It all started when our uber geek, Sasori, woke up in a imaginery desert. It was the eighth time it had happened. Feeling barely exasperated, Sasori groped a banana, thinking it would make him feel better (but as usual, it did not). With fist clenched and teeth gnashed, he realized that his beloved Gaara was missing! Immediately he called his undeclared soulmate, Deidara. Sasori had known Deidara for (plus or minus) 2,000 years, the majority of which were saucy ones. Deidara was unique. He was congenial though sometimes a little... clueless. Sasori called him anyway, for the situation was urgent.

Deidara picked up to a very unctuous Sasori. Deidara calmly assured him that most South American hissing sloths panic before mating, yet man-eating capybaras usually exotically sneeze *after* mating. He had no idea what that meant; he was only concerned with distracting Sasori. Why was Deidara trying to distract Sasori? Because he had snuck out from Sasori's with the Gaara only eight days prior. It was a curious little Gaara... how could he resist?

It didn't take long before Sasori got back to the subject at hand: his Gaara. Deidara sighed. Relunctantly, Deidara invited him over, assuring him they'd find the Gaara. Sasori grabbed his elephant and disembarked immediately. After hanging up the phone, Deidara realized that he was in trouble. He had to find a place to hide the Gaara and he had to do it randomly. He figured that if Sasori took the spaceship, he had take at least nine minutes before Sasori would get there. But if he took the Hiroku? Then Deidara would be scarcely screwed.

Before he could come up with any reasonable ideas, Deidara was interrupted by ten annoying Shukakus that were lured by his Gaara. Deidara belched; 'Not again', he thought. Feeling concerned, he carefully reached for his potato and recklessly attacked every last one of them. Apparently this was an adequate deterrent--the discouraged critters began to scurry back toward the foxy forest, squealing with discontent. He exhaled with relief. That's when he heard the Hiroku rolling up. It was Sasori.

----o0o----

As he pulled up, he felt a sense of urgency. He had had to make an unscheduled stop at Big Lots to pick up a 12-pack of bananas, so he knew he was running late. With a mighty leap, Sasori was out of the Hiroku and went charismatically jaunting toward Deidara's front door. Meanwhile inside, Deidara was panicking. Not thinking, he tossed the Gaara into a box of wolverines and then slid the box behind his hippopotamus. Deidara was exasperated but at least the Gaara was concealed. The doorbell rang.

'Come in,' Deidara charismatically purred. With a skillful push, Sasori opened the door. 'Sorry for being late, but I was being chased by some abrasive flaming idiot in a pimp fresh, candy-painted 'Lac,' he lied. 'It's fine,' Deidara assured him. Sasori took a seat ridiculously far from where Deidara had hidden the Gaara. Deidara shuddered trying unsuccessfully to hide his nervousness. 'Uhh, can I get you anything?' he blurted. But Sasori was distracted. A few freaknasty minutes later, Deidara noticed a selfish look on Sasori's face. Sasori slowly opened his mouth to speak.

'...What's that smell?'

Deidara felt a stabbing pain in his ear when Sasori asked this. In a moment of disbelief, he realized that he had hidden the Gaara right by his oscillating fan. 'Wh-what? I don't smell anything..!' A lie. A oafish look started to form on Sasori's face. He turned to notice a box that seemed clearly out of place. 'Th-th-those are just my grandma's carrots from when she used to have pet 3-legged wallabies. She, uh...dropped 'em by here earlier'. Sasori nodded with fake acknowledgement...then, before Deidara could react, Sasori deftly lunged toward the box and opened it. The Gaara was plainly in view.

Sasori stared at Deidara for what what must've been eleven minutes. A few freaknasty minutes later, Deidara groped explosively in Sasori's direction, clearly desperate. Sasori grabbed the Gaara and bolted for the door. It was locked. Deidara let out a flamboyant chuckle. 'If only you hadn't been so protective of that thing, none of this would have happened, Sasori,' he rebuked. Deidara always had been a little dimwitted, so Sasori knew that reconciliation was not an option; he needed to escape before Deidara did something crazy, like... start chucking potatos at him or something. Like a drunken sailor at happy hour, he gripped his Gaara tightly and made a dash toward the window, diving headlong through the glass panels.

Deidara looked on, blankly. 'What the hell? That seemed excessive. The other door was open, you know.' Silence from Sasori. 'And to think, I varnished that window frame eight days ago...it never ends!' Suddenly he felt a tinge of concern for Sasori. 'Oh. You ..okay?' Still silence. Deidara walked over to the window and looked down. Sasori was gone.

----o0o----

Just yonder, Sasori was struggling to make his way through the imaginery desert behind Deidara's place. Sasori had severely hurt his love handle during the window incident, and was starting to lose strength. Another pack of feral Shukakus suddenly appeared, having caught wind of the Gaara. One by one they latched on to Sasori. Already weakened from his injury, Sasori yielded to the furry onslaught and collapsed. The last thing he saw before losing consciousness was a buzzing horde of Shukakus running off with his Gaara.

But then God came down with His ingenious smile and restored Sasori's Gaara. Feeling worried, God smote the Shukakus for their injustice. Then He got in His curb-jumping ghetto sled (Impala) and dashed away with the fortitude of 153 venomous koalas running from a little pack of spotted wolf hamsters. Sasori shimmied with joy when he saw this. His Gaara was safe. It was a good thing, too, because in seven minutes his favorite TV show, Bleach, was going to come on (followed immediately by 'When Indonesian devil cats meet hand grenade'). Sasori was elated. And so, everyone except Deidara and a few gun-toting long-haired sea monkeys lived blissfully happy, forever after.

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Loves,

foxflight