Okay so I redid the chapter cause I realized, that it didnt really make sense. Hopefully you like this one.

Chapter 1: you ain't missing nothing

How do you tell the one you love that your going to jail? I wondered this while pacing back and forth. My girl was sitting there on the couch rubbing her swollen belly. She had dinner on the stove and the scent of fried catfish was strong. I sat down beside her and began to stroke her belly as well. I could feel the pressure in the back of my eyes from trying not to break down in front of her. Her left index finger goes along the parts in my scalp.

“Jin? What’s wrong? Why you being so quiet?”

How the fuck am I supposed to answer her? What should I say? Especially since I requested no visitors for the time I’m doing. I want her to remember me the way I am. No fear. No pain. No suffering. I want her to take care of our little one real good until I get back, then we can do it together.

“Nothin’ I’m just wondering when you gonna feed me some of that dinner you cooked.”

She laughs and I help her off of the sofa. Walking into the dining room I sit down at the table. Her cooking is nothing like what my mother used to make but it’s cool cause this food has something I never experienced before. Her Love. That’s why I sit at this table with her. That’s why I’ll take anything she slides my way, cause she aint go nothing but love for me.

“Here, eat up boo. So like I went out today and I saw my girls. You know Julia, Ling and Asuka? I was so happy. I havent seen them in the longest.”

I take the first bite of her catfish and I get homesick already. I learned something a long time ago. Home sick don’t have anything to do with a place. It’s the people that you have a connection to. That’s what causes this damn feeling.

“Oh really? That’s great. Hey Christie? Let me ask you something.”

“Yes?” She’s already on her second piece of catfish. Our baby must love the taste of it.

“What would you do if I got locked up? Like and had to spend three years inside.”

I might as well held her up at gunpoint the way she started buggin’. She rushed over to me knocking her plate on the floor. I looked at it shatter. Damn. Look like a million pieces. Her old home life. My old home life. Many others were shattered just like that plate. I’m holding her now. Close to my body, rocking her slightly trying to hush her.

“Can I come see you? Tell me you asked for visitations.”

I shook my head no. It was crazy cause if I wasn’t holding her up her body would have collasped cause her knees gave out.

“Look I just want to enjoy this last meal with you. They coming to get me at eight.”

“I don’t…believe this.” Her eyes were filled with tears and now I can fill mines spill. Ain’t this a bitch. I changed all that dumb shit I did, but old times caught up with me and bit my ass. Running with them dumb ass Get Money boys.

“Look babe don’t worry okay. I’m tough. I’m a solider. There’s nothing that anyone can throw at me, that I can’t handle. So what I’m asking you to do is be strong too. I need my girl to hold down the fort. Can you do that for me?”

I looked at the clock. It was damn near eight at night. Matter of fact it is eight and as if on cue, we hear a knock on the door.

“Jin are you in there? It’s time to go.”

I let her body go slowly as I walk over to the door and opened up. They could see no emotion on my face, once your in the presence of authorites…you never let them see any sign of weakness. The officer pulled my arms in back of me and put the cold cuffs on my wirsts. Shit. They feel so tight on me, like its cutting into my skin.

I turn back and look at Christie one more time. I wish I could say more words to her, that I could hold her one more time.

“I’ll write you baby.” I nod in response.

Once we got to the station, I almost immediately knew I had just stepped into hell. It’s overcroweded. It stinks. Its loud. It’s violent. It’s segregated. I laugh to myself.

“Just like on the outside just more time to reflect.”

After the first year I did. Everything became routine. The fucked up part is I’m on twenty three hour lockup cause I stabbed a motherfucker who looked at me wrong.

I never had my ass penetrated and I never will. To hell with that initation shit.

Solitude

And choas at the same time.

All that stuff from back home.

Man the world is passing me by.

My homies don’t even write but my girl do, everyday, faithfully.

She said our son is crawling around, looking just like me.

I’m proud she doing what I aksed her. She holding down our fort. I’m running little comissions in her to keep cash in her pocket. I have to have her and my son looking good.

After I got out, I caught a cab and rode in silence back to Brooklyn. All the nieghborhoods looked the same. I saw the same people that were in the same spots three years ago. They havent moved. I don’t think they ever will.

I walk up the steps to my brownstone and open the door. It’s dark, and its mad quiet.

“Where are they?”

I walk into the bedroom on the second floor and find my girl and our son sleeping on the king sized bed. I removed my jacket and crawled in besides them.

I held her close.

I touched his hair.

This is mines.

My family.

My life.

Her eyes openly slowly and I know she can feel my arms holding her. I turn her around and give her a deep kiss. Them lips are just as luscious as I remember.

“Christie, you were my tough lil’ solider. You held everything down huh?”

She nods trying to be quiet cause she don’t want to wake our son.

“Let me ask you something.”

My heart beating like crazy right now. I cant believe I’m about to do this. She gonna hold me down forever. Always gonna be nagging, and just…always be my wifey.

“Will you marry me?”

A single kiss on my lips is the answer.