Hello, I am Tinyrocket and I am making a Christmas/Hanukkah parody of an old favourite of mine, Angela Anaconda. It is about a girl who likes to speaks her mind and have a unFrench spoiled girl as a rival. In every episode, she have daydreams of torturing her rival. That’s why I decided to do this parody. Angela Anaconda is an underrated show. That and I had writer’s block for a plot to write for. Anyway, this story is supposed to be made up of different suggestions by my friends but Orange Sora was the only one who sent his in and time is running out. So congrats OS. ALL of your suggestions will be in this story. Anyway, enjoy!

Our story begins in a beautiful snowy Winter morning of a suburban town. Then, a beautiful red-haired teenaged girl cheerfully ran out of her house and towards the sidekick. She have on a red jacket, a long white dress-skirt, a red belt, red long socks, white shoes and an orange ski cap. Her name is Candace Flynn and she is the protagonist of this story.

“It is Christmas time! My favourite time of the year! Mostly, on account of it is Christmas!” Candace’s thoughts said.

The red-haired girl then ran gleefully before she jumped onto a sheet of ice on the sidewalk sliding on it. “WHEE-HEE!”

As she slid across the frozen pavement, she saw a young man catching snowflakes on his tongue. He have short black hair, a blue jumper, a red bow tie, black trousers, black shoes and a black and a black and green striped scarf. His name was Walter Brown, one of Candace’s friends and a first-class softie.

“Merry Christmas, Walter Brown!” Candace shouted as she slid by.

“Merry Christmas, Candace Flynn!” The softie smiled waving. He then gave a worried face. “You know, a light dusting of sand on that ice will reduce the risk of perilous slips and falls!”

“But it will also slow me down!” The teenager smirked looking back.

“And slowing down is the last thing I want to do on account of today is Secret Santa Day at school!”

As Candace slid, she looked forward and when she did, her eyes bugged out as she screamed.

CRASH!

Despite the loud crash, it was a surprisingly soft one. Candace looked up after being knocked to the floor to see a brunette teenage girl holding a snow cone. She had a pink cap, round glasses, a pink jacket, a pink scarf, blue trousers and grey shoes. Her name is Meg Griffin, Candace’s best friend. She is very intelligent and reasonable though can be very gluttonous.

“Merry Christmas, Candace Flynn!” She smiled helping her friend up. “Care for a bite of my snow cone? They’re in season!”

Candace sweat-dropped at the thought of eating something so cold in winter and quickly changed the subject. “Presents are in season too, Meg Griffin! Wouldn‘t it be great if we picked each other names again like last year and got to be each other‘s Secret Santas again too?”

“Last year, Meg Griffin gave me the best Secret Santa gift ever!”

The gift was her hat she is wearing which she was trying to get her parents to get for her all year round last year. If Meg didn’t pick her as her Secret Santa, odds are she will never get it.

“The only thing I need now is a matching scarf that matches!” Candace smiled as Walter walked over to the two.

Meg frowned. “I’m sorry to tell you this, Candace, but the odds of us picking each other again is very low indeed.

Candace sighed sadly at this. “Too bad, Meg Griffin, because when it comes to picking the perfect gift, you always picked the gift that is perfect!”

“Actually, Candace, you TOLD me to get you that bright orange ski cap!” The pink-clad girl corrected.

“And THAT is the best thing about Secret Santas!” The red-head smirked. “They are not really a secret!”

Suddenly, Meg started to lose balance and slipped and fell onto her butt.

/-/-/-/-/-/

Later, at the high school where Candace and her friends go to, all of Candace’s classmates are lining up in front of an old woman holding a basket full of pink cards. She had grey curly hair, square glasses, a bubblegum pink dress with white spots and black high-heels. Her name is Miss Wormwood, Candace’s teacher. Though, Candace wishes that she got a better teacher because she plays the favourite game.

“All right, class! I believe you all know the rules for Secret Santa!” Miss Wormwood smiled. “Each person picks a name at random and you buy that special person a gift worth less than five dollars!”

“Pardon a moi, Miss Wormwood.”

Candace cringed at the voice. She looked back to see an Asian raven-haired girl with brown eyes, a red beret, a red jacket, black gloves, a white skirt and black high-heels. Her name is Heather, Miss Wormwood’s star pupil. But Miss Wormwood is about one of the only person who likes her. She is mean, arrogant, rude, snobby and sneaky earning her to get a lot of enemies. Especially Candace. Also, Heather was born in France so she thinks she is Asian-French instead of Asian-American. In truth, none of her family members were French. The only reason she was born in France is because her parents wanted her to be born in a rich country. In short, she is a French-wannabe.

“A mere suggestion. But you know one can’t really put a price on quality and I certainly wouldn’t want anyone who picks me to feel limited from what they can expand.” Heather said before holding up some pamphlets. “In fact, I taken the liberty of registering of several of the finest stores. Just to make it easier.”

Candace just rolled her eyes as she groaned at this. “Just ignore her, Candace. Just ignore her.”

Everyone watched as a brown-haired witch named Cassandra put her hand into the basket and pulled out a card. She then smiled happily.

“I sure hope I pick Meg Griffin!” Walter said praying. He has a huge crush on Meg and will do anything to win her heart.

“Candace, what happens if you pick yourself?” A child said looking up at the red-head. She have yellow skin, spiky hair, an orange dress, an orange jacket, a white pearl necklace and orange shoes. Her name is Lisa Simpson. She may be only eight years old but she is very intelligent for her age. That’s why she is going to school with the teenagers.

“Picking yourself isn’t the worst thing in the world, Lisa Simpson.” Candace said. “On account of it means you are not picking Heather and that is definitely the worst thing.”

Next was Penelope Pitstop. Before she went to choose a name, she wanted to pray to herself so she got a good one. She then pulled out a card. The blonde racer then growled signalling that she did not got the name of her choice.

Lisa gulped nervously. “You go, Candace. I don’t think I’m quite ready yet.”

Candace smirked as she rubbed her hands in preparation. “Now I am going to pick Meg Griffin as my Secret Santa!”

She then walked over to the basket and started to pick her hand through it.

“We haven’t got all day, Candace Flynn!” Miss Wormwood snapped.

The beauty then picked out a card of the basket. She then smiled as she read it.

But when she did, her smile vanished. Big time.

“HEATHER!?”

Candace sulked to her desk which was right behind Meg’s one and sat down.

“Leave it to Stormy-Weather Heather to turn my favourite day of winter into my least favourite day of the whole year!” The red-head grumbled.

“Not to worry, Candace Flynn. All you have to do is trade Heather for someone else.” Meg suggested.

Candace realised that her friend was right before she smiled. “Good idea, Meg!”

“Class! Unless we forgot, trading is strictly prohibited!” Miss Wormwood shouted hearing the two friends’ conversation.

“Yes, Miss Wormwood…” Everyone muttered.

/-/-/-/-/-/

“So now that we are trading even though Miss Wormwood told us not to, I’m sure my good friend and crush, Jeremy Johnson will trade on account of he is my good friend and crush!”

Candace then made her way in the cafeteria passing people trading cards. She then walked over to a tan-skinned blonde boy with blue eyes, green-brownish shirt, a lime green-jacket, light grey trousers, white socks and brown shoes. He was Jeremy Johnson, the love of Candace’s life.

Jeremy then saw Candace coming and knew exactly what she is going to ask for. “Oh, come on, Candace. I’m not THAT stupid.”

The red-haired girl growled. “That’s it. You are SO off my Christmas card list.”

“Okay, okay. Let me see if I got this straight.”

Candace turned to see Walter talking with a few other students.

“I trade Penelope for Lisa, then Lisa to Paul for Jeremy then Joe will trade for Penelope who will trade for me.” The softie said quickly before his eyes sparkled. “And I get Meg? Perfect!”

Candace then stood up on a chair seeing that this could be her last chance to alert such a big crowd.

“I got Heather! Who wants Stormy-Weather Heather?” She smiled getting everyone’s attention.

Everyone sweat-dropped in pity.

“Going once!”

Everyone walked off.

“Going twice!”

Candace sighed in defeat before she sat back down.

“Going nowhere.”

She then heard giggling. She turned and smiled happily to see Cassandra with a raven-haired girl named Victoria. Normally, she wouldn’t be so excited before they follow Heather around and worships the ground she walks on but maybe Candace can use this to her advantage.

“Hey, Victoria and Cassandra! I’m sure you want to trade for Heather on account of you like her so much!” The red-head smiled.

The two girls gasped at this.

“No way! I couldn’t handle the pressure of shopping for Heather!” Victoria said.

“Oh, I couldn’t handle it even more.” Cassandra groaned.

The two then walked off leaving a stunned Candace. Not even they would trade with her for Heather. Then, Meg walked up to her.

“No luck?” The bespectacled girl frowned.

“Not so far. But trust me, nothing is going to stop me from trading Stormy-Weather Heather!” Candace said determined.

RING!

“Nothing except for that…”

/-/-/-/-/-/

Candace and Walter is now in the supermarket trying to find presents for their Secret Santa.

“Hmm… Which of these do you think Meg will like more?” Walter asked holding a can in each hand. He then sighed. “I can’t decide! She deserves them both!”

He then put it in his trolley. Candace sweat-dropped at the high amount of items in his trolley.

“Walter Brown, I think you might be over the five-dollar limit.” She said.

“But Candace, who can put a price on love?” Walter asked.

“Well, I hope there is no limit to the amount of coins in your pocket.” Candace giggled walking off to find a present for her Secret Santa.

Walter then realised she’s right and went to check his pocket.

“The bad thing about trying to find a crummy gift for Stormy-Weather Heather is that everything is too good for her.”

Candace then stepped on something by mistake. She then looked and when she did, she smiled.

“Wait! I think I got it! The perfect gift for SWH!” Candace smirked picking up the item. “FLY PAPER! If only this thing comes in extra, extra large sizes for really, really big pests!”

“Hey, Candace.” Walter said getting the red-head’s attention while holding a fancy-looking perfume bottle. “Do you think Meg will like this lovely “Eau de Toilet”?”

“You mean, toilet water? Meg Griffin doesn’t wear stinking perfume that stinks like that!” Candace said disgusted. She then realised something that made her smirk. “But I sure know someone who does.”

With that, she dropped the fly paper and ran off leaving a very confused Walter. The black-haired boy shrugged to himself before spraying the perfume bottle on himself.

Only to find that it made his nose tickle. It then tingled a bit before he is about to sneeze.

“ACHOO!”

/-/-/-/-/-/

“Thanks for the empty perfume bottle Meg Griffin!” Candace smiled as she and Meg stood inside a bathroom stall at school.

“It was really no problem.” Meg reassured. “Men are always giving my mother perfume but she just throws it away!”

“Well, I bet SWH isn’t going to discard this gift! “Eau de Toilet”!” Candace smirked before she put the perfume bottle into the toilet. “Or in this case, Authentic Sparkling Clean Toilet Water!”

“Yuck!” Meg said in disgust.

“And best of all, it won’t cost me a nickel!” Candace smirked.

“Clever.” Meg nodded.

Suddenly, the two girls heard the sound of girls coming into the bathroom.

“So did you hear the news? Candace Flynn have picked moi as her Secret Santa.” Heather’s voice said. “Can you believe me actually picked each other? How drag!”

Candace gasped at this before she growled.

“So I had no choice but to buy her something really, really nice!” Heather’s voice said. “This imported French cosmair in orange which is French for orange.”

Candace and Meg gasped at this. That is exactly the present Candace wanted for Secret Santa.

Victoria and Cassandra both ooh-ed at this.

“I mean seriously, I can’t have Candace Flynn out-shop me! I have my name to think about!” Heather said.

With that, Heather, Victoria and Cassandra walked out of the bathroom. After that, Candace and Meg walked out of the stall.

“Can you believe the nerve of her? Buying me something really, really nice like that?” Candace frowned as she put the perfume bottle on the toilet. “Now I have no choice but to retaliate and get her something really, really nice too!”

The two then walked out of the bathroom where Lisa is passing by.

“Hey, Candace, you never guess in a million years who picked you as her Secret Santa!” Lisa said.

Candace growled. “Stormy-Weather Heather!”

With that, she stormed off with Meg following.

“Wow, what are the chances of that?” Lisa said in awe.

/-/-/-/-/-/

“Whoever said finding the right gift was hard was wrong.”

Candace then walked out of a store with a heavy box in her hands. As she did so, she did her best not to lose her balance as she walked towards a crowd which people occasionally bump into her.

“It is getting it home without being trampled that is the hard part!”

Suddenly, a big man then accidentally bumped into her making her stagger forward a few steps. As she did so, she started to slip on the icy pavement. She did her best not to lose her balance as she slipped and slid. Soon, she managed to recovered herself.

“Whew…”

SPLASH!

That was the sound of a passing car splashing water from a puddle on her.

“Grr…”

“Properly wrapping a gift requires patience and ingenuity.”

In her room, Candace pounded her fist on a wrapped present so pieces of sticky tape would tape.

She smiled after her work was done but frowned when she realised that she accidentally taped herself to the present.

“And walking out of here will require scissors and being able to get the feeling back in my legs.”

After fleeing herself, Candace put her present in a sled that is attached to a green platypus named Perry.

“But it is times like this I am glad my weird younger brothers have a platypus.”

Candace then pulled on the rein. Perry then ran off surprisingly pulling Candace away from the sled. The red-head fell face-first into the snow. She groggily looked up to see Perry walking over with his trademark dopey look on his face. She then groaned.

“And then, there are times I wished he was a reindeer.”

/-/-/-/-/-/

Later, at school, everyone was having their Secret Santa day. Miss Wormwood was drinking eggnog and enjoying herself. Meg then walked up to her.

“Um, excuse me, Miss Wormwood but I couldn’t help but notice you’re drinking eggnog.” The brunette said. “Is there enough for everyone?”

“No, there is not!” Miss Wormwood shouting breaking Meg’s hopes. “However, it is your turn to open your Secret Santa gift.”

The teacher then put a blue tall present in her hands. Meg then ripped off the wrapping and her eyes widened and she smiled greatly as she saw what was inside the box.

“EGGNOG!”

Walter wiped his brow in relief.

“Cassandra, you’re next.” Miss Wormwood said pointing to a gold box.

The witch ripped off the wrapping and opened the box. She then went inside and pulled out an orange scarf.

“Oh, I love it! It’s so… so… orange! Tee-hee!”

Candace’s eyes widened. “Hey! I thought I was going to get the so so orange scarf!”

“Sorry, Candace Flynn but I made a last minute trade with Lisa Simpson.” Heather shrugged with a carefree smile.

Candace growled at this.

“All right! Now it’s Heather’s turn.” Miss Wormwood said signalling to a green box with snowmen on it.

The Asian girl wasted no time running to the box and ripping it open excitedly. She then opened it and her face fell big time.

“AN APPLIANCE!? THAT’S SOMETHING YOU GIVE TO THE KITCHEN STAFF!” Heather shouted angrily to Candace. “WHY ON EARTH WOULD ANYONE GIVE IT TO ME!?”

“Because it is an authentic French toast toaster for making authentic French toast!” The beautiful girl smiled.

“Authentic or not it is tray gauche which is French for I hope you still have the receipt.” Heather said coldly.

Candace sat stunned not believing it. She spent a lot of money on that toaster thinking Heather will like it because it is French because she thought she was going to get the scarf she wanted but instead it went to Cassandra. And Heather didn’t even like her present. She then narrowed her eyes in hatred.

“Oh, so my present is not good enough, huh? Well, maybe the one who is not good enough is YOU!”

/-/-/-/-/-/

Candace now appeared smiling in an elf’s uniform in a sleigh at the North Pole with Perry as the reindeer with a red nose and antlers on Christmas Eve.

“So now on account of I am such a good gift-giver, Santa Claus have put me, Elf Candace in charge!”

She then read a list.

“And I am making my list and checking it twice. Heather is naughty but my friends are nice!”

Meanwhile, Heather is in front of her house bossing poor Lindsay and Beth into making the perfect snowman for her.

At the same time, Candace rode Perry past her house. She then crashed the sleigh into it knocking a lot of snow from the roof.

Heather looked up and when she did, her eyes widened. She went to scream but it was too late. It completely covered her.

“Oops! Looks like Snowstormy-Weather Heather is up to her ears in trouble!”

Heather tried to break free from her snow prison but couldn’t. Lindsay and Beth looked at each other before smirking evilly. Lindsay then put a carrot on Heather’s nose making her look like a snowman.

“But after all, it is Christmas and even SWH deserves my help!”

Candace then used a trail of Christmas lights as a lasso and launched it around the frozen snob wrapping it around her. She then pulled her up onto the roof.

“Come with me my frozen unFrench friend and let Elf Candace warm you up!”

Candace then wrapped the orange scarf around Heather. She then got out a hairdryer got out nowhere and put it on blowing very strong wind.

“CANDAAAAACE!”

After screaming, the head of Heather was revealed showing that she looked dazed.

“Now that you’re all warm and French toasty! I guess you won’t be needing that fake cosmair scarf anymore!”

Candace then pulled on the scarf sending her spinning around like a top.

“Too bad you been a very, very bad girl. But maybe I can help you see the light!”

Candace then plugged in the Christmas lights.

Heather screamed as she got electrocuted by the lights.

“Onward, Bright-Weather Heather. Time to deliver the really nice gifts to all the good boys and girls which you are not one of!”

Candace smiled as she carried Heather by the edge of the Christmas lights riding in her sleigh watching Heather squirm in fear trapped .

“AAAAAUUUUUGGGGGHHHHH!”

“Gee, Heath. You really don’t seem to be in the Christmas spirit! On second thought, maybe you make a nice Secret Santa gift for Miss Wormwood!”

Heather grinned and nodded quickly at this. But, her face dropped the instant Candace let go on the Christmas lights.

“AAAAAIIIIIEEEEE!”

The snob screamed until she fell down a chimney crashing into Miss Wormwood’s house sending soot everyone. Heather and Miss Wormwood, who was drinking eggnog was coughing non-stop. Candace couldn’t help herself but to laugh at this.

COUGH!

/-/-/-/-/-/

That cough brought Candace back to reality as she woke up to see Miss Wormwood coughing a bit.

“Oh, dear…” The elderly woman wheezed. “My eggnog seems to have gone down to wrong pipe. Now, where were we? Oh, yes. I believe it is Candace Flynn’s turn!”

Hearing this, the redhead got up and happily walked over to the desk where a small gold present is waiting for her. At least she gets a present. She then opened the box.

And when she did, her face fell.

“I hope you like it, Candace. I couldn’t get you anything for you in time but I lucked out and found this brand-new “Eau de Toilet” in the girls’ room!” Lisa smiled.

Candace stuck out her tongue in disgust and she held up the perfume bottle. So far, this have been the worst Christmas of her life. There was no way it could get any worse.

It didn’t. In fact, it got a little better.

“French perfume!? Now, that’s a gift a girl could use.” Heather smirked. She then pushed away her present in disgust. “Unlike a tasteless old appliance.”

She then realised what something. She has something Heather wants and Heather has something that will make a decent present. She then smirked.

“Welllll, I hate to see you with some tasteless old appliance, Heather, so maybe you would want to trade.”

“That’s very magnanimous of you, Candace Flynn!” Miss Wormwood complimented.

Candace then politely gave the bottle to Heather who swiped it out of her hands. The redhead watched in disgust as Heather sprayed toilet water all over herself. She then walked over to the toaster oven and picked it up. She really wanted that scarf but a French toaster oven is better than nothing.

“Merry Christmas, Heather.” Candace smirked walking over to Meg who was smirking back.

“And if she ever needs a refill, I know just where to get it!”

The two girls high-fived each other before they laughed.

There’s parody episode number 1! Next is parody episode number 2! The Chanukah special! Oh, and Walter Brown is a character from a British comic called the Beano. Anyway, review away!