A/N: Alright, the non-awaited sequel to 'Nowhere Man' is here!

Now, I have to warn you that there is rather a lot of OC in this but I am trying as hard as possible to keep her... palatable. If there's anything objectionable about her please tell me. I want to fix it. If there's anything else wrong, point that out too.

Rules

An Invader Zim/Lilo & Stitch/Buzz Lightyear of Star Command fan fiction

-because I have plenty of time to say both syllables-

It's a dark and dreary night
Seems like nothing's going right
Won't you tell me, honey, how can I go on here without you?

Yes, I'm down and feelin' blue
And I don't know what to do

Oh ring, ring
Why won't you give me a call?
Ring, ring
Happiest sound of them all
~ABBA, 'Ring Ring'

Watch what you say
They'll be calling you a radical
A liberal
Oh, fanatical, criminal
~Supertramp, 'The Logical Song'

2/6/03

1:13 AM

"Sir."

Large, fluffy snowflakes were drifting by all around him. He'd used to enjoy snapping at snowflakes back home, but these were water-based and would burn his mouth. The roof was so cold under his semi-reptilian body that he was slightly frozen to it. He hadn't noticed this. Just as he hadn't noticed there was someone calling him.

"Sir."

Through the cloudless patches in the sky the night was clear and cold, the stars bright and easily viewable. His gaze was fixed on a tiny one next to the Big Dipper. Planet Irk's sun. Oh, it was beautiful.

"Zerinim."

His body jerked and he yelped, his eyes widening. He whipped around to see the robot standing there, the foreign one. Her arms were crossed over her chest and her face was cool and even.

Zim clutched at his hammering heart, his antennae pressing flat to his scalp. He bared his teeth. "What did ya do that for?" he snapped.

MALIK's expression didn't change. "You weren't responding. I've been out here for quite a while, sir. What are you waiting for?"

He scowled and shook his head, rubbing his eyes (they'd begun to ache and water from staring unblinkingly at one spot for too long and he hadn't noticed until now).

"Me? Oh, silly robot, what could I possibly be waiting for?YOU KNOW VERY WELL WHAT I AM WAITING FOR!" On this last his hands bunched into fists and he trembled with rage, biting his lower lip so hard the inside of it bled.

MALIK shook her head slightly. "Sir, there's no call for you to have one of your outbursts."

"OUTBURST?" he snapped, leaping to his feet and holding his hands out. "Outburst? ME? Why, pray tell, would I be having an outburst? Whatever reason could I possibly have for an OUTBURST?" He headed down the roof from her at a fast, clipped pace and sat back down, letting his thin, short legs dangle off the roof, one foot locked behind the other ankle. He planted his palms on the surface on either side of him and tipped his head back so he was once again looking into the sky, gritting his teeth. His skin flushed bright green.

"Zim, the Tallest are not going to come," she snapped behind him. He trembled, making a low growling noise. "I'm just stating the facts. You don't have to resort to such childish displays. I assure you I'm unimpressed."

Unimpressed? He shook his head, looking down, then got back to his feet. "Unimpressed, huh?"

"Oh, don't," she scoffed. "Come on, Zim."

He stalked over to her, head lowered and teeth bared. "You find me unimpressive."

"Just stop. This is not a fruitful activity. In fact, it's so far from-"

He grabbed her shoulders. "UNIMPRESSIVE, HUH?" he screamed. "WE'LL SEE HOW UNIMPRESSIVE I AM WHEN I DESTROY THE PLANET!"

She was expressionless. He tried to shake her. She was too heavy. (She was only about his height but probably twice his bulk and, well, y'know, made of metal.)

He slapped the bubble-like glass thing covering her face instead and turned away, hands on hips. He was breathing heavily.

She was mercifully silent for a moment, then she said "I'm very disappointed in you."

"Shut up!"

"Aren't you bright enough to realize the utter immaturity of your behaviour? This is foolish and misguided! And taking it out on me is just- just moronic!"

He turned to her, brandishing a fist. "Stop it, MALIK! I mean it! Don't push me!"

She shook her head, looking away. "I see. Well, if you're absolutely bent on being up here in the cold without even a protective covering, I can't stop you. Why even bother."

"Darn right!"

"I'll be inside," she said, and the roof lowered underneath her. "I'm beginning to hope you do freeze."

He turned away, shaking his head. Stupid robot.

He went back to the edge of the roof and sat down. An unusually cold gust of wind blew through, slicing through his thin body like a knife. He shuddered and looked back up at the sky.

The clouds had covered Irk's star. He sighed and hung his head.

7:01 AM

Professor Membrane's laboratory was a large, dark, metallic place filled with all sorts of machinery and goo. What light there was came from mysterious glowing concoctions in vials and beakers.

There were few people about this early and those who were had a hurried, furtive look, darting about with their heads down, movements quick and anxious as though avoiding attention.

The great man himself sat by a laptop computer towards the back of the room, typing. For the past few months, he'd been looking into building a small secondary facility somewhere else in the States. Here, things were getting a little too... closely monitored.

He shook his head. It was the child's fault. Or rather, the children's fault- it had been the professor's own son who had brought the green boy to attention. Oh, that green boy.

While treating his son's odd foreign friend for a strange disease back in October Membrane had had time to appreciate the child's rare and unusual skin condition, which made him appear to be coated in green scales. When presenting this case to the higher-ups, however, they had become concerned that the boy's condition had been caused by some sort of mutagen... and the laboratories were the only nearby potential source of mutagen.

Little (whatsisface- Ziana? Nonsense, that was a girl's name) had NOT been harmed in any way by Membrane Laboratories. But others had. Others the higher-ups didn't know about. But if they ever found out... if they ever found out!

So, Professor Membrane had decided to relocate with his odd children. A change of scenery would be good for them anyway, might relieve their oddness.

And after a month of looking he believed he'd finally found the place to go. One of the Hawaiian Islands had, for the last five years or so, been inundated with reports of strange creatures- a blue dog, a fat, purple, bipedal hippo creature, a- possessed spaghetti noodle?- odd lights in the sky, crop circles, and vines. Everywhere strange, ambulatory vines that killed small animals, played havoc with power lines and electricity fields, and endangered young children.

A pack of absolute nonsense. But if strange things had been reported by ignorant moonshining locals and brain-dead tourists for the past five years, no one would notice the results of Membrane's experimentation- no, no one would ever notice.

The only worry was his son. Ah, his poor, insane son. He'd take these rumors and run with them. But there was nothing else to be done.

Professor Membrane gave a decisive nod, and hit the enter key, confirming his online purchase of a parcel of land in Kaua'i, Hawai'i.

7:21 AM

"Sir?"

He twitched, shuddering and murmuring incoherently.

"Sir?"

Cold. It was so... how- how cold!

"Zim!"

A touch on his shoulder. He flinched away. He didn't like touch...

"Zim, wake up," a voice said, high and sharp with what sounded like anxiety. He twisted and squirmed and dear Irk, it was cold out here and his skin burned- he was coated in a thin layer of snowflakes.

He began to brush them off, forcing his eyes open a sliver. Beside him, MALIK continued speaking rapidly-

"Zim, it's almost time to leave for skool. Mother of Venus, you weren't actually out here all night, were you? I was convinced you would come back in and-"

"Tallest," he rasped, shutting his eyes.

She was silent for a moment, then, in a completely even voice she said "They called back- they aren't arriving for another few days."

His eyes snapped open. "What? DAYS! That's stupid!"

"It's only what they said. Now, Zim- skool, it starts in half an hour."

He shook his head. "Skool? How can you talk about skool at a time like this?!" he cried, trying to push himself up. "Mik, this is serious! The Tallest have been mysteriously detained and we need to find out why! This could be very serious and oh crap my butt's frozen to the roof!"

She blinked.

Zim continued to try to wriggle himself off the roof. It was useless. He was completely frozen.

MALIK sighed, then pulled out a small laser. "Hold still, sir," she said flatly.

"Hey! You're not shooting my butt!"

"Just hold still, I assure you, I won't harm you."

"No way! No one shoots me in the butt!"

"Please be quiet, sir."

"Get that thing away from me!"

"I won't hurt you! Unless you squirm too much, in which case-"

"No!"

"Zim-"

"No!"

"ZERINIM! HOLD STILL! How many times do I have to tell you, this won't hurt, now just-"

A loud screech of pain echoed around the neighborhood.

"My apologies. You shouldn't have moved."

8:12 PM

"Good freakin' work, MALIK, now we're both late for skool!" Zim snapped. He was walking rather awkwardly and there was an unpleasant scent of singed Irken in the air.

MALIK shook her head, scowling. She was wearing a hologram that made her look like a normal, nondescript human child. "Zerinim, I'm going to pose a simple question with a simple, easy answer. Please reply to it. Did I or did I not tell you it was a foolish idea to sit on the roof all night?!"

Zim scratched his upper lip, his face completely expressionless. "I don't remember anything like that."

MALIK balled her hands into fists.

Zim pointed down the street. "Oh look, it's Dib!" He picked up a rock and lobbed it through the air. It didn't hit Dib. As far as MALIK could see Dib wasn't even on the street.

"Sir, there's an insect on your face," she said calmly.

Zim frowned. "But it's Feb-" CLANG!

8:24 AM

The classroom was full of the smells of wet children and dripping, melted snow. Zim shuddered and clapped his hand over his mouth as he lowered himself into his seat. His skin paled a sickly yellowish color. MALIK brushed past him, heading to her seat towards the back of the room.

Mr. Valdez grunted from behind his desk. "I see you two maggots finally decided to join us. THREE HUNDRED WORDS!"

Zim blinked. "On what?"

"On paper, you moron," Valdez snapped. "Now. As I was saying-"

That was Zim's cue to tune out. He made sure Dib was safely in his seat where he was supposed to be, then started scratching Irken Invader symbols into the paint on his desk with his claws. The desk was already dotted with several such symbols, along with some Irken writing- the words for soldier, Elite, Invader, Tallest, doom, moose, Irk, and of course Zim's own name, lengthened and shortened, with and without titles. There were also some short notes-to-self, such as rabies = danger, tool? and no lima beans!!

It was considered rather low etiquette for Irkens to use their claws recreationally like this (something akin to nose-picking) but it was easy to lapse here on Earth, so far from anywhere civilized, and the feeling of scratching against the wood gave him a sort of- quiet, visceral pleasure. It was calming. Like doodling. But much better.

He glanced up occasionally at Mr. Valdez, pacing and ranting- Dib, sitting and staring out the window- MALIK sitting in the back, reading a magazine printed in Alliance Standard. Something she'd had on her when Zim had taken her from Star Command.

Zim squinted at the magazine, the advanced ouclar implants he'd received in Invader training focusing on the letters and making them crystal clear from across the room. It was no help, Zim couldn't read Standard.

Plus she was holding the magazine sideways. That didn't help.

Zim sighed and slumped in his chair, picking paint splinters off his gloves.

"Oh, we have a new student today. Casey or whoever."

Zim looked sharply upwards to see a young girl with wide, darting brown eyes and short brown hair. She was not sleek and dangerous like Tak, her smell was ostensibly human, no perfume that could be masking the scent of another species. Her eyes landed on Zim and went wide.

Zim held eye contact with her for a moment, flexing something in the back of his mind ever so slightly- she lost interest and looked away. Humans were so easy to manipulate.

Well, apparently she was no threat. He soon lost interest.

12:23 PM

Zim made a face upon being assaulted by the smells in the cafeteria. Eyuuuurgh. Peas-and-baloney day. How the humans could eat this swill he'd never know.

He took his tray with its daily helping of dung and sat down at his usual table. For a year and a half he had sat here alone; now MALIK took a seat next to him, giving her own tray a look of disgust.

Zim stared at the tray with glazed eyes. He didn't have the energy to poke at these things anymore. He just sat here and stared at them. Beside him, MALIK read her sideways magazine. Holy beans, that was annoying.

"Why do you act so weird?" he snapped and she stared at him, uncomprehending.

"What?"

"Oh, forget it!" Zim snapped, and stabbed viciously at the swill on his tray. Fire. Fire, that's what this place needed. A good dose of burning.

He closed his eyes, imagining all this crap food going up in smoke. It felt really freaking-

"Zim, behind you."

"Huh?"

A hand on his shoulder. He froze. If the wig hadn't been pressing down his antennae and the overpowering reek of the food dulling his senses he would have scented Dib coming. But they were and he hadn't.

"Playing with your food, Zim?"

"Die in a freaking fire!" Zim spat, stabbing at his food again. If you could call it food.

Dib sat down beside him. His smell was thick and meaty. "You know, I don't get it. How can anyone not see you're covered in scales? Huh? I mean-"

"Go to your own table, Dilbert," MALIK snapped.

"Stay outta this," Dib said, grabbing Zim and whirling him around in his seat to face the rest of the cafeteria. Zim sighed, rolling his eyes. Almost no one even looked up.

"For crying out LOUD, people!" Dib cried. "Look at him!"

A few kids glanced over their shoulders. The new girl (Kathy?) gave him a rather anxious look, her eyes traveling around his scaly face. Zim met her gaze and screamed

"Fool! I am NORMAL!"

The slight mind-flex combined with the shout caused the girl to look back down at her tray, bored. She was doodling obsessively in her math notebook.

Dib stepped forward, roughly yanking Zim to his feet. He followed, shaking his head.

Dib marched Zim over to the new girl and tapped on her shoulder. She jerked and glared up at them. "What?"

"Carrie, right?"

"No, Cassie," she said rather rudely.

"Oh, sorry. Look at this kid! Huh? How can this kid be normal?" And he shook Zim a little bit.

Whatserface shook her head and scowled, looking down and pulling away a little bit, her shoulders hunched. The body language was obvious, get away from me. "I don't see anything wrong with him."

"Yeah," Zim said, rolling his eyes. Inwardly, he was grateful the Suggestion had worked on this new child. It'd never worked on Dib and just look at him now.

Dib groaned and shook Zim again. "Come on! He's green!"

"So?" Whatserface said with a glare.

Dib sighed and yanked Zim back off towards his table. "I can't believe these people!"

"I can," Zim said, and reached up to tug at Dib's hand. "Let me go."

Dib stopped suddenly. "What? No screaming? No accusations of filth?"

His head ached. The smell in here was oppressive. "YOU STINK! Happy now?" And he tugged more insistently at Dib's hand.

Dib frowned. "You know, you've been boring lately."

Zim gave him a glare and kicked him in the shins. Dib let go and backed away. "Okay, okay! Fine!" And he headed off.

Zim hopped onto the bench, sighing. He met MALIK's eyes with a glare. "Thanks for the help, Mik!"

She looked up from her sideways magazine. "Hm? Oh, you had it covered, sir." And she buried herself back in the magazine.

Zim let his head fall forward into his tray of swill.

Bad idea.

3:32 PM

The rest of that skool day was remarkably uneventful. Names were called. Dodgeballs were thrown. Mr. Valdez shouted, but nothing blew up or caught fire, and the world seemed to be, as far as Dib could tell, unendangered. Which was a good thing, because wearing all these winter clothes, he could barely struggle home.

Dib staggered inside, panting. He pulled off his coat, his hat, his boots and his snow pants and threw them in a wet, messy pile by the wall, then stumbled into the living room towards the couch. He was just sitting down when

"DIB! Get in here! Dad left us a message!"

Dib groaned and headed into the kitchen, grumbling. Gaz was standing in front of what Dib had privately started calling the 'headscreen', tapping her foot.

"Hi, Dad," Dib said to the screen.

"Dilbert, where were you and your sister? I've been waiting for hours!" the head reprimanded.

Dib blinked. "We were at skool."

Professor Membrane raised an eyebrow on the screen. "Oh. You're still doing that?"

Dib raised his eyebrows. His father shook his head quickly and said "No matter. Son, daughter, GOOD NEWS! I'm starting an auxiliary branch of the laboratory!"

"You told us," Gaz said. "It's all you've talked about for weeks!"

"Of course! But this morning I found the perfect location for it! Family, we are moving to- wait for it-"

They waited a good two minutes for it. Then Professor Membrane finished with a flourish-

"The HAWAIIAN ISLANDS!"

Dib blinked. "What? Seriously? You can't be serious."

"Yes! Kaua'i, to be exact. The Garden Isle!"

"We're moving?" Gaz said.

"Yes, moving!"

Gaz shrugged. "Whatever."

Dib stared at her, then turned back to the screen. "Dad, are you crazy? We can't move! What about Zim, huh? What about HIM?"

"Your little foreign friend? Oh, you'll make new friends, Dilbert! Hopefully new friends that don't have little Ziana's strange and obnoxious speech patterns and feminine name!"

"Okay. First off, I think what you want to say is Zerinim, not Ziana. Second-" He paused. "You know what? Forget it. No one ever listens to me."

Professor Membrane nodded. "Good, we're finally getting somewhere, son! Now- wait a minute, where is he going? Gazlene, where is your brother going?"

3:49 PM

The day was cold and windy. Dib's trench coat flapped around him as he walked through the empty park, his boots crunching in the snow.

The fact of his being out here without his father's stupid layers was exhilarating, even if he was freakin' cold. He headed for a park bench and stopped in shock when he saw Gaz already sitting there.

"Come back home, Dib," she said in a dangerous tone.

His eyes narrowed. "No."

"Come on, Dib."

"No. I'm sick of you two not caring about me at all. I don't want to move."

"Too bad. Our dad wants us to move and you know he does whatever he wants with us."

Dib stared into her amber eyes, mirror images of his own.

She was right, there was no stopping Professor Membrane. His lower lip trembled.

"The fate of the world, Gaz! The fate of the-"

"Zim can't take over the world. He sucks. And so does Michigan. I hate this state."

Dib trembled. (And then he couldn't stop. He was... he was pretty cold.) "Oh, yeah? Well- well-"

"Come back home, Dib."

It really was cold. "Okay, I will for now, but this isn't over, Gaz. This isn't over."

4:01 PM

MALIK leaned back in the chair, pulling one knee in toward her chest and lacing her fingers over it.

The hologram was off now. She was in Zim's database room, where she'd been every night since she landed here. She was currently listening to the computer tell her about Irken diseases.

It was a facet of organic life she found rather disturbing and she tuned out during most of it. It wasn't important information, anyway.

Not like the knowledge of Planet Irk's location. Not like the knowledge of Irk's leaders and their weaknesses. Not like the knowledge of how to destroy the mostly-mechanized Irken homeworld by typing in a code. Not like the knowledge she was planning to bring to Star Command when they finally came for her.

Invader Zim was a fool, she reflected. Since bringing her back from the Alliance he had trusted her completely despite the fact that she was not bound to him in any form. Of course, she behaved to him to his face in every way as though she was on his side, but still, if he had been more alert he should have caught her by now.

How long had it been since he had brought her here? She quickly accessed her internal datekeeping mechanisms.

MALIK had been on Earth for three months, one week, six days, ten hours and twenty-one minutes.

Her single, rectangular eye widened. Had it really been that long? Sweet mother of Venus... here with Zim, time seemed to pass faster. He was so... very, very energetic and constantly trying her nerves with foolish stunt after foolish stunt. She often had to sabotage his devices so they wouldn't harm him or- a one-in-a-million shot, but a possibility- succeed, and place Zim in charge of this planet, which would cause Star Command to become very angry with her if...

No if. WHEN. Her hands clenched into fists. She was a valuable, useful machine. Star Command would find her!

After three months? Were they really, honestly looking? She knew how fast the rangers worked. They would have surely found her if... NO. They were organics, was all. Sloppy, messy...

"MALIK?"

"WHAT?" she snapped, then jerked in her seat, wondering at the amount of anger in her voice.

"Uhh... usually you've demanded a new topic by now," the computer said.

MALIK scowled up at the ceiling. "Shut up. Take me to the main level of the house."

4:06 PM

She entered the living room to find Minimoose and GIR watching TV together. There was a noticeable lack of Irken.

"He's on the roof again, isn't he?" she demanded, and GIR nodded. She sat next to him, primly crossing her legs, folding her hands over one knee and scowling. "Fool. Well, if he catches an illness and dies, it's his own fault."

Zim was waiting for the Tallest because an Irken Invader still on their assigned planet after two years was supposed to have a meeting with their leaders to explain their failure. Zim could very well be executed at this meeting and yet he still waited for his leaders.

She pressed her lips together. Waiting for his superiors to come rescue him, now wasn't that just-

(you waited three months he's been here two years two years in this filth)

She shook her head.

In Zim's case, however, it was painfully obvious that it was not a matter of his leaders being unable to find him. Irkens were too efficient, too technologically advanced. Little Zerinim was simply an unwanted by-product of the smooth machinery running his culture, an orphaned, abandoned little failure. The Irken word was ‘defective’.

The robotic word for it back in the Alliance was also ‘defective’. For a moment, the memory of a near-empty conference room threatened to surface, a cool, disembodied voice reading out every infinetesimal flaw and failure in her existence-

She got to her feet.

4:12 PM

The air was full of an irritating uneven clacking noise. Irritating noises usually came from GIR, and he was looking around to see if the stupid robot had followed him to the roof when he realized it was his own teeth chattering. Ugh...

He pulled his knees in to his chest, groaning and shuddering. They were gonna be here any minute, had to be. Their ship would be nice and warm, and-

He jumped, hearing clacking footsteps behind him. He was turning to see what it was when something hit him in the face and he jerked backwards, yelping.

"I thought if you were going to insist on being out here I may as well ensure you don't freeze completely," a clipped voice said, as he realized it was a blanket that had hit him in the face. She took it out of his hands and arranged it over his shoulders, then turned and stalked away.

Zim blinked, realizing the blanket was warm and electric. "Wait! What the-" He felt it. It was soft. "Uhhhhrmmm... well. Yes. Good work." He didn't realize she'd already left. "Yes. Well-" He put the blanket over his head to shield his sensitive antennae from the cold and hunkered there, trembling.

A/N: Mr. Valdez is no Miss Bitters. I kinda wish I'd put more thought into him so he'd be more interesting... oh well, it's not like he's an important character.

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