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Chapter Three: NSFW NSFW NSFW. RATED MATURE FOR A REASON. NSFW NSFW NSFW!
BellaPov, EdwardPov, JacobPov, AlicePov. The EB Pov’s again... I wanted to use this chapter to clear up the rest of night one in the cabin.
"Sometimes you have to go there to find out what you're missing from someone else."

Things escalate between some couples just as things crash and burn for others. Random people heat things up in the most awkward of places, as Alice starts to cave in with her feelings.
And the ending only proves that even the cocky guys have the sweetest actions. This is why they are so commonly sought after... They're the package.
Oh, and not to mention, a whole lot of fucking confusion. Welcome to life.

PLEASE REMEMBER THAT THIS STORY IS OOC, AND THE ONLY SIBLINGS IS BELLA/ROSALIE!!
And don't pick sides yet. That's all I'm going to say!

Now, I realize that A LOT of you have written me PMs or in your reviews, asking me if this is going to be an Edward/Bella story... All I can say is, when you look at my previous stories, my profile, my icon, and the title of this: "

I can't hide the way I feel about you, anymore.
I can't hold the hurt inside, keep the pain out of my eyes, anymore.
My tears no longer waiting... my resistance ain't that strong.
My mind keeps recreating a life with you along,
and I'm tired of pretending that I don't love you anymore.Chapter Three: Hidden Discoveries

...Let me make one last appeal, to show how I feel about you.
'Cause there's no one else, I swear, holds a candle anywhere next to you.
My heart can't take the beating of not having you to hold...
A small voice keeps repeating, deep inside my soul... It says,
"I can't keep pretending I don't love you anymore."
Travis Tritt, "Anymore"

BellaPOV

It was so funny to be able to relax after that hellacious trip, and act silly and childish. I lay on my back, watching Jasper jump up and down.

"We've got to work it in!" he shouted with a wink. "Get out all the kinks!"

I giggled, curling my knees in the air, "stop it!"

Jasper threw his body on the bed, doing a belly flop beside my head as we bounced up and down on the mattress. I giggled, rolling over to my side toward the pillows, then back around to him. He was laughing, his arms and legs still stretched out like he was flying.

That made me laugh harder. "You're so silly!" I shouted, pushing him away.

"Oh yeah? Watch this!" He climbed up on his knees, then unsteadily rose back up to his feet. His face showed nothing by amusement when he took in my curious expression.

"What are you..." I began to ask, furrowing my brows in wonder.

He bit his lip, his eyes on mine. Then he bent down and sprung himself backward, doing a back flip from the bed and onto the floor.

My mouth was gaping as I struggled to sit up, making sure he was okay. He was lying on his back, his hand on his chest, laughing like a three-year-old. I climbed off the bed onto the carpet on my knees, crawling over to him. "Aww, are you okay?"

"Yeah, that quite didn't go as well as I had planned. I'm more graceful at home."

"You have shorter ceilings in your house."

"I didn't think about that..." he smiled gracefully, melting my soul.

I couldn't help but reflect his smile... it was so consuming. Again, the ability to spread out his emotions.

Then, as fast as lightning, he jerked me over to him, my body collapsing on his chest as I laughed. He began to tickle me, rolling us over so he could hold me down with his left hand while his other hand continued to torture me. I swayed and struggled and fought against him, my laugh growing to hysterics as he held me pinned against the carpet.

"I'm going to get rug burn!" I shouted, trying to knee him in inappropriate places.

He dodged my attempt, laughing harder as his hands slid up my sides and into my shirt, poking my ribs.

"Stop it!" I shouted, raising my pelvis and pushing him up, not very well. He began to blow in my right ear, which he knows I can't handle, and it caused me to squeal and squirm even more.

"Would you stop?!" I shouted, trying my hardest to get a gain on him.

After a few more minutes of this ungodly torture, he stopped. I'm sure my face was as bright red as a beet as I lay panting, my arms still held above my head, my shirt raised up and revealing my stomach. "You..." I exhaled, my chest bouncing up and down in breaths, "...suck."

"No I don't."

"Yes... You do." I blew a piece of my hair from my nose, but it fell back. His hand raised and removed it, tucking it behind my ear. Then he cupped my cheek in his warm hand, his thumb grazing beneath my left eye. I studied his smooth expression, melting into his touch. It was so warm, I couldn't really help it.

"Bella..." he whispered, continuing to caress me.

I smiled, "yeah?"

He leaned closer to me, lying on his side beside me, propped up on his elbow as his hand continued to work my face like a magical wonder. "I really want to kiss you right now."

Wow, ...he said it.

I couldn't look away from him as I swallowed, absorbing his words. After a few seconds, I pursed my lips in thought. "...I really want you to kiss me too," I whispered. And I meant it, surprising myself with the honesty.

"Really?"

I nodded, leaning my face into his hand more. Gosh, he felt so warm.

I watched as he slowly lowered himself to me, keeping his eyes on mine. I didn't know what to think as his eyes fluttered shut, and mine instinctively followed. I felt his warm lips across mine, listened to his feather light breathing. I kept my body very still, nervous and anticipating what he'd do next. I could feel the gentleness of his mouth as he parted his lips and pushed against mine, completing our moment. His left hand moved to the nape of my neck, the right on my hips, pulling me toward him. His right hand continued its trail up my side, winding around to massage my back in light circles.

His lips seemed hesitant at first, as if he was worried about how I might react... But I'd be lying if I said I wasn't comfortable, or suddenly excited about this. I ran my fingers through his twisted locks, finding the back of his head as I deepened the kiss, turning my head to allow him better access. It was as if my body reattached itself, allowing me this moment of calm. Against everything I kept forcing in my head for so long, saying I wasn't ready, I wasn't ready, I wasn't ready... this felt right. My fingers tightened in his hair as I pushed him closer, forcing his body to mold with mine on the white carpet we were occupying.

His sweet breathed soared over my face as his lips blended with mine, deepening the kiss more. I refused to think as the questions of why started to come into my brain, internally shaking them away to allow myself to have this moment, which I still wanted. I was feeling joy, feeling new, feeling sexy even. And wanted, ...needed, possibly? I hadn't felt that way in such a long time, it was overwhelming. His tongue slowly touched my bottom lip, hesitant again, as if he were still wondering when I was going to pull away. I hummed, bringing my tongue out to meet his, to draw it into my mouth, where I wanted it.

Jasper obliged, and when his tongue found mine, I felt secure. Warm fuzzies began to trail all over my body as his hands were soft on my face, my ribs, and my back. His thumbs grazed my jaw line again as he slowly pulled away, his eyes smiling to me before his mouth did. I smiled back, not wanting him to pull away so suddenly. Then, he did something that shocked me. He pulled me into his arms, giving me a warm and much needed hug. The heat from his comfort surrounded me completely, engulfing me as I held onto him for dear life. He rubbed my back, his mouth providing sweet kisses on my right shoulder.

When he moved his face back to mine, his lips were gentle and sweet, placing a few distinct kisses on my lips. Meaningful.

I loved every second of it.

I inhaled, blinking slowly when he pulled back away from me.

"Wow," he whispered, his index and middle finger tracing a light trail along my bottom lip.

I kissed his fingers gently, keeping my eyes locked on his. Once I pulled his hand slowly from my mouth, holding onto his palm, all I could do was smile again.

"Thank you," I whispered, blending my cheek into his palm again.

"For what, darlin'?"

"For waiting until I was ready... You really are the best, Jazz."

He blinked, his deep eyes soaring through me, "you're the best, Bella. And you were worth the wait."

I bit my lip, blinking at him through a smile, "so... what do you want to do now?"

He shrugged, returning my smile, "mmm, you tell me? What do I want to do now?"

Only one thing came to mind, and I couldn't believe I was thinking it...

Was it too soon to suggest it?

Was it just loneliness?

Did I just want him to take away Edward's specific part in my life?

Or did I really just give in completely to Jasper's charm?

Was I really, completely, utterly falling for him, like I begged Got to allow me to do, so I could move on?

I guess there's only one way to find out

And he happily obliged.

And boy, did it feel good to have this type of contact again.

EdwardPOV

Tanya pushed me back and climbed over me, straddling my hips as her hands slid from my chest to my shoulders. She flipped her head back, her blonde hair flying around, and then flowing over her shoulders.

I watched as she pulled her tank top off, unclasping her pink bra, which she allowed to fall from her arms down to my stomach.

I swallowed hard, not removing my hands from her hips.

She lowered her body to my legs, her fingers finding my zipper within seconds. Before I could think, my pants were unfastened, and she was waiting for me to lift my body so she could pull them down. I apologized to her for being so distracted, raising my hips to give her what she wanted.

My vision became blurry, and I blinked a few times to clear it. When that didn't work, I covered my face with my hands, rubbing my eyes vigorously. I couldn't figure out what was wrong with me. Tanya and I have had this type of casual relationship on and off for a good while, this time for a few months straight. She's sexy. She's -- most of the time -- sweet to me. She'd do any mother fucking thing I'd ask her to do with no questions asked. I know that she wants me to commit to her, she's wanted me to be more serious for years. Most guys would kill to have her.

Yet, here I am, watching her as she gets ready to place her mouth over my body, and all I am feeling is confusion and almost nauseated, which isn't like me. I moaned, my eyes sealing shut. Before my dick took over my mind, I found my hand sliding between her mouth and my body, gently pushing her face back up.

Tanya sighed, her hands falling to her sides as she began to grind her body against mine, needing the friction, "what's wrong, baby? Are you okay?"

I threw my arm over my face, trying to catch a breath of air and clear my thoughts, "no. I don't know."

Her hand began to caress over my abdomen as she leaned down to kiss me. I turned my head, forcing her lips to involuntarily kiss my cheek.

"Edward," she growled, her voice becoming slightly annoyed with me, "what's the matter?"

"I'm not feeling well," I lied, picking her up and placing her beside me.

"Well, let me make you feel better then," she threw her leg over my body, her hand digging into my boxers again.

I removed it quickly, pushing her leg back off of me as I sat up. "I'm not in the mood for that right now, Tanya."

She scoffed, sitting up beside me, "Edward Cullen is refusing sex?"

I exhaled, climbing off of the bed and refastening my jeans, "yeah, I guess I am."

"What's wrong with you?"

I gathered my shirt and walked into the bathroom, flipping on the light. I continued to the sink so I could splash some water on my face. "Nothing."

I watched her reflection in the mirror, as she yanked her shirt off the bed. "You've never had any problem being with me before we came here, before you were around her."

"Oh, here we go." I knew she was going to pull this shit.

"I mean it."

I sighed loudly, my skin beginning to boil, "you don't know what you're talking about."

"Yes I do," she said, throwing her hands on her hips and looking back at me in the mirror. "I wish you'd just go and fuck her, get it out of your system, make yourself happy, and then get back over here so we can get back on track. For good!"

I smirked, shaking my head and walking back into the room, "Tanya, you and I don't have a track. We are what we are, and that's not a whole hell of a lot right now... Nor has it ever been, when you think about it."

She could tell I was beyond pissed at this point, but I knew she wasn't going to stop. "Go do it. Right now. Her room is right there. Quite conveniently placed behind you."

I stormed in front of her, forcing her to back up against the door. "Last time I checked," I sneered as I forced my head down to her, "I didn't have to answer to you. You're not my mother, you're not my girlfriend, and you're certainly not my fucking wife, have you got that? Don't you stand there and try to pull this fucking dictating bullshit on me, because it won't get you anywhere." My finger found her chin and I jerked it upward to make her look at me. "Are you understanding me?"

She fumed through her nose as she glanced up at me. I listened as she struggled to open the door behind her, but I refused to budge, forcing her to slide between my body and the door to get out. "You need to figure out what you want," she hissed at me, as I followed her out the room. "And you need to shut the fuck up," I countered.

She grabbed my forearm as I tried to walk past her, in an attempt to jerk me back to her. "Where are you going?!"

"Look Tanya. I just had a long fucking drive. It's late. I'm getting a drink and a cigarette. Is that all right with you?"

She stared at me in shock, not bothering to reply. Her eyes had her response written in them. She was expecting me to be around her every second.

I pulled my arm back and walked away, without another glance from her. "Just leave me alone, Tanya."

"Fine!"

"Fine."

JacobPOV

Oh fuck me.

My hand covered my mouth as I entered the kitchen, due to finding Rosalie wearing white bootie shorts and a plain tank top, leaning over the counter, eating a fucking banana. I swallowed, clearing my throat as I walked in there. I had nothing but silk black pajama pants on and a smile, and I was aware that my body reacted about fifteen seconds ago to that sight.

"What's up, Jay?" she asked, taking another bite. I shrugged, trying to act suave, "couldn't sleep. What are you doing, besides practicing your deep throat technique?"

She smirked, her tongue trailing along the tip of it in small circles as her eyes zoned in on mine, which forced my lips to part, my bottom one almost crashing to the floor. "You're not very fucking nice."

She smiled, taking another bite, "I know." I shook my head, walking around her and bumping her on her side so I could get into the fridge. She laughed and stumbled over, trailing her body to the other side of the counter, providing a nice sway with her ass out in a wide circle. I poured myself a glass of milk, watching her enjoy the rest of that in silence... Praying for one day when we could both be drunk and I could have those full lips around me.

Or hell, maybe even sober, if I was willing to work at it. When she threw the peel away, I could regain my focus. I snapped out of my daydreams, rezoning in on her face. "So," she hummed, her arms rising so she could play with her long blonde hair, "what are you doing up past your bedtime?"

I shrugged, "couldn't sleep. You?"

"Same. I was thinking about watching a movie."

"What movie?" I arched my right brow, as my tongue trailed out to my lip. All I could think about was how thin that outfit was, and how bad I wanted to taste every inch that was under it.

"I don't know. Want to help me pick one?"

"Sure."

I followed her into the living area, watching as her perfect ass bounced around in front of me in gentle rhythms. I've never seen an ass that tight in my life, and the things I was planning to do with it, including all of the above porn sights, plowed through my mind involuntarily. She leaned over and grabbed the remote, causing my breath to hitch. "Shh," she whispered, pointing in front of her. Emmett McCarty, Edward's fuck of a friend, was occupying the recliner, snoring as he held onto a football. Sound asleep. I nodded, sitting quietly on the couch and continuing to drink my milk. There was no way he could be a cock-block if he stayed in Wonderland. I crossed my fingers.

She gathered up a croche'd rainbow quilt, settling her body right next to mine, even though there was a whole couch to occupy. I noticed that, and relaxed, feeling a little smug. Maybe this could work in my favor... She flipped through the channels, her teeth holding her bottom lip inside her mouth as she focused. After working up the courage, I leaned in, breathing on her neck. She smelled like lilacs and sweet fruit, and I noticed the chill bumps rise on her skin. She tilted her head in my direction as she pulled away, but the smile on her lips told me she liked it. Oh hell yes. I pulled back, regaining my cool as I adjusted my body. I was going to play this off.

"Is Eagle Eye okay? It has Shia Labeouf in it, I think."

"Sure," I smirked at her, giving her my best smile. She stared at me for a minute too long, before snapping her head back toward the television. I relaxed further, my hand on my leg, touching hers. After a few seconds of the movie beginning, I noticed her leaning toward me a bit. She wanted it. It was so fucking obvious. She was just as horny as I was. She almost seemed impatient with me, glancing at me from her peripheral vision every few minutes, trying to hold back her smile. I waited until the beginning cut, about a good ten minutes, and the second Shia crossed the picture before I made my move. I threw my arm over her shoulder and snaked my other arm around her waist, pulling her onto my lap. She started to open her mouth to object, but I shushed her as I slid my leg beneath her and along side her, so she was between my legs now and I was twisted toward the couch.

"But-"

"Shh," I whispered again, my arms trailing down her goose bumped arms. "Just relax. I won't hurt you."

She swallowed hard but stopped fighting, her back against my chest. I trailed my hands back up her arms, over her shoulders, and down across her chest, to her stomach. Her breath held as I slid my warm hands inside her tank top, rubbing the skin on her stomach gently. "Jake, what are you..." her breath stopped as I lightened my touch, bringing it up to the underside of her breasts, teasing slightly with my thumbs as my fingers skimmed her diaphragm. She tried to focus on the movie, but I knew I was getting to her. After a few more minutes of her lack of focus on Shia, she relaxed into me, her butt pressed up against my crotch.

I took that as my sign, leaning my head into her neck. "God, Rose," I whispered, my hands gripping her sides tight before trailing toward her shorts. "You don't know how bad I want to touch you right now."

She licked her lips, leaning her head back on my shoulder. She was such a fucking hottie, all I could think about was corrupting her. Making her mine. Touching her. My mouth wanted to do the dirtiest, vile things to specific, hidden parts -- two in particular. I'd only admit to myself that I've jerked off to thoughts of her more times than I'd like. Even when I've had sex with other girls, she's sometimes slipped into my fantasies. Not very often, of course. I'm not that pathetic... but when she does come to play, she's always the top focus. And now, I have a shot. I always thought she wanted me too... this only makes it more official. Plus, we're both nymphos, so it's in our nature to naturally bond together, at least for one night.

She moaned slightly as my fingers began to tease her nipples above her shirt, applying light circles, making her want more... me more. Then I moved them lower, trailing faint lines along the outside of her thighs, to her knees, to her inner thighs. "Spread your legs," I whispered huskily into her ear, to make sure fucker over there on the chair couldn't hear me. She did, hesitantly at first, draping the cover over us tighter, in order to hide us. I brought my hand over her heated center, my middle finger on the seam of her shorts as my thumb grazed her pubic region. She was smooth as butter, no stubble at all through her shorts. Such a fucking turn on. And as I pushed against her center with my finger, I noticed she was wet. Very wet. My erection grew within seconds as I began to apply more pressure against her, teasing her through the thin fabric. She wasn't wearing anything beneath them, so I could really enjoy the feel of her folds, and her lips, and her form through the fabric. She pushed toward my palm, demanding more pressure. I had to bite my lip from smiling, pressing my lips beneath her right ear. "Are you sure?" I asked, my fingers teasing her more.

She nodded, swallowing hard, her fingers gripping my pants. I licked my lips as I slid my right hand up to the top, then down inside, my left hand remaining on her left thigh, keeping it spread open. She was smooth, soft and wet, and as I continued to lower, I found her sweetest spot ripe and glazed over. I grazed tiny circles around her entrance, never entering, before trailing my middle finger along her folds, back up and down, with light caresses. The rest of my fingers, with the exception of my thumb, trailed along her warm lips, slight motions, as my thumb caressed over her pubic bone. She hummed as I deepened this tease, but refused to enter. Then I found my way up to her clitoris and she gasped, her body arching toward me.

I smiled, refusing her that much enjoyment, trailing back down. Up down, up down, slow, slower, slowest. Fast. Slow again. I continued this motion until she was red in the face with frustration, almost begging me with her eyes. I breathed into her neck, causing her to close her eyes as I sucked slightly on it. I was tempted to mark her, but knew it wouldn't be good if she intended to get laid here by someone else, so decided against it. She moaned louder as I barely inserted my index finger, just enough to tap against her walls.

"Shhh," I whispered, nodding my head in Emmett's direction. She swallowed hard, licking her lips and nodding. I inserted it deeper, causing her to gasp. She became wetter at that instant, and I enjoyed it far more than I should. She began to rock her body against me, grinding in circles along my erection, demanding more friction. I swallowed, giving in as long as she didn't stop. I began to move my finger in and out of her tight walls as she clutched my pants, her hot breath on my face. "More," she gasped, spreading her legs wider. God she had the ability to turn me on faster than anyone else ever did. I picked up my pace, my thumb flicking along her sensitive bud as I worked my magic.

She relaxed and caved in, then tightened and gasped, then hummed and sighed against me with every new motion I used. She felt so warm around my hand, all I could think about was being inside of her. So slick. So sexy. When I inserted another finger, she moaned loudly, and said my name. "Oh, Jacob. That feels so good, please don't stop." I beamed silently and felt smug to myself, bringing my left hand around. I slid that hand inside her shorts as well, working her bud with my left middle finger as my two fingers on my right hand worked her entrance. She bit her lip to stop making so much noise, as Emmett adjusted his body, keeping his eyes closed. I tried to be gentle with her, not wanting to hurt her. I didn't know how far she wanted me to take this. I swallowed, panting into her skin.

"More," she said. "Please?" I nodded, inserting a third, causing her to begin to tremble. She felt so tight, so hot. I curled my fingers up toward her belly button, as my left hand continued giving her light circles on the top. She gasped, shutting her eyes tight. She threw her right hand behind my head, tugging at my hair as her moans came repetitive and her body pushed harder against me. "Don't do it," I whispered seductively into her right ear. "I'm not ready for you to come yet." She threw her head back hard against me, fighting her body’s urge of release. "Oh God, I can't help it."

"Yes you can," I whispered, lightly nibbling her ear, teasing her more. "...Do it for me. Wait until I say, baby." She gasped, shutting her eyes tighter as I picked up my pace. She pushed against me, so that I entered her farther. I mimicked her actions, pushing as deep as I could go before slowly pulling out, then doing it again. She covered her mouth with her right hand, moaning loudly into her palm. I breathed raggedly in her neck, fighting against my will to just flip her over on her knees and enter her from behind. That was all I wanted to do. But I wanted to get her off more... and I wanted to be the best she had doing it. "God, Rosalie," I moaned lightly into her ear, "you don’t know how bad I want to taste you right now." Her eyes sealed tighter as she forced her ass on my dick, so hard that it caused me to buckle over her. But I refused to react, readjusting my body as I continued to work her, more urgently now. She whimpered, her breath coming in lighter gasps.

"Please, please, I can't... c-can't stop it," she cried, begging me to tell her when. Her body was all but the force of a clothes dryer, shaking so violently against me. Any second now, and I knew my name was going to slip from her lips. And it did. "Oh Jake... Ugh, oh Jake...Mmmm..." I pushed harder against her bud, so harshly with tight circles as my fingers curled up inside her again. She cried loudly into her hand, jerking my face toward her. She twisted her head around as I continued, her lips meeting mine. And we kissed, her tongue plunging deep into my mouth. I returned it, loving the sweet taste of her surrounding me. She let out a cry into my lips, so sexy that I thought I'd combust. Then she shuttered so rapidly, so overwhelming that she stopped kissing, her lips merely floating above mine. I felt her walls pulsing around my hands as she rocked around between my legs. After a few long seconds of whimpers and writhes, she gasped, collapsing like putty into my warm arms.

I allowed her to come down in silence, my hands trailing along her arms and my chin on her shoulders. She smiled proudly, satisfied with her end results. With me. Thank fucking God. I applied a slight kiss to her jaw, inhaling her scent greedily. We focused on the movie, and I couldn't help but feel cheeky, knowing that I had the ability to make her move like that, and not wake that dipshit up.

"That felt so good," she whispered, wrapping my arms around her waist.

"That's nothing," I replied, kissing her jaw again. "I'll give you another one here after the movie, if you'd like... A better one."

She closed her eyes, humming to herself, "I don't know if I can handle it."

"Sure you can."

She smiled, thinking, "Do I have to return the favor?"

"Not unless you wanted to... I'd never force you or demand it. My concern was wanting to get you off."

She sighed, cuddling against me, "maybe I do want to."

"Well," I beamed against her neck as I nestled her against me, "maybe I'll let you."

EdwardPOV

After smoking a few cigarettes out on the deck by the lake, enjoying the stars up above, I re-entered the dark house. All the lights were turned off, as most were too exhausted from the long ass trip to stay up, but I could see the reflection of the television on in the living room.

I strolled in there, trying to find who occupied the remote. Emmett was asleep in the laz-e boy recliner, snoring like a baby. And Rosalie and Jacob looked wrapped up in each other, underneath a blanket that my mom, Esme, made for Bella about five years back. They seemed oddly relaxed into each other, and that made me nauseated.

I dragged my feet back into the kitchen and opened up the always-stocked liquor cabinet beneath the island. I pulled out a bottle of Old Granddad Bourbon, one of the strongest in the world. I used to drink it with my dad when I'd come up here and visit him. This shit is slightly disgusting, but it gets you fucked up after a mere three shots. I poured a few shots into a glass with ice and leaned against the sink, taking in the full moon over the lake. It shined over to my right, and as in took a relaxing breath and a sip of my drink, my mind became suddenly occupied.

FLASH! Bella and I on the patio by the outside fireplace, wrapped up in a blanket and taking in a view of the lighted sky. FLASH! "Do you ever wonder if there's someone that looks identical to us, but standing on the moon, looking back at our direction?" FLASH! I chuckled, pulling her closer against my chest, "What, like a mirrored image?" FLASH! Her fingers intertwining with mine as I locked them around her stomach, refusing to let her go. "Yeah," she whispered into my jaw. "Like an alternate universe, where the exact same thing is happening over there?" FLASH! Burying my face in the back of her hair, soaking up her strawberry-cinnamon scent greedily. "I hope not". FLASH! Her adorable pout, as she asked, "why not?" FLASH! "Well... regardless of how selfish I may sound, I wouldn't want anyone else to have our type of relationship... I kind of enjoy the fact that we're so rare... so happy all the time... I enjoy being able to recognize how special you are, and that you're one of a kind... I want you to remain irreplaceable in my life, so I'll always be aware of how big your extreme importance is in my life... that way I'd never be willing to lose you." FLASH!

"Edward? What are you doing up?"

I turned, finding Alice standing in low-rise white, drawstring pajama pants, and a yellow wife-beater. Her hair was piled up on the top of her head in a small pony-tail, with little pieces that were too short falling back down, around her face and neck. She looked so damn adorable, I had to smile at her.

After all, she is my sunshine.

AlicePOV

God, did he look incredible

He scoffed, rubbing my back before walking over to the island and refilling his glass, "who cares."

"Uh... I don't know."

He chuckled, shaking his head and leaning against the counter. He looked up to the light fixture, running his index finger along the rim of the glass. "I am so over that girl, man."

I hopped up on the island, picking up his bottle and sniffing it. He laughed as he took in my sour expression.

I frowned, "it's not funny."

"It's a little funny," he replied with his signature wink, which caused my breath to fall short.

"So..." I said, trying to regain my heartbeat, "what happened this time?"

He groaned, taking another sip. I watched him slide his hand inside his shirt, rubbing along his stomach, "I don't know. I mean, yes, she has a sweet spot and has put up with my shit. And sure, she's sexy as fuck. I'm not going to lie. But I look at her sometimes, and I find myself wondering if I only keep her around because I don't want to be alone... She's great, the sex is good most times... but it's just not there. Do you know what I mean? I sort of figured I'd grow feelings for her in time... especially by now... but I come up empty." He sighed, drinking more, "Tanya's just the sexy blonde I bring home with me when I don't want to sleep alone."

He scoffed, the puzzled expression on his face not altering, "I'm such a dick."

"No you're not," I shook my head, giving him my best upbeat smile. "Tanya knows how you are, Edward. You guys have this unhealthy on-off-on-off, fight, make up, but never become exclusive boyfriend-girlfriend relationship thing. It's been going on for some time now. I'm sure she's accepted her fate as the replacement party."

"I don't think so, Al. I can see it in her eyes... she wants more. It's like she's expecting me to propose or some shit."

I pursed my lips, taking a big swig of his nasty alcohol from the bottle. "I think it's time you end it then. I think you're ready for it to be over."

He nodded, walking toward me and sitting his glass on the counter, "I think your right..."

I ran my fingers through his hair, scratching his scalp and enjoying the view of him rolling his eyes in the back of his head to my touch. Just tell him, Alice. Tell him how you feel... I felt my heart accelerate, and I dropped my hands. Clearing my throat, I filled his glass with another shot, and drank it myself.

"Alice," he huffed as he licked his lips, "that's going to be enough to knock you out. You're too tiny, sweetheart."

I nodded, finishing the shot. My hands trembled as I sat the glass back on the counter. My knees couldn't stop shaking, my feet refusing to quit twitching. His warm hand fell on my right knee as he stepped to put his forehead on my collar bone, sighing loudly. Tell him, tell him, tell him!

"I'm so glad you're here," he whispered, his hot breath on sending me chills. "You're my most favorite person in this whole world."

I inhaled, my brain swarming with a million thoughts, all including him. "I'm glad I'm here too, E."

His hands lifted mine from my lap, and he spread out my fingers, placing my cold palms on his warm face. I sighed, pressing my nose into his hair.

Edward Cullen has been my best friend since we were three years old. He's been the only man in my life that has never let me down, never hurt me. And for the past three and a half years, I've let this get the best of me, and have fallen secretly in love with him, ever since we moved in together. I've watched him go through sporadic relationships, my heart aching for him when it goes south, which it always does. We've helped each other bail out on dates, pretended to be each other’s lovers to avoid being asked out... We stay up late curled up on the couch, sharing a tub of popcorn while watching old movies. We talk about everything, even things we wouldn't tell anyone else, not even our own reflections. We've seen each other at our best’s and worst’s. I wouldn't be here without him. He's helped me through some really rough patches, like when my best friend of seven years, Tasha, died in a car accident. And I've tried to be there for him too, as much as I can. Our families are close, and my mom loves him.. There are no secrets between us, besides this little one of mine.

And sometimes, he pulls me to him and gives me a crooked smile... and I find myself wondering if he feels the same for me as I do him, but may not realize it yet?

Edward lifted his head, his eyes still closed. I stroked his jaw and bottom lip with my thumbs as my heart grew heavier. It killed me to be this close to him sometimes. Almost making me masochistic, since I'd never miss an opportunity to be around him, or to feel him like this... Because regardless of how much pain I'll be in, or how many tears I'll cry over him by morning... I find myself constantly enjoying his presence.

I know the real him. I see the him that isn't so cocky, or flashy. He'll give me a smile, and I'll see that little boy I pushed on the tire swing when we were little. The thirteen-year-old boy who beat up the bully on the basketball court after he pushed me down and made me cry. The fifteen-year-old who taught me how to drive a stick. And the nineteen-year-old who begged me to never leave him, saying how his life couldn't possibly make sense without me.

I brushed my lips across his forehead, and he hummed softly. All you have to do is lift his face, Alice. Just lift it up and kiss him. Nervously, I licked my lips and raised his chin with my index finger. My heart was racing as he opened his green eyes slowly, focusing in on mine. I felt my chest splitting in two from the push in my head and the pull of fear of rejection battling it out. My breath hitched as his hands found my hips, and my bottom teeth pulled in my top lip to suck on it. I was stalling, and knew it. But I've never been this terrified in my life.

"What are you thinking?" he whispered, as he tilted his head to my right, drowning me with his diamond eyes.

"Um..." I struggled to respond, my voice shaky. I chewed the inside of my bottom lip, so scared that I was almost in tears. It felt as if my entire body was an earthquake, shaking at no end in sight. "I'm...I-I..." I closed my eyes, trying to breathe correctly. I couldn't focus, couldn't stop shaking.

His hand brushed my jaw line. His voice was velvety smooth, and soft. Gentle. "Alice, what's on your mind? You look like you're about to cry..."

I nodded, closing my eyes and feeling betrayed when a single tear slid down my cheek. I heard him sigh and felt him move between my legs. Suddenly, my entire body was engulfed with his warmth and smell as his arms pushed me into his chest. He held me close, hugging me tight. I buried my eyes into his shoulder, trying to will myself away from having a panic attack. More tears escaped my eyes, soaking his white shirt. His hands began to run along my back, and without realizing it, his touch caused me more pain. All I wanted him to do was yank me off this bar and kiss me. Just... truly kiss me, with a passion that proved he wanted to do it. That he wanted me. I gripped his shirt with my fingers in my turmoil, feeling more vulnerable by the second as I sobbed against him.

"Shh," he whispered, pulling me gently off the counter.

I wrapped my legs around him, burying my face in his neck. I felt him carrying me up steps of some sort, but I didn't dare to look to see where. My entire body was a rusted car wreck, bundled together too tight and trembling against his warm frame. I hated being like this around him. Normally, I was the bubbly, bouncy girl, who danced around the kitchen and put on fake concerts for him while singing into the spatula I was cooking spaghetti with. Now, I was a defeated, vibrating slab of skin, sobbing in his ear like a two-year-old. I felt so lonely, and I hated it. I didn't want to be in love with someone, feeling unsure on whether or not they loved me back. And most of all, I hated not being able to talk to anyone about it. He was my best friend, the only person I confided in. There was no way I could talk to him about this. And Emmett, he figured it out about three months back, but I've remained solid on my denials... all the way until now.

I felt him sitting on a bed, me still in his arms. "Here we go," he whispered, soothing me as he rubbed my back. "Let's get you into bed so that you'd be more comfortable, and then we can talk, is that all right?"

I shook my head, clutching him tighter. There was no way in hell I was going to allow him to let me go now. I didn't want him to see me like this. I needed to pull it together first. His hands glided up my spine to my neck. He gently removed the pony-tail from my short hair, allowing it to fall around my face, full of volume. I inhaled his scent, sighing into his neck.

"Why are you trembling, sweetheart?" he asked, his hands rubbing my arms frivolously.

I shrugged, unable to speak. After a few minutes of relaxing my breathing, I reluctantly allowed him to pull me back. My puffy, glazed eyes found his beautiful equally-glazed ones, and my heart stopped instantly. Why did he have to be so perfect, even in his imperfectways? Why did his fingers know how to soothe me? Why did his smile melt permanently into my soul?

"E-Edward," I mumbled, my lip quivering. Gosh, just get it out, Alice. The quicker you get it out, the better you'll feel. "I need to talk to you." I swallowed, the pain escaping through my eyes.

He wrapped his hands under my arms and behind me, his fingers locking on the small of my back. "Sure. Anything."

I took a deep breath, feeling the scared emotions crawling back up my body, "it's about.. me... a-and..." I closed my eyes, shaking my head as another tear fell. Gosh, this was so hard! Why did it have to be this hard?

"Me... and..?" he dipped his head gently, trying to get me to talk.

My trembling voice was a faint whisper, and I couldn't catch my breath. "Me... and... um..." I inhaled, refusing my lungs the correct amount of air, "um..."

"Go ahead, love. It's all right."

"Um... i-it's about me, and .... y-you," I exhaled, getting the first part out. Step one.

He nodded, rubbing my back with his locked fingers, "okay... what's up?"

I sighed, looking down to my lap. There was no way I could do this. He was too clueless, which meant he couldn't possibly feel this way about me. He doesn't feel the same way, Alice. My tears escaped me again, and I caved into him, collapsing in his arms almost.

He refused to let me fall into him, holding me firm in his grip. "Please tell me, Alice. Was it something I did?"

I nodded, more tears falling from my damp lashes.

"What did I do?" he whispered, rubbing my arms. "Tell me, and I'll fix it."

I shook my head, trembling again, "I can't tell you."

"Yes you can. I'd never want to hurt you, Alice."

I sobbed louder, wishing I never came downstairs earlier, and never stuck myself in this horrible mess of emotions and extreme vulnerability, "I can't."

"Yes you can. You can, Alice. Please."

I shook my head, the pain in my chest taking me over.

"Please?" he sighed, and I could tell he was getting nervous. Almost nervous as me.

I shook my head again, "you'll think I'm stupid."

"Alice," he chuckled, rubbing my back, "I'd never think that. Never have, never will."

"You will tonight," I cried.

"I promise I won't."

I sighed as his eyes found mine again. I cradled his face in my cold, shaken hands. I chewed my lip, taking a deep breath.

His eyes were so warm, so inviting as he held onto my body so tight.

I closed my eyes, not breathing any longer. Then I pushed my lips to his. Forcefully.

Because if I was going to blur the lines, I needed to make it count.

EdwardPOV

She crushed her warm lips to mine, causing me to tense instantly. But she refused to move, and I could feel the tears sliding from her eyes, along my cheeks as our faces were pressed against each other. I didn't know what to think, or what to do. This couldn't be what she was trying to tell me, what she was getting all worked up over... Could it?

No, it had to be something else... the alcohol? Was it that we were both intoxicated? Lonely? Both confused for different reasons, of course? Maybe she just needed comforting, or maybe she was afraid to be alone, like I was? Maybe she'd thought I'd feel she was stupid for feeling the same way as I did about loneliness, and she thought I'd joke around with her about it...

I found her face, gently pulling her away from my mouth so I can breathe. "Alice, what are you-"

She shook her head, crushing my lips to hers as her hand found the back of my head, pulling me close to her. My body reacted to her aggressiveness, and as she pushed her chest into mine, getting closer to me, a million thoughts of panic and lust crossed over me in a heavy mixture. She wrapped her arms around my neck, grinding against me with more force. Then she forced me down on her bed, climbing up on me.

I parted my lips to gather air from her firm attempts, but she took advantage of that, molding hers with mine. I felt her tongue slide into my mouth and could hear her sobbing still, and her body was trembling beyond point of reason at this point. "Mmm-mmm," I couldn't make out any words, and she just shook her head, refusing me, while gripping my hair tighter in her hands. I was so confused, I began kissing her back without thinking about it. My right hand was still on her back, my left hand finding her neck and pushing her onto me so I could slide my tongue into her mouth. I cannot believe that we were fucking doing this. We've gone twenty years knowing each other, and have never, ever kissed or had any type of relationship beyond close friendship. Yet, here we were, allowing this fragile moment to overtake us.

She was an amazing kisser. Oh my God. As her body began to relax over mine, her kisses became slower, sensual. Sexy, even. And I'd never allow myself to ever think Alice was sexy, not like this anyway. Sure, she was through my friendship eye, but never through my sexual eye. I gasped when our lips parted, but lifted my face, not allowing us to break for long. I didn't know what the hell was going on, and I couldn't figure out why we were allowing this to happen. But my heart was beating inside my throat, and my body was lit on fire with arousal. So of course I'd react to this. I'm only human.

I gripped her arms, pulling her harder against my chest, allowing her to slightly moan in my mouth. She felt so warm against my skin, flourishing me more. I'd never been this turned on, not since Bella. Of course, this didn't have the same effect as Bella did for me, but this ranked a decent second by far. And I've been with a few girls to really put some thought into my ranking system.

But as her tongue trailed along mine, so slowly and enduringly, it made me realize that we just went over the fucking hill of best friends. I rolled over her, to try and stop us, but as she threw her legs around me, I felt my body react again to her again. I kissed her harder, with more passion. Her fingers dove into my hair, running along the back of my head and down my neck, causing me to shiver. I ground my body between her thighs, feeling her warmth on my jeans. Surrounding me... Intoxicating.

"Alice," I panted, pulling myself up on my elbows to try and take my weight off of her. I was afraid to fucking crush her, she was so tiny, "what the fuck are we doing?"

She yanked my head back down, forcing her tongue between my lips. I allowed her access, moaning into her mouth. My body began to grow hotter, more aroused by the second. And I was confused as fuck. I just turned down Tanya a few hours ago, and here I was, frolicking with my best friend in the entire world, in a double-bed room. She crushed her legs around my waist, forcing me down on her harder. "Edward," she whispered, her mouth trailing to my chin, "I want you." She licked from my jaw, down to my neck, her fingers curling into my hair. My heart pounded through my chest. She wanted me? Holy fuck. What the hell do I do? She tugged on me, her fingers in my belt loops, begging for more contact. I rolled over us back over, and my hands found her hips, holding her steady. She thrusted her body against mine again, creating a warm fricition between my jeans and her think white pants. Forward, backward, hard, soft. She moaned, her hands tangling in my shirt.

I gripped her hips, pulling her body up. I caught a glimpse of her hooded eyes as she fastened her fingers to my shoulders, and it was such a fucking turn on. All I could think about was being inside of her, of tasting her. So I continued to pull her, to where she was straddling my chest. Then, holding her there, I lifted my body to a sitting position, my hands supporting her back and neck, and stood up. Her eyes were wide as her knees were along my shoulders. I gave her my crooked smile, causing her to roll her eyes in the back of her head. Then I leaned her over Emmett's bed, me above her again. I lowered my face into her shirt, inhaling her scent. Lilac, I think. So sexy.

I continued my trail, pulling her shirt up her chest and licking along her abdomen, down and around her belly button. She gasped, arching her back. Begging me for more. I continued my path, spreading her legs, breathing my hot breath over her thin pants... along her waistband, then the pelvic bone.. lower... I could smell her sweet arousal, and it only obliterated my mind more. I pressed my mouth against her, causing her to moan loudly. I hummed against her skin, soaking in that shit. God, what is she doing to me? Where the fuck were our heads right now? I pushed my face into her warmth again, causing her to gasp and hum, gripping my shoulders. She smelled so fucking delicious, it almost caused me to shoot off right there.

I was torn between what I wanted to do. And the dizziness from Old Grand Dad wasn't helping my judgement. Half of me wanted to rip her pants off and devour her whole, begging to hear her moan my name until she couldn't speak, and the other half wanted to just sink inside her so deep, so violent, and break this fucking bed frame. I let out my tongue, licking her through the thin fabric, up between her folds. "Not yet!" she gasped, making my decision for me as she pulled me up to her.

I smiled, kissing her neck again, licking along her ear. "God, you taste so sweet," I whispered into her ear, causing her to shiver underneath me. She rolled us over, climbing up on me, and grinding her hips harder into me. I gripped her petite body, forcing her to move again. Up, down, up, down. My erection was straining against my jeans, but the contact felt too good to resist, even if it was dry. I threw my head back, forcing her to be rougher on me. "Open your eyes," she panted, her nails running inside my shirt. I did, just enough time to see her smile at me. Then she yanked off her yellow tank top, revealing to me her small, but beautifully round breasts. I gasped, my eyes widening as I took in the view. What in the hell was going on here? How did we get here? Why aren't we stopping? I leaned up, kissing a trail along her collar bones, jerking her small frame against me. I felt her hands on my shirt, yanking it up from the back. Once she drew it to my shoulders, I stopped sucking on her neck for just enough time to allow her to pull it off. Then I crushed my warm lips back against her tight skin, licking first, then sucking harder... and harder... and harder... I almost wanted to draw blood, I was so filled and overtaken with lust.

She moaned, throwing her head back as she gripped my shoulders. Her body trembled with my touch, as I leaned her back, trailing kisses from her chin, down her neck, between her breasts... I continued to lean her back, kissing her abdomen, trailing lower again. I wanted to taste her... Her knees were bent along my shoulders, and she moaned loudly, pushing her pelvis against mine. "Please, oh, don't stop." she cried to me, humming slightly. "I'm not," I whispered, nuzzling my face in her skin between her breasts. She gasped, pushing harder against me as I brought her back up to straddle me. She shoved me back, climbing to her feet between the beds. She grabbed my jeans, yanking me closer to her, my butt almost falling off the bed. She unfastened my button and zipper, and looked up at me. I smiled at her, still confused as fuck on water. She returned the expression, looking beyond lusted, applying gentle kisses along my stomach, at the waistband of my jeans.

The alcohol was beyond settled in my body, and the lights began to blur and blend above me. And with her few shots, I knew she was gone too.

I felt her hot breath on my skin as she lowered my jeans. I heard her gasp, and I popped my head up, to see if she was all right. Then I noticed she had me in her right hand, fully erect. And it was fucking weird, and hot, and confusing to see Alice, my best friend, on her knees, holding my dick, which was turned on because of what she was doing. She began to stroke it lightly, wrapping her tiny fingers around me as tight as she could. I gasped, throwing my head back in the sheets as I let out a groan.

It felt so good, but so wrong at the same time.

I felt her hot breath come closer, and right as I gasped, she had me in her mouth. "Oh God," I groaned again, overwhelmed by how her small mouth began to take more of me. I heard her exhaling and knew she was struggling as she tried to push it further. But she seemed so relaxed, and it felt really good... Too good...

FLASH! Bella and I in my bedroom at my parents house. FLASH! Bella gasping as she took me in her hands for the first time. FLASH! "Edward, I don't know how to do this!" she said, her face blushing that adorable color I love so much. FLASH! Me, unable to take my eyes off of her. "Bella, you don't have to do it if you don't want to. I'd never force you." FLASH! "I know, but I want to... a lot." FLASH! I chuckled, throwing my head back, "why do you want to so bad?" FLASH! "Because... I want to make you feel good... and... maybe I'd like you to return the favor some day..."FLASH! "What?" I replied, my eyes wide in shock as I couldn't believe my shy, beautiful, innocent girlfriend just said that. God, she had this easy ability to unhinge me. She was so adrorable. FLASH! "It's true," she confessed with a fascinated smile. "I want to do everything with you one day... We might as well practice now, right?" FLASH!

My eyes popped open and I lost my breath, sitting straight up. "Stop. Stop Alice," I pushed her back gently, my hands on her shoulders. Her eyes were wide in shock, and her mouth was open.

I shook my head, suddenly feeling really shitty, and really into a panic, "we can't. We can't. I'm sorry. We can't do this."

She stood up, covering her chest. "E-Edward? What's wrong?" she looked petrified, "d-did I do something?"

I found her shirt, throwing it over her body and covering her up, "no Alice, it's me. This is my fault."

Then I fastened my jeans back up, my heart pounding out of my chest. A big wave of heat crushed over my face, and I felt like I could faint, this mixture between confusion, guilt, lust, anger, and everything between surrounding me completely. I felt like I suddenly just got caught doing something really shady by my parents. I found my shirt, throwing it back on. She grabbed a hold of my waist, looking more startled, "tell me what I did, please. I'm sorry, I thought you wanted t-"

I cut her off, shaking my head, "Alice, I did, at the moment, but... I can't do this. Not with you. You're my best friend, and it's wrong to get caught up in lust and risk everything. I don't want to lose you in my life."

"Edward, do you remember when you asked me if you did something and I said yes?" she asked, throwing her arms over her chest.

I nodded, swallowing hard as my body began to tremble.

"Well.. what you did is... You made me fall in love with you. I'm in love with you. I have been for three years. So you won't have to lose me... because I love you."

I froze. Like a sculpture.

My hands on her arms still, my lips parted, my eyes locked on hers.

I couldn't think.

It seemed like the moments dragged on, but no words came to mind.

She swallowed, her eyes bouncing from side to side between my eyes, "s-say something."

I raised my eyebrows, still unable to move my body anywhere else.

"Edward..." her lip began to quiver, "please say something."

I exhaled, my chest caving in.

A tear slid down her cheek, making all the reality of the past hour or so slam over me. I felt guilty as fuck.

And more confused than ever... except for one thing.

"I love you too, Alice," I said, for the first time to a girl. And meant it.

She exhaled heavily, her hand on her chest. She was shocked, and I could tell she didn't hear me how I needed her to hear me.

"But..." I said, my voice as faint as a whisper, "...I love Bella, too. ...and I loved her first."

She took a step back, sitting unsteadily on Emmett's bed. Her hands trembling in her lap.

I looked down to my feet, feeling like it couldn't get worse than this. "I was in love with her, Alice."

She let out a faint breath, falling into herself for a second, "h-how do you know? You never told me that before."

"I never told her either."

She looked up, sniffling through her constant tears of rejection that I couldn't help take away from her, "she moved on, Edward. I saw them before I found you in the kitchen. T-They were downstairs, by the pool on the lounge chairs. They were making out. Hard core. Him on top of her on that stupid plastic chair. And... Bella was smiling. She was happy... without you..."

I nodded, my body beginning to buckle in the circumstance.

"She moved on, Edward. It was very clear."

I walked over to her and she scooted back from me, in the middle of Emmett's bed.

"Alice," I whispered, slowly extending to touch her leg, "I wish I knew of your feelings for me before we got so carried away... things would have turned out very different. I don't mean to reject you, and believe me, if I wasn't so fucked up, I would be with you. I know how much you mean to me, and I don't ever want to lose you in my life... I know you feel the same about me, even though you're hurting pretty bad right now... I wish I could take this pain away from you, make it right like I'd normally do. ...But... I can't. Not because I wouldn't want to, because any other time... You know... But, I just... I'm so sorry..."

"You're not ready to move on yet," she finished my sentence, her red eyes slowly looking up to meet mine.

I nodded, swallowing the cardboard feeling out of my throat. "I know, it's weird how I can be with someone else, like Tanya, whom I don't even give a shit about... but not you. And I don't know if I could ever be with Bella again, especially after everything we've put eachother through... but I'm unable to let that final piece go yet."

It hurt to hear the words come out, even from a different body.

It made it all reality at this very moment.

"Alice, I love you..." I whispered, bending down to hug her, though she didn't hug me back.

"But you have to go," she whispered.

I kissed the top of her head gently, allowing a tear to fall from my eye on top of her head.

"Please don't hate me," I whispered, my hands trembling as I rubbed her arm.

"...I'd never hate you Edward," she sobbed, her voice shaken and broken as she tried to speak between gasps of air, "but I can't stop loving you either."

I nodded, unable to remove my face from her head yet as I began to cry with her. God, this was horrible. All my fault, once again.

I kissed her head a few more times, trying to catch a breath, "I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry."

"Go, Edward," she cried, her hand patting me on my chest and lightly pushing me back, "you need to go and just clear your head... Get yourself sorted... I'll be fine, I promise."

"Alice.."

"Please..." she cried, covering her mouth for a few seconds. She blinked, moving further away from me. "Please... Just go."

I bit my lip, shoving my hands in my pocket as I stepped back from her. "I really do love you, Alice. You'll always be that first girl I told."

She sobbed louder, nodding her head, "I really love you too, Edward. But I'll also always be that girl you'll... never be able to fall in love with."

And then my heart broke.

Right there.

With that statement.

Because it was true.

And sad.

I backed up to the door, my stomach falling lower to the ground with each step. I listened to her sobs, getting louder as I opened the door. Then I pushed myself out, before I ran over there and made a bigger mistake, by trying to make it right... for her, but not me. In a very wrong way...

*&*#!#$^%$^

I spent the next hour smoking cigarettes on the front porch. And freaking out. Then smoking some more... until I ran out of cigarettes. Then I gave myself a headache.

And once I began to drink again, I almost made myself get sick.

I couldn't figure out how quickly I let things get so fucked up. Why didn't I see the signs?

It wasn't like Alice to throw herself at people... I mean, sure, she liked to tease and flirt... but she brought two men home last year. Two. That's it. For a single girl with no set person to hook up with, that looks that good and is that incredibly sweet... that's rare. She has standards, high standards... and now she's telling me that she is in love with me, and that I pretty much top those standards.

Me

Yep. That's me.

I buried my face into my hands again, rubbing my eyes fervently. I had no fucking idea how things were going to be between Alice and I from here on out. And it scared me shitless to think about us losing our friendship. I'd never be able to make it through without her. She was my best friend.

I growled, forcing myself to get up, since I was almost frostbit in the cold weather. I jogged inside, and headed toward the living room. I shook Emmett, telling him to get in bed. I told him to check on Alice, that she seemed upset, but I didn't know why. I knew she wouldn't tell him what happened, but if she wasn't all right, I knew he'd come find me if it were serious.

Then I saw Tanya lying on the couch asleep. I thought about waking her up, but knew I didn't want her in that bed with me. I didn't want to deal with her; I didn't need her bitching or trying shit. So I left her there.

As I was heading toward the steps to get to my room, I noticed a door halfway opened, with blue lights reflecting on the hard wood floor.

I tilted my head, opening the door slightly.

Then my breath stopped.

There Bella was, folded with her knees to her chest, hugging a copy of Mansfield Park and a tiny notepad to her chest tightly.

Jasper wasn't around her, but I figured he wouldn't have left her there. She probably told him to go on up to bed, that she wanted to read for awhile. There was nothing that could compare to a good book in Bella's eyes.

I sat beside her in the next chair, watching the blue water reflecting on her face from the yellow lights in the pool and on the ceiling. She looked so beautiful, so peaceful in her own little world. And safe. She was cuddled up wearing a long white sweater that could be tied in front. The sleeves were too long, and covering her hands. Her long, chestnut hair was curled between her shoulder and her cheek, flowing down along her chest. Her long eyelashes were placed gently along her high cheek bones, so tender it could melt your heart.

I sighed, shaking my head.

I knew I needed to move on from her, that we'd never have a chance again.

There was no way she could forgive me for what I did and didn't do, and I wasn't too sure whether or not I could forgive her either.

But I still cared for her, despite my actions. And hers.

I closed my eyes and leaned forward, tucking my arms beneath her light, warm body. I lifted her up with my legs, tucking her into my chest as I stood. Her head fell onto my right shoulder, and I caught a whiff of her beautiful scent, strawberries and cinnamon, just as I remembered the last time we were this close. Again, I felt my body begin to ache as I pulled her against me, walking out of the room. Her books stayed nestled between her chest and mine, but I didn't mind. I held my breath as I trailed out the door, and up the two sets of stairs lightly.

As I passed the second story, I heard sobbing come from three doors down, followed by a, "shhhh... I've got you, come here," in a soft but hoarse just-woken-up voice. Emmett was comforting Alice... just as I knew he would. Because though that mother fucker could put on a show and pretend he doesn't care, he does. He always has. And he loved Alice like a little sister... and would probably give me a lot of hell in the morning if he finds out what I did.

I continued my tour, all the way up to the third story. She sighed, nuzzling her face into my shoulder, without recognizing it. It caused me to freeze in the hallway, unable to breathe. I looked down at her, and keeping her up with my right arm, I swept the hair out of her face with my left hand... and she was smiling at me. In her sleep.

Like she used to.

I scoffed, forcing myself to move again. She probably thinks you're Jasper or some shit.

Turning and backing up, I carefully and quietly opened her bedroom door, trying not to wake him up. I noticed him sleeping on his back, fully dressed and above the covers. I bit my lip, walking around the bed to her side. I leaned in, placing her gently onto the comforter. Then I pulled the white fabric from under her, and took off her shoes. She was still sound asleep as I went to cover her up.

I leaned in forward, soaking myself with her scent. I felt like a dumbass as another tear fell from my eye, but I couldn't help it. I was really fucked up. Both emotionally, physically, and now, drunkenly. I wished I could curl up in the smell of her and drown happily... but knew I couldn't.

Though I knew it'd kill me, there had to be one other thing I could do... something I did anytime I'd tuck her in at night. I made sure Jasper was sleeping, then bent down and pressed my lips to her right cheek, by her ear. Lingering. Exhaling along her skin. Then I gave her a slight hug, but as I stood up, I felt her arms come around my neck, in a sleeping reaction. I froze again, suddenly nervous he was going to wake up and freak out on both of us. That was the last thing I needed. I shouldn't even bee in here.

I found her warm hands behind my neck and pried them loose, but as I pulled, she grasped a hold of my shirt, mumbling something incoherent in her sleep. I tried to pull her fingers from me, but she gripped tighter. I found her forearm, and holding my breath, I pulled it away. I heard a snap and a slight cylinder echo, as something pinched my neck, and I noticed Jasper moving over to his side, facing us. I ducked down on her side of the bed, cursing under my breath. After a few seconds of silence, I looked back up, swallowing hard.

They were asleep. Sound asleep.

With that note, I exhaled, moving the hair from her eyes. "Night, Bells." Then I jogged out of the room, lightly closing the door.

I didn't know what that sound was, but at the moment, I didn't care.

I was feeling woozy from all the alcohol and cigarettes and drama I've been consumed with since I woke up this morning and decided to come on this fucking trip. I closed my door behind me, locking it.

Then I fell backward on my bed, praying for lightning to come and strike me dead, and put me out of my misery.

BellaPOV

When I woke up, the sun was shining bright through my A-frame window, directly into my eyes.

I moaned, catching a glance at the alarm clock before rolling over and throwing the covers of my eyes.

I so wasn't ready to wake up yet. Not at nine in the morning... not on winter break.

I felt the bed moving and pulled the covers off my head, completely aware of the static electricity floating from my head to the pillow now.

Jasper was wide awake, sitting cross legged, dressed in his new outfit, dangling a chain on his fingers.

After taking a few seconds and focusing my eyes, I recognized it and my heart stopped.

I shot up in the bed, causing him to jump a little. "Where did you get that?" I asked panting.

He shrugged, looking confused, "it was in the bed. Isn't it yours?"

I suddenly felt a massive panic attack come on. I covered my forehead, breathing heavily.

"Um..." I stumbled, feeling a wave of heat crash over my face, "J-Jasper, can you, um, get me some ice water? I'm not feeling so well."

He jolted out of the bed, dropping the necklace on the covers. "Sure sweetie. I'll be right back."

"Thanks."

I waited until he left for the full panic to wash over me. I crawled over to the necklace, grasping it in my fingers.

Where is it?! I panicked, my heart about to explode from my throat.

I scrounged around, lifting the blankets, digging in the bed. After a few moments of shear panic, I found it.

I gasped, my hand clasping over my mouth.

Did Jasper find this? Was he reading my journal?

Is it mine?

Or is it...

I lost my breath.

FLASH! Edward sneaking into my bedroom through the window, and crawling over into my bed. FLASH! "Edward!" I shouted, my hand covering my face. "What are you doing here?" FLASH! He climbed under the covers, scooting his warm body to mine as he pulled me in his arms. FLASH! "I was worried about you tonight... I know it's been rough. I had to come over here and check on you." FLASH! I nuzzled my face into his chest, sniffling against his shirt. "Thank you." FLASH! Edward letting me cry on his chest for hours, rubbing my back and cradling my head. FLASH! "Bella, look at me," he whispered, as he pulled my face up to his. FLASH! "I brought you something... I want you to have it. Will you open your hands for me?" FLASH! I nodded, opening my hands, feeling something cold fall into it. I lifted my hands in the dim lights of the room, examining it in shock and awe. "What is it?" FLASH! "Well," he whispered back, "it's called a Gemini ring. I had it made for us, by this artist in Italy... Patrick Maltoki. He's a friend of Esme's... Do you know what it means?" FLASH! I shook my head as he caressed my face, wiping the tears from under my lashes. FLASH! "Well, according to astrology, it's noted as 'The Twins'. So... when things happen that we don't understand... like last week... I want you to know that you're never alone, Bella. You don't have to go through this pain by yourself... See? I have one too. Because your pain is my pain." FLASH! Edward showing me how to place the chain through the delicate, platinum ring. Then he instructed me to put it around his neck, while he put mine around his. FLASH! "I'll never take this off, Bella... You're with me, always." FLASH!

The tears began to flow as I trembled, studying the unique puzzled ring in between my fingers. Then my breathing hitched as I climbed off the bed, searching for my journal. I found it on the nightstand, beneath my book. I couldn't remember even coming up here last night... I last remembered dozing off in the lounge chair...

I yanked the book open, pulling it to where I last wrote. And there mine was, still on the chain, twisted around the spiral binding and floating as a bookmark.

So this must be his... which means he never took it off... after all these years.

He kept his word.

"Oh my God!" I moaned, covering my mouth and dropping the notebook.

This just changed everything. Again.

And I didn't know what to do, or what direction we were headed in.

Or why I was still angry.

Or why I couldn't lower my heartbeat...

Or why all I wanted to do was go in there and rip his head off, and hug him at the same time...

----AUTHOR'S NOTES----

This didn't feel right. Something was about to come out that shouldn't, I could feel it.