|Setting of My Sun
Author: anatagasuki PM
My life was an unending, unchanging midnight. So how was it possible that the sun was rising now, in the middle of my midnight?Rated: Fiction T - English - Angst/Romance - Edward & Bella - Words: 1,223 - Reviews: 3 - Favs: 1 - Published: 12-14-08 - Status: Complete - id: 4715401
|A+ A- Full 3/4 1/2 Expand Tighten|
Title: Setting of My Sun
Summary: My life was an unending, unchanging midnight. So how was it possible that the sun was rising now, in the middle of my midnight?
Notes: Most parts are from the partial draft of Midnight Sun from Stephanie Meyer's website. I edited some and added details. Set from the first time Bella sees Edward to the New Moon. In Edward's PoV.
Disclaimers: Stephanie owns Twilight, New Moon and Midnight Sun.
"Which one is the boy with reddish brown hair?"
And those curious eyes peeked at me, from the new girl whose mind I cannot read.
She blocks her face using her hair. She timidly sticks to her seat, and I cannot read what she thinks from her eyes.
But I can't care.
Her scent. It was all that was inside my head, flowing thick in my veins. Venom filled my mouth and my muscles craved to attack.
I didn't know if deciding to keep her alive might work. But I still tried.
"You put on a good show, but I'd be willing to bet that you're suffering more than you let anyone see."
She grimaced at me, and looked away.
"Am I wrong?"
"I didn't think so." I muttered.
"Why does it matter to you?" she asked me in a highly volatile voice.
I care. Because now I seem to care about her; not only about her scent.
She blinked, and then her eyes focused on my face. "You were over there."
She glanced toward the south, though there was nothing to see there now but the crumpled side of Tyler's van.
"You were by your car."
"No, I wasn't."
And I knew I had to lie from then on. Lie, because, as horrifying as it is, lying would be much easier than staying away.
'Look out for Jasper. He's not as angry, but he's more resolved.'
I saw what he meant, and for a moment the whole room swam around me.
Kill Bella Swan. Was that what they wanted? To hurt her and bury the secrets she kept hidden?
The rage simmered, barely under control. Yes, Emmett was stronger than I was, but he'd yet to beat me in a wrestling match. We were evenly matched in a fight.
A fight? Was there where this was headed? Was I going to fight my family over a human girl I barely knew?
Yes, I would fight for her. Against my family. Insane, but it's what I would do.
I don't know.
'I love her too. Or I will. It's not the same, but I want her around for that.'
"Love her, too?" I whispered, incredulous.
Alice sighed. 'You are so blind, Edward. Can't you see where you're headed? Can't you see where you already are? It's more inevitable than the sun rising in the east. See what I see…'
And so it is. I have taken a bite from the sweetest, most forbidden fruit.
My life was an unending, unchanging midnight. So how was it possible that the sun was rising now, in the middle of my midnight?
"I was wondering if…well, if you had been planning to ask me."
The girl might say yes to Mike's unspoken question now, she might not, but someday she will. She will say yes to someone. May it be from this lackluster town or an upbeat city, she would say yes to someone someday.
I could see her future in my head again. Her college life. Her future job. Love…marriage. I could see her radiant face behind her silk veil, her body clothed in her gorgeous wedding gown.
She'd walk down the aisle and say the most important 'yes' in her life.
I could imagine, pretend, that it would be me she'd say yes to.
But it'll never be anything more than a useless, unrealistic fantasy.
And at that exact moment, I knew Alice was right. I can't stay away and just let her say yes to someone else.
Leaving her to live her life would be the most appropriate thing to do, the utmost sacrifice I'd give to show just how much I truly did love her.
Will I be strong enough?
But she was air to me, air that a nonexistent lung inside me needs.
She was there, in my arms. And she was almost lifeless, pain ravaging each limb of her body. She was dying. And I can't do anything.
I bite her, and savor the addicting scent of her blood in my mouth.
I belonged to another world, not minding anything but the taste of her blood.
"Stop it, Edward. You're killing her."
I wanted to cry, to let out every frustration inside. Because I can't, for all the love I felt for her, stop myself from killing her.
And finally, I realize, I won't let the monster that was me to kill her.
She looked ethereal. She was warm and soft. Fragile but fearless.
And she was in my arms again. This time, she was alive, her smile ultimately captivating and her eyes sparkling in joy.
And I swayed her against myself.
"You're ready now, then?" I asked her.
"Um." She gulped. "Yes?"
I smiled, and I inclined my head slowly until my lips brushed her skin at the corner of her jaw.
"Right now?" and she shivered.
And I leaned away.
"You can't really believe I'd give in that easily."
And I won't. Because her life, her happiness, was more important than my need to keep her forever.
"I don't want you. I'm tired of pretending to be the man I wasn't."
And she stared at me blankly.
I willed myself to turn my back and run. Because her life, her happiness, was more important than my unending and unconditional love for her.
The rain pelted down on my cheek and I open my eyes.
Three months seemed forever without her.
I knew what I was doing. I was hiding. And I was hiding for a cause.
She'd get over this, and one day she'd say yes to someone else. I never should've tried changing that. But I don't regret loving her.
For now, beneath all the pain and desolation under the rain, my love for her keeps me alive.
"Don't do anything foolish."
And I ran, leaving all behind me.
I don't care about anything anymore. Just to have her back, and happy, and I'd die to keep her alive. This couldn't be the way.
I ran back to Forks.
"It's too late."
I froze, unable to think, to move.
"She's dead, Edward. You'd never reach her alive. She jumped down that cliff and died by drowning, if not by any severe head trauma." Rosalie continued.
There was nothing, nothing else that mattered.
My love for her keeps me alive. And now the sun which rose in my midnight died and faded away into a dark, black hole that should pull me into another world I now believe.