Many thanks to Hino Matsuri for the brilliant manga and characters (which I do not own - go figure), and many thanks to BlackenedWing, YenGirl, Sagakure and many other brilliant fanfiction writers for the concepts of blood bond and other useful things to know about the Vampire Knight universe which have grown to be "almost canon" and as such form the basis on which I elaborate in this story.

... even coming here felt like hiding, like running away…

back there, back by the school buildings… wherever he was he felt their glances – worried, inquiring, expectant… wherever he turned he felt how their attention was swerved towards him as if he was the axis around which their world rotated…

"are you hurt, Kaname-sama?.."
"you must be thirsty, Kaname-sama…"
"anything I can do, Kaname-sama?"

"I'm fine, thank you, Luca, don't worry so much…"
"Go help Aidou, Akatsuki, he needs you…"
"No, Seiren, no orders right now…"

and even if his voice sounded too soft, too hollow to his own ears - others seemed reassured, or maybe just felt instinctively his desire to be left alone… for now… but they glanced onto him nevertheless – from time to time… waiting patiently for something… profound… something meaningful to be said…

and I felt like a cheater about to be discovered…

only – being alone didn't help either, did it?.. something was wrong with him and he couldn't even put a finger to an elusive whatever that made him feel so very far from triumphant… so… defeated indeed...

the sensation was nothing physical… but physically permeating in a strange way - making his body feel tired, and limp, and somehow… empty… without a will of its own… heavy with almost sleepiness and yet… unrestful… unquiet..

what an affliction…

it was almost akin to the bloodlust at those first few moments when it awakens naturally, without being caused by severe injury or the scent of freshly spilt blood – in that it had the same unrelenting, unabating quality of something that can only grow – unless it's somehow sated… somehow released…

but… bloodlust it wasn't, he could tell it for sure – for… after all the exertions and what with the scents in the air, he felt the thirst too… and it was separate… not to strong, not – intruding, something he could contain for a very, very long time, and in a way – he was glad for this thirst as it served to… ground him in reality somehow… almost an anchor… something to hold on to as he struggled to concentrate, to discern the reasons for how he felt now, because it was…

scary?..

to feel so… dejected… for reasons that he couldn't fathom…

no not physical… though just as he was thirsty, he was also hurt… even though the tiny marks disappeared almost immediately as soon as the vines had dropped off… weren't deep or big enough to draw blood to begin with… they still hurt on the inside, will hurt for days perhaps due to their anti-vampire quality… but they were really a nuisance, no more than pin-pricks under his skin… quite a plenty of pin-pricks… yet he had definitely endured worse pain… and for longer on end…

for a moment – as he relived what the pain from the vines had been as they initially applied to his body… and even the memory made him gulp and a soft shudder ran across his spine and his nails dug urgently into the fabric before relaxing – he allowed himself to feel ridiculously hurt by the fact of how Yuuki hadn't even looked at him before she rushed to the fallen hunter, hadn't even asked if he was alright…

but then… it is how it's been for sometime now…

…and could he blame her?.. in her eyes he was a pureblood – a being almost all-powerful, his recuperative power incomparable to ex-human's, as she well knew… and – he was standing, not lying as a crumpled toy upon rubble and snow… but surely she should've felt it?..

through the bond that they shared…

should've felt the moment when he wasn't breathing, caught up in the shear agony of the pain - like high-power wire, like some monstrous nettle – multiplied by ten thousand, like a lightning struck… it was a blessing it passed so quick… should've felt his relief, as he almost slid down shaking… but still stood…

but his Yuuki… was still so young as vampire… she probably didn't know that what she felt then – was through the bond…

and he tried to shield her too… even as the pain wrecked his body… even as his consciousness dazedly slipped back in place just vacated by Ridos unwelcome presence… he himself fought desperately to not let the pain translate to her… tried to spare her even the echo of what he felt…

so – it was your own fault as usual… getting hurt around her… around the one you were most loath to show your hurt… and yet perversely so wanted her to notice it by herself…

he was starting to feel cold now, the winter chill sipping insidiously inside his long trenchcoat… one slender hand moved slowly to pull the collar up, then dropped… it was too much effort really… too much effort and not much help…

AN: It is not all of the second chapter as I saw it initially, but really… he thinks too much! (*glares at Kaname half-angry half-worriedly*) too much for his own good… *hopes that she hasn't wandered completely OC* And I have not much time to write - so it's either update with these tiny chapters or wait till the kingdom come...

Besides I'm really pondering one important issue that might influence the continuation of this story, or at least I'd like to come to some sort of clarity about it before I proceed, so if anyone has some ideas/theories on it, please, write them in your reviews or pm me. (Edit: just added a topic on Kaname to my forums so - please just drop in and share your thoughts) Namely, I'm puzzling over the whole "ancestor" thing – not even whether he is "an ancestor in Haruka and Juri's son's body" or "an ancestor in his own recreated body" or whatever, but rather on the psychological aspect of it all. I mean – it's all very well him remembering his "previous life" when he disintegrates the Council as a grown up, but what about little Kaname? The mangaka clearly shows him having some awareness of himself "ancestor" back then as well – as we see in the flashbacks. And yet – in the other fragments he behaves as a child of his (body's) age… And if he remembers himself – it can't be only about wanting to dismantle the Council… aaaargh… What do you think?

And to add to my problems two secondary (for the purposes of the story) characters started to fairly fight for the right to participate in it, threatening to pull it to future unknown… And now I have to sort it out before I'll continue… (deadline?.. what deadline?... oh yeah I still need to finish some work but clearly this story won't let me rest in peace before it's written).

And - ehm, review please? I would so like to know your thoughts on my story so far... *is deathly scared readers hate her for OOC-ing Kaname*