Conker Live & Reloaded has been one of my favourite games for… pretty much ever.

Just read k? I don’t really care if people flame me, for they have no lives.

This is set as Past War, and Kriplespac had just lost his legs.

Summary: The one defect of the Tediz, that Ze Professor had turned a blind eye to, was that his creations had a range of loyalty. When the SHC find how wide this range is, what could happen?

A young, brawny Sergeant SHC squirrel, made his way towards a podium, located in the middle of a rather crowded military boardroom. The boardroom itself was rather crowded. Squirrels of different ranks, sizes and military needs were assembled. From the coffee boy, whom the Sergeant thanked for the coffee just given to him, to the Demolishers, who were bigger than he was.

As he cleared his throat, the murmurs of excited young soldiers quieted, and silence was brought upon the group.

“I apologize for the surroundings fellas-“ He glanced at the Sneekers, “and ladies of course, but I have some vital information about our enemy today.” He pulled out the report he had taken from an informant hours before. Grimacing over the fact that he had to read, he issued a ‘Fuck that shit!’ and tossed the papers away, grabbing a slide show projection, flicking through the pictures. He then began explaining,

“Professor Von Kriplespac. A former German dictator, much like Hitler, had created his army known as the ‘Tediz’. Logic denotes that these ‘Tediz’ are made as a regular squirrel would be. Created with eyes, ears, tongue, and a proper immune system, they would function the same as you and me. The only thing wrong, is that these creatures seem to have a cybernetic implant lodged into their skulls.” Many disgusted grunts were heard.

“Now we also know that they have classes and ranks, just like we do. They have Grunts; as their main infantry unit, Sky Jockeys; for airborne assault, Long Rangers; for the long distance shots, Sneekers; for the ‘up-close-and-personal’ attack and the hacking, Demolishers; for the heavy stuff-“ A Demolisher in the back giggled childishly saying ‘the boom is fun!’ Sergeant cleared his throat, “And finally, they have Themophiles, for burning their way through their obstacles.” He shut off the projector.

A young Sneeker stood and signalled the Sergeant’s attention. When she finally got it, she stated her name.

“ Sneeker, Evvie sir! I was wondering about that cybernetic implant, in the Tediz’ heads,” taking a pause, knowing she had the entire room’s attention, she continued. “Maybe those implants are some kind of system that prohibits them from disobeying their creator? Perhaps that system might have a range to it? If we could disable it, perhaps we could find out what is behind the Tediz façade?” Sergeant scratched his head under his ever-present helmet while he pondered.

When he made up his mind, he nodded and looked back upon Evvie.

“Evvie, I believe you have a magnificent point made there.” He stared at the rest of the squirrels. “Now guys, I think we should test this little theory out.” Cries of outrage echoed, and the Grunts began shouting at the Sergeant. When he had had enough, he yelled out loud; “QUIET!!!” When he had gotten silence once more, he continued.

“I know you’re unhappy about this, men, but it’s a pretty good option of actually defeating these Tedi bastards once and for all! All we need to do is send out some SHC soldiers, and lure one of each of the classes of the Tediz to us. That way, we can finally find out what’s going on, and how to use that Kriplespac asshole’s technology against him, and hopefully end this fuckin’ war!” Quiet still held the room, before it burst out into a cacophony of cheers.

“Now fellas, six of you have been chosen at random, one from each class, to do this. And if this turns out to be a correct theory, then you guys better be ready, cuz there’s gunna be a lotta beer in it for ya!” He pulled out a scrap of paper that held the list of names, cleared his throat, and began choosing random names from each catagory.

“The Demolisher assigned to this mission, Dale ‘Diff’ Reed.

The Grunt assigned; Levi Stone.

The Sky Jockey assigned; Tobi ‘Wings’ Skyler.

The Long Ranger assigned; Patrick ‘Rick’ Rade.” The Sergeant smiled at the paper, then looked up.

“Would ya look at that that! The Sneeker assigned; Evvie Myles.

And finally, the Thermophile assigned is; Spike Rush. To the squirrels whose names I just read out, remain behind while I brief you on your mission. The rest of you are dismissed.”

As the remaining SHC army that weren’t chosen, began filing out of the room. They said their quick goodbyes to the ones selected and left. When the room was bare, the team got together and began introducing themselves.

“Levi’s the name, just call me Stone though. I’m a Grunt in the SHC army, so I do all the normal soldier stuff. I can’t wait till we get those bastards once and for all!!” Stone punched the air in excitement. Dale and Spike stood a few feet to the left of Levi, Evvie on his right and Patrick and Tobi in front. Stone pointed to Dale with a look that said ‘introduction-please?’ Dale suddenly sparked up, fiddling with his large fingers.

“Oh, umm I’m Dale Reed. Call me Diff. It’s easier to remember. I’m a Demolisher, I like candy and I don’t like war. But the boom made from my bazooka! It’s so fun!” Diff chuckled “I love seeing those fuckers explode!” Everyone looked up, surprised. The Demolishers always seemed so kiddish, no one ever expected that they would swear. This one could be an exception. It was Spike’s turn to talk.

When Spike did start talking, he began twitching and playing with matches.

“M-my name’s Spike Rush. I’m a Thermophile and I like fire—“ He lit the match in his hand, and watched in childish curiosity as the flame travelled down the matchstick, and ended up setting his sleeve on fire.

“I’m immune to gas grenades, and I carry a medigun with me at all times.” His sleeve was still on fire when he gestured for Patrick to start talking.

Before Patrick started talking, he reached over and patted the fire out on Spike’s sleeve. Rolling his eye, he started speaking.

“The name’s Rick Rade. I don’t like to be called Patrick. Too Irish. I’m a Long Ranger, and I lost my left eye a while ago while I was in training, I lost half my tail after it got shot off on a recon mission. Spike is an old friend of mine. I could shoot a mosquito right between the eyes, given the chance. I think I’m capable enough, don’t you think?” He stood at full height, towering over everyone but Diff, who was watching the introductory scenes with childish curiosity. Rick pointed to Evvie,

“Your turn darlin’.” She quietly stood.

“My name is Evvie Myles. Just known as Evvie. I’m a Sneeker, and I reckon I could sneak into the Feral Reserve Bank if I ever needed to. I’m sad to say that I don’t have much in the vitality section. And I wouldn’t last long on the battlefield. But I can hack into security systems, and shut down entire enemy structures. I think I could throw a knife right into a Tedi brain, and cut that implant right out. But unfortunately, that can’t be done.” She sat back down, and patted Tobi on the leg. He was the last to be introduced.

“My name is Tobi Skyler. Just call me Wings, it’s one syllable and easiest to remember. I’m a Sky Jockey, and I’d prefer to fly the Steed to the other contraptions they stick in the air nowadays, honestly! Anyway, I’d be useful as a transport, or aerial attack force. I could probably drop some kind of knock out gas on our enemy, to incapacitate them? Tally ho, and out like a light they go!” He held a hand to his chin.

“Oh well, we’ll find that out when we make a plan for it? That’s all from me.” They each nodded to eachother when the Sergeant came up to them.

“Well guys, it’s been a late night. I think it’s time you all got some shut-eye before you run through with your plan tomorrow okay?” He laid a hand on Evvie’s right shoulder and another on Spike’s left one. “You guys may be our last resort in finally defeating these Tedi bastards. I know you don’t like them, I sure as hell don’t, but if this is what it takes to end this war, than we’ll give it all we got!” He let go of the Sneeker and the Thermophile, and held out a fist in front of him. He looked at the group and stated anxiously,

“Who’s in?” Spike jumped at the chance of actually doing something, and immediately put his hand down.
“You got a Thermophile on your team!” He stated excitedly. Rick laid his hand over Spike’s,

“If Spike’s goin’, then I’m goin’.” Diff plonked his hand on the pile.

“If that’s what it takes…” He trailed off, but everyone knew what he was talking about. Evvie placed her hand over Diff’s.
“It’s my plan, I guess I have to be a part” She smiled. Wings gently laid his hand over Evvie’s,

“They say, you never know what will happen, until it happens.” He patted Evvie on the shoulder with his free hand. Last but not least, was Stone, he slammed his hand down, nearly crushing everyone else’s.

“You’re gunna need a soldier.” He said firmly. Sergeant smiled. He had trained the perfect soldiers.

“SHC!!” They all yelled, dipping their hands as one, then pulling them up, separating them in the air. Sergeant whiped a tear from his eye.

“You’re all fine men, and a fine woman.” He patted Stone on the back, and thumped Diff on his, just so he’d be able to feel it.

“At ease, men. Tomorrow, we find out how to stop this Tediz threat, and restore peace to our once beautiful land. Remember, this is one of our last chances.”

The group saluted their Sergeant, and he saluted back, and they left for their dorms, hoping for a good night’s rest.

End of Chapter one.

What did you think? Any improvements needed?

I don’t care much for flames, they cook my dinner.

My very first Conker fic. The names were names that I really liked. I want to get my friend YukinoKara to at least associate with the game, as she’s never played it.

Kara, PLAY THE GAME!!! It’s really fun!

Onto chapter two!