|A Cold, White Christmas
Author: EdwardsBloodType PM
Two years have passed since Edward left Bella in the woods. She has gone off to college, but returns home to Forks for Christmas break. Christmas will be miserable again this year, or will it?Rated: Fiction M - English - Romance/Drama - Bella & Edward - Chapters: 14 - Words: 44,610 - Reviews: 765 - Favs: 943 - Follows: 298 - Updated: 12-16-08 - Published: 12-01-08 - Status: Complete - id: 4689896
|A+ A- Full 3/4 1/2 Expand Tighten|
All of the beautiful Twilight characters are Stephanie Meyer's. I claim no ownership.
Two years after New Moon...Bella never jumps, No werewolves have appeared, Edward never comes back. Bella has gone off to college in Washington.
This is my first Fanfiction ever. Please read and review. This chapter is long, but I needed to give alot of background to go forward with the story. I rated it M for future chapters.
I had been back home in Forks for exactly 27 hours and already I had had my fill of this bedroom. I drove 8 exhausting hours from Pullman,Washington and Charlie had taken off work early to make sure he was there to greet me after the long drive. In my head, I had explained to him a hundred times why I was coming home for Christmas break and not going back to Washington University. Why I was taking the spring semester off from college.
Regardless of the reasons I knew he would never seem to understand unless I told him that I was on the verge of a breakdown. I knew for sure that the mention of a breakdown would have him in complete agreement with whatever I wanted. He couldn't handle watching me go through another one. It was the stress of taking 18 credits a semester, adding Summer and Winter courses and working part time in the library. Let's not forget working on the school paper and the tutoring I had taken on to pay for the new car I couldn't afford.
I was mentally and physically drained and on the verge of tears nearly every day. I knew he was not strong enough to watch me endure another breakdown. I was much farther ahead of schedule as I was set to graduate with a Bachelor's Degree in three years instead of four. So, I held off on letting him in on my hiatus. But I think he grew suspicious when he saw all the luggage I brought home.
"Laundry, Dad...lot's of laundry." Well, it wasn't exactly a total lie. I would find the courage to be honest....eventually.
I was deluded into thinking that submerging myself in school would keep my mind too busy to allow the thoughts of the past two years to break through. It did distract me for a while, but no matter what activities I was involved in, how many classes I took and how busy I made myself, he was always at he back of my mind waiting to pounce whenever I thought I was beginning to get over it. Over him. I was still not able to say his name out loud. If and when I was forced to, it was in barely inaudible whispers.
Two years had passed since he left me in the woods. Two years and three months, actually. I had not heard a word from him since or from any of the Cullen's for that matter. I always kept my ears open for word that they were spotted while someone was on vacation abroad or possibly attending classes at a university somewhere, but I never heard a thing. I just wanted some reassurance that they were alright.
I did see him three times though. Or at least, I imagined I saw him. He "appeared" twice on campus and once in my room at Charlie's house a few months after he left. I know I imagined the sightings, but each time I thought I saw him lurking in the shadows, the wound in my chest was ripped open once again sending me right back to that rainy day in the forest.
I had made my peace with the fact that Edward didn't love me... didn't want me, but I was more than furious with him for taking away Alice. She didn't even say goodbye and she was the best girl friend that I had ever had. I was forced to mourn her as well.
Coming home to Forks now was like being punched in the stomach. It hurt to be here, but I had nowhere else to go. At my mother's insistence, I spent last Christmas break with her and Phil in Texas. Phil was playing for some minor league team there and I just couldn't bear to spend any amount of extended time with her. She was so sunny and happy and in love, and that was the last thing I needed to witness.
I much preferred to wallow in my own sadness. A part of me needed the pain to keep reminding me that it was real. That I had not dreamed it. That the last two years of my life were not wasted mourning the loss of ...the only love I had ever known. The loss of a family that had taken me in as one of their own. The only physical proof of the existence of my vampires was the scar on my forearm that Dr. Cullen stitched up on my 18th birthday and the icy cold half moon on my hand courtesy of James.
So for a few months of desperately needed rest, I chose the less torturous option and semi- reluctantly went back to Charlie's. He spent most of his time with Sue Clearwater these days anyway. Since Harry passed on, their relationship had gotten very serious, and I think Charlie was on the verge of making an actual commitment. I was happy that after 20 years apart from Renee, he had finally found love again.
It seemed as if everyone around me was able to find someone they wanted to be with. Even Jacob was slowly moving on. The summer after I graduated high school Jacob and I spent almost every day together. We went through all the motions of being a couple except for the physical aspect. I was not able to be intimate with him in the slightest way because I was still so damaged. I had been holding on to the idea that Edward would come back for me, that he would realize he made a wrong choice. And though I couldn't really admit it to myself, just in case he did come back, I wanted to remain untouched for him. I never said it out loud, but Jacob knew. He was very aware that he was never going to be what Edward was to me.
I suppose it was bound to happen eventually, but we got in a terrible argument over it the night before I first left for school and things had been strained between us. He had yelled at me for allowing that "stupid bloodsucker" to continue to ruin my life even though he was no longer in it. Jacob harbored anger for a long time, and I knew I had hurt him badly. And for what? For a boy that never even loved me.
Eventually, we resumed our friendship, and our relationship blossomed once again. On school breaks and holidays, I would come back and hang with Jacob. But it wasn't really the same as before. Jacob knew in his heart that I would never feel for him the way he wanted me to. And I was forever trying to make up for that.
So now, here I was back in my little bedroom in Forks. I sat at the edge of the bed snapping a brown rubber band against my wrist. I was hoping that if I stared at the suitcases long enough they would unpack themselves. Being in this room was like being stuck in a virtual time warp. Nothing had changed in years. Myself included. Well, except for the makeup I now wore. It was a funny thing. I noticed when my face was colorful, people would stop constantly asking me what was wrong. It was a great mask.
Trying to kill some time, I checked the emails that were piling up. Two from Renee, one from Angela and mostly junk mail. And one from Ryan. I groaned as I clicked on his mail.
Do you have my Blue Washington State sweatshirt? Send it back if you do. You know the address.
Ugh... Ryan. He was my half hearted attempt at having a normal relationship. When I say attempt , I use that word loosely. Ryan was sweet and handsome and really smart, but nothing he did made me feel the way I needed to feel. We went on a bunch of dates, kissed a lot and then the night we were about to have our first really intimate moment, I "saw" Edward standing in the corner of his room and I completely freaked out. I cried for over an hour and couldn't tell him why. What was I supposed to do, tell him that I just saw my vampire ex- boyfriend hovering in the dark shadows of his dorm room?
He basically called me a Psycho and refused to even speak to me again. I suppose it was selfish of me to try to have a relationship with someone when I was still completely in love, and blindly obsessed with someone else. It was doomed before it even began. I didn't blame Ryan for his reaction, as childish as it may have been.
I was a twenty year old virgin still hung up on my vampire ex boyfriend who left me because his brother tried to kill me. Oh, and my best friend Jake is in love with me.
And that's exactly why I couldn't go into therapy.
I wrote back to Ryan telling him I saw his roommate wearing the sweatshirt three days ago. The rubber band that I had been playing with shot across the room and settled under the bed. As I bent down to lift the dusty bed skirt, the wood under neath my palm creaked and lifted the old floorboard a few inches.
"Crap." I pressed my palm into the floor to push it back down.
That's when I noticed a flash of silver gleaming from underneath. I pounded my fist with all the force I could manage on the opposite end and the board came flying up smacking me in the forehead. I was definitely going to have a bruise. As I rubbed the throbbing welt on my forehead, I peered into the hole in the floor.
I gasped and felt my mouth drop open. My heart began to race. Nestled between the beams of the sub floor was a piece of folded white paper. On top of it rested a shiny silver CD. Not possible, I thought to myself. This was here the whole time? I lifted out the treasure, and darted across the room to my old CD player gently placing the disc in. As the sweet notes drifted through the air the warmth of the tears streaming down my cheeks splashed onto the folded paper I was still holding. I sunk to my knees and unfolded the paper. Written in his beautiful handwriting were the words Be Safe. It was the note he left for me in my car years ago. Staring at me was the face I tried so hard to remember and equally as hard to forget; the photos he snatched from my scrapbook.
The day he left me in the woods, Edward had taken the pictures of himself out of my scrapbook along with the CD he made me for my birthday. He had promised to make it "as if he never existed." It made our ending all the more devastating because he took all the tangible evidence of our time together. But here they were. Proof of the life I once had, the life I was so desperately trying to cling to. I traced my fingers over the face in the photo remembering what his skin felt like. The outline of his jaw. How his lips were icy cold as they pressed against mine. His delicious scent...
The memories flooded my head. Biology class...the restaurant in Port Angeles...his Volvo...my old red truck...our meadow...our first kiss...James...the prom...my birthday... the woods...
Sobbing, I crawled up into my bed and cradled the precious photos as I eventually fell asleep to the sweet notes of the piano.
I dreamed of Edward.
When I woke hours later, the ache in my chest was the most prominent feeling and secondary was the stinging in my eyes from crying. I immediately looked at the pictures and tucked them into the top drawer of my nightstand.
Maybe I should have gone to Texas after all. I was picturing myself in the hot sun wearing cowboy boots and spurs when I heard the phone ring. I slumped off the bed and descended slowly downstairs to the phone.
" Hello?" I whispered.
"Bells? It's Jake. Merry Christmas!"
"Yeah....Fa la la la la", I said sarcastically. "Christmas is three day away."
" What's with you, Grinch?" he said annoyed. " So you sick of unpacking yet?"
I laughed. " I haven't even begun...I got side tracked looking over some old photos." Edward's face flashed in my mind.
"Oh. So... were all going down to the beach Saturday night for a bonfire. You have to come. Quil and Embry are dying to see you and I really want you to meet Shayne.
"Uh Jake...It's December. It's going to be freezing by the beach. " The beach? Were they nuts?
"Yeah, I know." He said, like it was so obvious. "Hence the bonfire. Come around six. Me me at my house and we'll all go down together. " He stated as if I had already agreed to come. I laughed at Jake's use of the word hence.
I thought about it for a minute. As badly as I wanted to say no, I just couldn't. Besides, I really did want to meet Jacob's new girlfriend Shayne. Maybe it would be better for me to not be alone.
"OK Jake," I said hesitantly, " I'll see you Saturday, then."
"I'm really glad you're home."
"Thanks. I guess I am too." I lied.