|Help Me Forget
Author: alwaysbluex PM
Dan/Blair. Flashbacks of Chuck/Blair. Blair spends a night in Brooklyn re-living old memories, and learning to forget. Even if it's only for one night. read&review please!Rated: Fiction T - English - Hurt/Comfort/Angst - Chapters: 3 - Words: 9,243 - Reviews: 47 - Favs: 20 - Follows: 30 - Updated: 12-06-08 - Published: 11-22-08 - Status: Complete - id: 4670300
|A+ A- Full 3/4 1/2 Expand Tighten|
-1Author : Laura (alwaysbluex/lawrahxxx)
Summary : One night in Brooklyn forces Blair to relive old memories, and learn to forget, even if it's only for one night.
Disclaimer: I don't own gossip girl.
Rating: light NC-17/R. Sexual themes, and drugs.
Pairings: Dan/Blair, Chuck/Blair flashbacks.
A/N: I like the idea of Dan/Blair more and more. My mom and friend think I'm crazy for it. Not even lying, we fight about it. Lol how sad! Warning you now, It's kind of dark and gloomy.
One-shot for now. Could be another installment if you guys like it!
Review/Comment, let me know what you think.
Ps. Italics = flashbacks.
There's a smell of stale fear that's reeking from our skins.
The drinking never stops because the drinks absolve our sins
We sit and grow our roots into the floor
But what are we waiting for?
So give me something to believe
Cause I am living just to breathe
And I need something more
To keep on breathing for
So give me something to believe
Something's always coming you can hear it in the ground
It swells into the air
With the rising
And never comes but shakes the boards and rattles all the doors
What are we waiting for
I am hiding from some beast
But the beast was always here
Watching without eyes
Because the beast is just my fear
That I am just nothing
Now its just what I've become
What am I waiting for
Its already done
Believe - The Bravery.
Blair did try to knock before entering his room. She really did. Maybe her trembling hands weren't loud enough. Or maybe she knew exactly what she was about to see, and had to get it over with before she exploded with anticipation. There he was, drugs on the table, cocaine, and pills, scattered like candy. Two different women, laying completely naked on his bed. Then there was Chuck, stumbling out of the bathroom, thick purple curves under his eyes, and only dressed in a pair of boxers. That were a step away from falling completely off of him.
He saw her standing by the door, saw her legs beginning to give out beneath her. But he also knew she had been fully expecting it, but to see it with her own eyes was even harder than imagining it. He looked her down, not daring to connect with her eyes, and then stumbled back over to the bed. Not caring what else she saw, because now it couldn't be taken back. The images would always be burned into her brain forever. They both knew that.
Her eyes immediately hit the floor, as she stumbled away from the room. Tears brimming her eyes, her head feeling more heavy by the second. She held onto the elevator as it went down, making her slightly nauseous. Her right hand reached her face quickly as she swatted the falling tears away. They dripped from her hand, onto the soft floor of the elevator. She wouldn't cry over him, and she wouldn't try and save him anymore. She had tried too many times before.
Blair and Nate both stood side by side, hips almost touching, hands at each others sides. It wasn't romantic, it was out of comfort. They were both scared for their best friend who was standing in front of them. Eyes glued on the casket in front of all of them. They both knew he was drunk, and possibly stoned. That was the only way he would make it here at all. They couldn't understand his immense grief. Sure Bart was his father, but did he ever really give him the time of day?
"Nate, I'm scared." Whispered Blair quietly, knowing fully well Chuck wasn't listening anyways. She hadn't admitted that to anyone yet, and it felt good to finally say it out loud. They were all scared, about what was to come. Chuck had been quite self destructive before, and they weren't sure how bad it was going to become in the near future.
"I know Blair." Nate said quietly, clutching her hand tightly.
Blair shook her head softly. "I don't know what to do anymore. He won't talk to me at all."
Nate looked at his former girlfriend. Her eyes red from tears, her face pale, and worry written across her whole body. She really loved Chuck, and to see him falling like this, so fast was hurting her more than even he could imagine.
"I'll try to talk to him, again." he added quietly, still holding onto Blair's hand. Trying to reassure her that they could help him, keep him from falling.
Blair walked down the street, shivering underneath her thin, but fashionable winter coat. Snow had started to fall, make her once beautiful, and styled hair to become wet and matted. Her eyes were probably puffy, and her nose bright red. But she didn't care, because she wasn't exactly sure where she was, and that's how she wanted it.
"Blair..?" a voice came from behind her.
She cringed, praying it wasn't someone she knew. Then she mentally kicked herself, of course it was someone she knew, this person had said her name out loud.
She turned around and let out a breath she didn't know she was holding inside.
"Humphrey." she mumbled, wiping the salty water from her face.
"Are you okay?" he asked quietly. He knew she wasn't okay. The death of Bart Bass had seemed to affect a lot of people. Especially Blair. She was doing everything in her power to help Chuck, but he just kept pushing her away.
"No." She admitted silently, she couldn't keep her emotions in check like before.
"How about you go see Serena?" Dan offered, not really wanting to be around Blair. He disliked her immensely and her gaze made him feel uncomfortable.
"I'd rather be alone." Blair said, turning around and walking away from him without so much as a goodbye.
Dan huffed. He couldn't just leave her alone now. She looked upset, and obviously lost. So he decided to guide her in the right direction, and then send her on her way.
"Blair." Dan yelled, running after her. She stopped, but didn't bother turning around.
Dan touched her shoulder lightly, and she cringed. "Come to my house, get warmed up, and calm down. After that I'll gladly send you on your way."
Blair turned to face him. "Your house?"
"Well, yes. We are in Brooklyn." he replied, knowing how she would react.
Blair scoffed. How did she end up in Brooklyn?
Blair sat on the lumpy couch. Old, yet oddly comfortable blanket draped around her. Nice warm cup of coffee in her shaky hands. Though she clutched it as tightly as possible, fearing she might spill it. Dan sat on the floor, sifting through old records to put on. Music always made him feel more at ease, maybe it would help Blair.
He looked up to see her starring straight ahead. Her eyes still glassy and red, and her hands still shaking even though she looked considerably warm. Dan went back to his records after a few moments of studying her. He always looked at the small details of things. That's where he found most of his answers.
"Where's Jenny?" Blair asked absently, feeling awkward in the silent room.
Dan looked up, surprised she was actually talking. "Oh, she's with my mom, in Hudson. I was going to go, but I thought a few days alone would be nice, and-"
"Humphrey." Blair interrupted.
Dan narrowed his eyes. "Yes?"
"Stop rambling." she retorted.
Once Blair drifted in to a restless sleep on the couch, which Dan had fully expected he retreated back to his room, and left the door open slightly incase she ended up waking up and not knowing her surroundings. He didn't want her to be alone, but he didn't really want to be around her either. They both got on each others nerves way too quickly.
He walked into his room, grabbed his laptop off the desk, and quickly snuggled under his football sheets, Cedric sat right beside him. He opened a blank file, and titled it Blair. He began furiously typing, not realizing he was shaping quite the story.
She was walking in an unknown but oddly familiar place, bare foot. The room was filled with shattered glass and white powder. The tiny sharp pieces of glass beneath her feet were sinking in deep, causing bits of blood to drip out from her torn skin. She saw the blood, but couldn't feel the pain. She examined the room, noticing it had once been a fully mirrored room. But everything was now smashed to pieces.
Light shone from underneath closed doors. One in particularly shone brighter than the others, and her eyes were immediately drawn to it. She walked towards the door, the pain in her feet becoming more painful then before. By the time she reached the door she was up to her ankles in broken glass. Sharp pieces stuck inside her. But the door was all she cared about. Having a dull ache in her head that was commanding her to open it.
She opened it, and saw a man lying there. Wrists slit, and needles sticking from the veins of his arm. The man's face was covered, as he was laying face down. Quickly she bent down, turning over the body and saw Chuck's face, she saw salty tears coming from his eyes, and blood dripping from his mouth.
Her lungs burned as she screamed uncontrollably, but nothing was coming out.
Dan was woken up by a blood curdling scream coming from the other room. He shifted up quickly, immediately trying to remember if he was alone, or someone was in his house.
"Blair." he said quietly to himself, before darting out of bed.
She was sobbing uncontrollably on the couch, shaking and sputtering out Chuck's name. The sight of her even scared him. He made his way over to her slowly, not wanting to scare her even more.
"Blair?" he questioned softly, touching her arm.
She quickly clung to his arms, sobbing into his t-shirt. "Chuck's dead, he's dead." she mumbled into a mixture of her hair and his shirt.
"He's dead, he's dead." she repeated, holding onto to Dan for dear life.
Dan didn't know if Chuck was dead or not, he hadn't seen him since the funeral when he made him leave for no reason. But he honestly doubted he was dead, and just figured she had a night mare.
"No, Blair's he's not. You just had a bad dream." he murmured softly, petting her hair. Trying everything he could to comfort her.
Blair sobbing subsided a bit, but she still clung onto Dan. "Are you sure?" she whispered softly. She couldn't tell the difference between dream's and reality anymore.
His hand protectively draped over her as he continued kissing her passionately. He could tell she was trembling, but only because she wanted this more than ever. There they were, in the back of the limo, repeating history. History always repeats itself in some way or another. He drove this out of his thoughts quickly. The bad out-weighed the good in his and Blair's relationship.
She moaned into his mouth, whispering his name in the back of her throat as he entered her. It had been a long time, but the wait was always worth it with Blair. The way she looked at him, made his insides melt. Though he would never admit that. Wasn't that only supposed to happen to girls? He thought way to much when he was with her.
"Are you sure?" Blair whispered, after they were finished, for now.
Chuck thought for a moment. "Sure of what?"
"That you, love me." Blair said timidly, turning away from his gaze.
"Blair, I meant what I said tonight. " he said, touching her face softly.
Blair nodded. "So did I."
Tonight had been the winter dance. They had both agreed to find the perfect date for each other, because they weren't settling for almost. They wanted all or nothing in their relationship. Only they wound up spending the night together, with those three words getting involved. Neither cared about the days ahead. All they had was tonight.
She was curled in his lap, her hands like ice, and silent tears still coming from her eyes. Dan never thought he would see the day Blair Waldorf had curled up next to him, covered in his foot ball sheets, and holding onto Cedric for comfort. He still couldn't believe it, even seeing it with his own eyes.
Dan touched her arm softly, and surprisingly she didn't flinch away. "Are you okay now Blair?"
Blair shook her head, still clutching to Cedric. "But I'm a bit better."
Dan nodded, and looked away.
"Thank you." she said quietly.
"You're welcome." he returned, equally as quiet.
After a few minutes of silence, Dan decided to break it, by asking a question she might not want to answer. "What happened?"
"Be more specific Humphrey." she looked up at him and smirked. "Usually you are."
He smiled. "In your dream." He saw her face fall and immediately regretted asking the question. "I'm sorry, it's not my business."
Blair sighed and looked away. "I saw Chuck." she started, being silent for what seemed forever.
"Lying on the floor. There was blood, … everywhere. Needles sticking out from his arms." she said, her voice trembling.
"It was only a dream thought, right?" Dan asked. "I'm sure Chuck's fine."
Blair shook her head. "He hasn't been fine for awhile."
Chuck woke up to his phone vibrating on the table beside his bed. He smiled as he looked down to see Blair resting on his chest, a smile clearly seen across her swollen and flushed lips. The warm breath from her mouth warming his neck. Slowly he rubbed his eyes, and grabbed the phone. The number was unknown, and curiosity got the best of him.
"Hello?" Chuck said quietly, trying not to wake Blair.
"Hello, Chuck Bass? This is Dr. Freedman. This was the first number on Bart Bass's speed dial. Are you his relative?"
Chuck sat up quickly, startling Blair out of her peaceful sleep.
"I'm his son. Why is he in the hospital?" Chuck questioned, worry seeping out through his voice.
The Doctor stayed silent for what seemed an eternity. "I suggest you get here as quickly as possible."
At that instant Chuck knew, knew his father was gone, or about to leave. Blair saw his face go pale, and his hands tremble.
"Chuck?" Blair questioned.
"My, father … is at the hospital. I have to go." Chuck said, struggling to pull up his pants.
"Oh my god. Is he okay?" Blair questioned.
Chuck didn't answer so Blair knew it wasn't good.
"I'll go wake up Serena and get her to come with us." Blair said, not knowing what to do with Chuck.
Blair's breath warming his neck woke him up from his light sleep. He found it hard to sleep with Blair clinging on to him protectively, but he wasn't about to push her away just so he could get a few hours of decent sleep. Her lips were touching his neck softly, causing a weird stirring to erupt inside him.
He tried to talk himself away from it. It was ridiculous, this was Blair Waldorf, bitch of the Upper East Side. She was everything he hated, bottled into one small package of girly evil. She was manipulative, and rude, always a bitch to the Humphrey's. Merely on the fact that they lived in Brooklyn. But she was the one laying on his chest, sleeping on his old bed, with his red football sheets.
Blair's eyes fluttered open, and she suddenly felt embarrassed to be laying on Dan's chest. She backed away from him, her eyes sore, and wide. She looked him down, and could immediately tell what he was thinking about. The same thoughts began to creep I not her own mind, and she tried to get rid of them immediately. She shifted so she was as far away from him as possible without falling off the bed.
He looked her down, his eyes growing dark and hungry. She noticed this, and he saw her shift away from her. This was a mistake. "I can call you a cab." he said absently.
Blair nodded, studying his face. "Yeah, I think that would be best."
Slowly they both walked to the door. He grabbed her jacket and helped her put it on, still avoiding her gaze. As if it would burn him.
They stood in the silence, neither knowing what to say, or how to leave things.
"Are you sure you'll be okay tonight?" Dan asked quietly, keeping his eyes glued to the floor.
Blair hadn't thought of being alone. Of course her mother was away with Cyrus. Some kind of tropical get away. Dortota was off for the weekend, and Serena, well Serena had been practically living at Aaron's.
She sighed. "I don't know."
Dan looked up. "Well, you could sleep in Jenny's room." she looked up at him and he looked away. "Just, you know offering."
Blair nodded. "I'm here anyways, right?"
They both looked at each other at the same time. Blair's eyes wide, and lost. Dan's confused, and filled with hunger. It had been months. He had been to busy with other things to worry about women, or date's.
She didn't realize how close they were standing, until she felt his breath on her face. He smelled of cheap cologne and after shave, and his hair smelled faintly of some kind of fruity shampoo. Probably Jenny's, she mused. Without thinking he leaned in and touched her lips softly with his own. Surprisingly she didn't pull back but deepened the kiss.
She pulled away. "Would you help me forget, just for one night?" she asked quietly, breathing deeply.
He nodded, and she grabbed the back of his neck, pulling him into her. He sighed. She smelled so good, and tasted even better. The heat from her abdomen could be felt on his stomach, even through his thick sweater. She would be the death of him, he knew it, but he couldn't go back.
They stumbled into the bedroom, Blair falling on top of him. Quickly she pulled off his sweater, and then went for the zipper of his jeans. He slipped off her dress, leaving her only in her bra, and a pair of red tights. She was beautiful, he always knew that. But he was stunned by how amazing she looked with no make-up, and messy hair.
He doesn't remember when her tights were slipped off, and he doesn't remember his pants being taken off. Or how she ended up underneath him, feverishly whispering his name, biting on his bottom lip. All he knew was this moment would never be forgotten no matter how badly they would both want to be rid of it later.
Serena and Blair walked behind Chuck, struggling to keep up as he looked for the doctor that called him. Instead he saw Lily, and quickly walked up to her.
"Where is my father?" he said quickly, his eyes dark and wide.
Lily looked past Chuck, and to Serena. She saw her mother's tears and knew it was over. There was no hope, and she truly feared what would happen next.
"Lily." Chuck demanded again.
Lily looked down. "I'm so sorry Charles."
Blair looked at Chuck, who had now made his way to the ground, so he didn't black out. The blood was rushing to his head, and he felt like he was going to be sick. Blair went over to him, and grabbed onto his hand, refusing to let go.
Lily made her way to the other side of Chuck, followed by Serena.
"How?" he questioned.
"The limo crashed."Lily said, sobbing.
Blair saw the look on Chuck's face. The immense guilt, because merely hours ago they were making love in his limo. Chuck always found a way to blame himself for the things that happened to the ones he cared for.
"Chuck…" Blair said quietly, gripping onto his hand.
He pushed her away, and walked away from the one person who cared about him most, and never looked back.
She woke up in his arms, still completely naked. She eyed Cedric up on the bookshelf. The damn doll had seen everything. She didn't exactly regret the night, but it wasn't the smartest idea. It was the most comfort she had felt in awhile. A night away from the Upper East Side was what she needed.
She wasn't sure if she could ever give up on Chuck. Even after everything that had happened, everything she had seen. Things wouldn't never be the same between them ever again, that's all she knew for sure. She looked up at Dan, things would never be the same between them either.
Slowly, she untangled herself from Dan's arms, and grabbed her discarded clothes from the floor. The only thing she couldn't find was her tights, but she wasn't worried about it either. Quickly she threw her clothes back on, and grabbed a scrap piece of paper. Scribbling some words down for Dan, so he would know she was okay.
She put Cedric down where she had just been sleep, and tucked the note in the dolls arm. She smiled a genuine smile, that almost stinged her cheeks. It had been so long since she actually smiled something real. Her stomach started to flutter but she quickly dismissed it, and grabbed her coat. Heading out of Brooklyn and not taking another look back.
Dan woke up to find he was the only one in his bed, he sighed, expecting she would leave in the middle of the night. But some reason he found himself wishing she would have stayed. He found his doll laying in the place she was merely hours ago, and grabbed the note from beside Cedric.
"Thank you for helping me forget. -Blair." Was all it said, in her neat, clean handwriting. He smiled, and stuck the note under his bed, only to find her red tights peaking out. That was all the proof he had of their night together.