|What She Didn't See
Author: VampireGaaraCheesepuffs PM
Even Alice can’t see everything, but could the few things she didn’t see put the life of someone they love in jeopardy? Can the Cullens save Bella from herself? BxE Set during New Moon Rated for language, non-graphic rape, cutting, and more...Rated: Fiction M - English - Angst/Hurt/Comfort - Bella & Edward - Chapters: 11 - Words: 35,940 - Reviews: 159 - Favs: 157 - Follows: 115 - Updated: 04-19-09 - Published: 11-26-08 - Status: Complete - id: 4679325
|A+ A- Full 3/4 1/2 Expand Tighten|
Disclaimer- Don't own Bella, or Edward, or Alice, or Carlisle, or vampires in general, or bananas……wow I don't own a lot of things XD
Warnings for this chap- None! O.o
Songs for this chap- Part I: Sorrow by Flyleaf (I had this for one of my other chaps, but when I read over this one it fit so much better!), Part II: What's left of me by Nick Lache (sp?), Part III: Lifeline by Papa Roach
I dedicate this chapter to:
Arg! Wasn't he? I'm so glad that's through! Plus, my teacher so gave me a grade that was so unfair!
Yeah, I guess it was -_-'
We'll see : P
I tell you, I don't know where that stuff comes from! XD
Here it is ^^
HA! You're mentioned again!!! : P You really don't know how much I REALLY wanna put that stuff in T-T
I'm more surprised when people think their minds aren't on drugs….
thecolorblackismissing (it does not like the fawesome way u do it T-T):
Don't apologize! OUTBURST RULE!
Thank ya! I just love random stuff ^^
Oooooooo, then you probably not happy with how long this chapter took ^^' sorry!
I love tension! …….cept when I'm in the middle of it : D
Thanks! I like to leave people with something happy, not depressing
I'm tryin to remember if I told you already, it's a Naruto fanfic, but also, I wrote a random Easter story for Twilight XD (I tell ya, I'm random!) My parents are still like: LET'S DO SOMETHING RANDOM! Last night we played Monopoly and it got VIOLENT O.o
Thanks so much! Lol, I do the same thing : P
Thanks, yeah I love intense stuff though -_-'
OMG! I'm glad you're outta the hospital and hope you're okay O.o
BAD SARITA, BAD!
Stupid Shiny Twilight Fan:
Thanks! By the way, I love ur penname XD
Cool! I love makin people laugh ^^
Glad u liked it!
ALSO THANKS TO ALL WHO STORY ALERTED AND FAVORITED THIS STORY, I LOVE YOU GUYS IN A NON-CREEPY STALKERISH WAY!!!! : D
AUTHOR NOTE: (should read!)
Hey, everybody. I'm sorry to inform you:
This is the last chapter.
Yup, shocking I know. I was hoping this story was going to be at LEAST 15 chapters, but the reason it's not is the same reason why it took so long for this update:
I was banned from writing this story. When my mum found it, she got really angry and made sure my dad agreed to ban me from writing. That means I'm somewhat taking a risk by even writing this last chapter, but I just COULDN'T leave it unfinished for all my fans T-T So, that's why you'll find no swears or anything in this chap. (Which by the way was REALLY hard for me, and I'm not allowed to swear at all anymore! T-T)
I'm so sorry everyone; this pains me as much as it does you ;_;
Part I: It's No Surprise
Can't you see that I
Laugh, because if I didn't
I'd die from the pain?
After the noise died off in the hallway, the room was silent. What's worse, I knew it was going to stay quiet until I said something. Both Alice's and Carlisle's eyes were fixed on me, and I made sure to keep my eyes fixed on the door. Is it stupid to hope that he's going to walk back in any second and say, "Just joking"? Is it stupid to hope that this was just another one of my nightmares? I waited a couple more seconds in the tense silence unwilling to accept the reality I knew long ago was coming. Of course, you can't really hide for reality too long.
I laughed. Not a quiet giggle, but a full out laugh too. Alice jumped at the noise, as laughter was obviously not what she was expecting. So much for being able to see the future, huh? That made me laugh again, this time a little louder and more prolonged.
"Bella…" From the corner of my eye, I could see Carlisle stepping closer to me, cautiously as if I was dangerous.
A vampire afraid of me? I started laughing even harder. Please, I trip over ants. I'm about as dangerous as a sloth. By now I was laughing hysterically, and I was aware that I couldn't stop. But then I stopped trying to stop.
After all, when was the last time I laughed like this, with actual humor instead of self-pity or doubt? Certainly not since Edward left. Not even when Edward came back. That's the reason Carlisle and Alice are even worried about me. I should be going crazy for losing Edward, right? But what's there to go crazy about? Okay, so he's smart, caring, strong, and looks like a Greek god, he left didn't he? It's not like I didn't realize that I'm just a stupid, plain human who's easily replaceable.
My heart ached at the thought, but my laughing didn't stop. So what if he left me? I knew he wouldn't have wanted me for long anyway. He's so perfect, I trip upstairs. Even before I'd gotten in this condition, I knew our love was temporary. I knew one day whatever clouded his vision would be unveiled and he'd see me for what I really was: just another distraction. What had he seen in me anyway? Maybe I wasn't the only stupid one in this relationship. Perhaps we were both blind to reality.
This entire time, I'd never stopped laughing and my oxygen was close to zero. Carlisle was yelling at me to calm down and I could feel Alice's cool hands gripping mine. My laughs were now gasps for air and my hand jumped to my throat as the much need oxygen flooded my lungs. I looked at them, my once second family, and saw the worry on their faces. My heart fell, and I was finally aware of just how much it hurt.
"I'm sorry." I gasped, though I was no longer suffocating. Alice shushed me.
"It's okay Bella, its okay. We're here, and it's okay to cry." I looked at her confusedly, as my hand moved up from its place on my throat to my face. I was shocked to find that indeed it was wet with tears, though I had no idea I had even started crying.
When had it come to be like this? When did it come to the point that my entire being was for Edward, and lived for him only? It felt as if I was a wooden puppet who'd had his strings cut mid-performance but was still expected to continue like nothing happened. I knew I couldn't believe him when he said he still loved me, like he ever loved me at all. I tried with all my might not to believe any of his lies. But his words were poison, slowly destroying my walls I'd made to keep me standing when he wasn't here. Now I'm back to square one.
"Alice," I asked after another wave of tears died down.
"I need you to answer something for me." The words were catching in my throat. "And—be honest."
"Of course Bella." She said with a suspicious look.
"Was…Edward happier without me?"
"No." I sobbed at her response. "He was downright miserable when he left. Every day he'd lock himself in his room and refused to speak to any of us. Eventually, he couldn't even stand being in the same house with his family and left us too. When he left you, he was even worse than he'd been before he met you, and he was tearing our family apart."
I'd prepared myself for the worse, I'd expected her to say they were all happier without me, but what she said hit me even harder. I was nothing but a source of misery for the Cullens; they'd be so content before I waltzed into their lives. When I was with them, I brought trouble, and when I wasn't I caused conflict.
"I'm…sorry." I was sobbing so hard, I had to fight to get the words out, but I needed to apologize.
"There's nothing to be sorry for, Bella." Carlisle answered before Alice could. "None of this is your fault. If anything, it's my son's." He paused for a second, planning his words.
"Edward has never had someone like you in his life, as long as it has been, and I think you caught him…off guard. Thanks to his powers, he always has known what a person is thinking and he uses that knowledge to shape how to act around that person. With you, he's at a loss without that skill, and what's more he realizes that you are the meaning for his entire being and he must keep you happy and safe. A feat, that I must add, that is not an easy one in the least. Still, he doubts a truth that has been obvious since the very beginning: you love him just as much as he does you. Because of that self doubt he has caused so much misery, not only for you, but for the family too."
"But, Carlisle…wouldn't it just have been better if I never met Edward?" Carlisle smiled sadly.
"You wouldn't think of that as an option if you'd seen him before Bella. Before you came along, I felt guilty for having bitten him. Sure, he was alive to walk around, but he was dead inside. He was filled with nothing but self hatred and disgust, and I felt as if I'd robbed him of that innocence I'd told you of before we left. I'd been that way once too, but I had my beliefs of a chance at an afterlife and soon a family to rid me of those feeling. Now, Edward has you."
I shook my head, unwilling to believe his words. Edward would've found someone eventually, someone much better than I was. It was only a matter of time until Edward feel in love, I was just a distraction. Besides, if what Carlisle said was true, why wasn't he here?
"You're wrong Carlisle. He threw me away, he doesn't have me anymore." Alice opened her mouth to say something, but I cut her off. "Can I be alone for a bit?"
Carlisle and Alice exchange glances. They began whispering too lowly and quickly for me to catch, throwing glances my way every few seconds.
"Okay Bella." Alice said slowly. "But we'll be right outside if you need anything, just yell, okay?" I nodded, and the two left the room.
As the door shut behind them, I curled my knees into my chest with my chin resting on my knees. The silence that draped the room was eerie and sent a shiver through my spine. The sun had begun to set without my notice and the room was filled with shadows that stretched across the floor and walls. I felt like a little kid again, staring at the shadows trying to make out what they were. Each dark surface sent a tingle down my spine, as if I was expecting it to come and attack me. Lately, I'd learned that real monsters did exist, and now they seemed to have followed me wherever I went.
I clutched my knees tighter at that thought, and slowly began to rock in place. Still uneasy in the silence of my room, I began to hum the first song that came to mind. It took me three bars to realize it was my lullaby; the one Edward always hummed to me to help me sleep. Fresh tears slid down my face, and my humming was often interrupted by sobs.
My memory was so vivid of him, like it used to be. I could feel his cool hand on my elbow, his breath on my ear, as he hummed my lullaby with perfect rhythm and pitch.
Suddenly, I stopped humming. I'd forgotten the next line. My heart ached when I realized that soon I'd lose all my memories of Edward just as suddenly. Just like before…
People's voices interrupted my despair, though I couldn't make out what was being said. A high pitched female's voice, obviously Alice's, sounded angry and deadly. A softer voice, probably Carlisle's, sounded soothing, but strained. Another voice was practically growling and was the loudest of the three.
My heart beat faster in my chest. It couldn't be whom I hoped it was, I had to be imagining it. Sure enough, the door swung open, and the angel that was the source of all my pain walked in.
Part II: That in the End
You'd be surprised how
I would go just to get
Her back in my arms.
It'd been less than an hour since I had run off, and yet the atmosphere of the hospital had changed drastically. The waiting room was completely empty of car crash visitors, seeing as they'd slowly been discharged and visiting hours were nearly over. Said room now looked sad, and lonely, as if conveying how the hospitals patients felt, especially Bella…
Without looking at the attendant, I strolled across the room, heading towards the door that lead to the ICU.
"Excuse me, sir!" She called in a squeaky voice behind me. "JUST WHERE DOES HE THINK HE'S GOING?!" I turned to look at her and saw a skinny young female, probably right out of nursing school. Instantly her face turned bright pink with a plus, painfully reminding me of Bella. "Um…visiting hours are over." "But you can stay as long as you like over here with me!"
"I'm Dr. Cullen's son, I've come to talk to him." Her blush grew until she was as red as a tomato, and she nodded fervently.
"Oh! Go right ahead!" I nodded, happy to get away from this nuisance and to Bella.
I bounded up the steps 5 at a time, and was walking down the ICU unit in seconds. My still heart ached with anticipation as I prepared what I was going to say to my love in my head. However, I didn't make it half way down the hall before I was bombarded by Alice.
"EDWARD! What do you think you're doing here!" Alice hissed, jumping from her seat on the floor outside Bella's room.
"Apologizing to Bella of course." I answered back just as angrily.
"Oh, so you think you can just come back whenever you feel like, say sorry, and everything's better! Who do you think you are?! You upped and left her after she said she was raped Edward!"
"Alice," Carlisle interfered, stepping between us. "Calm down."
"WHAT AM I SUPPOSE TO DO ALICE?"
"You shouldn't have left her in the first place, now OR then!"
"I made mistakes Alice!" I growled.
"Well it seems like you just keep making them don't you!" Without answering her, I pushed past her and swung open the door to Bella's room.
My beaten angel stared in awe as I walked through the door. Her legs were clutched to her chest, her face was stained with tears, and I couldn't fight my urge to run over and hug her and I did just that. Unsurprisingly, she tensed in my arms and didn't move to return the hug. I expected her to relax once she'd realized what was happening, but she did no such thing.
"Edward, stop." Shocked, I let go of her and sat on the edge of her bed within arms distance. Her face was completely void of emotion. "You didn't need to come back."
Those words sent an excruciating pain through my body. So she didn't want me anymore. I'd gotten my wish, if only when it was no longer what I wished for. It's no wonder why she wouldn't, even that dog would never have disowned her, let alone during her time of need. Although I'd wanted and waited for her to realize that she could do much better than me, I could not shake the despair that flooded my body. But I loved Bella, loved her with every fiber of my being, and I loved her enough to respect her wishes no matter what. I stood to leave, but she continued.
"There's no reason to force yourself to stay with me, I don't blame you for running away while you could." She clutched her knees tighter into her chest, her eyes, ones filled with tears, were focused on the bed sheet.
Leaving left my mind as I sat there and grit my teeth.
"Do you honestly believe that I left you to get away from you?" Big brown eyes looked up at me in confusion. "Isabella Marie Swan, you cannot honestly believe I would leave you because you were raped did you?"
"Then…why did you leave?" I sighed, pinching the bridge of my nose between my forefinger and thumb.
"I left because you were raped." She looked at me even more confusedly, if that was at all possible. "I'm not as strong as you think I am, Bella. If anything I am weak compared to you, let me finish." I said, as she attempted to interrupt. "Just the very idea of what those…men did to you fills me with fury. I've always had a problem with my temper Bella, as you can remember a night back in Port Angeles, and like then I needed a distraction."
"I could've been a distraction." She whispered, her voice so quiet it was barely audible. I sighed.
"But you were in no condition for me to ask that of you. As it is, you were in no condition for me to leave either, if you were not in worse of one. Still, I can't take back the fact that I let that anger cloud my judgment and I ran away, not because of you, but because of that anger. Please, Bella, please understand that even if you don't need me, I can't live in a world where you don't exist.¹"
By now, I was quite literally begging for her forgiveness, hoping that she'd find a shred of mercy left for me. Still, she shook her head.
"You don't need me Edward, you never have. The only reason you're here right now is because you feel guilty. And you don't need to Edward; this was my fault, not yours. I know you want nothing more to leave as quickly as you can right now, I know you no longer want me. You were bored with me, remember?" Her voice was so quiet and pained.
"Bella!" I laughed frustratedly. "Do you truly believe I meant it?" I remembered early, when she'd first woken up, how she thought Alice and I were hallucinations and I sighed.
"I lied, and I'm so sorry—sorry because I hurt you, sorry because it was a worthless effort. Sorry that I couldn't protect you from what I am. I lied to save you, and it didn't work. I'm sorry. But how could you believe me? After all the thousand of times I've told you I love you, how could you let one word break your faith in me? I have always loved you, and I will always love you."¹
I stared at her, waiting for the confirmation of her belief in my words. Instead, I saw nothing but doubt. The little color from my face drained instantly as I realized in horror that she truly believed I didn't care for her.
"You don't believe me, do you? Why can you believe the lie, but not the truth?
"It never made sense for you to love me." Her voice broke twice. "I always knew that."¹
I growled in frustration this time. Before she could even more to stop me, I captured her lips in a kiss. As careful as I wished to be, I couldn't quite stop myself from crossing the boundaries I'd built long ago. My hands ran up and down her sides, feeling the warmth of her skin through the nightgown. She moaned against my lips, and suddenly she was kissing back full force. Her hands tangled in my hair, while mine moved up to cup her face. It wasn't until I was sure she needed air that I pulled away, gasping just as she did, though unnecessarily. I grinned as I nuzzled her neck.
"Perhaps that convinced you?" She shook her head, and I snapped away from her neck to see that tears were spilling from her eyes. Pain clenched my heart, and struggled to find the words that conveyed just how much I loved her.
"Before you, Bella, my life was like a moonless night. Very dark, but there were stars—points of light and reason. …And then you shot across my sky like a meteor. Suddenly everything was on fire; there was brilliancy, there was beauty. When you were gone, when the meteor had fallen over the horizon, everything went black. Nothing had changed, but my eyes were blinded by the light. I couldn't see the stars anymore. And there was no more reason for anything."¹
Understanding flooded her eyes, but she continued to shake her head.
"Your eyes will adjust."
"That's just the problem—they can't."¹ She still looked unconvinced, and I took her face into my hands.
"Bella, I've never loved someone the way I love you, and I don't want to love anyone else but you. When I was gone, I spent my days wallowing in self pity and restraining myself from showing up at your window, begging for mercy. Yet, here I am now, begging for you forgiveness Bella. I know I've done nothing but cause you pain, but if you're willing to give a monster like me one more chance, I swear nothing, and I mean nothing, can ever tear me from your side…except for maybe Alice when she wants to go shopping." Bella chuckled, though it was distorted by a sob.
"You are the only reason I live anymore, Bella, and I don't ever want to see you as hurt as I've made you ever again. All I need is that one last chance. …But even if you don't give it to me, I'll understand, because you deserve better than I can ever give you, you deserve better than a monster."
I let go of her fact at those ending words, though I did not break eye contact. Her eyes were conflicted, just as I was. Because, as much as I wanted her to take me back, in the back of my mind I knew that it was selfish of me to want to keep an angel like her instead of letting her free. Finally, I could see she'd come to a decision in her eyes, though I couldn't see what that decision was.
"Please don't leave me again."
Joy overcame my being, and I brought her into another kiss. This one, she suffered no hesitation with and she seemed as ecstatic as I was. However, nobody can compete with the happiness I was feeling right now. And though my angel was battered and broken, I was willing to spend eternity putting the pieces back together.
Part III: It's Our Choices That Matter
Life may be rough, but
When you're with your true love
None of that matters.
It was three days later when the nurses finally agreed to release me. I'd agreed to visit Dr. Perjas every Tuesday and Thursday, whom was actually just Jasper, but no one but the Cullens and I knew that. Charlie was even harder to convince than I was that Edward did in fact still love me, and that he was not here to hurt me again (at least I trust that he's not). Still, he and I are not allowed to go anywhere alone. Thankfully, Alice volunteered to be our supervisor so Charlie didn't have to be.
Even better news is that Charlie agreed to let me stay at the Cullen's house for at least another week, so somebody can make sure I'm eating properly and often. Apparently I am 20 pounds underweight, not that it was intentional, eating just wasn't a priority to me once Edward left. Still, people have taken to watching me eat more and more lately. Even though it's only because I'm sick, I'm still glad to have an excuse to stay with Edward all day, who agreed to stay home from school and help me catch up with the rest of the class.
Alice, however, was not letting me off the hook that easily. Since I'd lost so much weight lately, most of my clothes had become baggy and she was insistent on us shopping for an entirely new wardrobe, ASAP.
I'd been worried about staying at the house with Rosalie, but she and Emmett had visited me along with Jasper and Esme a couple days earlier and she seemed to be a lot nicer than she had previously been. Edward said that if I ever wanted to talk about what happened, Rosalie would be the best person for me to talk to. Though I'm unsure why, I'm just happy she no longer hates my guts.
"Bella." I was snapped out of my thoughts by Edward's musical voice. Unlike when I first saw him, he no longer seemed exhausted or stressed and for the last couple of days, a few of his smiles reached his eyes. "Your chariot awaits Madame." He said, gesturing to the wheelchair in his hands.
"Do I have to ride in that? I can walk just fine."
"Rules are rules." I rolled by eyes, but got up and sat in the wheel chair. Before I could adjust myself in it, Edward spun the chair sharply around making me scream.
"EDWARD!" He chuckled, and began to push me out the door, but much slower this time.
It only took a couple minutes to get down stairs. From the waiting room, I could see Edward's silver Volvo parked in front of the hospital. A rush of memories filled me and I couldn't help but smile. Finally, my stay at the hospital was over! But even if it was, my recovery was just beginning.
Unable to contain myself, I laughed aloud at the corniness of my thoughts.
"And what, may I ask, is so funny, love?" Edward asked, and I leaned as far back in the wheelchair at possible, with laughter still on my lips, to see that he had one eyebrow raised and my favorite crooked grin in place.
"Just be glad you can't read my thoughts."
¹Taken from New Moon by Stephenie Meyer
Ah, yes, my corny ending ^^
I REALLY HOPED YOU GUYS ENJOYED MY STORY, AND I WANT YOU TO KNOW, YOU GUYS MADE ME HAPPY WHEN NO ONE ELSE COULD!!! (Seriously, without writing I don't know where I'd be O.o, that's why my parent's ban hit me so hard)
Please tell me what you thought of the story:
REVIEW ONE LAST TIME!!! (please! ^^')
And here it is…………. THE LAST:
Things I wanted to write, but I restrained myself from:
Part I: It's No Surprise-
Okay, so he's smart, caring, strong, and looks like a Greek god, he left didn't he? So what! I'm sure I'll be able to find another Vegetarian Vampire with bronze hair and a crooked smile that can read other people's minds for me and is willing to spend all night watching me sleep and take me to meadows so we can sit in each other's presence.
"Bella! Stop hitting your head against the wall, you're hurting yourself!"
"I WANT MY EDWARD BACK!!!!!!"
Reason why not: Er, she might get a concussion ^^
"No." I sobbed at her response. "He was downright miserable when he left. Every day he'd play "Welcome to my Life" at full volume. Esme was able to beat him at X box. And he began to play "She loves me, She loves me not"…….with his CD's. When he left you, he was even worse than he'd been before he met you, I mean, back then he only played emo music every Friday night when he didn't have a date."
Reason why not: I was afraid I would offend people -_- (HEY! I love Simple Plan, Fall Out Boy, and Flyleaf. I don't care if you call me emo ^^)
Part II: That in the End-
"Excuse me, sir!" The nurse called in a squeaky voice behind me. "Just cuz he's too smexy for his shirt, doesn't mean he can waltz right in here!" I turned to look at the nurse and was shocked when I saw a fat balding man in his 30's, instead of a young female right out of medical school. "Um…visiting hours are over." "But you can stay with me if you like! ……I'm so lonely…"
Slowly, very slowly, I backed away and sprinted up the stairs once I hit the door.
Reason why not: Is that not disturbing or what?! O.o
"I'm sorry, Edward, I can't." I sighed.
"Well, I'm sorry Bella, I have no choice but to resort to plan B." With that I proceeded to lift her above my shoulders and I jumped out the window.
"AHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!! I'm BEING KIDNAPPED!!!" I'd only gotten a mile away before Alice, Carlisle, and the rest of the family cornered me.
"Edward! Stop that, put her down!"
"NO! SHE'S MINE!" I shifted her to my back, and prepared myself to climb up the tree. "Hold on Spider Monkey."
Reason why not: The only reason I came up with that idea is because I thought that part from the movie was just as ridiculous XD
Part III: It's Our Choices That Matter-
"Okay Bella, just tell me what you see in the ink blots." Today was Jasper's, or should I say Dr. Perjas's, first session with me and he decided we'd start it off easy.
"Right, and this one?"
"…sure, this one?"
"Porcupines roasting over an open fire…they come with their own toothpicks you know."
"A business man talking on his cell phone…about porcupines."
Jasper nodded, and began scribbling down notes on his pad of paper.
"Whatcha writing, Jasper?"
"Oh…'Serious mental problem and Edward should buy her a porcupine for Christmas.'"
"Why would you say that?"
Reason why not: ………I just like porcupines ^^
NOTE- Though this says complete, I'm prob gonna add another deleted scene I just didn't have time to write in this chapter (Whenever I'm not too busy I'll get to it.....or unless I hit 150 reviews, WINK WINK XD)