Velox: Apparently I'm a monster for attempting to make funeral processions seem comedic. All in a day's work then! Read and review or this'll happen to you. If you're lucky that is. And hey that rhymed.

"OOWWW!"

Tyson took a step back as he clumsily grasped to figure out his surroundings. He was shrouded in a black atmosphere that distorted his vision. The teen could only sense the motion of people and objects surrounding him.

"OOPS SORRY!"

"Oh! My bad!"

"Damn...uh...is that you Kai?" Awkward hands clamped unto the closest body and fumbled over it until they reached a special area known as 'Rei's ass.'

"That isn't Kai's!" Tyson exclaimed.

"What the—Tyson!" Rei blushed up a storm as he edged away from the blind molester. Couldn't he wait until after the funeral to grope people?

"Geez it was an accident," Tyson apologized, "I CANT...SEE...ANYTHING...WITH THIS...THING ON!" The cause for Tyson's blindness was sitting on his head and covering his entire face. No matter how hard he adjusted and turned the widow's mourning veil, things still looked dark and disfigured.

"It's a funeral and we're supposed to be grieving. What else was I supposed to wear?" Tyson reasoned.

"A nice black hat would have sufficed," Kai said flipping his long black scarf.

Those with proper vision could see that the Bladebreakers were the only ones present at Fred Klaxton's funeral service. It was being held at Haruki cemetery with a closed casket waiting to be buried. The procession had started over an hour ago and not one living soul had bothered to show up. Everything was starting off wrong right down to the weather. It was a bright sunny day and usually pathetic fallacy teaches us that it should have been raining wet.

"What a tragedy," Max whimpered.

"Yeah we struggled into skin tight dark suits and no one else even got to see them," Kai responded disappointingly.

"There was an announcement in the paper and on the P-feiffer Funeral Home website," Max recalled, "People must have realized he died. Why didn't anyone show up?"

"They were too busy celebrating," Rei thought.

The beybladers waited patiently and each sat down on a row of chairs that had been left out. After another aimless and quiet hour passed Tyson let out an exasperated sigh. He angrily ripped off the veil and threw it unto the ground revealing his messed up bangs.

"Ok that's it!" Tyson resolved. "I'm sick of waiting here for the mass of people not coming. Let's go."

The rest of the team nodded their heads reluctantly and sat up. Just as the boys were ready to make their way out of the cemetery, an elderly woman in a black pantsuit rushed towards the gathering. She headed straight for the grave and turned to the group of bladers huddled together.

"Hello, I'm Celia Nori," The woman said introducing herself, "I hope I'm not too late."

"Uh...no not at all." Max lied.

Celia gazed longingly at the casket and revelled, "He was one of my oldest and dearest friends. I...just..wanted one last chance to say goodbye..."

"Would you like to say a few words about him?" Max suggested.

The woman hesitated and then finally gave in saying, "If there's no other orators present."

Tyson immediately looked at Kai who explained that 'an orator' was someone who gave speeches. It wasn't the 'type of job' Tyson had been thinking of.

Celia Nori got up in front of the casket and the Bladebreakers sat down to listen. Surely there had to have been more to Fred Klaxton than he had lead them to believe.

"It is a sad day for all mankind. Not only have we lost one of our greatest and dearest friends but we also have to deal with the disappointing eyesore that is this casket." Celia glanced at the pinebox and sobbed a few short cries. "He was a great benefit to the world and ensured that it became a better place. I'm sure many people never even knew that he helped in a leper colony for 4 years or that he was the one who cancelled Star Trek. Most importantly he donated most of his life savings to the children's hospital and funded their projects."

"HE HELPED LEPERS?"

"He liked children?"

"HE HAD A FRIEND?"

"Yes." Celia Nori continued with no notice of the beybladers' comments. "It is a tragic day indeed. Albert Lewis was a compassionate and trus—"

"WHO?" Tyson interrupted.

"Albert Lewis." Celia innocently repeated.

"This funeral isn't for Albert Lewis it's for Fred Klaxton!" Max stated.

"The Lewis service is scheduled for tomorrow." Mr. P-feiffer said suddenly appearing from out of the trees.

"Oh!" Celia Nori realized. "Fred Klaxton? Wasn't he the one who lived next to the Granger dojo?"

"Yes." And with that resolute reply, the elderly woman kicked the coffin with such brute force that it almost completely tumbled over. The sister of the travelling pantsuit daintily made her way out as the Bladebreakers sat motionless in their chairs.

While the rest of the team struggled to cope with what had just happened, Rei got up to say his last respects. While he certainly hadn't been fond of the old geezer, he figured what Tyson had said about courteous obligations was true. Rei stood at the casket and contemplated about the disparity of death. An overwhelming feeling took over his body and consumed his mind. Was it guilt? No. Sadness? Maybe. Anxiety? That wasn't it.

He could hardly find the words to describe the sensation. It was strange...powerful...and...

It was Rei's narcolepsy was kicking in.

"Oh crap."

The Chinese beyblader fell in the open grave intended for Mr. Klaxton.

"WHAT THE HELL? Christ Rei!" Tyson and Kai frantically scrambled to rescue their sunken teammate. Max, on the other hand, was preoccupied with the depressing outcome of the barren funeral.

"We did all we could. Mr. Klaxton is in someone else's hands now." The blond blader decided.

"And for the moment he's in mine." Mr. P-feiffer piped in. He was holding a snow white urn along with a look of severe discomfort on his face.

"Um...what's in there?" Max asked.

"Fred Klaxton is."

"But I thought he was the only body in there!" Max pointed to the coffin and glanced down at the deep grave. Rei was snoring away whilst completely covered in dirt. Kai and Tyson were devising ways to get him out without the basic necessities of rope, smoke signals and the entire crew of the Titanic rescue mission.

"Mr. Klaxton wasn't meant to be cremated." Mr. P-feiffer explained. "It was all a terrible mistake. I knew we shouldn't have hired a high school student!"

"MAN REI IS HEAVY!"

"I gave him a piggyback ride before during the China tournament. We should remind him to lay off the pie!"

"My sincerest apologies." Mr. P-feiffer said to Max. "We ensure no disrespect to Mr. Klaxton's honor."

"Eww Kai there's a worm over there!"

"It saw your face and burrowed away. Help me get Rei up!"

"How long are we gonna be down here? I don't want to stink!"

"Too late."

"What does that mean?"

"Nothing! Can we get back to saving Rip Van Winkle over here?"

"Fine. But we better hurry before it becomes Mr. Klaxton's grave: party of two. Population: Rei and Fred. "

"This is a one of a kind cloisonné urn." Mr. P-feiffer pitched. "Imported from China with intricate enamel filling and polished silver finishing. This would run you for about $105 but because of recent circumstances I'll give it to you for a mere $95."

Max stood dumbfounded at such a bargain. The stereotype at him being blond, young and stupid was in effect.

"I'm not paying a cent for your urn. You can dump Mr. P-feiffer's ashes in a water bottle for all I care!"

Before Mr. P-feiffer could react to such an outburst Max snatched the urn from his hands and ran away. The funeral director merely watched as a grief stricken little boy raced off clutching the cause of his demise. Max wanted only to escape from the dismal confines of the cemetery. Mr. P-feiffer looked around the empty chairs and finally settled on not adding the urn to the bill.

"Feet first Kai! We have to push him with his feet up!" Tyson yelled.

"We can't push Rei by his head! We could damage his brain...MORE!" Kai screamed back.

"Maybe you can use your scarf as a lasso and Max can just drag him out!" Tyson proposed.

"You mean if I don't choke you with my scarf first!" Kai shouted.

Mr. P-feiffer gathered up his belongings and sighed at the outcome of events. "What a tragedy. But at least I wasn't the only one who saw the skin tight suits those boys were wearing." He shuddered as he walked along the path leading outside Haruki cemetery.

"Max will help us get out of here!"

"Hn. Sure."

"He will! Won't you Max?"

Kai grabbed and turned Rei's body so his head was facing up. Tyson continued to cry out to the silence.

"Max Tate! Maxie! Max! Uh...Max are you still there? ANSWER ME MAX!"

"Looks like its going to be Klaxton's grave: party of four."