A/N: This story is dedicated to the lovely twilighter . cullen. Thank you for all of your kindness. Here's a fanfic you requested I wrote; it was hard, and took a long time, but I hope it meets your expectations.

There are a few brief references to my other EPOV New Moon fanfics- For Her and The Angel Illusion, but it's not necessary to have read them before this.

My inspiration for this piece comes not only from Stephenie Meyer and my own personal experiences, but also from the great playwright William Shakespeare, whose words, like Stephenie, I have borrowed for a particular passage.

"When we shall meet at compt

This look of thine will hurl my soul from heaven

And fiends will snatch at it."

-Shakespeare's Othello, Act 5 scene 2

Death Wish

The sun used to feel pleasantly warm to my skin.

It shone down, baking my cold, dead flesh and highlighting my abnormalities; showering me in diamonds and revealing myself to be the stony killer of my past. It comforted me with it's warm glow, but assured me that I was still the murderer I once sought out to be.

Last year, something infinitely more precious baked my skin. Something much more vital to my existence plagued my thoughts and reminded me of my sins.

Bella was my new sun. She held her own gravitational force, and she bound me to her irrevocably. Facing eternity without the sun would be difficult. But facing an eternity without Bella is unendurable.

Which left me no choice.

There are eighty-six thousand, four hundred seconds in a day.

Isabella Marie Swan died yesterday. The seconds since then have rivalled those of a year.

My death would be nine-hundred and ninety-six seconds away, I told myself, trying to contain my burning thoughts. It seemed too long, but I am a cruel, despicable creature. I deserved this pain.

Bella had always loved my skin in the sun. 'Beautiful,' she'd said. She always made me feel so beautiful. So human.

Bella.

Human Bella, mortal, beautiful Bella. Bella's pale complexion, her rosy blush, her face, her body, her deep, chocolate brown eyes… her guarded mind, her beautiful smile, her infectious laugh, her forgiving nature, her loves, her vices, her silly, kittenish anger…

Her crushed heart. Her dead, lifeless body.

Dead.

And why?

Because of me. Because of my stupid, thoughtless, callous actions, Bella- the reason for my existence, Bella- was dead.

But why? Why was the world still spinning? Why were these worthless, stupid humans still smiling? Why was the sun still shining in the sky while my own midnight sun had been ruthlessly snatched away?

How did the universe not cease to exist as her dying breath was uttered?

Tourists swarmed Volterra's streets, just begging to pay the price for the universe's failure. I felt I should crush their skulls for even daring to breathe while Bella's heart had forever stilled.

No. Esme would not want it. Carlisle would not want it.

Bella would not want it.

No, I would not kill. If Bella loved me at all, it was for the beauty of my kind, not the savagery we exploited. The sunlight would end my pain. I wanted to die loved by her. I would die in sunlight, not savagery.

Not for the first time in my existence- and certainly not for the first time in the last six months –I wished I could cry.

I briefly entertained the idea of my own heaven. Could I cry there, I wondered? Could I hold my Bella- hold her in a tight embrace and make love to her as I had so desired to? Would I feel warm to her skin, would I please her, would I be able to give her at least one tenth of the happiness she deserved? God, I hoped so.

Please, God. Please.

Oh God. Oh God, Bella. Bella, Bella, Bella, Bella, Bella.

Death was coming now. To heaven or hell, my wishes would be answered; I could feel it. Heaven's gates were closed from my kind, but I would willingly accept death's embrace if it meant I could escape the hell that life had become.

Hell would be heaven to me right now.

Heaven.

I was going to die. It should not matter if I thought of such painful, unachievable dreams now.

Heaven. I wanted to go there. I wanted to see Bella one last time.

I could imagine it; could almost hear her sweetly soft voice- that of an angel –calling me into her heavenly embrace. Could almost feel the heat of her skin- a heat incomparable to that of even the sun shining through the spring Volterra skies. Could almost smell that indescribable, heady scent- a scent that meant only one thing to me.

Heaven.

I closed my eyes, and the angelic illusion of Bella that had haunted me throughout the past six months was burnt behind my eyelids.

"Edward!" She cried. The Bella in my mind was distraught, furious that I was giving in to the agony I had wallowed in for so long.

Shh. Don't cry. Please, don't cry. It'll all be over soon.

A deep chime echoed out across the plaza and reverberated underneath my feet. I smiled. Soon.

"Edward!" My delusion cried again, her voice clashing with the chime of bells.

It was time. I took a step.

"Edward!"

And another.

"Edward!"

Shh. I comforted her. My illusion smiled; that perfect smile I had dreamt of during my many sleepless nights, but her screaming wasn't silenced. It wasn't coming from the angelic vision in my mind anymore, but the sound of her cries still bored their way into my head. Was it possible for such guilt and pain to intensify?

This was what I'd done to her. This was what I should die for.

I took a step forward.

"Edward, no!" The illusion begged. I shut myself off from the pain of her cries, forcing myself to hear her voice rather than her words. I listened with rapture to her every syllable. That voice… it sounded clearer than ever. Her sweet, siren call; beckoning me to join her in death. The clock chimed, and I took another step forward, towards the sunlight streaming down upon the city.

My last moments would be shining, just as she always was. Perhaps she still shines. Perhaps I'll shine with her…

No. No, I couldn't think such things. Not now. Heaven had no place for a bloodthirsty, vicious killer. I was an animal, nothing more. I'd left her behind to cure her heart of the love she bore for me, but it wasn't enough. In the end, nothing I did to save her was enough. I'd left, and still my love for her had managed to destroy her, like Alice had always predicted it would.

Alice.

What was she thinking now, I wondered. Was she trying to find a way to stop me? Or was she too overcome by her grief, first for Bella and now for myself? I hoped she wouldn't grieve for us for too long. I hoped Esme wouldn't grieve for me. I hoped Jasper and Emmett could understand why I had to do this. I hoped they wouldn't be angry. I hoped Carlisle could forgive me for taking the coward's way out of this nightmare. I hoped Rosalie could forgive herself.

I snorted quietly. Of course Rosalie could forgive herself. She loved herself too much to be even remotely self-loathing.

Alice, I've made a decision.

I choose death.

As if Bella herself could see my path, the angel in my mind was furious with me once more.

"NO!" My illusion screamed. "Edward, look at me!"

Soon, I told her. If you and Carlisle are right after all, I'll see you soon, my love, I promise.

I smiled very slightly. One way or another, it would all be over very soon.

I love you, Bella. I always have and I always will. Forgive me.

With Bella's lovely, angelic face burnt forever more into the foreground of my mind, I took another step forward. One step, and darkness and fire overtook me.

From behind my eyelids, I could see that the sunlight had been blotted out. Fire burned every inch of my body as my attacker swarmed into me with surprising gentleness. I clung to my death, revelling in the warmth of the flames now licking at my body, and the peaceful end they would bring. The aggressor's arms were surprisingly warm and soft too- like the warmth pressed against my chest and the flames searing in my throat.

My throat…

Ahhh.

How long had I been numb to my thirst? Now, in my dying moments, my senses swarmed back to me, granting me my one last wish as I tasted the succulent scent of freesia on my tongue. My charred throat felt dry with thirst; my mouth watered with venom, but I remained still. I wanted to savour this all-too-vivid delusion I had been granted.

Soft arms, warm skin and a sweet scent unlike any other I had ever had the fortune to come across. The sweetest fragrance I had ever had the strength to withhold in all my existence. It could only mean one thing.

Bella.

Bella.

Oh, God, Bella.

Was this a mistake? Had God granted me my wish- to see Bella one last time before sinking down into the fiery pits of hell?

I didn't care. I just knew that I would take as much of this moment as I could. Fire was still burning underneath my hands, but it felt different than I had expected. Softer. Gentler.

Very slowly, so as not to dispel the glorious image I knew I would see before me, I opened my eyes.

No longer just an illusion, the girl standing before me was truly angelic. I took in everything about her, as I raked her body with my eyes, before pulling my arms even tighter around her. Still, I couldn't tear my eyes away from the miracle in front of me.

Her hair was blown back by the ferocious wind, and her lips looked chapped and sore. Her cheeks were red and blotchy, smeared with tear tracks glistening wet against her lovely skin. Her eyes were wide and bloodshot. Her head was shaking on her frail shoulders and her thin body was icy wet and heaving against my own, as she clung to me, shivering and gasping in the spring chill.

If it were possible, she looked more exquisite than I'd ever seen her before.

"Amazing," I said, with quiet surprise, "Carlisle was right."

Her succulent mouth opened and closed with quick words from her lips, and I listened in awe to the sound that issued from between them.

There were no tears. There was no heartbeat other than my angel's. I was still hard as a stone, still inescapably drawn to her blood, still unable to hold Bella as tightly as I would have wished to in this moment.

But it was still perfect. Heavenly, in fact.

Because it was us. Bella and I, in our own little bubble. No thoughts, no regrets, no fear. Bella's warm arms were around me once more- heavens gates encasing me in their weak hold. And this time, I readily, greedily accepted them.

When would this moment end? Would I be sent to hell now? Would I be granted just one last moment to kiss her goodbye, first?

Whoever came to collect me, I'd fight them off. I'd spend as much time in Bella's arms as possible before being dragged down from such heights. I'd cling to her with every ounce of my strength. Bella was my strength now.

She gasped in oxygen, and clung to me as if she wanted me to stay; I heard her sweet, melodic heartbeat thumping frantically against my chest and felt every inch of her body aligned perfectly with mine.

Yes, this was definitely heaven. The Volturi had obviously done their job. I was dead. Finally free. The pain of Bella's death was gone, just like I'd hoped it would. And now, with Bella's return, strange, faintly familiar feelings stirred within me. I could feel the venom coursing through my body. I welcomed the anticipation swirling within my body. I hadn't known death would feel so exhilarating. So alive.

I stroked her cheek softly with my pale finger, still in awe at the fire burning beneath my hand. Bella's body felt extraordinary- living proof of her beatific presence. This really was my heaven after all. She should be alive. It was the best thing for her. Her body beneath mine was trembling, but so warm. And God forgive me, I wanted her. In this endless moment, my longing for her body far overruled any thirst I once would have had for the blood beating it's way through her veins.

Tha-thump; tha-thump; tha-thump.

No, I could never even consider taking that from her again. Her blood- once the only scent that could ever hold any power over my instincts –was now just that; a scent. Still just as strong, but it was now overruled by the very real possibility of it dying away. Of Bella dying away.

I struggled for breath I didn't need, sucking in great gasps of her intoxicating flavour. I wanted her now, in this moment more than I had ever wanted her before. Her body and her soul. Surely heaven would grant me this?

But was this heaven? It must be- my wish was granted after all.

"I can't believe how quick it was. I didn't feel a thing." I noted. There had been no pain in the fire that extinguished my life; only joy at the prospect of Bella's fiery arms greeting me into my afterlife. "They're very good."

I buried my face in her luscious locks of hair and inhaled. Ahhh. Strawberries and freesia and the rich wine of her blood. I drank in her scent hungrily. How had I survived six months without this? Without holding her, gazing into her deep brown eyes, watching her deceptively readable face screw up into the most absurd expressions… for once, my vampiric memory had failed me. Seeing her here, … no memory I had ever dredged up during the last six months- that dismal, unmentionable time –had ever compared to the real thing.

"Death, that hath suck'd the honey of thy breath, hath had no power yet upon thy beauty" I breathed.

Thou art not conquer'd; beauty's ensign yet, is crimson in thy lips and in thy cheeks, and death's pale flag is not advanced there.

Oh, Bella. Bella. Thy beauty could not ever fade. Not in life, not even in death. It was not I who was eternal; no. It was Bella who would forever shine, in sunlight and at night.

Thy beauty, thy body, thy blood. All were the same, all were just as dangerously delicious as I'd remembered. If it were possible, she outshone my memories. But that was to be expected; after all, she was truly angelic now.

Despite my newfound control over the monster inside me, her blood still sang to me, I noted ironically. As it should. Even still and cold, Bella's blood could not be rivaled by that of another.

"You smell just exactly the same as always," I told Bella with a smile. "So maybe this is hell. I don't care. I'll take it."

I sighed and clung to the irrational coursing sensations of absolute bliss as I wrapped my arms even tighter around her fragile form.

How had I ever thought of a future without her? How had I ever conceived the idea of her death; her wasting humanity? Such a lovely creature couldn't not live forever. If ever eternity was made for anyone, it was made for Bella.

Bella herself suddenly interrupted my happy musings with her winged voice.

"I'm not dead," she said, and I paid close attention to the sound of each syllable once more. "And neither are you! Please Edward, we have to move. They can't be far away."

Ahhh. Such a voice was only fit for an angel, as I had always known.

But… wait. What…?

"What was that?" I asked her, a chill finally breaking through the warmth embedded in my chest.

"We're not dead, not yet! But we have to get out of here before the Volturi-"

The Volturi.

Not dead.

Not yet.

The Volturi.

As if a light bulb had suddenly been switched on in my mind, every happy, cloudy thought was now ominously clear to me.

Bella was still alive. I was still alive. The Volturi were still very much alive. And here.

And with all of us in Volterra, that truth wouldn't hold for much longer.

All of this occurred to me in less than a second. Less than one second had passed before I managed to tear my eyes away from hers, and finally focus on my surroundings. On the streets of chattering children, the continued clanging of the bells above our heads, and the shadowy alley, in which shadowy creatures with wicked thoughts stood watching our warped reunion.

I pulled her away from them before she had time to finish her dooming sentence, and pressed her body back against the wall behind me. Fighting for her, yet again. Protecting her from the evil my love inflicted upon her life.

I whirled around once more to face our foes. From the darkness, two cloaked figures loomed towards us, their dark thoughts excited; their wide grins menacing.

No, this was not heaven. This was Volterra. This was a fortress of death and a city of greed; with a guard of unimaginable power at their side.

And I had led Bella into their clutches.

This was my hell.

A/N: Because this fanfic is dedicated to Nat, twilighter . cullen, I can't not promote her awesomeness: if you're a Spanish speaker, go check out the wonderful job she's done of translating my stories For Her and Timetables! The links are on my profile page. Be sure to review, because she's lovely and deserves lots of reviews and hugs and cakes and rainbows and her very own Edward to drool over.

And speaking of reviews, I wouldn't mind some myself. I'm actually thinking of continuing this one-shot, so if you want more, review and tell me! Also, the first few lines of this story are based around a 100 word drabble I wrote a while ago. I've written quite a few drabbles, and I'm considering posting them here. Again, let me know what you think.