Disclaimer: I own nothing.

Sephiroth stood over the shattered TV, a hint of a smirk gracing his angular features. A few stray sparks flew out of the broken, smashed-in frame. Splinters of glass littered the carpet. No one was allowed to cancel his favorite program without suffering the consequences. No one.

"WOOT!"

Sephiroth cringed as Zackary Fair, SOLDIER Second Class, let out a victory whoop.

"Really, must you always be so vocal?" Sephiroth asked with a sigh as he turned around to face the seated teen, carefully stepping over the shards of glass that littered the floor. After all, it just wouldn't to do have glass embedded in his expensive leather boots.

"Yes," Zack chirped in reply, bouncing on the couch cushion he was sitting on. "That was totally awesome – I mean, you were like 'fwa', and then it was like, 'foom!', and then it was, like, cool!"

Sephiroth merely rolled his eyes.

"Angeal says that if you do that too much, your eyes will stick that way," said Zack earnestly.

"Has it ever occurred to you that maybe Angeal says those things in an attempt to make you behave yourself for once?" questioned Sephiroth dryly.

Zack contemplated that for a while, and then replied with a cheerful "Nope! Never."

"That was a rhetorical question, Zack." Goddess, could the trainee get any thicker?

Stupid question.

"Pterodactyl?" asked Zack. "Angeal doesn't like dinosaurs. He told me that while I was telling him about the brontosaurus fossil I found in the training yard!"

Sephiroth gave up- this was going nowhere. Zack was possibly the only person who could do that to him, but Zack was, well . . . Zack was special. Zack was Zack.

Angeal was making dinner when Zack catapulted into the kitchen. 'Catapulted' was really the only word for it.

"Where have you been?" Angeal angrily inquired, ignoring the black skid marks his trainee had left on the kitchen tile. Zack was supposed to have been back for dinner about an entire hour ago. Angeal had had to enforce strict curfew rules ever since the noodle incident.

"I was over at Sephiroth's, watching Hannah-" Zack slapped a hand over his mouth.

"You were babysitting? What was Sephiroth doing with a babysitting job? And who's this Hannah? How did her parents persuade Sephiroth to watch her?" Maybe the mako was doing something to his hearing.

"Well. Um," said Zack.

Angeal made a mental note to ask Sephiroth about this the next chance he got- the very next chance he got.

Sephiroth closed the door to his office, hanging a "Do Not Disturb" sign on the doorknob and making sure no one was coming from either direction.

He sat down at his desk and opened his web browser. Scrolling down to the bottom of his bookmarks list, he found what he was looking for- an innocuous-looking folder named 'HM'.

The folder expanded, revealing its extensive size and potentially embarrassing contents. No, make that 'definitely embarrassing contents.' He scrolled further down to the bottom of the list and clicked on a link that brought him to a YouTube video- a scandalous YouTube video.

Smiling widely in a very uncharacteristic fashion, the SOLDIER settled back in his computer chair, and began to watch.

So absorbed was he in the video that he didn't noticed when Angeal walked in. Nor did he notice when Angeal walked up behind him and started watching the video over his shoulder. He did notice, however, when Angeal broke out in hysterics right next to his mako-improved ear. His heart nearly leapt out of his chest – yes, that's how scandalous this was.

The great General Sephiroth was watching Hannah Montana- during office hours, no less.

Angeal barely noticed when Sephiroth, in a fit of anger completely unlike him, dragged him out of his office.

Angeal blinked. Sephiroth was never angry. Well, there was that one time with the noodles, but that was Zack, and Zack was special. Zack was Zack.

The point was, Sephiroth was angry, and that anger was directed at him.

Bad thing tended to happen when Sephiroth got angry. Lazard had been the victim of a mysterious flood, which completely ruined the Director's three-and-a-half-million gil penthouse apartment. Genesis had once woken up to find himself bound, gagged, and surrounded by vicious anti-fans . . . Angeal shuddered to even think about that.

So absorbed was he in his thoughts that he was surprised when he found himself, not in the Shinra Building, but outside of it.

How odd; he hadn't noticed them going down any stairs. Odder still, he didn't seem to be standing on anything. Then he realized: Sephiroth had defenestrated him!

Angeal was falling rapidly towards the training grounds below, the extra weight of the buster sword not helping matters much. He braced himself and hoped to Gaia that he wouldn't die this way.

Sometimes, Kunsel didn't understand life. He was a generally good person; sure, he'd hacked into his share of top-secret open-on-pain-of-death files, not to mention his stalker tendencies, but when it all came down to it, he was a pretty decent person. At least, he wasn't evil or anything. He hoped.

But at this moment, Kunsel felt that life was being extremely unfair. Did he really deserve this kind of punishment? He'd been minding his own business (after all, he'd made it his business to find out everything about Zack,) when, out of the blue, a two-hundred and fifty pound First Class had fallen out of the sky and landed on top of him.

Sometimes, Kunsel didn't understand life at all.

Zack stared open-mouthedly (and drooling) at the TV screen, watching the adventures of Hannah and her ditzy friends conclude- at least for this episode. Sephiroth, in a similar state, absentmindedly fingered the hilt of the Masamune.

Ever since Sephiroth had demolished his own TV when the show had been canceled, the duo had been forced to watch on Angeal's TV, which was, needless to say, a nerve-wracking experience. One could never guess when Angeal would walk in.

Zack began belting the theme song as the credits rolled down the screen, and Sephiroth decided that it would probably a good time to leave. He quietly opened the door to the apartment complex's hallway and slipped out – well, he tried to slip out, but he actually walked out the door and straight into Angeal and Genesis.

Genesis was helping a very beat-up looking Angeal hobble valiantly down the hallway to his apartment. They stopped, surprised, when they saw Sephiroth.

"Um, Seph, what were you doing in there?" asked Angeal, one eyebrow rising skeptically. Sephiroth had never visited his apartment before- or so he thought.

The General, blood draining from his already pale face, found his mouth opening and closing in an undignified manner reminiscent of a fish removed from water.

Seeing as Angeal showed no signs of backing down, he bolted for the exit.

Sighing, Genesis dragged Angeal into the apartment- where he found Zack singing the Hannah Montana theme song at the top of his lungs and dancing on a table, the logo of the aforementioned singer flashing across the screen of Angeal's television.

Genesis resisted the urge to claw his ears and eyes out, and instead chose to tackle Zack to the floor, ending the torment dealt unto him.

Angeal simply stared wordlessly at the screen, wishing that he could erase the mental images from his brain.

Zack didn't get up until around ten the next morning, having been kept up late by a thoroughly ticked-off Genesis and a lecturing Angeal. He stretched and shuffled into the kitchen to see what Angeal had made for breakfast. "'S for brkfast, Angl?" he mumbled, rubbing his eyes.

"Pancakes," said Angeal, looking up from the skillet on the counter, "Do you like syrup or-" he stopped. "What is on your boxers, Zack?"

"Whachoo say, Angl?"

"Nev- nevermind," Angeal managed, turning shakily back to the skillet. Where Zack had managed to find Hannah Montana boxers, he didn't know and didn't want to know.

Genesis, carrying a folder full of paperwork, knocked on the door to Sephiroth's office. When no answer was forthcoming, he shrugged an opened it.

A wave of pure sound hit him.

"The last time I freaked out, I just kept looking down, I stu-stu-stuttered when you asked me what I'm thinkin' 'bout-"

Genesis lost what little self-control he possessed, and Firaga'd the entire office.

Three First Class SOLDIERs and one Second Class SOLDIER sat around the desk, their heads hanging. Well, the First Classes' heads were hanging- the Second Class was gawking openly and most unrepentantly.

"I want a shiny nameplate for my desk too, Lazard!" shouted Zack.

"You don't have a desk, Zack," reminded Angeal. "The last one was confiscated after the noodle incident. . ."

"Oh, yeah," Zack said, slumping in his chair.

"Posture, Zack," Angeal deadpanned, wishing he could be anywhere but there.

Zack sighed, but sat up.

"Now, I think you all know why I've called you here today," Lazard drawled in a business-like monotone, deciding that he should probably start the lecture soon.

Zack's hand shot up.

"Yes, Zack?" said Lazard tiredly.

"I do?"

Lazard sighed dramatically, and inwardly braced himself for a long day.

A.N.: I regret nothing.

Yes, I know that there is no Hannah Montana in the FFVII world, but for the sake of this fic, I let it go.