“No, No, NOOO!!!” Patrick dreamed. Sonya was awoken by Patrick’s “sleep-screaming” and him kicking her. “Pat, Pat, what is it?!”? “I had a dream”, Patrick said. “Austrailus attack?” “No”. “George Bush raping you and Jacob?” “Yes”.

Patrick, Sonya and all their homies and enemies went to Any Ghetto High School. First was breakfast. “Hey, Caren, wanna go behind the bathroom stalls and make-out? Hmm…”. “No you pervert!” Caren answered, giving Patrick a good ol’ fashioned bitch slap. “Well sorry. Hey, I hear a Regulus coming. Why don’t you go kill it and bring food to your homies?” “Aw shut up Patrick Star! I think I hear SpongeBob calling you!” “Aw go stick your head in the communal toilet!” After that, Caren ran to the bathroom crying.

“Aw Patrick, why do you have to be such an asswipe?” Sonya asked. Patrick didn’t respond. Instead he just went and sat down with Jacob and started eating his buttered toast in every single way imaginable. And when he drank his orange juice, oh God… he snorted it up his nose. Most of it poured down his throat, but a bit reached his brain. Patrick screeched all over the halls, running around busting through people’s lockers with a bazooka.

When first period rolled around, Mr. Holeeshitt asked,” Where’s Caren?” “Well why don’t you ask that big Pat-Roach over there playing around with his dead frog pretending its Indiana Jones?” Sonya said. “Hey, quit teasing my homeboy Pat!” Jacob said. “Uh, N-O,” Sonya replied. “Hey, that ain’t even Pat. It’s a animatronic!”

Patrick, however, had jacked Caren’s diary and stuffed himself into his locker with a lantern he stole from Sonya’s locker. The most recent entry, a bit smudged by tears said,” Dear Diary: It is nice of Patrick to ask me certain questions, but those kinds of things aren’t really right to ask. Then he acts like a total jackass and insults me in the most personal ways. I mean, I can’t help it the damn MTHR chose me to use for their little project. I thank em’ for making me a person, y’now, who can talk and write and has no tail or something, though”.

“Geez, I wonder if InuYasha would hate me.” Pat wondered. Suddenly he heard glub-glub noises from the girl’s bathroom. Caren sticking her head in the toilet? A teacher with diarrhea? He went in, and there, flicking him off while stick in the toilet, was InuYasha.