Title: How Do I Live?
Category: Romance/Little Angst
Copyright: The X-Files and its affiliated characters belong to Chris
Carter, 1013 Productions, and the Fox Network. The song "How Do I Live"
belongs to singer Leanne Rhymes.
Comments: This story is pretending that Samantha Mulder returned as a
healthy, 24 year old woman and it takes place around the sixth season. No
spoilers, though, so don't worry.
Author's Note: Well, my first shipper story. Wow, that seems like a long
time ago. Anyway, I'd like to thank my friends - Ashley (Thanks for being
my best friend for the last 11 years and watching the X-Files), Breanne
(It's been 11 years, we've got to get you to watch a full episode), Kristin
(Florida was great!), Mary (What can I say, girl, you got the Jimmy!),
Meghan (You're always a constant source of inspiration and my
editor/agent), Sara (Always making me laugh, lo siento chica, Mary's got
the Jimmy!), and Sheena (Keep riding them horses, girl!). That's all I
have to say. Enjoy!
"Scully, what happened?" Mulder asked anxiously. His partner,
Special Agent Dana Scully had just walked into his office. She looked
tired and sad. Mulder knew today was the day she went in front of the FBI
review. They would be deciding whether or not she had been performing her
duties. Originally, Scully was sent to debunk Mulder's work on a project
outside the bureaus mainstream called the X-Files but she never really did
Scully walked to a seat in front of Mulder's desk and sat down. She
put her hand to her head and sighed deeply. Mulder knew something was
wrong but he didn't have the heart to asked Scully again what had happened.
She looked up at Mulder who gave her a sympathetic look.
"Scully?" Mulder said knowing he had to know what was wrong with
Scully. He knew this was the day the review would ask what her and he and
Scully had accomplished throughout the six years they had been working
together, and by the looks of things it didn't look good. "What did they
say?" Mulder asked again knowing that Scully would have to tell him sooner
"They're splitting us up." Scully announced looking back at Mulder
but not looking him directly in the eye. Mulder gasped and looked at
Scully. She looked away and put her head down again.
"You're kidding, right?" Mulder asked thinking it was a joke. When
Scully didn't respond, though, he knew it wasn't. "But why?" He asked his
voice quavering as he spoke.
"They don't think we accomplished anything worthwhile in the six
years we've been working together." Scully's voice was dry and barely
above a whisper. "They told me they would be shutting down the X-Files as
well as transferring us to separate field offices around the United States.
After kindly begging them not to shut you down they agreed. The X-Files
will stay open as long as you agree to work with a new agent. Scully said
explaining the meeting briefly. She wouldn't meet Mulder's eyes, though.
"Where are they transferring you to?" Mulder asked.
"Houston, Texas. I'm leaving in three days." Scully said she tried
to keep her voice solid but Mulder knew she was sad.
"Why are they doing this to us?" Mulder asked. "Scully, they're
doing this to hurt me. Without you, I'm nothing. I would never have made
it this far if you weren't there to back up my theories. And even though
you hardly ever believed them you always stuck by me."
"Mulder, I fought for an hour to keep you on the X-Files. Would you
rather be away from the X-Files, or with me? You have your work, something
you've always wanted to keep." She paused. "I have to go home and pack.
Good bye, Mulder." Scully said standing up.
She headed towards the door and walked outside. Mulder listened as
he heard the elevator doors open and then close again. He sat in his chair
but wouldn't get up. He thought for a while and decided something had to
be done. He wouldn't let the one person who had meant something to him,
slip away from him.
Mulder made his way upstairs. He started running through the halls running
into people as he went. He went out into the parking lot and saw Scully
fiddling with her keys, trying to open her car door. Mulder started
walking towards her trying to catch her before she left.
"Scully, wait." Mulder called now running across the parking lot.
"Mulder." Scully started though not knowing what to say.
"It took me less than thirty seconds to realize I couldn't live
"Mulder." Scully said again. Mulder took his hand in his. He
squeezed it tightly and inched nearer to Scully. A tear rolled down
Scully's cheek. "Don't do this."
"Scully, come with me tonight. Come out to dinner, dancing,
anything. Anything that will make these last three days special." Mulder
said. Scully looked him in the eye and saw the same boyish face she saw
when she first met him seven years ago. "What do you say?"
Scully thought for a minute and knew Mulder was right. It would be
better if they saw each other instead of just saying good bye now. "I
think I need to call your sister as a fashion consultant."
Mulder smiled but it soon wiped off his face. He knew this was
serious. He knew that he might never see his partner again. "I'll pick
you up at 7:00 tonight, at you're apartment." Mulder didn't wait for
Scully to respond. Instead he walked back into the building.
Scully got inside her car and drove off towards her apartment. What
am I going to wear? She thought to herself. How am I going to be able to
do something with my hair? What am I making such a big deal about this
for, it's only Mulder. Only Mulder. Those words would never have touched
her before but now she knew what his true meaning of asking her out was.
Did he really think that they would hook up? The thought had crossed
Scully's mind once or twice before but she would never act on it.
Later that evening Scully was standing in her walk in closet looking
for a dress to wear. Mulder's sister, and her best friend, Samantha was
sitting on the bed giving Scully fashion advice.
"What about this one?" Scully said taking out a long, velvet, forest
green dress. Samantha scrunched up her nose. The dress was beautiful but
not for this special date. Samantha, along with Mrs. Scully and Mrs.
Mulder, wanted Dana and Fox to hook up for a long time. Samantha wanted to
move the process along more quickly before Scully had to leave, for good.
"Dana, you don't want something too glamorous, you want
something.sexy." Samantha said. She stood up and walked into Dana's
closet. She sifted through pants suits, skirts, dresses, but didn't find
anything she liked. "I think you should wear this."
Samantha walked back to the bed and picked up a package on the bed.
She opened it and pulled out a beautiful black dress. It was short and
sleeveless. The back was low cut, giving the dress a perfect look.
"Oh Samantha, that's beautiful but you don't expect me to wear this
out with Mulder, do you?" Scully asked holding the dress to her body.
"Come on, Dana." Samantha said.
"Okay, I'll try it on." Scully said giving in.
Samantha left Scully's bedroom so she would give her a chance to try
it on. A few minutes later, Samantha had set up her makeup on the bathroom
counter. Scully came out of her bedroom and went into the bathroom.
"Oh.Dana that dress was made for you. You look great. Now all you
need is some make up and a hair artist." Samantha said.
Scully nodded and took a seat on the tub. Samantha put on light red lip
stick and blue eye shadow. She curled her eyelashes with black mascara and
put blush on her pale cheeks. Scully looked at herself in the mirror and
smiled, obviously happy about what she saw.
"Now for the hair." Samantha said. "Just sit down, relax, and close
"Why do I feel that I'm in more trouble here with you doing my hair
than I was with all those men who have kidnapped me?"
Samantha just smiled and sprayed Scully's hair with water. She combed it
out and then began pulling it back. She tried different styles, first in a
French braid, then a bun, but finally she decided to just pull it back in a
bun, twist combination.
Scully opened her eyes about an hour later. She looked in the mirror and
smiled. She gave Samantha a swift but loving hug.
"It's beautiful, how could I ever thank you Samantha?" Scully asked
twirling around in her beautiful dress.
"You marry Fox by the end of tonight and that will be thanks enough
for me." Samantha said. Scully merely laughed, knowing what Samantha had
been waiting forever since she was returned to Mulder. "Just one last
The doorbell rang. "Hold that thought." Scully said. Samantha put
her hand on Scully's shoulder, stopping her.
"I'll get it, you go back into your bedroom so I can give you
something." Samantha said pushing her back into her bedroom. As soon as
Scully was sitting on the bed, Samantha walked over to the door and opened
"Fox, what I nice surprise." Samantha said. Mulder looked perfect.
He was wearing a black suit, his hair was neatly combed and he held a dozen
white roses in his hand.
"Where's Dana?" Mulder asked walking into her apartment.
"So, on a first name bases, are we?" Samantha asked smiling. "Dana
will be ready in just a minute if you'll please wait here."
Samantha walked back into Scully's bedroom. She took out a little white
box and handed it to Scully. She opened it and gasped. A beautiful pair
of earrings and a necklace was inside. They matched the dress completely.
"Oh Samantha they're beautiful." She hugged Samantha again who
helped her put on the accessories.
"Go off and have a wonderful time. I want to hear all about it when
you get home. I'll lock up.go." Samantha said.
Scully walked out of her bedroom and went to where Mulder was
standing. He was looking into a silver plated dish, trying to see his
reflection. He looked up when he saw Scully coming, and put the plate
"You look.gorgeous." Mulder said unable to find the right words.
She looked like a perfect picture. "I.ah.got you these." Mulder handed
her the flowers and she took them gratefully.
"They're beautiful, and you don't look to bad yourself." After an
uncomfortable moment of silence, Scully continued. "So, where are we
"To a nice, quiet restaurant in Washington DC where you can dance and
eat the night away." Mulder said. He took Scully's coat off the rack and
helped her into it as he spoke.
"I didn't think there was such thing as a quiet restaurant in
"We'll see." Mulder whispered. He led her outside and into his car.
They were completely silent on they way there until they parked in the
"Mulder, I have to say I feel a little weird being here with you
tonight." Scully said sitting in Mulder's car. This wasn't like the other
times when they would sit together for hours waiting for a criminal to come
out of a house. This was different, this time they were a couple.
They walked into the restaurant in silence. Mulder hooked Scully's
arm threw his. A waiter met them at the counter.
"Can I help you?" The man asked. He had a French accent, which was
most likely fake.
"I have a reservation under Fox Mulder for two." Mulder said. The
man checked a list and nodded.
"Please follow me." The man said. He bent his elbow so his hand was
in front of his chest. Scully stifled a laugh not being able to remember
the last time she was at a restaurant that had fancy waiters.
The man led them to a table for two. There was a beautiful rose in
the middle in a crystal vase. A white candle was next to the flower. It
"My name is Benjamin, I'll be your waiter this evening. Can I start
you with a drink?" The waiter asked.
"I'll have a white wine." Scully said. The man handed them both a
"And for you sir?" The man asked.
"I'll have the same." Mulder answered. He didn't even bother to
look at the menu. He was too busy staring at Scully. She looked so
beautiful. Why haven't I ever noticed it before? He asked himself but
then he realized. She's always been beautiful, she's just never showed it
in this way.
Scully looked up into his eyes realizing he was staring at her. He
looked down and opened his menu. Mulder's cheeks blushed a little and
Scully kept a smile to herself. Was he checking me out, or was it my
The waiter returned a few minutes later. He gathered their menus and
took out a little pad and pen.
"What can I get for you, sir?" Benjamin asked.
"I'll have the chicken corduamblere." Mulder said.
"I'll have the same." Scully said without having to be asked.
After about a half-hour the food was served. Mulder and Scully had
nothing to talk about. Every day the saw each other and talked about cases
or anything having to do with the paranormal. Their personal lives were
something very different. They hardly ever spoke about their emotions or
They finished eating about an hour later. Scully downed the last of
her wine and smiled at Mulder. He took the smile to be a sign. He stood
up and walked to Scully's side of the table. He held out his hand and took
her hand in his. She stood up and walked with him to the dance floor.
Mulder entwined his hand through hers. It was a light touch unlike
those so many days when Scully was taken from him. When all he could do
was hold her hand to bring her back. Mulder took his hand and wrapped it
around her waist. She put her hand on his shoulder. They danced slowly
around other couples. A new song came on. This time it was a woman.
Scully recognized it as Leanne Rhymes. The lyrics slid through
How do I get through one life without you,
if I had to live without you,
what kind of life would that be,
Oh I need you in my arms need you to hold,
you're my world my heart my soul if you ever leave,
baby you would take away everything good in my life,
and tell me now how do I live without you I want to know,
how do I breathe without you if you ever go,
how do I ever, ever survive,
how do I, how do oh how do I live?
Scully leaned her head on Mulder's shoulder. Even with her heels she
was still inches shorter than he was. A tingle went down Mulder's spine.
He pushed her closer to him so there was no space between them. He leaned
down to whisper in her ear.
"This song tells everything I've always wanted to be able to say to
you. How am I going to live without you, Scully?" Mulder whispered.
Scully didn't know how to respond. She looked up at him and realized their
lips were barely centimeters apart. She could tell Mulder was looking to
close the gap but she couldn't let him. She couldn't let herself.
"Not here." She managed to croak out. She pulled away from him and
ran. She went outside and realized it was snowing. There was already
about two inches of snow on the ground. She ran down the street.
"Scully!" Mulder shouted after her. When she didn't stop Mulder ran
after her. "Dana!" He yelled.
She stopped short in her tracks. She turned around. Her face was
stricken with smeared makeup. Her eyes were filled with tears. "Mulder, I
can't let you do this." She said.
"I don't want to not do this, Scully. I lov." Mulder began,
He couldn't bear to see the look in her eyes. She looked so hurt.
He could tell she wanted to but that she wouldn't let him. He needed to
prove himself to her before she went away, forever.
He leaned towards her and though she began to speak, he continued.
Their lips were slightly apart and then he lowered his head. Their lips
met in a shear moment of brilliance. Mulder felt a tingle through his
whole head. Scully tried not to part her lips but she couldn't help it.
His taste melted her and she parted her lips.
Mulder kissed her slightly at first but then more deeply. She could
feel his tongue inside her mouth but she didn't return the gesture. She
wanted to but she wouldn't. She stepped back leaving Mulder wanting to
feel her body pressed against his, to feel her sweet lips against his.
"Mulder.I." Scully began unable to speak after the sweat surge that
filled her entire body.
"You'll freeze out here, Scully. I'm going to take you to my
apartment." Before Scully could say anything he continued. "It's closer
and the snow is coming down hard. I want to make sure you'll be okay."
Scully nodded but took the hint that Mulder wanted to do more than
make sure she was 'okay'. Mulder took her hand and led her back to the
car. They drove to his apartment but no one said a word. Mulder parked in
the garage under his apartment and led her upstairs.
"You should change into these." Mulder walked into his bedroom and
brought back a T-shirt and a pair of boxers. Instead of saying anything,
Scully just walked into the bathroom and changed. She came out a few
minutes later dressed in Mulder's clothes. She walked to the window and
gazed outside. Mulder walked out of his bedroom with Jeans and a T-shirt
"What are you looking at?" He asked.
"The snow." Scully paused and walked over to Mulder's couch. She
sat down and he sat next to her. "There's probably no snow in Houston."
"You're right, there's probably not." Mulder said. He took his arm
and put it on the couch over Scully's body.
"I was just thinking about all the things I'm going to miss here.
The people, the places, all the things that I loved to do. How do I say
good bye? When they told me we hadn't accomplished anything in the past
seven years, it killed me. Your life is in those files."
"Our lives, Scully. We accomplished more than you think. We found
"But maybe getting away from the X-Files will help me and you. It
will give us both a chance to broaden our horizons."
"I don't want to broaden my horizon, Scully, I want to work with
you." Mulder said. He put his hand on her cheek and caressed her hair.
He bent his mouth over hers and kissed her.
"I love you, Scully." He pulled a small box out of his pocket and
opened it to show a small, diamond ring. Scully gasped, knowing what
Mulder was going to say. "Will you marry me?" He asked.
"As long as you promise to never leave me." She said.
"I would never." He answered. They kissed again and then both
smiled knowing their lives were finally complete.