Chapter Three

Mood Music: Dark Shines, by Muse

Darkness touched him, prodded him rudely and pointedly as he lurked in the trees, and stared with narrowed eyes at the shimmering barrier before him. Kagome’s barrier. Again. Irony shimmered in that wall of purification.

After running, repeating his cowardly act of fleeing and putting off reality, Inuyasha had made it to Miroku and Sango’s home, where they now dwelled with their twin sons, Tamotsu and Akio. Only the barrier stood in his way. If he really wanted to face his friends again he would tear it down, wouldn’t he? It really was a simple thing . . . so easy to do, and so fast.

But something held him back. Was he scared? Did he feel safer, more comfortable, facing his insane half-brother than confronting a part of his life he had left behind and rejected? A part of his life that had asked him to leave, though. He had good reason to stay away.

Inuyasha huffed angrily and crossed his arms over his chest, turning away from the barrier with frustration. This really wasn’t a tough decision. Or at least it didn’t have to be. Deliberation before an act really wasn’t Inuyasha’s way of living. It proved pointless in the end, anyway.

When Inuyasha summarized what he wanted to do, and what would be prudent to do, it came out simply, though unhelpfully: He didn’t want to break down the barrier because he was nervous and unsure of what would happen afterward; he didn’t want to sit here doing nothing because he felt strongly that he needed to face his friends again or else he would have to face his brother. It would be prudent for him to deal with one situation at a time, but how the hell was he supposed to do that?

So Inuyasha, having driven himself into a situation without any right way out, sat and brooded up in the high tree branches. That was, until small scuffing and grunting noises met his ears. As his furry appendages twitched over towards the source, his eyes followed.

And he watched two pairs of arms flail around outside of a side window of Miroku and Sango’s house. While Inuyasha stared with slight unease and foreboding at the limbs, one dark head poked out to join the arms.

“Don’t push, Aki!” the head snarled, its face swiveling around as he pulled himself out of the open window. Inuyasha recognized him immediately, and brought back the name and memories to go along with his face with a snorted fragment.

“Tamotsu.” Inuyasha frowned as he spoke and continued to watch the battle of the limbs. After a particularly hard pull forward, Tamotsu’s eyes widened as he fell forward, landing flat on his face with his legs still sprawled within the windowsill. “Idiot.” Just as Inuyasha remembered him to be.

“’Scuse me,” Akio called out softly from behind his brother’s feet. Tomotsu pulled his legs down as gracefully as he could, and attempted to regain his child-like dignity as he sat cross-legged and turned his nose up in the air.

“Be quiet, Aki,” he ordered as his younger twin pulled himself through the window and managed to land with a soft thud on the grassy ground. Akio stared at his brother with a slight frown and he bit his lip for a moment, before nodding and smiling as he tipped his head back.

“You, too, Tamo,” he whispered quietly, conspiratorially. Then Tamotsu stood up and bonked Akio easily over the head, before declaring clearly:

“We’ll look on the West side first.” With that, he grabbed his brother’s hand and pulled him along towards the East. Which was in the opposite direction of where Inuyasha was stationed on a moderately high tree branch. Inuyasha wasn’t sure if he was glad they wouldn’t discover him, or if he was annoyed. “Don’t know how much time before Mom comes and gets us,” Inuyasha heard the oldest twin continue.

Inuyasha stared after them with eyes widened in disbelief as he watched their forms grow smaller over the growing distance. Idiots! Going out when they weren’t supposed to be going out, while they knew that their parents knew? Extremely. Idiotic; Sango wasn’t merciful when it came to discipline.

The boys crept along the walls of the barrier, though they could pass through it if they wished. They probably only didn’t because they feared their mother’s wrath. Their heads swiveled left to right, though they managed somehow to miss the sight of Inuyasha, as they slowly made their way counter clockwise around the dome walls of the barrier. Inuyasha watched them come nearer to him with every small step and wondered what would happen if they noticed him.

Soon, they were right below him, and he stared down at them with narrowed eyes as Tamotsu stiffened. Akio paused behind him. Tamotsu hushed his already silent brother and slowly looked up, his dark eyes meeting Inuyasha’s narrowed amber. After a moment of stunned gaping, Tamotsu’s young face shifted into something like ecstatic surprise, before triumph began radiating off him in proud waves.

“What are you lookin’ at?” Inuyasha growled out and glared down through the shimmering barrier. At his words, Akio looked up with an open mouth and wide eyes, and when he did . . .

“INUYASHA!!!” A bellow like you would never expect to originate from a small, innocent, and quiet seeming child erupted into the air.

Inuyasha’s ears flattened against his head, and he barred his teeth as he grimaced. This was why Tamotsu always shushed Akio in advance. It didn’t make a difference, really.

“What?” Inuyasha growled with annoyance, his glare taking on new vehemence. “Damnit, that hurt!” he yelled down at them, his sense of hearing affronted.

Taking no notice, Akio yelled with his small hands balled into fists in front of his chest, “We FOUND you!” And his brother promptly tackled him to the ground.

“Shut up!” Tamotsu’s voice was urgent, and strangely adorable in its seriousness, though not to Inuyasha. From underneath Tamotsu’s pressing body, Inuyasha heard a muffled “sorry,” but it didn’t matter.

Because the lights of the house had switched on, and Sango was stomping her way over to her twin children while Miroku leaned tiredly against the frame of the open door, rubbing his eyes as he sighed out. Tamotsu, noticing his mother and her dangerous state, quickly jumped up and pointed an accusing finger up at Inuyasha’s crouching form.

“But, we found him, Mom!”

The little bastard always was quick to shuffle the blame.
--

After confusion, mild yelling, and some “calm” explanations (of how Tomotsu and Akio had been sneaking out regularly to check for Inuyasha because they’d overheard their parents discussing his absence, and such), the barrier was taken down independent of Kagome’s will and Inuyasha’s sword. Kagome had erected the barrier in dependence to an object, it seemed, that could be taken apart into two pieces; when taken apart, the barrier would come down, and when placed correctly back together, it would be erected again.

And so, that was how Inuyasha had ended up inside Kagome’s barrier, protected by her once again, and comfy inside the quest bedroom Sango had so cheerfully escorted him to. He felt mildly like he was in jail. But he didn’t mind so much, seeing as how he didn’t spare his surroundings much thought. All he could think about was how his earlier problem had been solved . . .

He hadn’t had to destroy Kagome’s barrier in order to enter Miroku and Sango’s home, and this fact made his head ache with thought.

Some things stayed the same (Kagome protecting him through use of her barrier again), and some things changed . . . He really had thought he would have to tear down the barrier, and it had been eating him up inside—but no matter the pain, he’d had that fixated in his mind: He would break down her barrier, again. It would all happen again.

Why had he been stuck on that thought? Had he wanted to relive that horrid night of his life? To be reminded that love was wretched . . . That it only ever hurt, and would only ever continue to hurt.

Had he wanted to reaffirm that truth in his mind?

Had he been proven wrong?
--

The next morning Inuyasha sat on a rock—a very hard, and uncomfortable rock—as he grumbled over the events of breakfast. A breakfast in which he didn’t eat much, but tried to get food in here and there between angry growls as Sango and Miroku (mostly Sango) grilled him over the events of late.

Why did he leave? (“There were other options!”)

Why didn’t he tell anyone he was leaving? (“Would it have taken up very much of your time?”)

Didn’t he realize how worried they’d all been? (“Kagome was sick with worry!”)

Why was he here now?

He wasn’t sure.

Why was he here? WHY was he here, sitting on a rock and brooding over the morning with his old friends, hiding out from his crazed older brother? A barrier wouldn’t keep Sesshomaru away—purification had no effect on him, considering how he was already so purely demonic.

That was, if he even cared to come after Inuyasha at all. Maybe he didn’t. Maybe what had happened deserved no thought or care, because Sesshomaru wouldn’t want to take Inuyasha as his mate. Inuyasha didn’t want to believe he did. No matter how much he might have dreamt or craved for such contact with his brother as he had experienced, he couldn’t have it. Things would turn out the same as matters of ‘love’ always did: painfully.

That was why he had returned: Because he was running; because he wouldn’t make the same mistake again. He’d been making it all his life; it was time to realize that those romantic, peaceful, happy endings didn’t happen for him. Didn’t exist. It was wishful thinking to believe anything else.

Why was everything in the world defying that truth now?

Miroku and Sango were in love, but had they separated bitterly, or betrayed one another? No, they’d done what Inuyasha kept telling himself could never happen for him: they’d created a happy life together. They had twin, evil children, and they smiled every day, once would suspect. They loved each other, and nothing had torn them apart. Love had worked out for them—the way it never could for him.

He just . . . didn’t deserve that type of happiness. Undeserving, definitely, because it was oblivious to think that he had been the only one hurt in his failed relationships.

Suddenly, before his previously unseeing eyes, the shimmer of Kagome’s barrier pulsed, and Inuyasha went rigid with realization. He felt the presence, equally still to himself, just inside the barrier. His ears received a soft thump dimly, and he idly placed an image to the sound: Kagome, standing frozen, staring over in his direction with wide eyes, her belongings forgotten on the ground where she had dropped them in surprise.

He imagined this, but could not look to see it. He couldn’t move—not yet. It was too much to face at a moment’s notice. He didn’t want to look at her, and not only confirm the image he had drawn up, but confirm the truth that had been weighing him down since he’d left her—like she’d wanted him to.

Would she ask him why he was here, too? Would he answer that he’d missed her, that life had become so confusing, so contradictory to all that he’d lived by, that he’d sought her out? Sought a small bit of comfort in a world where he couldn’t accept affection for what it was anymore?

Inuyasha couldn’t help it. His head turned, before he’d even thought to train his expression and hide the emotion in his eyes. His eyes locked with hers, before he’d even thought to distance his feelings so that he could think clearly. He was staring, so fixedly and unthinkingly, into black, pained orbs. And then he saw white skin just before—

“Sit!” rang out shrilly across the distance between them, stinging through his eardrums when the sound met him and activated the beads around his neck. His face crashed into grass and dirt, and he felt pain and the wetness of the early morning dew. A buzzing came to his ears, and grew gradually louder as he watched feet stomp over toward him. He grunted out with irritation and pain, pushing up from the ground as he felt his head and stared with wide eyes at the feet now stationed before him. This remembered pain; it made him happy to feel it again. He couldn’t believe it. He’d missed Kagome so much, even her “sit”s were welcome.

“ARE YOU EVEN LISTENING TO ME?” He looked up and narrowed his eyes at the woman before him, realizing the buzzing really had been Kagome nagging and complaining.

“’Course not,” he answered simply with a snort, standing up completely from the ground and brushing ruble from his robes. He looked back over at her after he’d collected himself a bit more, only to find her face dark and ominous. He froze as his hands went to nestle inside his sleeves, uncaring of the awkward position this placed him in. He knew what was coming next.

“Sit, boy!” He slammed down into the ground again, his chin taking a nasty hit. He groaned.

“Damnit, Kagome!” he yelled out angrily, pushing up from the ground again with a snarl. “Stop it!”

“I was so worried, you idiot!” she screamed at him, her fists raised as she looked up at him emotionally. Inuyasha pulled back slightly at the feeling in her voice.

“You’re the one who told me to leave!” he yelled back indignantly, his voice biting and angry to mask his confusion.

“I didn’t mean it like that! Stupid!” Kagome shook her head, her eyes closed as she did so. And Inuyasha was stumped.

“How the hell else could you have meant it?” he asked, looking down at her with frustration. “Leave means leave!” he finished with conviction, looking sideways at her disbelievingly. I didn’t mean it that way? What was that supposed to mean?

A loud sniff broke the air as Kagome shoved him on his chest with what looked like great effort. “I just wanted to be alone for a little while!” she cried, lowering her head as her shoulders shook, her hands still pushing against his chest.

Inuyasha stood frozen, lost and unsure of how to react. The instinct to flee when faced with the emotional woman was itching at the back of his mind, but her words held him in place.

All of this—everything he’d learned from that day—was based off of a misconception? Again? Shit, this always happened to him!

Kagome’s hands, that had been pushing against him angrily, calmed, and her fingers twisted in the fabric of his robes. She leaned forward and pressed her forehead against his chest as she sobbed out the words, “Stupid, rude, thoughtless, idiot . . .” Inuyasha’s widened eyes relaxed and he leaned into her touch, flinching slightly when the stench of wolf attacked his nose. He ignored it, and wrapped his arms around her. Her sobs grew in volume and she clutched at him tighter as he embraced her.

“I missed you, Kagome,” he told her truthfully, resting his cheek against the back of her head. His eyes closed as he felt her shake in his arms, guilt flushing through his gut because he didn’t deserve to hold her. Not after how he’d hurt her. But, he only wanted to feel her, here and now, close to him. He let the guilt assault him as he murmured words felt deep within him, but never spoken.

“I’m sorry . . .”
--

Kagome cried for a while after that, and Inuyasha just held her, having said what he’d wished to say for longer than he’d ever been aware of. Since before he’d even met Kagome, he’d been sorry. But he’d never said it, because apologizing asked for forgiveness, right?

And he didn’t deserve that, he hadn’t thought. Having hurt others so deeply, Inuyasha had felt he should hurt, too, and that he should hurt forever. Always guilty, and never able to repent. Maybe he’d had hopes that the guilt would eventually eat him from the inside out and it would all end. But no. He’d had to say it in the end.

It had felt wonderful.

When she’d finally stopped crying, she’d moved away from him and collected the item she’d dropped onto the ground upon sighting him: a picnic basket. She’d set it up, moved over closer to Inuyasha again, and then commenced the questioning.

Most of it had come out, most of the truth. He didn’t lie to her, but he didn’t volunteer much information either; he wasn’t comfortable spilling every thought and personal feeling out to others like she was. He just didn’t do that. She didn’t need to know that he’d been torn up inside after leaving, or that he’d gone through such a time in his life after discovering that he was gay where he sat, and shook, and denied every feeling in his body, every imagine and thought in his head. She didn’t need to know, and so he didn’t tell her.

Kagome didn’t have this opinion. He learned of all that she had felt over the time of their separation, or all that she could remember feeling. She gave him a detailed account of how Koga had swept her off her feet and looked at her with such love that she “felt that there was nothing else to the world but the feeling his eyes expressed, and the touch of his body.” Blegh, it all made him want to puke up his stomach. Jealousy and bitterness didn’t find a home of him, but this sappy detail and description still made him flinch and flatten his ears against his head. She’d been testing him, he knew, to make sure he was alright with the fact that she’d moved on.

He was. He was fine with it. It had just felt weird, made him lose himself in thought at it’s every whisper in his mind. Kagome had found love after the failure that was made of their romantic relationship. It made him look down with muddled thoughts.

Inuyasha had finally apologized; that made him feel good. Inuyasha realized that he’d let go of all but platonic love for Kagome; that eased his mind. Sesshomaru still haunted Inuyasha’s every thought; this troubled him, made him furrow his brows and grow silent as Kagome chattered on and on.

His brother had touched him like that, had whispered in his ear so intimately . . . had claimed Inuyasha for himself. And then Inuyasha had run, frightened of intimacy that came with attachment or feeling. Sesshomaru felt something for him . . . and Inuyasha knew he felt something for Sesshomaru—it was grudging and strange, but it was indeed ‘something.’ The question that stole his attention and made him still in thought was what to make of this ‘something.’ What to do about it.

Kagome stayed, and they all had dinner inside Miroku and Sango’s home. It was nice and comfortable, eating and messing around with his friends like he hadn’t for a while. He’d missed Miroku, Sango, and their twins, too. But, even as he talked and ate with them all, his mind was focused on a distant subject, and he found himself outside again after dinner. Just thinking, again.

He thought over all that he had before, and he didn’t make much or any progress in finding the answer to questions he hadn’t actually solidified in his mind yet. The questions he did have, he wasn’t even sure if he really asked for an answer to them when thinking them to himself. Maybe it wasn’t a matter of finding the answer, but accepting the answer . . .

Like, how he knew what he would like to do about that ‘something’ he felt for Sesshomaru, what to make of it: He wanted to give in to the feeling. To stop holding back and cowering in fear when pressed with the possibility of being hurt by love, and hurting others in turn. Maybe he just wanted to chase a chance.

Maybe . . . he just wanted to let himself feel, to let himself try to let love—after it had gone wrong so many times—go right.

Sitting outside, hearing the voices of his friends just a little way away, and focusing his eyes on nothing in particular, he frowned unconsciously. Inuyasha wrinkled his nose at his previous thought after feeling a sort of itch in that general area of his face. Soon enough, though, the feeling was back, accompanied by a warm sort of comforting feeling in his chest. He felt elated, happy, even while still troubled, and his lips twitched momentarily. A moment later, the bite-mark on his neck tingled pleasantly, and a curve was pulled onto his lips.

Inuyasha’s hand moved up to his neck, where he tapped the mark on the mark there, and he smiled. He wondered at the feeling.
--

Sesshomaru watched, hidden behind leaves, bark, and darkness. He watched the subtle shifting of Inuyasha’s ears, the way they flickered toward him every once in a while and perked up higher with every peak of his breath. Inuyasha, so lost in whatever musings that he was, noticed Sesshomaru there only subconsciously.

But he did know. Sesshomaru knew Inuyasha could feel him, just as Sesshomaru could feel Inuyasha—just as he had felt him while he’d stood alone in that grassy clearing smothered in Inuyasha’s scent. No matter the distance put between them, now there would always be that feeling, because Sesshomaru had claimed Inuyasha. Because Inuyasha was his.

Inuyasha had awakened this foreign heat inside of Sesshomaru that threatened to burn him from the inside out. It was Inuyasha, and Inuyasha only, whom he craved. It was Inuyasha who now crowded his world, who he felt on every level of his being. If Inuyasha felt he had a choice in this matter, if he felt he could run away and decide he would rather not embrace his new role of mate, he would be corrected very soon. Sesshomaru would show him just what being mated to this Sesshomaru entailed.

The lips of his object of lust twitched slightly, and Sesshomaru blinked as he watched emotionlessly. The lips twitched again, and then lifted slightly into something Sesshomaru couldn’t remember ever seeing on Inuyasha’s face. A smile. Inuyasha’s lips were lifted in a smile, and Sesshomaru felt a new surge of possessiveness as he stared at this phenomenon.

That was his smile. Inuyasha would only ever smile like that for Sesshomaru.

A low, predatory rumble of a growl left him as his thoughts continued on in that same manner (his, his, his), and Inuyasha’s head snapped over toward him instantly. They stared at each other as they sat under shadow and moonlight, Inuyasha’s expression surprised and frozen, Sesshomaru’s predatory and intense. Inuyasha’s mouth had dropped open slightly.

“Yes, Inuyasha, that is where my dick will go,” Sesshomaru told him heatedly, and seriously.
--

And then, Inuyasha scowled, but it was even happier than his smile.

-end-

A/N:

Ah, so... last chapter, my first completed story on this site. Ehehe, I'm kinda nervous to see what you guys think; I hope you'll take the time to tell me! I wonder what you guys thought of the ending...

I hope you all enjoyed reading!