At times I really had to question how old Ted was. One time in the 8th grade he bravely confronted a kid who was following me around, claiming we were meant to be together and get married. Now, as I passed tea out to everyone his fists were clenched and firmly resting against his legs. He glared at Rui from across the table. The air felt heavy with tension. Like all the unspoken nasty things they wanted to say to each other were polluting the air.

“I’m going to-”

“No, you’re staying right here.” Teddy’s voice sounded so serious it caught me off guard.

“I’m going to change.”

Teddy quickly grabbed my hand. I felt him loosen his grip and just clasp onto it delicately, as if he was begging me to stay. I smiled. He could always show what he wanted without actually saying it.

“ I’ll be late if I don’t change now. I will be back in a second.”

“Fine, I’ll help you if you want.” Teddy turned around, a sly smile set into his face. I snapped my hand out of his as if it were on fire. I knew he was acting like this just because Rui was here. I hadn’t been able to look him in the face after what just happened ago. I think I would die from shame, although it was he who punched Ted first.

“Where are you going?” Rui looked up from his tea, his face was still flushed a bright red. He totally avoided Ted’s piercing gaze and ignored his rude comment.

“Ballet lessons, then I have to teach a violin lesson.”

I threw a plain blue dress to cover my tights and leotard, bunching my hair into a bun and containing it with bobby pins. My eyes began to take on a blue-ish tint from the dress, and I quickly made my way out the bedroom door, grabbing my violin case. Makino and Domyoji were standing at the door. Domyoji had a big smile on his face, like a kid who just received an ice cream cone. I scowled at him as I quickly began picking up the plates.

“Teddy, you should go.”

“But I don’t have anywhere to go…”

“What do you mean you don’t have anywhere to go…” I spun around, restraining myself from throwing the plates at him.

“Well, my manager booked me a hotel for yesterday until I leave, but an earlier flight became available…”

“You can’t stay here.”

“Come on Koko! Think of all the sleepovers we had as kids! Besides Cindy booked the photo shoot here because she wants you in it!! You haven’t modeled since the accident happened. It’s been months!!”

“Ted, please be quiet. ”

My eyes started to sting and I felt tears begin to fall down my face. No, he was going to reveal who I was, the daughter of world renowned actor and activist Clarence Lawrence. They would find out I am a well known model and actress at home. No, Japan was a fresh start. No more paparazzi pushing your friends aside as you walk on the streets to get a shot at you. No more body guards, the constant anxiety that people will swarm you. Here I would be able to find a boyfriend who didn’t like me just for my name and my profession. I could pursue Rui, who possibly maybe liked me too. If they ever found out who I really was, they might think I was using them to move forward in the industry. I just wanted to get to know them, make friends.

Rui took the plates out of my hands and began to wash them. Ted silently got up and left the room without a word. I didn’t care if he was mad. If doing this stupid shoot will keep him quiet forever, I’ll do it.

Helping Rui wash the dishes, he gently put his hand on top of mine. He looked down at me with tender eyes that instantly made all my brain activity stop. Looking up into his brown eyes, there was a hint of uncertainty that I knew was making him feel vulnerable. I threw my arms around him, locking them around his waist. I felt his body go rigid, then slowly he leaned into me and held me gingerly.

“Just Rui, he is all I want.” Standing there in his arms was all the confirmation I needed.

Kokomo Clarence. It’s just a name.

No one will find out who my father is.

To not tell is no big lie.

I said I would put that life behind me, so why tell them about my past?

As Domyoji started to clear his throat impatiently, saying how we would have to pay for the gas the limo was burning sitting outside for us, I couldn’t help but think I was just trying to convince myself.