Sorry it’s late. I’ve been having problems at home. Anyways, I have seen the movie twice now (and didn’t pay for either of them.) So now I’m refreshed. And if I can find my notes, then you may get another chapter before Christmas. Personally, these are a few of my favorite scenes that I’ve written.

I’d like you all to thank my friend Kelsey because she asks for more Spoof everyday and e-mails me a few times. So, THANK HER!

Anyways, just a random note about the weather—I HATE IT HERE! It’s 70 degrees in North Carolina! WTF?! I’m wearing SHORTS! I mean, yeah, when I moved here from Jersey I was tols that short-sleeved shirts in winter was allowable but not SHORTS! My neighbors pulled out an inflatable pool the other day…crazy…

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Disclaimer: Have I been putting these up? Well, thank the Lord I don’t own the Twilight movie or the books. Though, if I did, the movie wouldn’t suck as much as it does…maybe it’s just karma…I wonder if Stephenie has killed anyone….O.o

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Scene 11

Bella is standing by her car. She spots Edward far, far away. Tyler’s car comes around the corner and slips on the mysterious ice. You gotta watch that stuff, it always gets me in the summer…Edward suddenly appears and pushes the car away.

Edward: The power of vamps repels you!

Edward does a barrel roll and runs away.

END SCENE

SCENE 12

Charlie appears at the hospital.

Charlie: BELLA?!?!

Bella: In here.

Charlie: Oh thank god! (Suffocates her, then turns to Tyler.)

Tyler: Dude, I’m so sorry. I mean, my car was just attracted to that ass of yours…

Charlie: YOU’RE DEAD! I’M GOING TO RIP YOUR FACE OFF AND FEED IT TO MY CAT!

Bella: (Calmly) We don’t have a cat…

END SCENE

Scene 13

Mike approaches Bella and says something about prom but she doesn’t hear him much.

Bella: Just go ask Jessica, ‘kay? I’m going to Jacksonville that weekend—even though nothing was said about WHICH weekend…I’m going to Jacksonville every weekend until prom is over.

Mike: (shrugs) Aight…

LATER ON AT THE PLACE OF THEIR FIELD TRIP…

Bella is walking and Edward approaches her.

Edward: So what’s in Jacksonville?

Bella: How’d you know about that? Are you stalking me?!

Edward remains silent.

Edward: You didn’t answer my question…

Bella: You don’t answer mine…

Edward: Adrenaline…Google it. I did…

Bella: …

Edward: I know I’m being a meanie face, but I’m sorry. It’s better this way.

Jessica interrupts and dada blada blah…

END SCENE

Scene 14

Bella walks into the cafeteria and meets her friends at the table.

Mike: Wanna go?

Bella: Go where?

Jessica: The beach.

Bella: There’s a beach?

Mike: It’s up in La Push. So please please please please please please please please—

Bella: I’ll go if you shut up. (Proceeds to salad bar, arranging fruits and vegetables OCD-like)

Edward: We are the pirates who don’t do anything.

Bella: What?

Edward: Veggi tales. Your food…

Bella: Huh?

Edward: Never mind…

Bella: Your mood swings are giving me heartburn…

Edward: I apologized…

Bella: Well, it’s all just a mask…(insert deep meaning behind his behavior which is just a string of big words to make it seem deeper than it actually is…)

Edward: …

Bella: Will you just tell me the truth?

Edward: I’d rather hear your theories.

Bella: Well, I’ve come up with Chemical X, and cats named Luna and Artemis with magical sticks…

Eric: I promise you…his stick isn’t that great.

Bella: Malchik gay…

Note: “Malchik Gay” is the name of a song by t.A.T.u. (YouTube it!) and the title in English means “Gay Boy”

Edward: OKAY! So it was one time…jeez…you get a little drunk…never hunt in the zoo…

Scene 15

Bella is sitting on the edge of a van slash truck looking vehicle eating what looks like a twizzler.

Alice: Wait…HEY! WHO GAVE BELLA TWIZZLERS?!

Emmett: -laughs maniacally and runs for life-

Okay, and she is talking to Angela, Mike and Jessica.

Angela: Oh, pity me! I’m so insecure!

Jessica: Maybe it’s the fact that you’re so skinny people mistake you for the asian version of that skeleton in biology?

Angela: Meanie…I wanna ask Tyler out.

Bella: That hoe that tried to run me down with his car? Ask him out first. (Thinking to self) Then I won’t have to rape him on prom night…

Jacob: YO, BELLA?! What up?

Bella: Guys—

Angela: I’m not a guy.

Bella: Yes you are, shut up. This is Jacob.

Jessica: Lolz, Bella invited Cullen today.

Mike: Ewwie! That guy’s scary!

Angela: No it’s not, I think it was sweet.

Randomfriend of Jacob’s (Sam??) 1: Cullen’s no come here.

Randomfriend of Jacob’s (Quil or Embry??) 2: Tiger perched on bigger tiger.

Jacob: Come on guys, cut it out. You aren’t REAL Indians…

END SCENE