A/N: Sorry for the long wait...again. I'm not gone - nor do I intend to go anywhere any time soon. I've just been swamped.

No Rest for The Wicked

She woke up and the lights were blinding bright. She closed her eyes and waited for them to adjust.

She glanced over to her left where Rodolphus sat in a rather comfortable manner in a pink chair reading the day's issue of the prophet. That gave her a gauge of the time, they sent out the prophet early in the morning it was usually at her house by five o' clock but she knew it might be delivered in bulk to establishments a little earlier. She didn't know why or how Rodolphus was there. She felt a prickling nervousness under her skin, if he knew about what had happened she didn't know what to say. She decided to feign sleep for a little longer to make a decision.

She closed her eyes again and tried to make her body look like it was in the perfect relaxed state of sleep.

She heard the paper crinkle as he turned the page, "Do you want me to call someone, or are you going to pretend to sleep for an hour?" He said without looking up from what he was reading.

"No," she answered, mildly embarrassed that he had noticed her stirring.

"Do you need anything?"

"No."

"I brought you these anyway," he tossed a package of cigarettes onto the bed next to her knees. "I know you quit...but I figured at this point it doesn't matter so much." He folded the paper and placed it on the table next to him.

She didn't touch the package yet, she only looked at it. She would do that later, after a few of her questions had been answered.

She sat and stared at the ceiling for a minute, waiting for her pain to return, when it didn't she was vaguely surprised. She assumed this meant she was healed. Still even if she hadn't been fond of the ting there was still an unexplainable empty feeling, contrasting the agony with a dull sort of emotional tickle.

"Where's Andromeda?" She asked, hoping to get the little ones out of the way so they would be answered before childish arguments broke out. Of course Bellatrix knew they weren't really childish, they were simply arguments she did not want to endure, and therefore childish.

He looked everywhere but at her, "She left after you were stable and after I got here. She sent me the letter once you were okay, then when I got here she left." He cleared his throat, "I guess she wanted to clean up all the blood. She said there was a lot."

The blood. Bellatrix winced remembering it. She remembered the cold sticky feeling she remembered some of it scabbed and some of it not. If anyone could clean it up before the rest of the household noticed it was Andromeda.

It took her a moment to realize Rodolphus was being uncharacteristically quiet.

"Rodolphus?" She asked.

"What Bella?" The way he said it could almost be considered snapping, though he seemed entirely too tired for her to feel at all offended.

Trying to gauge if she should lie or tell the truth she spoke, "It was the stress. The wedding, you and Vi - her. That's what happened. That's why I-"

"-decided to kill it?" he finished for her. She cringed at the harsh language, "I can understand...Bella, not wanting to be pregnant right now. I can understand not wanting to have children - I've had a while to think about this and all that I can understand. What I can't understand is why you didn't tell me?"

"I don't really know. I couldn't tell you because I didn't ever want you to know." She sat up in her bed, "I mean...I was scared Rodolphus. I was pregnant and I was scared." She hated admitting it but there was a time she was scared. There was a time she felt all she could do was curl over herself in her bed and remind herself it would be over soon.

His face turned bitter and angry, "You think this was much better? Hiding this from me so you could nearly kill yourself trying to get rid of it? Bella, you could have told me. I'm your fiance." As if she wasn't painfully aware of that fact.

"I was scared." She examined the hospital issue bracelet around her wrist, BLACK, B. how simple. She almost wanted to laugh at the simplicity. BLACK, B. simple only so complicated.

"I was scared of all of it. If I told you I would have to think about it and I didn't want to do that. I didn't want to think about it more than I had to." The room felt much smaller now, and quite empty, there were not enough things for her to pretend had drawn her attention now.

"You still nearly killed yourself, and managed to succeed in killing our child."

That had her attention and she glared up at him. He had no right to say something like that. The smug look on his face showed her he was happy he had been able to provoke her into a reaction.

She swung her feet over the edge of the bed and got up, she hated the feeling of her hospital gown, so papery but she knew her bloody nightgown would be a much worse sight.

"I didn't kill it, it wasn't ever alive." She murmured as she wandered over to the window where she noticed the sun was slowly rising to make it's appearance, "I just had your abortion, why doesn't that count for something?"

His face went dark at the words. Probably the way she said it "doesn't that count for something" as if she had asked.

His expression became dark, "I never asked you to is why. I didn't ask you to do this! I don't even think I would have."

"Is it very easy for you to play like you're completely innocent here?" She spoke to the the window frame, not wanting him to see her expression.

"Is it very easy for you to pretend what you did was right?" His voice was still hard and guarded. He was hiding something from her. She had known him long enough to be able to tell when he was hiding things.

She shuddered away from him, "I never have a say in anything - but this I did. You know the only other time I feel in control is in battle - and killing. I deserve control in other areas of my life."

He made his way over to where she stood.

"I hate what he's forced you to become." He snarled, "You were always slightly...sadistic but who doesn't enjoy, even just a little, other people's misfortune. It was never to this extent. It was never this bad - he's taught you too much."

She smiled bitterly, "I can't stop now though - I'm good. It's the only place where it seems I'm a natural."

"Killing, Bellatrix? This was killing too." he looked out the window at the glowing city, the orange light reflected on his face and accentuated the lines of worry and sleep deprivation, "and clearly this didn't end in your favour nor did it put you in his." His expression was blank. She could tell he was thinking but he didn't want her to know what.

"I'm not going to apologize. I'm still here aren't I?" She said indignantly, crossing her arms, "It's a time of war why would I want to bring a child into -"

"Bella, you're nothing but a prop to him. You're what he's interested in now but what happens when you become boring to him - you're disposable." Rodolphus shoved her against the wall, it wasn't like the other times, it held more urgency than violence.

"Who?" she asked playing dumb.

"The only person who I could possibly mean. Our lord. You don't mean anything to him. He may seem interesting and whatever it is you like about him on the outside but he's cold Bellatrix, he's empty and he doesn't - he can't - love you. Even if he could it wouldn't be the same as I do." She had to resist the urge to shove her fingers in her ears and refuse to listen.

She shook her head in childish disbelief, "No, you don't understand us. We're the same he and I...I have...he said I have potential. He doesn't lie to me. He tells the truth whether he thinks I'll like it or not."

"Look at you - you're falling apart!" He slapped his hand on the wall next to her head causing her to startle and jump, "Go look in a goddamn mirror, I haven't touched you for months, so don't blame me for that." he ran his fingers down her arms over the purple and yellow bruises. He ran his thumb over the grey mask of sleep deprivation under her eyes.

She concentrated on a point behind his head, "I'm just sick, and I'm skinny. It has nothing to do with him."

He took her chin in his hand, "Oh Bella. He's going to kill you. Its already working, there's still time to get out. You can leave. You're not strong enough there's no shame-"

She pushed off the wall, "What?" She understood what he was saying but he was telling her she wasn't strong enough, the dark lord himself said she had potential. He wouldn't say something like that for no reason.

He threw his hands up in exasperation, "You're nothing more than a prop to him," he snarled, "He's going to kill you." he began shaking his head wildly, "No kill would be too kind he's going to destroy you. Don't you see?"

She shoved her fist into his chest, "Don't you see?" Her breath became ragged and her vision blurred, "I can't hate him."

If Rodolphus felt anything other than indifference, he wasn't showing it on his face. The only way she found she could infer anything from him at all was his refusal to meet her eyes. He looked at her shoulders, at the gown hanging loose and clinging in all the places that would make her seem sicklier looking than she felt she would if she chose her outfit.

"I don't want to argue with you," his tone suggested otherwise, he sounded prickly. What his tone said was I don't want to argue about him.

"Stop talking then." She knew it wasn't really that simple, but id didn't have to be this difficult. Everything with Rodolphus was difficult, it always was.

She hadn't expected him to obey, but he had. He just sat, and this of course meant they just sat in silence. He lit himself a cigarette. The silence wasn't perfect, it wasn't golden and it wasn't comfortable. It was the silence of a childish stalemate.

The hospital had the decency to provide her with a little square window. She could only just see out, and what she could see was only the tops of buildings and the sky. It was facing east so she could view the sunrise. The oily orange light offered her little in the way closure, if anything it made her feel more alone than ever. Sunrises had that kind of sad effect on her in most circumstances.

She smoked cigarettes and she looked out the window and she felt scared. She felt scared of the morning and scared of her future and scared of what all this meant. Bellatrix felt stupid for feeling scared but with every shaky inhale off her cigarette the fear subsided slightly. She hated it in the hospital, hated it more than anything. She wanted to be let out.

It dawned on her that it probably wasn't the hospital she hated but the feeling of being trapped.

It wasn't long after the sunrise that two people came in, one woman holding a paper and a man who was obviously the healer. Their faces both had these tiny little smiles. They were the smiles people wore when they thought they were about to deliver news that would just destroy the receiver.

"You can't smoke in here." The woman said as Bellatrix put a fresh cigarette to her lips. Clearly she could smoke she just wasn't allowed to.

She placed it back in the package and raised her eyebrows as if to say "happy?".

"Hello Miss Black," she was a little put out that they knew her name. The looks on their faces did little to affect her. Rodolphus glared at the woman and put a hand on Bellatrix's knee. The woman watched him with the same sympathetic eyes she watched Bellatrix with.

"Oh, is that your fiance?" The portly woman nodded toward Rodolphus after having a look at Bellatrix's left hand.

Bellatrix simply nodded. She wasn't going to engage in the frivolities of smalltalk.

"We're set to be married in the spring." Rodolphus twisted his face into a half smile, that could easily be mistaken for a grimace.

"Oh how nice!" The woman clapped, her tone was so falsely cheery it was almost painful to listen to her speak, "Have you picked a dress?"

Bellatrix shook her head, she wondered if her mother had chosen a dress for her or if that choice would actually be hers. She sort of hoped it would be her choice.

"You must understand it took a long time to stop the bleeding. The main concern was to save your life..." He touched his hair and looked away.

"Scar tissue," the woman started, "it's hard and shapeless and quite useless really." She looked at her hands, "There was a lot of damage from the potion you took - I don't know where you got it but it's dangerous, and illegal to sell. Honestly anyone will do anything for money right? It's so tragic. Your uterus...it's mostly scar tissue now."

The healer stepped back in, "If a fertilized egg attaches to scar tissue, it will miscarry. With the amount of damage you suffered, chances of an egg attaching to healthy tissue, well it's not impossible, but I don't want to make you think your chances are higher than they are...you'll likely not be able to conceive again." He put a hand on her shoulder, "I'm so sorry."

"Never?" She asked, waiting for crippling sadness or self-directed anger, but neither of those came.

"Not likely." He confirmed, his eyes narrowed, "How old are you?"

"Nineteen." She said.

The woman let out a little squeak. Bellatrix was disgusted. Did the woman actually care that much about children? Was it honestly that important to her that Bellatrix be able to produce a screaming ball of life? She didn't understand why this woman felt such crippling sadness while Bellatrix felt nothing.

the feeling of nothing wasn't exactly like not feeling sadness - in fact it was almost worse than sadness it was a feeling much darker and emptier than sadness. Nothing was just so vast in comparison.

Rodolphus looked at her, his eyes betrayed him now, not with anger but with true worry.

The healer left and the woman stayed. The healer made some excuse so he wouldn't have to stand and feel uncomfortable any longer than necessary.

"You said you're nineteen..." she shook her head, "I realize it's of age but -"

Rodolphus stepped in, "If you're thinking of contacting anyone I would advise against it," he said through his teeth, "Do we really need her under more stress at a time like this?"

The woman's brown eyes grew wide, "Oh - I - No...anytime the two of you are ready you'll be discharged Miss Black." The woman left in a hurry, tripping over herself on the way out. Rodolphus had an ability Bellatrix felt she had never fully appreciated in the past to scare people off conveniently.

There was quiet for a beat. Two beats. Three. Then Rodolphus let out his breath and the childish silence between them was shattered. She drew in a breath and before she really realized what she was doing she was crawling into Rodolphus' arms. He held her there, his hand on the back of her head and his other hand on her lower back.

"What are we going to do?" She whispered against his chest, so scared of him not knowing the answer either.

He was there though. Strong and reassuring his arms were around her.

"We're going to get married Bella," he said his voice calm and flat, as if the solution to the problem were really that simple.

"Married? Still?" She asked, not sure if she was disappointed or grateful.

It did sort of make sense, it was Rodolphus' child she had gotten rid of after all. Had she chosen to keep it their engagement would be more sure than ever, but now...if Mrs. Lestrange knew, she would never let Rodolphus get married to someone who couldn't produce children. Bellatrix would be left alone - which was another thing she was sitting on the fence about.

She sighed, "This isn't going to get any better is it?"

Rodolphus laughed, not as if she had told a joke but rather as if he could think of no other reaction, "Right," he said.