“On the fifth day of Hogswatch, my true love sent to meeee . . . five gold-ish rings! One for each of you dainty fingers, my child.” Maladict patted her on the head.

They were very shiny brass indeed. “Mal. Where did you get these from?”

Grinning, the vampire pointed to each ring in turn. “That one was a present about twenty years ago from an old friend. I’m sure it’s got a little gold in it somewhere. That one and that one are made of the buckles off my own shoes,” she explained, a look of great self-sacrifice on her face. “And these two came off some very expensive toys indeed.”

“I see. Would these toys happen to be slightly abominable in the eyes of certain out-of-date religious campaigners?”

“My dear, there is no slightly about it. I do, in fact, have the actual items in my suitcase upstairs. Perhaps you would care to-”

One look said it all. “I’ll take that as a maybe, then?”