Making My Way Back to You

AN: I know it’s been awhile since I updated. I apologize for that. I’ve been very busy with school and working. Also, I have been trying to decide where I wanted to take this story. Which direction I wanted to go with. I started this chapter last week, but finished it today in between my last two finals.

Enjoy! I hope that it is worth the LONG wait.

Chapter 13

Monitors chirp steadily as Carly’s chest rise and fell. Carly slowly started to awake smiling down on Jack sleeping on the edge of her bed. Confusion came over her as she tried to remember what she was doing in a hospital. She lightly tapped Jack’s shoulder waking him. He moaned softly and brought his vision into focus. His eyes fell on Carly.

“Carly, you’re awake”.

“Thirsty…” Jack grabbed the cup sitting on the take, filled it with water, and gave it to her. The water felt cool on her dry throat. “What happened Jack?” she asked.

“Why am I in the hospital?”

“Let me get your doctor.” he replied. Carly eyed his curiously. “Why won’t you tell me what happened?”

“I just want to call your doctor. Let him know you’re awake. That’s all.” Carly lay quietly on the bed trying to remember all that happened. Memories started flooding her mind, as she remembered laying in the backseat of Jack’s car covered in blood. My baby! Oh my God! Oh My God!!

“Jaaaaaaaaaaack!” Carly’s piercing scream echoed throughout the ICU. Jack, followed by two nurses, came rushing into the room.

“My baby Jack. Please tell me my baby is fine Jack. Please.” Tears filled her blue eyes. Pain etched across Jack’s face. “Carly, calm down. I’m trying to reach your Doctor. Just relax. Everything is okay”. Jack said, trying his best to calm her down.

“Just tell me” Carly cried. “Just tell me the truth. Is my baby…is the baby…Jack...” Carly cried into his chest. “It’s okay baby. Don’t cry”.

“Ms. Tenney?” Dr. Schiller called from the doorway. Carly and Jack both looked up simultaneously. “Carly, you finally decided to join us in the land of the living”. Dr. Schiller smiled trying to ease the tension in the room.

“I lost the baby didn’t I?” Carly asked Dr. Schiller. Frowning Dr. Schiller eyed Jack carefully. “Did you tell her anything?” She asked Jack. Shaking his head no, Dr. Schiller took a deep breath and continued.

“There were some complications with the fetus. The fetus was in distress. When your blood pressure went up so suddenly, and couple that with a rapid heartbeat, the fetus could not handle it. Sometimes these things happen. Not to mention you’ve miscarried before…Correct?”

“Yeah but that was a very different situation”.

“Be that as it may. The fetus would not have survived. There was a large amount of blood. It was either you or the fetus. Mr. Snyder opted to save you. I’m sorry”.

Facing Jack, Carly asked “You did what? Jack how could you?” Shocked, Jack pulled away from Carly as if he had been burned. He looked at Dr. Schiller pleadingly for her to back him up.

“Please relax Ms. Tenney. He saved your life”.

“I don’t care” she said. “You should have saved the baby Jack.

“Carly….” He began. “Leave”. She said cutting him off. “I want you to leave NOW Jack”.

“Don’t do this”

“Get the hell out of here!” Carly yelled louder. Her words sounded off the walls. Pain and anger filled her soul. “Ms. Tenney if you do not calm down we will have to sedate you”. Dr. Schiller warned. “It’s okay”. Jack said. “I’ll leave”. Jack longingly looked at Carly once more, and then he was gone.

“Don’t blame him Ms. Tenney. He did what he felt was best. There was no guarantee the fetus would have survived”. She explained. “Why do you keep saying fetus? It wasn’t a fetus. It was MY baby. My child!”

“If you need anything, don’t hesitate to call me okay”.

“I just want to be left alone”. Carly whispered. She turned her face away from her, closing her eyes as a single tear slowly fell from her eyes.

***

Sometime later Carly stared at the ceiling of her hospital room. There were so many thoughts going through her head, so many emotions filling her heart and soul that she couldn’t stop the tears from flowing slowly down her face. She never imagined her life would turn out the way it did. Spending so many years trying not to be like her mother, and in the end she became her. Lying, scheming, manipulating and even abandoning her children. In a way she felt like she deserved to lose everything. Karma as they say.

Carly loves her children. She loves them more than life itself, they are her lifeline, but it hasn’t stopped her from disappoint them year after year. She was her mother after all. All the good in her life is her children, and now she has lost another one. Maybe, she thought. Maybe God is punishing her for the years of havoc she brought into many people’s lives. Not many people knew that her strong, independent exterior was only a cover from the truth. She did care about how people saw her, she did care about how people, especially Jack saw her as a person, a wife, and a mother. She spent so many years trying to get the approval of everyone that she only succeeded in disappointing the people whose opinion mattered most~ her family.

Losing her baby was a punishment she knew. Why else would God take away another innocent child of hers? Like she lost Nora. Her sweet innocent baby girl. She knew at that moment, the moment she lost Nora it was because no bad deed goes unpunished. She set out to take everything her sister had, including Mike and it cost her the life of her unborn child. No mother, no matter how devious should experience the loss of a child, and yet Carly had experienced it twice.

When Jack came into her life she thought she finally found something Good, someone whom she could be a better person with. But she knew deep down inside she was never good enough for him. She was subjected to the years of emotional abuse, and she took because she thought he was good, and she was bad. That she didn’t deserve to be treated the way any woman or man deserved to be treated, with respect. The last few years, life with Jack has been one rollercoaster after another. He always put her down, blaming all of the world’s problems on her~ constantly threatening to take away the only good in her life~ her children.

Jack always made Carly feel as though she was worthless. Maybe, she put up with it because she started to believe it. She knew that he didn’t mean the horrible things he says to her, she knows he hasn’t forgiven her for leaving with Simon. He’s angry, and feels rejected so he lashes out. She lets him because she knows leaving with Simon was the worst thing she had ever done to him and their children.

She has spent the last couple years trying to make up for the fact that she left them, but no matter what they’ll never have faith in her to do the right thing. No matter how much she tries, she’ll always be the women that abandoned her children for a known jewel thief. She knows that Sage and JJ have forgiven her, happy to have her home, but her first born~ the one closest to her heart hasn’t. He’s much like Jack in so many ways. Her actions always seem to hurt them the most.

Parker is most afraid that she’ll leave him, that he’ll lose her the way he lost Hal and Jennifer. He has been through so much in his young life and it’s no wonder he is quick to judge and jump to conclusion with her. Expecting the worse because she always does the worse. She never gave him a stable life, the on again off again relationship with Jack, the constant crimes, and fights with the entire town. Jack constantly marrying every woman after her hoping that he’ll be able to get her out of his head, out of his heart.

Every time Carly tries to make her life better for her and her kids something always comes and brings her down. Sometimes it feels like she should give up. If everyone around her is constantly throwing her past mistakes in her face, expecting her to revert back to old habits, then what’s the point in changing?

Looking at the family picture on the stable beside her hospital bed, she picked it up and smiled through the tears.

Three reasons to change, three smiling face, three pieces of her heart. Parker, JJ, & Sage. They were her reason to live. And while she wanted to stay in this hospital bed feeling sorry for herself, she knew that at the end of the day she still had them. They still needed her love and guidance; they still needed her to be there when they are happy, or sad, sick, or angry. Carly traced her fingers lightly over the picture, pausing to take in each of her children.

Placing the picture back on the table, Carly lay back against the pillow and closed her eyes. A beautiful little girl with long black hair was smiling at her.

“It’s okay Mom, it wasn’t your fault”. The voice said to her.

“Nora….” Carly whispered. “This can’t be. You’re...you’re...” her voice crackling as tears stung her eyes once more.

“Mom, it’s okay. It wasn’t your fault. I’m free Mom. You need to let go. Stop holding onto that pain. Free yourself Mom”.

“Nora…”

“Mommy please you have to let me go. I know you blame yourself for what happened to me and Camden, but it wasn’t your fault”.

“Camden?” Carly said confusingly.

Nora walked over to a basinet and pulled out a tiny bundled wrapped in blue. Placing the baby in Carly’s arms, Nora smiled.

“I named him, I hope you don’t mind”. Nora smiled. “He looks just like Jack, but he has your eyes”.

“How is this possible?” Carly said, letting Camden wrap his tiny fingers over here. His big blue eyes looking up at her.

“Because we are here”. Nora said pointing to Carly’s heart. “We’ll always be in your heart Mom. But you have to let us go. Don’t blame Jack Mom. He did what he had to do. Parker, Sage, and JJ need you Mom. We’ll be okay”. Nora said taking Camden from Carly’s arms.

“Wait...I need more time with him. Please don’t take him away. Nora wait”. But soon Nora and Camden disappeared into the bright white light that suddenly appeared out of thin air.

“Nora wait…Noraaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa”. Carly cried out. “Nora”.

“Cuz wake up. You’re having a dream. Wake up!” Molly said shaking Carly.

Carly’s eyes popped out and staring into Molly’s baby blue eyes.

“Where is she? Where’s Nora? And Camden? Where are they?” Carly frantically tried to get out of the bed, but Molly stopped her. “Cuz you need to calm down. Nora…Camden? Sweetie you need to calm down and tell me what the last thing you remember is?”

“I saw him. I saw my baby. Molly he looked so much like Jack. Oh God Why me?” Carly cried into Molly’s arms. “Carly you’re at Memorial. The baby is dead. Nora is dead. There is no way you could have seen them sweetie.

“I know what I saw! I saw HIM! I saw Nora!”

“Okay, okay, just relax okay. Everything will be okay”. Carly quieted down and slowly fell into a deep slumber.

A gentle knock on the door and Jack poked his head in motioning for Molly to come outside so they wouldn’t disturb Carly.

“Is Carly okay?” he asked.

“Now she is. Jack I swear the strangest thing happened. I came here to check on her and I found her screaming out for Nora”.

“Nora?” he questioned. “Yes. I walked in and she was yelling for Nora to come back. Said she saw them, and get this. She said she saw the baby.”

“The baby?”

“Is there an echo in here? Yes the baby, your baby Jack. She said the baby looked just like you”. Jack started pacing back and forth. “That’s not possible. That’s not remotely possible”.

“Do you know if Dr. Schiller gave her any anti depressants, or something to sedate her that would cause hallucinations?” Molly inquired.

“No”.

“Did you or Dr. Schiller ever tell Carly the sex of the baby?” Shaking his head, “No, why?” Jack replied.

Pausing Molly said, “Well, Carly hinted that the baby was a boy. Saying that she saw him”.

“How did she….”

“So it was a boy then?”

“None of this makes sense Molly. There is no way Carly…I don’t believe it”.

“If Carly thinks she saw her kids then she saw them. If it gives her peace, don’t question her about it. If she wants to talk about it, she will. Just let grieve. That’s all it is. She’s grieving. I don’t think she ever got over losing Nora”.

“Why don’t you go to the house? The kids should be getting home soon and I want someone there to be with them”. Jack paused. “I’ll stay with Carly.” He continued. “Are you sure Jack? I don’t mind staying”.

“I’m sure; tell the kids I’ll call them later”.

***

Jack walked back in Carly’s hospital room taking a seat in the chair Molly just left. He grabbed her hand and squeezed it gently. Carly slowly opened her eyes and smiled. “Jack?”

“I’m here.”

“I saw him Jack. I saw Camden”.

“Camden…Carly?” he asked. “Our son Jack. You should have seen him. I held him in my arms. He’s so tiny. Big blue eyes and dark Curly hair. He’s beautiful”.

“Carly...our son is….” Jack paused. Molly’s words echoed into his mind. If it gives her peace, don’t question her about it. If she wants to talk about it, she will. Just let grieve. That’s all it is. She’s grieving.

“I wish I could have seen him. I’m sure he’s just as beautiful as his Mother”.

“I’m sorry I pushed you away Jack”.

“Shhh…it’s okay. I don’t blame you for being angry at me”.

“I… I am hurt Jack. I am angry and I’m not saying can forgive you now….” Jack face fell. Hurt etched all over his face. Tears shining bright in his eyes. “But” Carly continued. “I will try. I think we should see someone”.

“Like a shrink?”

“A Marriage counselor. I think we have a lot of problems in our past marriages that we never solved. I know you are still angry at me for leaving with Si…” Jack cut her off. “I told you I forgive you Carly. I don’t care about Simon”.

“You are. If you love me Jack, can you please think about it? I think it’s what we need to move forward”. Their eyes met. “Carly….”

“It’s okay Jack, you don’t have….”

“I’ll do it”. Jack once again cut her off. Carly’s eyes bright with excitement. “You mean it Jack? You’ll do it?”

“For you…I will”.

“I love you Jack.” Carly said.

“I love you too”. Jack kissed her forehead. “Now get some rest. I’m not going anywhere…never again”.

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To Be Continued.