A/N: Thank you, sweeties :D Well, this is basically a chapter meant to establish how the incident in the first chapter changes everyone. So if you think it's OOC, we're doing it right XP

Chapter Two

One day at the end of their first year when they were running down an empty corridor late for Potions class, James decided that it was the appropriate time to ask Remus a question that had been nagging in his mind for a while. It didn’t strike him until later that his timing might have been just a tad off.

“Um… Remus,” he said, slowing down to a stop. “I need to ask something, but you have to promise not to get mad, okay?”

Remus continued running ahead quite a few paces before realizing that James had disappeared from his side. He turned to stare at his friend, nonplussed and somewhat frazzled. “Uh, James…” he stopped, recognizing the signs. He was clearly not getting away from there until James had managed to get this question out, and the quicker that happened, the less late they were going to get. Not that Remus minded them being late that much, but he had a feeling Professor Slughorn might. “Okay, fine. Out with it.”

James shifted his weight and stuck his hands deeply in the pockets of his robe, hunching his shoulders up as if they could form some sort of shield around him. “Well…er, are you a werewolf?”

Remus blinked, feeling every coherent thought burst like bubbles in his brain, and only after he stood stock still and stared dumbly at James for a while did it decide to start working again.

‘Say something. Anything. Preferably a denial; a strong, forceful denial. Convinced! I need to sound really convinced. Promise or no promise, I should still act as if… as if it makes me really angry that he even suggested it. Maybe even rush away from James? Yes, that’s good. I’ll refuse to talk to him for a while, and then I’ll forgive him. Yes. Yes, that’s it. Everything will be fine if he just stick to that plan...’

He opened his mouth and said: “How did you know?”

‘Argh! Curse my tongue!’

James relaxed a little, relieved to have been right since it would have been incredibly embarrassing if he’d been wrong, and he might have gotten himself into a huge fight with Remus over it at that. It wasn’t exactly polite to accuse someone of being a werewolf.

“I just started thinking it was a bit weird that your mother always got so sick that you had to go visit her once a month, but you couldn’t really say what was wrong with her. I don’t know how I figured out that it was once a month, it’s not something you think about really,” he rubbed the back of his head with a slightly embarrassed look on his face, “you know how I’m like. Some things just pop into my head. Anyway, then I started to notice other stuff about you that seemed a bit weird, and then I heard a couple of third years talking about their essay on werewolves and it seemed to fit, so I looked it up and… yeah.”

Remus stared for a long while before voicing his heartfelt opinion of the matter. “No way you managed to… Seriously?” He suddenly wished that he hadn’t picked a quite so intelligent best friend. Sometimes, James was a little bit creepy, the way he just… came up with stuff.

James grinned, as usual incapable of hiding the tiny bit of smugness that he felt whenever he baffled people with something he’s figured out. “Seriously. I don’t care about it, just so you know, I just wanted to check. It’s still good to know how things really are.”

Remus, who hadn’t even considered up to now that there might’ve been a chance that James would care, caught up in his own bafflement, felt belated panic suddenly rising and then fading. Feeling rather stupid, and rather a bit embarrassed, he cleared his throat. “So… so if we’re cool about it… I suppose this means I should tell the others, right?”

“Could be a good idea, they’ll probably figure it out anyway.”

Remus snorted. “They might have already, for all I know. I mean, Sirius would never ask because what if he was wrong and I got really hurt and wanted to kill myself. And Peter would just be Mr. Sensitive about the whole matter because being around Sirius that much would addle anyone’s brain.” He sighed, shrugging. “But they’re my friends so I suppose I will. Still, I’m glad it was you who found out.” As that last sentence was a bit embarrassing, Remus valiantly avoided acting like a total girl by grinning widely at James and then bolting down the corridor with a holler of, “Last one there gets to scrub the cauldron!”

“Severus, come.” Lily grabbed her friend by the hand and started dragging him from the library. They were in their second year, and had known each other for more than three years, and he still didn’t react when she did things like this without any explanation. After a couple of minutes, though, he ventured a question.

“Where are we going?”

“Outside. Sirius is upset, so I thought I’d fetch you,” she stated matter-of-factly without slowing down.

Severus’s eyebrows knotted together n confusion. “Why?”

“Because,” she said in that overly patient voice that even grated on his nerves, “Peter is stuck in detention and you are the only one except him who can calm him down. You know that, Sev.”

Severus sighed. He might know it, but it absolutely didn’t mean he liked it. “Alright.”

Lily gave him a look over her shoulder, rolling her green eyes at him. “Oh, that’s mature. Come on, what’s so darn bothersome with helping a friend out once in a while? He’d do the same for you.”

“He is not my friend,” Severus retorted stubbornly, flapping awkwardly after her. Pre-pubescence had not been kind, awarding him with an early growth spurt that hadn’t exactly improved his bodily coordination, and it hadn’t been all that impressive to begin with.

“No, of course not.” Lily might one day get the hang of subtle sarcasm, but that day was far off. “You just spend time with him almost every day, but honestly, you don’t even like him, right?”

“I don’t spend time with him, he spends time with me,” Severus protested, waving his free hand expressively. “I don’t know what his deal is, but he refuses to leave me alone, and if I try to tell him off he gets this really… sad look on his face, and… and it’s just easier to let him hang around, all right?”

Lily giggled. “Oh, I see. And that really sad look bothers you because you don’t care at all about him and really don’t want him around? That makes so much sense, thank you for clearing that up.” She was getting more subtle by the minute.

“Don’t be snotty, like you’re not pretending to dislike Potter,” Severus snorted.

Lily turned up her chin, giving him a cold look. “I’m sure I don’t know what you mean by that. Oh, here we are.” She nodded towards a forlorn figure sitting down by the lake, apparently not disturbed by the cold, damp autumn winds that robbed all sensory ability from one’s fingers in about three seconds. “I think it’s better if you go alone,” she added pointedly before turning to walk away. “Oh, and Severus,” she added, looking over her shoulder and giving him a dazzling, warm smile. “I think you just admitted to pretending to dislike Sirius, didn’t you?”

In year three, Remus discovered girls. Not knowing that Severus was way ahead of him he did feel a little smug about it. He was a man now, while the others were still boys, interested in such inconsequential things as Quidditch and studying. He tried to show them the light, but they seemed oddly reluctant.

“But come on, just look at those legs!” he hissed to James one morning at breakfast, pointing at the tall, sixth-year Slytherin girl that glided past them on her way to her seat. “Even through her robes you can see that she has great legs!”

“Yes, well, so do I, I suppose, but I certainly hope no one is looking at me like that.” James grinned, but looked somewhat paranoid at the mere thought.

“But…but…” Remus searched erratically around the room for something, or someone that might get James to understand. He found it. “All right, take a look at Evans over there,” he said, slinging an arm over James’s shoulder. “Look at her br…eyes.”

James obediently turned his gaze to his redheaded classmate, who was helping Sirius with his homework and smiling benevolently while she did so. It was true that it was rather… pleasant to rest your eyes on her. And she did have a smile that made you feel kind of fuzzy and warm inside, like a sudden burst of sunlight. And when she turned away to say something to Snape, laughing, he felt somewhat annoyed that he couldn’t see her eyes anymore.

“Well,” he said reluctantly, “I suppose you might have a point.”

“I know I do,” Remus said with infinite satisfaction and released his grip on James to dig in on a piece of toast.

But James had somewhat lost his initiative to eat. He continued watching Lily, and it didn’t seem like he would stop anytime soon.

It was rather late in the evening. James had just returned from raiding the kitchens, and was thus burdened down with more pastries and sweets than even a healthy teenage boy could manage to devour on his own. He was trying to negotiate himself and his burden through the portrait hole when he heard a sliding noise and saw Remus land at the bottom of the stairs to the girls’ dormitories (the trick to getting there in the first place, Remus said, was going up together with a girl, and the charm wouldn’t work). He had the familiar tousle-haired, lipstick-smudged look that his friends had rather gotten used to during the last two years, and he was wearing a big, smug grin that spoke volumes. Cordy had apparently been in a good mood tonight.

They nodded at each other in greeting, but they were both rather tired and settled for going up the stairs to their dorm in companionable silence. It wasn’t until they were almost by the door that they heard the whimpering; flinging it open in sudden alarm, they walked into a scene that made them both freeze in shock.

Sirius was on his back in his bed, thrashing wildly and whimpering loudly. Peter was almost on top of him, pinning his hands to the mattress and holding him in place with a strategically placed leg. His lips were moving, but it was impossible to hear what he was saying over Sirius’ sobs.

“What the… Peter!” Remus shouted as James threw himself forward to get Peter off of Sirius.

Peter looked up, gave them both a wild-eyed look, and then James was upon him, trying to tear him away. He clung to Sirius for dear life, swearing at James while he did.

“No, stop it! It… it’s okay…” Sirius was still shaking, his voice was broken and his lips were white, but one of his hands now gripped James’ arm, stilling him. Peter shrugged him off with yet another curse, then turned back to Sirius, eyeing him in concern.

“Really,” Sirius continued through gritted teeth as he was racked by another shaking fit, “Peter is just trying to help… I’m being s-silly.”

There was a long, horrible moment of silence, before Peter sighed. “Well, Sirius, now we will have to tell them.” This brought on another spasm, and Peter promptly grabbed Sirius’ hands again, preventing him from involuntarily hitting himself. “I know you don’t want to, but how do you expect that I explain this otherwise?”

“I…” Sirius gulped rapidly after air, “…I just don’t want people to… to worry about me…”

“It’s a little too late for that,” Peter said dryly, and then hurriedly apologized as Sirius once more started to shake.

“Bloody hell, what’s wrong with him?” Remus said as he came to sit at the edge of Sirius’s bed. “Epilepsy? And if it’s that,” he continued, turning to Sirius, “why would us knowing about it be a problem?”

Peter smiled weakly at Remus and held Sirius still until the shaking subsided once more. “No, nothing quite as physical,” he said, coaxing a pillow under Sirius’ head and then slowly letting him go. The other boy whimpered quietly and curled up, but the tremors that shook his body now were less violent. Once he closed his eyes for a short moment, Peter pulled his wand out of his pocket, whispering a charm that would put him to sleep. Then, sighing and looking very tired, he sat up.

”I don’t really know how to explain this, but… You know how Sirius is always… worrying about people?”

James and Remus nodded.

“Well, the thing about him is that… he doesn’t let go, see? He just keeps on worrying about everything, and the more things he starts to worry about, the closer he gets to… this.” Peter slumped forwards, leaning his head in his hands. “This happens once in a while. Sometimes it takes months before there is a new attack, but it never really stops. Sometimes it happens every other week.”

“Why didn’t you tell us?” Remus said. “We could have helped!”

James was seemingly in shock, staring blankly at Sirius’s now peaceful face. “How could I not see it?” he said quietly, not really asking anyone but himself. How could he, one of the most brilliant and observant students at Hogwarts, not have seen that one of his closest friends was in agony?

Peter looked up and sighed once more, reaching out to pat James’ hand. “It’s impossible to notice if you haven’t seen him like this. Severus was just as stunned when he found out. It’s so very important to Sirius that people don’t notice, you see. I think that is why the attacks are so powerful; he just keeps it all in until he can’t anymore. I noticed by mistake when he was sleeping over at my house. Why do you think he never stays with anyone else but me during the holidays?” His voice diminished, became small and ashamed. “And I know I should’ve told you. Only, every time I suggested it to Sirius, it set off another attack, and I was frightened…”

“Oh, I can understand that,” Remus said, looking horrified. “But wait a minute, Snape knows about this?”

“Yes. I’m sorry, but it was this one time, he... Sirius had locked himself in an empty classroom and I just couldn’t get him to open the door, and… and he usually listens to Severus, so I… I went and got him. I was desperate. And I know you probably think I should’ve gotten you instead, but the thing is… if Sirius would ask if either of you are worried about him because of this, you’d have to say yes, right? Whereas Severus’ reaction to that was, ‘Why should I? I honestly couldn’t care less,’ and that, strangely enough, made Sirius a lot calmer.” He shrugged, smiling wryly. “He was, of course. Worried, I mean. I’ve never seen him so angry in all of my life, once he realized that he was the only one I had told. But he agreed to keep it a secret, once I had explained.”

“Okay, so that doesn’t really make sense,” James said, “but it makes sense… if you know what I mean.” He smiled a little. “I think I’m trying to say that I understand why you chose not to tell us, and I’m not mad.” He wrinkled his brow. “Geez, I never realized Sirius liked Snape that much. I’ve been really dense when it comes to him apparently.”

“I second that,” Remus said. “All of it.”

“Yes, well, he’s a frightfully good liar, probably because he really tried not to lie. It would horrify him if you thought that he’s been dishonest, as a matter of fact, but I know you won’t confront him about this.” There was a sudden hint of steel in his voice now, but it melted into relief as he smiled at them. “I am really glad you know about it now. It’s been very… difficult. For the both of us.” He hesitated, his expression growing somewhat guarded, especially when he looked at James. “Oh, and I should tell you… Lily… well, she doesn’t know how bad it is, but she knows Sirius is troubled and she usually knows where to find Severus, so if anything happens and I’m not around, you can always talk to her.”

James perked up a little at that prospect, and then felt a wave of shame as he realized that he’d just found an upside to his friend’s psychological problems. “All right, let’s all try to take care of him and hope that he figures out a way to get better.”

“I’m glad you think so. Because we have to give up our plans at becoming animagi, James. Sirius can’t take it. Just the mere thought of going behind everyone’s backs like that is already breaking him, and if we actually go through with it… he won’t survive that.”

James opened his mouth, seemingly to protest, but Remus beat him to it. “Whoa there, what plan, and why don’t I know anything about it?”

Peter cleared his throat awkwardly. “It was supposed to be a surprise, see? We thought we’d become animagi so that we could keep you company during the full moons. I mean, obviously we know that you’re not yourself then, but we thought that maybe that wolf side of you would be less insane and… eh… go easier on the self-mutilating if it had some company. Only Sirius… you know what he’s like with breaking rules and keeping secrets…”

“But of course you shouldn’t do it!” Remus said with exasperation. “I mean, I’m extremely flattered that you’d do that for me, but it’s bloody dangerous, and definitively not worth it. Especially not if it hurts Sirius.”

“Not that dangerous,” James protested, looking a bit miffed. “I’ve almost got it all figured out. But if this is what happens to Sirius because of it…” He sighed. “Then I guess we’ll have to give it up.”

Peter nodded. “It would help. I don’t think there’s any way of completely preventing this from happening, but the less he has to worry about, the better. Agreed?”

“Agreed.”

Peter knew that as soon as he was allowed to draw the curtains around his own bed he was going to cry himself to sleep with relief. But he figured James and Remus had witnessed enough emotional outbreaks for one night, so for now he only smiled a somewhat strained smile at them and nodded. “Then we have a plan.”

It was in fifth year that Sirius finally decided that it would probably be okay if he asked Severus for confirmation on something he’d suspected a long time. He was quite sure by now that it wouldn’t lead to Severus being particularly angry.

“Uhm, Severus,” he said meekly, sitting down beside his friend in a secluded corner of the library. “I’ve wanted to ask you… are you… that is, are you… interested in Lily?” Before Severus even had chance to draw a surprised breath, let alone reply, Sirius realized that this was, after all, a horrible and insensitive thing for him to ask, and started to apologize. “I’m so, so sorry, I really shouldn’t have asked that, it was terribly tactless of me. Please forgive me.” He blushed miserably and stared at his own hands, certain that Severus would never forgive him and probably hate him for asking.

“Oh, don’t wet yourself, I’m not angry,” Severus snorted. “But it’s still none of your business.”

Sirius nodded, smiling tremulously. “Thank you. And I shouldn’t have asked, I really shouldn’t, I just thought…” He fidgeted with a quill, the bookwormish pallor of his cheeks suddenly stained with pink as he blushed. “I really wanted to talk to you about something, but I really don’t know where to start, so I thought I’d just… I don’t know, broach a similar subject and perhaps… ease my way there?”

Severus couldn’t help himself, he had to smile. But only a little. “All right then, I’ll give you this: Considering my general personality, and Lily’s general personality, and what I put up with from her end, is it in fact plausible that my feelings for her are those of mere friendship? I’ll let you do the rest of the work yourself. Enough easing for you?”

Sirius looked a little surprised at this almost-admission, but then smiled brightly at his friend. It was true that one of the reasons he had wondered was the fact that Severus had never gone berserk at Lily, not even when Sirius, in the depths of his forgiving, gentle soul, had to concede that she was being absolutely maddening.

“I… yes. Thank you.” Knowing Severus trusted him would make it a lot easier to tell him, but it wouldn’t make it easy. “There is just something that I’ve… figured out about myself, and I… I wanted to tell you first.”

“Well, out with it then.”

Sirius took a deep breath and closed his eyes, hoping that would make it less difficult. It didn’t. It made it even more terrifying. So he opened them again, meeting Severus’ gaze and solemnly promising himself that he would hold it until he was done. “What I wanted to tell you is… is that… I…” He faltered into silence and had to pinch the inside of his own wrist to snap himself out of the sudden panic that engulfed him. “I wanted to say,” he began anew, “that I’ve found that I’m… not interested in any girl at all. Because I’m… not interested in girls. I’m interested in… boys.” He said the last word in a very small voice, but using every scrap of willpower he could muster, he managed to still meet Severus’ gaze.

Severus was silent for a few, long moments. He would have sat even longer, if it wasn’t for the fact that he knew that for every second of silence, Sirius was coming up with a million reasons to why he wasn’t saying anything, and they probably all circulated around Severus hating him and never wanting to see him again. “All right… this is a little… awkward. I don’t… I don’t mind as such, but it is a bit strange.”

“But… but you don’t mind? Really don’t mind?”

“What can I say? It’s not like you’re doing it on purpose. I’m not particularly comfortable with the idea, but I expect it’ll grow on me.”

Sirius made a move as if to lift his hands, and then stilled, looking embarrassed. “Giving you a hug right now would be a bad idea, wouldn’t it?”

“Yes Sirius, yes it would,” Severus said, but he was smiling again. Still only a little of course, but smiling nonetheless.

Figuring that he was already through the worst – i.e. telling Severus – Sirius decided that it was probably time to tell the rest of his friends as well. He didn’t need bother with Lily, because telling Severus was basically the same as telling her, but there was still the matter of his dorm mates.

James’s response was to draw an enormous sigh of relief. “Finally! I’ve been waiting for you to tell us for ages!”

Remus on the other hand looked disgusted. “Are you serious? You want to do it with boys? I mean, all right, whatever rocks your boat, but ew!”

Peter hardly reacted at all, only blinked and then nodded. “Makes sense,” was all he said.

Sirius had by now come to the conclusion that his assumption that Severus would be the worst trial had been a bit premature. James’ answer took him by utter surprise, and Remus’ was more than just a little hurtful.

“You knew? How does it make sense? And I’m sorry, but I really can’t help it.” His right hand had started twitching. Peter was by his side in half a heartbeat, putting his hand over his and glaring at Remus.

James cleared his throat, preparing to launch off into one of his characteristic explanations of how he’d figured something out. “Well, at first I thought you were just extremely shy, since you looks so very embarrassed whenever Remus talks about girls, but then I started to notice that you didn’t seem to be interested in them romantically at all. I mean, you have loads of female friends, more than all of us put together I should think, and you treat them all like sisters. And then I saw those sort of shy, sidelong looks you were giving some of the boys, and I had heard somewhere that some people like other people of the same gender, so I started asking careful questions, and the more I found out, and the more I thought about it, the more obvious it seemed. So there you have it,” he finished with a grin.

Remus squirmed, looking a bit embarrassed. “Hey, don’t worry Sirius, I don’t have anything against you or anything. I just think it’s gross, just like I think it’s gross that James likes Brussels sprouts. I mean, no one likes Brussels sprouts!”

By now Sirius was looking more horrified by James than by Remus. “Am I really that obvious?” he said in a small voice. “I mean, I don’t… well, I suppose I do look at boys, sometimes. But… but not much. I think. Do I? Oh, no, what if someone noticed…” He buried his face in his hands. Peter was forlornly patting him on the back, his eyes begging James for some kind of help.

“No, no, no,” James said, “it’s just that I’m good with these kinds of things Sirius, you know that.”

Sirius nodded, taking several calming breaths. “I know. I’m sorry. I just don’t want anyone to think that I’m ogling them. Not that I do ogle people! I mean, I do look but I don’t think… you know, things about the people I look at. Well, at least not usually. Oh no. Please forget I said that.” If one could die of embarrassment, Sirius was sure he was doing a great job in the suicide apartment at the moment.

“Aaaaargh, just stop it!” Remus cried, “I ogle people all the time, and you still like me, right?”

“Yes, of course I do!” Sirius replied anxiously. “It’s just… well, I’m just afraid it will make you uncomfortable, that’s all. Because I technically could be ogling you. Which I don’t. Really.”

James looked amused, and Remus looked absolutely horrified. “God I hope so!” he said, earning a smack over the head from James.

“Stop being such a brute you idiot, you’re going to make Sirius sad, and he was really brave to tell us!”

“Yes, you were,” Peter said quietly, finally finding that he could contribute to the conversation again, “and we’re really glad that you trust us enough to tell us. Of course we’re not going to be awkward about it.” He shot Remus a rather stern look before he continued. “I mean, it’s not something that just happened. You’ve always been like this. The only thing that’s different is that now we know. Except, apparently, when it comes to James. And he has probably known about it longer than you have.” After just the briefest moment of hesitation he slung an arm around Sirius shoulders and gave him a short hug. Sirius appeared to be almost melting with relief.

“Whilst running the risk of being called a brute again, could we please change the subject now?” Remus said with a pleading look at his friends.

Peter and James exchanged exasperated looks, but Sirius nodded gratefully. “I think I’d like that too.”

A/N: Let the drama begin!