Bella

And so for the second time in a fortnight, I found myself curled up on my front porch step trying to read but getting distracted. Charlie was worried about me, offering to stay home today and keep me company. He had replaced the door in the bathroom without comment, nor did he ask exactly why it was splintered beyond repair. Alice had answered many of questions about vampires, trying to unsuccessfully drag the topic of conversation back to her brother. She was beginning to become exceptionally frustrated at what she called my "extreme stubbornness" towards any topic that involved her brother or my Godfather.

For the first time since I had spent three and a half weeks in hospital after the accident, I forced myself to remember what happened. It was only during my outburst in the hospital that I had realised that I was still harbouring negative emotions toward him and what happened. I told everyone that I had chosen to forget what had happened and move on with my life. It was too bad that only part of that was true.

Wrapping my blanket tighter around my shoulders in an effort to shut out the particularly cold air for this time of year from touching my skin. I could see flashes of the icy water. The light from the car refracting through the murky water. Screaming. Bubbles. The last look he gave me before kicking towards the surface. Towards air. It was always in fragments, because I didn't think I was strong enough to live the whole thing again.

I felt his presence before I saw or heard him. Once again he was standing at the bottom of the stairs. I didn't want to see him. I didn't want to hear that he was sorry. I didn't want to admit that until I heard what he had done, I enjoyed his presence. I didn't want to admit that even now part of me wanted to be around him. I didn't want to look into his eyes. So I started to talk, without a real understanding of why.

Edward

I didn't know what I could say to her. I knew she didn't want to hear my apologies. So I waited. Until she took a deep breath and started talking, I was entranced by her words. I was seeing a side of Bella that she kept hidden from even herself.

"I had known Tom since I was a baby. It wasn't later till I found out that he had the hugest crush on my mum since high school which he made painstakingly obvious at every opportunity. She felt guilty because he could never seem to let go, even after she married Charlie. So she gave him the gift of making him my Godfather." She took a breath, rubbing the fabric of her blanket between her index finger and thumb. "He was like a second father to me, something that Charlie never approved of, then didn't have much of a say in when they divorced. He spoilt me, giving in to my every want. As I got older I realised that it wasn't necessarily me he was interested in, but he understood that to stay close to my mum he had to keep a tight hold on me. Subconsciously I knew I was being used, but happily reaping the benefits of it so I didn't mind."

Her story itself wasn't a heartbreaker, but I could hear the betrayal and pain laced through her voice. I craved her touch but knew it wasn't right. I didn't want to hurt her. Her pain, the emotions that played so clearly across her face and her body language as she stood in front of me tore through my body. I was helpless. So I let her continue.

"As I got even older, I found his presence overbearing. He constantly wanted to spend time with me. Picking me up from school without notice. Renting movies and insisting I watch them with him even if I had plans. My mum was single and lonely at that point in time so she enjoyed the company. Although she would never admit it she had a soft spot for him. Mum sucked at driving, she usually took the bus or got her friends to pick her up and it was time to get my Learners Permit. I needed a full licensed driver in the car." Her small fragile body was shaking, tears welled in her eyes. I didn't want to make her finish the story, but part of me knew that she was doing this for herself as well as me.

"It was my first time driving, and Tom wanted to give me a 'variety of experiences'. He started to pour raining, I don't think I have ever seen it rain that hard. I stalled the car at a set of traffic lights and I couldn't get it started again. Tom told me to get out and let him drive us home. It was raining that hard we could see less than a meter in front of the car. It happened so quickly, I can't even remember how we ended up going over the guard but all I can remember is watching the water through the windshield" Her breathing hitched and the tears rolled down her cheek. I resisted touching her. I wanted to protect her. "The car was filling up with water. My door was jammed and my seatbelt had locked itself around me. Tom managed to free himself and jimmy his door open. The car was almost full of water. I knew I only had seconds of breath left. I thought he would help me. But instead he just shot one longing look at me and swam towards the surface. I ran out of air just after I managed the wrench the seatbelt out of the seat and kick the door open. The last thing I clearly remember is the look he gave me before he left me there to die. I haven't spoken to him since. My mum tells me people act on impulse during accidents and that forgiveness is divine, but Charlie has always told me that people act truly under stress and in terrifying circumstances. I don't think she believed me that Tom left me trapped in that car. So I packed my bags and moved to the sunny state of Forks to live with my Dad" She broke off, rubbing the tears from her cheeks. I noticed that she wouldn't look at me, but I was just happy that she hadn't told me to leave. I know that I wasn't forgiven but it seemed like Bella was giving me a chance. Or maybe she was just showing me the mental repercussions of my actions.

"He broke you Bella." I started slowly… feeling for the right words to come to me. She still didn't lift her head from her lap despite my words for the first time today. Come on Bella - Look at me. The thirst at the back of my throat began to burn again, her blood literally singing to the monster within. If I didn't keep in control, I would lose my Bella. My Bella.

"I could apologize a thousand times but I know it won't change what I did. It won't change what Tom did to you. It won't make me feel any less guilty about what I did. So I won't apologize again. You already know I'm sorry Bella." I could feel the tension rising through me. The need to hold her. The need to keep her safe.

"I don't expect you to forgive me yet Bella. But I truly care about you. Nothing is more important than you are. Please let me be the glue to fix what he broke. Let me love you." Stretching my hand out, I reached the caress her cheek. Physical contact. The warmth beneath my fingertips felt incredible. Bella may have been a human and I may be a vampire. But at that point in time, it didn't matter. I was going to win her trust, her affection and put Bella back together. Show her that it's okay to let go and move on. Move on with me.

"You may be right Edward, but I'm not ready for that yet. I'm not ready for you just yet. So please let me find my own way for the moment." Her eyes locked on mine for the first time since I had presented myself in front of her. The colour was simply stunning, just like the rest of her. She stood up shakily, wrapping the blanket tighter around her shoulders.

"I'm not going to walk away from you again Bella" I slowly walked up the stairs until I was standing on the step below her. "But I'm not going to push you either. If you want me to leave I will." Slowly I leaned in to kiss her forehead, waiting for my fate. Maybe just slightly trying to push it my way.

Bella

No. Don't go. No stay here with me. No please. I shivered at the thought of his touch. The electricity from his touch was exhilarating.

"Please go Edward. Tell Alice I'll call her later" He touched my cheek again, the electricity flowing between us. I wasn't sure whether he could feel it. Or hear my heart literally trying to jump out of my chest. He smiled his gorgeous crooked smile that I had only seen on one other occasion. He turned and walked towards the street.

But I didn't want him to go.

I know the last chapter was a little out of the blue. It was something that was going to happen since the beginning in my head. Hopefully this chapter will finally get all the story telling and talking out of the way and get us into some physical stuff. I considered going back and editing it but I decided against it,

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