Summary: What if Bella hadn't been so forgiving when Edward came back in New Moon? Not a Jacob/Bella fic. I wanted to explore what may have happened if Edward had shown up at her window and begged her to take him back.

Author's Note: I'm having some writer's block with Glimpses and this is what I got. I'm trying to work on writing from a person's point of view, since third person seems to be my forte. Also, since I always write the Cullen's as humans, I wanted to try writing them as vampires still.

This is an idea I've always wanted to write down, so please don't be too harsh if it's terrible.

I don't really expect this to be a long story, maybe only three or four chapters. I don't want to draw it out too long.

And now for something completely different…

Essential

I sat next to him on the steps leading to his porch. I could feel the waves of emotion rolling off his overheated skin and we remained silent, just staring out ahead as I let him process what I had just told him.

He was feeling almost everything I was.

Shock.

Anger.

Resentment.

Fear.

And then there was one last emotion that was only present in me. One that I tried to hold back with all my might. This emotion, if unleashed, would surely kill me and the wonderful boy sitting next to me.

Love.

I was still in love with him. The person who had single handedly destroyed me. The person who had left me. The person who had shown up outside my window, unannounced, claiming that everything he had said that day in the forest was a complete and utter lie. He begged me. To take him back, to let him inside my room, to love him again.

And that was the problem.

I did love him. I wanted to let him inside.

But how could I? How could I open myself up to more hurt, more pain, if he decided to leave me again?

I was brought out of my thoughts when I heard Jake inhale deeply next to me.

"So he's back?" He sounded strained, like he wanted to hit something.

I felt the same.

"Yep." My voice was subdued with my turmoil.

I felt Jake shift as he turned to face me but I couldn't bring myself to look at him.

"Are you…" He cut himself off with his own frustrated sigh of annoyance. "Are you going back?" To him was the part left unsaid in that sentence.

I sighed and looked down at my legs.

"I told him not right now. Maybe not ever. I have to think, it all just happened so fast. I was in my room getting ready to sleep, and then he was just there." I felt the tears threatening to fall and my eyes closed as the entire conversation came rushing back.

The tapping on my window.

The shock from seeing his pale, perfect face, glowing in the moonlight outside, his eyes bright with emotions I hadn't seen since before my…since before Jasper…since before then.

The wonderful and horrible words he said.

The words I said to him that seemed to both crush and harden him at the same time. With determination so fierce I had to catch my breath.

And his parting words.

"I will get your trust back. I will get you back. I love you."

And there was my other problem.

I do trust him.

He does have me.

I do love him.

And then he had gone, like a blur in the pale shadows of my yard.

And my heart had yelled at the rest of my body to stop him. To yell for him to come back.

But I couldn't. Because it hurt too much.

"Are the rest of…them coming back too?" Jake sounded even angrier over the prospect of the entire Cullen family returning to Forks. I knew he was holding back saying derogatory things about them and for that I was grateful to some extent.

I sighed forlornly again.

"Probably. Alice would insist on it and Jasper would follow her anywhere. Carlisle and Esme would accompany them wanting to watch out for them and Emmett would drag Rosalie back, not wanting to miss any of the fun." I sounded sarcastic but couldn't bring myself to care.

I heard Jake growl lowly in the back of his throat and when the wind picked up, his long hair brushed against mine.

Again, I couldn't bring myself to care.

"Are you going to tell the pack?" I didn't really know what I would do with his answer.

"I can't really keep any secrets from them can I?" He asked sardonically.

I looked back down at my lap and sighed once more. I reached for his hand and found his long warm fingers and linked mine with his.

"I guess not." I spoke quietly as my mind filled with the image of the dark and haunted eyes of Edward Cullen.

I tried not to feel guilt over holding hands with a boy while my mind was occupied with thoughts of another.

o-0-o

Beep, beep, beep.

I just lay there in bed, wide awake. I had been wide awake all night, terrified with what I knew was coming with the morning.

Beep, beep, beep.

My eyes blinked, unseeingly. Nothing registered as I lay there, cocooned in my blankets, only vaguely aware of the light filtering into the room.

Beep, beep, beep.

I reached over and slammed my alarm off, remaining in bed.

Just staring.

At the walls.

At the window.

At nothing.

Then I threw the covers off and stood on shaky legs.

Why are my legs shaky?

I dressed robotically in a pair of old jeans, a cotton shirt and an over sized sweatshirt. Going into the bathroom, I stared listlessly at my pale complexion and wide eyes. I felt an unwelcome thrill in the pit of my stomach.

I was nervous. And excited. Nervous excited. Because he was back.

I didn't want to be nervous excited over him.

I frowned at myself in the mirror and stubbornly threw my dark curly hair into a messy ponytail and grabbed my backpack and headed down stairs.

Stepping onto the porch, I sighed in relief when I saw no silver Volvo waiting outside. I locked the door behind me and walked slowly to my truck.

My eyes were everywhere on the drive to school.

I checked the rear view mirror every two seconds and then I was watching the road in front of me, my head swinging from side to side whenever a car passed me or when I reached an intersection.

When I entered the parking lot at school, my breath caught and my stomach dropped.

The shiny silver Volvo stood out among the rest of the cars just like it had months ago.

My eyes stayed trained to it as I passed it in the lot, going to a space far away from it.

Turning my key in the ignition, I sat in my car, listening to the sounds of the other kids outside and the pounding of my heart.

Nervous excited. From just the sight of the goddamn Volvo.

My eyes closed and a sigh came from my lips.

It was going to be a very long day.

o-0-o

I was even more hyper aware of my surroundings and the people I passed as I made my way to my locker.

I made quick work of the combination and grabbing what I needed; probably slamming it closed a little too hard.

When I turned around to face the hallway, I met the gossip ridden faces of the Forks High population. I just stood there staring at them, daring them to say one word.

And then they all scurried on their way, heads bent together, whispering with each other.

The whispers followed me all the way to my first class and I stood outside the door, already knowing who was inside.

He would have retained the schedule of classes from the beginning of the year.

The schedule identical to mine.

I closed my eyes and took a deep breath, trying to calm my pounding heart, but then realized it was a waste. He could hear me from miles away, twenty feet or less meant nothing.

I walked into the room and it seemed like all the excited talking stopped.

Time seemed to slow down as my eyes involuntarily went to the back of the room, where I always sat.

The seat next to me had never been filled since he'd left.

And now it was.

He was right there.

Looking all real and perfect and wonderful.

And I couldn't breathe.

And he was looking at me. Looking at me with such intensity, such longing, such sorrow that I literally ached to make it all go away. I felt physical pain from just looking into those sad topaz depths.

My seat was empty next to him.

But I couldn't bring my feet to move further down the aisle of desks.

And I couldn't breathe.

I slid my body into a seat in the second row and faced the front of the room, closing my eyes as the rush of whispers flooded the room.

I could feel his eyes on the back of my head and I cursed the thrill that shot up my spine.

I felt someone standing next to me and looking up I saw it was Eric.

My cheeks blushed, realizing I was sitting in his seat. His eyes flashed to Edward and then back to me, while I pleaded silently with him.

He pursed his lips into a resigned smile, patted my back, and then slowly, very slowly, made his way to the back of the room.

And so it went for the rest of the morning. I pilfered the seat of someone else so I wouldn't have to be near him, hearing him breathe, watching him move, smelling him all around me.

Then came lunch.

I was able to dodge Edward leaving our fourth period class, hurrying down the hall to my locker.

Tossing the stuff for my morning classes in and shutting it again, I was pleased to find that he didn't follow me.

I walked slowly to the lunch room and going inside, I immediately went to the line, grabbing a tray and filling it with food and grabbing a bottle of lemonade, trying not to blush at the topic of discussion at every table.

I wasn't paying too much attention to what was going on in front of me, just trying not to become overwhelmed by the feel of two pairs of topaz eyes on my back.

I was so concentrated on not showing any outward emotion that I didn't realize the lunch lady wasn't taking my money.

"It's been taken care of dear."

My eyes snapped to her wrinkled, smiling face and I had no idea what was going on.

"Huh?" I felt my cheeks heat up with the level of my incoherence.

"I said it's been taken care of."

I still wasn't getting it.

"What has?" I was still holding out my money and holding up the line behind me.

"Your lunch. It's been paid for." She was no longer smiling at me and shifting back and forth on her feet.

I retracted my hand slightly and continued to stare at her.

"By who?" But I already knew.

Her eyes shifted around the room before landing on a spot just over my shoulder and she nodded her head in that direction.

I didn't have to turn to know who it was but in doing so I saw Edward's hopeful and pained gaze and Alice, who looked so incredibly happy to be there. She was smiling widely at me and even had the nerve to wave.

I couldn't help but give a tiny wave back; it was no more than just a lift of my arm.

I turned back to the lunch lady. "Give them back their money."

Her eyes widened and she started shifting back and forth on her feet faster, unsure of what to do.

"I can't do that…" She trailed off uncertain.

I sighed and bit my lip. Did they honestly think they could buy me? With this?

"Fine. Here." And then I dropped the tray in her hands and walked to the doors, not looking back at the two vampires I could feel watching my every move.

Author's Note: Don't worry. Edward and Bella will be together again, she's just stubborn right now. Like I said, I've never tried an in character story before so don't expect this to be like how they are in the books.

I've always wanted to write what it would be like if Bella hadn't been so forgiving at the end of New Moon, so I hope this was alright.

I might be updating this sooner than the rest of my stuff because I know how it ends.

Like? No like? Intrigued? Let me know. Please leave a review.