Scene VI: Milwaukee Police Precinct 101

A police officer escorted Laverne from out of her cell.

“Laverne!” everyone cried out, relieved to see that she was ok. “What happened?”

Shirley, Mr. DeFazio, Mrs. Babish and Carmine encircled Laverne, as she immediately hugged her father, like a scared child.

“Well, we arrested her and her friend, for being peeping Toms,” the officer replied. “We got a couple of complaints from three different Drive-In theaters that they were peeking into cars. Her and her boyfriend.”

Laverne cringed at that last statement, while Mr. DeFazio defended her reputation (and taste). Lenny, on the other hand, snickered loudly, silenced only by a slap from Shirley on the arm.

“No, officer!” Laverne finally chimed in. “It wasn’t like that. You see, Squiggy came to find me at my pop’s place - the Pizza Bowl.”

“That’s my place,” Mr. DeFazio said, proudly.

“Yeah, and then he told me that he fixed my best friend Shirley...”

“That’s me!” Shirley said sweetly, raising her hand like a schoolgirl.

“Yeah, that’s her. He told me that he fixed her up with one of his creepy friends...”

“Ewwww...!” Shirley responded, her face cringing as bad as Laverne’s had a moment before. “Me? With one of Squiggy’s friends?”

“Hey!” Lenny asked, a broad smile on his face. “Was it me?”

“NO! It was not you, Len!” Laverne said, getting annoyed at the whole scenario. “Anyway, Squiggy said that his friend was planning on getting his way, with Shirl, at the Drive-In. And that we had to stop it.”

“Nooooo..!” Shirley responded, again with her face cringing. “I would never!”

“Well, I couldn’t take that chance, Shirley! He said he felt bad about it, and he needed me to help get you out of there. So, that’s what we were doing there. Honest, officer.” Laverne put on a slightly pouty face, to convince the policeman of her innocence.

“Well....” he responded, trying to believe the story.

Edna Babish stepped up, and vouched for Laverne. In unison, everyone else in the room vouched for Laverne’s intentions and integrity.

“Well, I guess so,” he finally replied, believing the story. “But what about that little guy in there?”

The gang wrinkled their faces up, in slight disgust. Only Lenny stepped forward.

“I’ll vouch for him, officer.”

After a moment or two, looking Lenny up and down, the officer turned to the rest of the crowd.

“Anyone else vouch for him?”

“Aw, come on, guys.” Lenny pleaded. “He had to have some good reason.”

Still, the crowd was unconvinced.

“It’s Squiggy! You wouldn’t leave him in the slammer! Would you?”

Feeling a bit guilty, there was a communal groan of approval from the crowd. Finally, the officer left the room. A moment later, he returned, this time with Squiggy in tow.

“Are you sure we should let this one back on the street?” he asked as he uncuffed him. Surprised by the answer, he just shrugged as he released Squiggy to the custody of the crowd in the station.

“Hello everybody! Hello, Laberne!!” Squiggy said in greeting.

Laverne broke away from the comforting arms of her father and turned around to face Squiggy. With her arms extended in front of her, she rushed towards him. Squiggy thought she was offering him a hug, so he opened his arms wide for the embrace. But Lenny, realizing that hug was more of a choke, instinctively pulled Squiggy away to his safety, just in the nick of time. The two almost fell over, as Lenny pulled him backwards.

As everyone started to scream at Squiggy, demanding answers, he finally stood up straight to speak.

“Hold on, hold on, everybody! Would you all calm down and let me explain?”

“Can you?”

“Probably.”

“Squiggy! Why did you make up that story!” Laverne asked, annoyed.

“And why didn’t you go invite everyone to the party, like you said you would?” Shirley added.

“Party?” Laverne asked, confused, and now turning her attention to Shirley.

“Well...” Shirley replied, hesitantly. “It was just an itty bitty party. To celebrate you getting to be Bottle Capper of the Year!”

A small smile started to emerge on Laverne’s face. She had a small twinkle in her eye.

“A party?” Laverne repeated. “For me?”

“Yeah! Can you imagine that!” Squiggy chimed in, in disgust. “She was going to throw this big party for you, so I figured I’d save you from all that garbage.”

“What?” the whole group said, angry and confused.

“Yeah! Back at the brewery, Laberne said she didn’t want nobody making no fuss about her!” Squiggy said, in a firm and almost logical way. “So I figured, since you wouldn’t want to go to no stinking party...”

“I didn’t say that!”

“Oh yes you did!” Squiggy replied, adamantly. “I was there.”

“He was!” Lenny agreed. The two boys nodded their heads in agreement.

“I didn’t say nothing about a party, though.” Laverne was clear, at least on that point.

“Well, you said that when stuff like this happens, awards and everything, people was going to look at you funny... and treat you different...”

“Well, yeah...” Laverne agreed, hesitantly.

“So I figured the worst thing that could happen to you was if someone threw you a big party. You’d be miserable!” Squiggy was confident in his logic.

“You know, Verney,” Shirley said, breaking into the conversation. “I guess it’s all my fault. I was so excited for you, winning the award. And that bonus.”

“Bonus?”

“Yeah. Twenty dollars,” Shirley added, nodding her head.

Laverne’s eyes almost popped out of her head, and her mouth opened wide. She tried to catch her breath, as best as she could.

“Laverne, I wanted you to be just as excited about it as I was. I didn’t think about your feelings. Only my own...”

Although Laverne really didn’t want anyone to make a big deal over her award at work, she was really excited about it now. She wasn’t sure if it was because of the bonus, or if she was just happy that her best friends and family went through all that trouble. She hated to admit it, but she was really happy, and excited about the party now. She almost felt guilty for making such a fuss back at the brewery. And somehow, she was even touched by Squiggy’s attempt - as strange as it was - to save her from embarrassment.

“Well, I guess a little party wouldn’t hurt,” Laverne finally said, digging her heels into the ground, and hoping to bring back the party mood.

“So, no hard feelings, Laberne?” Squiggy asked, extending his hand.

“Nah. It’s ok, Squiggy,” Laverne conceded, reluctantly shaking his hand. When she let go, she wiped her hand down her pants in an exaggerated move.

“Well, juss so you know, I didn’t invite no one,” Squiggy finally admitted, as they all headed for the door.

“That’s ok,” replied Laverne, as she put one arm around Shirley’s shoulder. “All my best friends are here already...”

The whole gang from the Pizza Bowl huddled into one big mass as they made for the door. They all knew that this was the best family they could ever have. Nothing could change that feeling. Not now.

“You mean Bernice isn’t going to show up?” Lenny whined, as they walked out the door.

“Nah! She wasn’t even on the stupid list!” Squiggy replied.

“Man! What a Gyp!”

The End