Mid-Battle Conversations (#1: Lucas and Sonic)

There were many, many theories behind the notorious Sonic the Hedgehog and the fact that, as the song proclaims, he’s the ‘..fastest thing alive!’ (Which quite a few people would dispute). Radiation…amphetamines…radioactive amphetamines; there was many a felonious claim and uninformed conjecture about the exact nature of the rodent’s speed. However, anyone who had the opportunity to actually converse with the blue wonder ball himself would know that Sonic was simply too antsy, too anxious, and too short attention-spanned to be anything but fast! There had to be something supernatural about it…the hedgehog’s own gnawing impatience imparting him with the title of ‘speedster’(Something most folks, especially in the Marvel and DC universes, had to work for…or at least get in an accident or something).

Time spent in a high-stress battle situation that didn’t involve running, taunting, or hitting was simply time not well spent…but what else could he do? Even he knew that, at times, appropriate cover must be taken for the sake of self-preservation (Especially with Tabuu and that instant kill wing thing. Seriously…how cheap is that?). So, the hedgehog found himself bored to intangible tears as he took cover beneath some slab of rock that had been sucked into Subspace (As anyone will tell you, there’s always a convenient boulder or cave or something). He did all he could to keep occupied…bouncing a sneaker-clad foot to the ground, repeatedly snapping his fingers, making those funny sputtering noises with his lips…anything at all to ensure that he wouldn’t keep still. If he weren’t unconscious when he slept he’d even be aware of the fact that he tapped his foot while sleeping.

“…Pbbbbbbbrt…bah bah bah…bum-bah-bah-boo-bah. I gotta get with Mario after this…he so totally owes me. S’hyeah…I totally whipped his tubby plumber self at the Olympics…gotta rub that in his face too. Huh…there’s other neat fellas around too though. Captain Falcon…oh, gotta have a conversation with that guy. I wonder if he’s resentful…yeah, I bet he’s totally resentful. Uhhhhh…buh-buh-buh…talkin’ to myself…talkin’ to myself…I should try singing to myself! If you’re strong, you can fly, you can the reach the other side…of the rainbooooooow! It’s alright, take a chance, ‘cause there is no circumstance that you can’t haaaaaaaandle! Sonic boom, sonic boom, sonic b-HEY! How’s it hangin’?”

The speedy rodent happily proclaimed, giving a brief round of sardonic applause with two-sizes-too-big white-gloved hands. The kid that had just settled beside him…well, he was just a kid! What else was there to say? Kids were okay…he’d gotten used to the token human in that one anime show he did.

Lucas, the PSI-powered youth, panted raggedly…the very tip of that fin-like, blonde hair smoking slightly…singed by whatever attack the mighty final boss had just recently used. The boy nodded breathlessly, eyes flitting about nervously…not even taking notice of the enigmatic calm the blue rodent had during the firestorm of cosmic, other-dimensional power roaring about.

“Hey, it’s…it’s…Ness!”

“…I-I…I’m Lucas…”

“…”

“…”

“…Hey, it’s Lucas! So…what’s goin’ on? Talk to me! How’re you feeling?”

“…Terrified.”

“…Ahhh…s’cool…s’cool…so, why you do that?”

The blonde boy let out a sudden quivering yelp as a spare chunk of debris nearly grazed his cheek, clutching his hands to the top of his head for protection (as if it would do any good). “Uhh…do what?”

“…That thing…y’know, where you scream out the name of whatever attack you’re using. PK Fire! PK Thunder! PK…whatever…”

“…I-…uhhh…is this…is this the time?”

Sonic shrugged nonchalantly, propping a large foot atop the knee of his opposite leg…thin arms cradled in relaxation behind the back of his quill-marked head. “I’m just sayin’…it seems kinda impractical. I mean…you’re pretty much giving someone early warning of your attack. There’s no element of surprise!”

“…Uhhh…umm…”

“I mean, if I hear ‘PK Fire’…and I’m in the Subspace Army…I’m gonna look around and find out where you are! ‘Cause, y’know…I wouldn’t want to be set on fire. They hate that, right?”

“…I’m…pretty sure, uh-huh…”

“…So, why do you do it? Isn’t it…kinda…stupid?”

Lucas blinked thoughtfully, thumbnail held not-so-delicately between the tips of his teeth. His lips wobbled almost pitifully, dark eyes shifting to and fro. He’d never thought of it, honestly…it just seemed appropriate! His world…his entire existence had been unceremoniously thrown into question! Was it emulation? Empowerment? He couldn’t think of an answer.

“I…don’t really…”

“Ahh…so, you dunno? Huh…maybe it’s a form of Tourette’s…or some genetic defect or something. But yeah, if you don’t know…then there’s gotta be something wrong with you.”

A rebuttal! Lucas needed a rebuttal! Something to defend himself with…his honor…the tradition of people unreasonably screaming the names of their attacks (not to mention actually naming their attacks to begin with).

“…Hey, not everyone can win the game of the gene pool, you know. I suppose I’m just lucky is all. You know, when I was a young hedgeh-”

“You’re a Sega character.”

“…”

“…”

“…Y-yeah…well…you’re-”

“Sega character…and most of your recent games have sucked.”

The PK-spamming kid went out on that one…finding an opening to jump back into the fray, fingers alight with hexagonal PSI power and wielding a vastly improved sense of self-confidence…leaving the speechless hedgehog to stew in his own thoughts.

The fastest thing alive sighed dejectedly as he hung his head. “…Too mean…”