Sorry it has been a while since I have updated, but I realised I was giving you guys a half assed attempt at the story by not editing properly, not thinking out my drafts and publishing without thinking. So with some help by a friend, I bring you a newly vamped Chapter 8.

Two things. One is extremely important. YOU NEED TO WATCH THIS YOUTUBE VIDEO BEFORE READING THIS CHAPTER. If you don't, you won't get the full effect. Kay?

http:/ au (dot) youtube (dot) com/watch?v=WiSSOU_2q8Q. Take out the brackets, and replace the dot with an actual . And remove the spaces. If you cant work it out youtube Rebecca Hart Because of You. This is the dance that Bella dances during this chapter. Yes this is OOC (which was my second note) but I needed a way to portray it and help Bella find a way out. It's a pretty personal thing with me too. Bella is still clumsy. Just not when she dances.

Third note, is that I may go back and edited previous chapters. I'll let you know if I do. I hope you have hung around despite the crap, and I appreciate it. Well here is it… Chapter 8 (watch youtube video if you haven't already)

Bella

Tearing upstairs, tripping on the third and fifth stair on the way to room, I ripped open the door and waited. Waited for the tears to roll over me. For the black cloud to drift over my head. For the pain to ripple across my chest. It had been an experience I had mechanically associated with everything that had to do with... him. But today, it didn't come.

Instead I found myself tearing through my drawers looking for something I hadn't worn in longer than I cared to remember. Laying my hands on the worn cotton I instantly relaxed. Pulling my worn beloved leotard out of the drawer, I buried my face within the cotton. It had been months since I had danced. After the accident for weeks I was physically incapable after that it was mental. Ever since I had been little dance had been my sanctuary, my expression of the rawest emotions that I had been harbouring. I was the clumsiest person alive when I wasn't dancing, two very different polar opposites. The amount of times I had ventured to the ER was incredible. My parents had forever teased me about it, I always put it down to the fact that I knew I was meant to dance. Stripping my sweats off, I tugged on an aged pair of porous black tights, before dragging the leotard over my body. My fingers slipped down my torso, brushing fingertips over the ladders and holes covering my legs. A symbol of hard work and love. Grabbing my keys and IPod of the kitchen table, I hurried out into the mist to the refuge of my Chevy. Jamming the keys into the ignition, my fingers were shaking uncontrollably. The engine coughed and spluttered, groaning in the cold air. Impatience washed over me as I twisted the keys harder in the ignition, forcing the truck to rumble and roar to life. Gunning the accelerator and twisting the steering wheel I pulled out onto the street and towards Forks High.

Standing in the middle of the room in the dark studio, I studied my body. Dragging my fingers though my hair, pulling it off my face and into a messy ponytail. I could feel the heat burning beneath my finger tips. The building tension in my muscles like a high strung race horse. Rubbing my hands down my face I could feel the moisture building behind my eyes. Ready to betray me. I could see myself floating through the dark icy water like an old movie. Blurry and faded. The expression that was etched on his face that I had convinced myself was going to haunt me forever. The screaming as I watched mere bubbles explode in front of my face. I saw the fear. The rejection. The awareness that was going to die. I saw the light fading behind my eyes. I saw the exact moment that I gave up. I gave up on those that I loved, the world… I gave up on myself. The images in my head flicked faster, flashing through the weeks of rehab, the flowers and gifts I had refused to accept and the disapproving looks shot inconspicuously from my mother. The half hearted hugs from my friends, who were convinced that I was suicidal. Nothing scared me more than death. I saw myself following Charlie into my old room that was about to become my only private space in the world. Alice's bubbly smile brightened the room before blurring into the darkness.

Suddenly my Ipod flickered, jerking me from my reverie, music drifted from my tiny speakers. So I did the only thing I knew how to without instruction, encouragement or inspiration. I danced.

My joints and muscles pulled away from my body, moving stiffly as a continuously turned across the room; dancing to the music rather than with it. My hips pulling the aesthetic line of my leg out of place. I struggled; fighting my body for the control I so desperately needed but was denied of. Following my body in the mirror, I watched the raw emotion play across my face. I was at my sanctuary.

"I will not make the same mistakes that you did"

I knew the clichéd saying all too well, my mum had loved to sprout it off at any time she felt fit. Fool me once, shame on you, Fool me twice shame on me. Instinctively I had wrapped myself in a cocoon, protective but suffocating.

Pushing my leg higher and sweeping my arms around I watched as my hair whipped behind me as the hair elastic fell softly to the floor behind me. Slowly I could feel my natural flexibility and cadence float back into my step, as I pushed each extension higher pouring everything I had into this improvised leap of faith.

"I learned the hard way, to never let it get that far"

With each step, I pushed my body further falling easily back into old technique. All the choreography that I had been so accustomed to, came flooding back, my mind reeling as my limbs fell easily into sync. As hard as I was trying, I couldn't give myself completely to each movement. I could feel something holding me back, a piece of string tied tightly around my waist tugging harder with each movement.

"Because of you
I never stray too far from the sidewalk"

For months, I tried to understand. The counsellor my mum had gotten me told me that I was blocking my own path to recovery. "Immature Actions, Miss Swan" he had told me numerous times until I, point blank, stopped turning up. My Godfather was a replica of my own father, a comical version that didn't have the responsibility of discipline, but reaped the other benefits. I didn't understand why he had betrayed me. Why after years of spending a considerable amount of his life with me, that he could leave me to die. What had I done wrong?

"So I don't get hurt"

Pain is inevitable; suffering is optional giving that you have the strength to walk away. I didn't. I had wallowed deep within my pain, both physical and mental. I did not want sympathies so I suffered internally, hidden behind a dainty mask. As the weeks grew and turned into months I could feel it stretching, transparent under wear. That was when I decided to move to Forks. To separate myself from the world. Hidden deep within myself.

"My heart can't possibly break
When it wasn't even whole to start with"

I danced harder, determined to lose myself. Closing my eyes, I poured the self hate, the angst, the rejection, the betrayal and the ultimate emotion of loneliness into each step. The string tugged harder but with little effect. Dropping towards the floor I stretched deep, lengthening my body to its furthest extent. I felt something snap. Splaying forwards, I rolled through my body to find myself on my feet again. I felt… free? Tears ran down my cheeks, drying up instantly from my body heat. Turning faster as I moved across the room, I watched myself in the dim light - graceful and powerful. In control.

"You never thought of anyone else
you just saw your pain"

Pain ripped across my chest, my muscles fatigued from previous months of inactivity ached in protest but I didn't stop. I wasn't ready for it to be over. I wasn't ready to come crashing back down to a world where nothing was as it seemed. I knew that pain should not be a normal part of daily life, but I didn't know if I had the strength to fight something that had become so normal. I knew I had to, for myself.

"I tried my hardest just to forget everything"

Something clicked as I brought my leg closer to my body, the momentum spinning me around till the colours of my world blurred. I would never forget what happened in the past. It was a part of me that for the past 6months corrupted and ruled my life. I never wanted to forget. I wanted to learn from it. To accept, and to live without the storm cloud that had invaded my life. To be free and in control.

I could feel the tension leaving my body, slowly dripping from my limbs. The weight that had laboured my body, disappeared with each stride. Slowly the hole where I had been ripped apart closed closer together, sewing itself methodically. For the first time in longer than I cared to remember, I felt at home. Somewhat at peace.

"Because of you"

"I gave myself the chance to start over. To be truly happy. To find love. To spend time with my Dad. To find myself" Whispering to the silent darkness. Previously, I would find myself in a room or street full of people, my friends, yet I would feel empty and alone. Now I was completely alone in a dark empty room, feeling alive. My body hummed with exhaustion and release. I was in my sanctuary.

Sliding down the mirror, the cool glass skimming across my bare skin, I smiled. Maybe. Just maybe with time I'm going to be okay.

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