|Loss PG Version
Author: TracyT PM
This is not the Christmas Jack and Sam wanted it to be - PG version of my M storyRated: Fiction T - English - Angst/Romance - J. O'Neill & S. Carter - Chapters: 8 - Words: 16,215 - Reviews: 2 - Favs: 6 - Published: 12-21-08 - Status: Complete - id: 4730933
|A+ A- Full 3/4 1/2 Expand Tighten|
Loss Part I
Summary: It's not the Christmas Sam and Jack expected
Archive: yes, please
Feedback: Greatly desired to: tthurman2001...
Disclaimer: Don't own `em, not making a profit on `em.
Author's note: Sort of a sad answer to the Christmas Challenge this
year, but I promise it will get better.
Sam stood at her living room window next to the Christmas tree, arms
crossed. He was still there, standing motionless, oblivious to the
rain that had soaked him to the skin. It was a cold, misting rain
that slowly soaked into everything it touched, making a person
miserable if they were out in it any length of time. He certainly
had been, for a ~very~ long time, and he looked absolutely miserable.
With a sigh, Sam wrapped her sweater a little closer around her and
went out to him. As she crossed the street to the park he raised
his head a little in acknowledgement of her presence, but made no
"Sir," she stopped a few feet away from him, brows raised in
"Sam, please," his voice was hoarse, whether from being out in the
elements so long or from the force of his emotions, she couldn't
tell. She could smell alcohol on him. He'd been drinking.
She silently cursed the fact that her body instantly reacted to his
presence. It had been ten days since she'd touched him, ten days
since they'd made love, and she wanted him so badly it brought tears
to her eyes. She tried to maintain a tight reign on her emotions,
when she wanted nothing more right now than to take his hand, lead
him into her house, take off his wet clothes and drag him into her
Instead she gathered her resolve and said, "Sir, I don't think it's
appropriate for you to be here like this."
"Sir? You're going to call me `sir' now?" There was bitterness in
"As you told me ~sir~, I am to address you as `General' or `sir',
and I am complying with your order, sir."
He became very still. "That's not fair, Sam…"
"Sir, in compliance with your order, I must insist you address me
as `Colonel' or `Carter' but not by my given name. Sir."
His jaw was set now. "You're really going to rub my nose in it,
aren't you? I came here to talk to you about this. You won't talk
to me on base, you won't return my calls or let me come see you—can
we talk, please?"
"About what, sir?"
"Us," his voice escalated. "Our relationship. You do remember our
relationship, don't you?"
Sam dropped her head for a moment. She certainly remembered them
together. "I think this might have been a mistake, I think we need
to take a break from our relationship."
He looked like he'd been slapped.
"Isn't that what we've been ~doing~?" The frustration was clearly
evident in Jack's voice.
"I need some time. Can you give me that?" In contrast, Sam's voice
"Time for what?" He practically snarled the words.
"I need time to think."
"Oh, so you can think yourself right out of this relationship? Is
That finally got a rise out of her. She stepped up closer to
him. "No. No. That's NOT it. You can't have it both ways, Jack.
Either we have a relationship or we don't. You can't take an action
based on your feelings for me and then pull rank on me when I
question you on it."
Clearly he was angry now, and he practically barked out the
words, "My decision was NOT based on my feelings for you, and you
had no right…"
"No right? No right? As your subordinate, no, but as your lover,
KNOWING you made that decision BECAUSE I was your lover, I had EVERY
right to question it."
He opened his mouth to speak, then closed it with a great effort.
They faced each other silently for a few moments before he said
quietly, as if the words were dragged from him unwillingly,
"Are you sleeping with him?"
That threw her until she realized what he meant. "Pete? No. God,
no, Jack, this has nothing to do with that. Pete called me when he
came back into town to get the last of his things. He asked me to
lunch to say good-bye, that was it. As far as I know he's back in
Denver now. For good, as far as I know--and how dare you ask me
that?" She thought it had just been cruel coincidence that the one
time she'd agreed to have lunch with Pete, Jack had shown up and
He looked a little shamefaced, and moved toward her with his arms
"Sam, I'm sorry, please…"
Sam held her arms up and stepped back, warding him off. If he
touched her now it would be all over. She had absolutely now
willpower when it came to him, and he knew it.
His arms dropped to his sides in defeat. He looked at her with sad
eyes, wounded. His next words cut her to the core, although she
knew it was partly the alcohol talking.
"You said you loved me."
She immediately had a lump in her throat and her eyes filled.
Breathing heavily to keep her tears at bay she advanced on him
"I DO love you, Jack, I DO, but we jumped into this thing without a
single thought, and I think now we're suffering the consequences."
"Well, I am, anyway," he said bitterly.
Sam turned on him. She was very angry. "Don't you think for one
minute I'm not suffering, too, but we jumped in with both feet, way
"Oh yeah, eight years is just such a short time."
"You know what I mean. We need to set some parameters."
"Parameters?" He looked as if he couldn't believe what he was
"Yes. We need to step back for a while, and then set some guidelines
for this relationship, if there is going to be a relationship."
He held out placating hands. "Sam, I know you're angry with me…"
"And Jack, I need to be angry until I'm just not angry anymore."
"Sam, we leave tonight for California." Jack was going to a meeting
in Santa Barbara along with General Vidrine and Major Davis who were
coming from the Pentagon. Originally, they had planned on Sam going
with him. Their first trip together. A Christmas trip. She had
looked forward to it so much, and then all this had come up.
"I think it best if you go on to California, and we can talk when
you get back." She tried to keep the disappointment out of her
He looked at her wordlessly, obviously sharing in her disappointment.
"If that's what you want…" he sounded utterly defeated.
She nodded. "It is. I'll…I'll see you when you get back." With
that she turned to go.
"I love you, Sam," he called after her, but she refused to turn or
acknowledge his words.
When she got back into her house, she looked out the window to the
park, but he was gone.
The next day she found herself trying for the third time to write
her report on the alien device SG-13 had brought back from P3X-452,
but her mind wasn't on it. Since the fight with Jack, she'd been
having recurring dreams where she and Jack were making love in
graphic detail. She'd awaken with Jack's name on her lips, her body
shaking with need. It usually took her quite a while to calm herself
and get back to sleep, but she knew it was just because she missed
him so much and missed making love with him.
Last night had been different. Her dream started out like all the
others. She was in bed, waiting for her lover, and she heard his
footsteps coming down the hall. Instead of joining her in bed, as
the dream usually went, this time he came in the room and stopped at
the foot of her bed, the light from the hallway behind him, and just
looked at her for a few moments with a sad smile on his face. Then
he turned and left, closing the door behind him. For some reason
when she woke up she'd been terrified. She'd even grabbed the phone
to call him before she remembered he was already on his way to
She tried his cell and got his voice mail, then his pager, but he
never called her back. He probably didn't want to talk to her right
now and she didn't blame him. Despite her earlier words to him,
she knew they needed to work this out. With everything she had in
her she wanted this relationship, and she needed to make Jack
understand that. She was still hurt and angry at his actions, but
underneath it all she loved him more than she'd ever loved anyone.
She shut off the light next to her bed and resolved to call him
first thing in the morning.
She'd tried his cell four times now and gotten no answer. He would
have gotten to California late last night, but he should be up and
about by now. Maybe he just had his phone shut off. Sam decided to
wait until that evening to try again. She got back to work, but her
mind continued to dwell on Jack and she couldn't shake a vague sense
of worry that nagged at the back of her mind.
She glanced at her watch and noticed it was just about lunch time.
Today was Mexican day. She decided she'd go see if Daniel and Teal'c wanted to
join her when they appeared at the door to her lab.
Sam smiled. "Hey, Guys. I was just going to come get you and see
if you wanted to have lunch with me."
Daniel smiled. "Funny you should say that. That's why we came to get you. Teal'c wants enchiladas."
As they started to leave the lab, General Hammond appeared, blocking their way.
"Join us for lunch, General?" Daniel asked.
Hammond shook his head, looking grave. He took a deep breath.
"I'm glad you're all here. I'm afraid we've had some bad news."
Sam frowned. "What kind of bad news?" Her mind immediately went to
the Ori situation.
" I hate to be the one to tell you this, but the plane carrying General O'Neill, General Vidrine and Major Davis went down in the Rockies just after takeoff."