling herself, that way they both don't get hurt. I kind of wanted Edward to justify her as a vamp, and keep her calm until she was ready. I hope that makes sense to you!

- & I am VERY HAPPY to check my email every day and see people have subscribed/alerted me to their lists. I also enjoy it when new readers take the time to "Come out of their shell" and provide feedback. Just know that it not only makes my day to read it and learn from it, but it also keeps me dedicated to my writing. So please, newbies and regulars, keep the feedback coming!

- A special shout out to MeetMeInMontauk: I am very sorry for what you have been through in your personal life. I as well have been through some of the situations I listed in the previous chapter with my characters [in one way or the other], and some of them have been really difficult to get through. I admire your strength for being able to openly tell me about them, and if you ever need someone to talk to, don't hesitate to find me, okay? Things like this are extremely difficult, and you shouldn't have to deal with them alone. Just know that there is always someone around to talk to, whether it be someone online you've never met or not. And I also recommend trying to find an outlet, like for me, it's reading and writing. I enjoy it bc I can indulge into these characters and escape from some devastating thoughts. I wish you the best in life. :D

- IF I MISSED SOMEONE'S QUESTION, I TRULY APOLOGIZE, PLEASE LET ME KNOW AND I WILL ANSWER IT ASAP!

Sincerely, Angela.