Note: I don’t usually write oneshots, but I really wanted to write one. In Kairi’s POV. Enjoy!

+.+.+

Aitai
(I Want To Love You)

I got your message as I was coming home from school. When I read it, it scared me half to death. You’re coming to visit for New Years, I thought. I haven’t seen you for three years. I know we’ve talked a lot through e-mail and instant messenger; always telling each other about how our lives are going, joking around and being just as silly as we were when you were here, but for some reason when you told me that, my heart stopped.

I tried to come up with a proper reply, but I was just so fixed on those words. “Kairi, I want to see you at least once before I leave again. It would be awesome,” you said, but this was so sudden. I thought I was over you by now.

Remember what you said to me that day? “I’ll come back for you,” were your exact words. You made that promise to me and then left; just like that. I got an email from you the very same day. You hated Twilight Town. I remember how much you missed all of us here on Destiny Islands after you were gone and how much you begged me to come and ‘rescue’ you. However, as time passed, you got used to your new life. You made new friends, started playing soccer again and even got a girlfriend at one point. When you told me how happy she made you, I couldn’t take it. I broke down, even though I pretended to be happy for you. That’s when it all started…

When you broke up with her a few months later, I was so relieved, to tell the truth. Yes, I lied and said how sorry I was about it, but deep inside my heart was doing a little victory dance. It sounds so cruel of me, doesn’t it? I’m truly sorry for being that way. I know how much you cared for her. I guess I was glad that you were happy… or something. You weren’t online as much as usual after that. We started to grow even more distant than we already were. There was not one day that went by that I didn’t think of you. Pretty soon, chatting online just wasn’t enough anymore. I asked for your number. You gladly gave it to me; I’m actually surprised you didn’t offer to do that in the first place.

But I didn’t call you much; and vice versa. I guess we both just became too busy. You would text me sometimes, asking how I was and whatnot, but I barely had time to reply right away. My parents kept pressuring me to get into a good college, which meant tons and tons of studying. I barely had time for anyone. I guess it was the same for you, right? A crazy soccer schedule… ha, I remember that. Practice every other day, three games a week, etc. The distance was really starting to get to me. We probably talked on the phone about five times in all throughout these three long years. Oh, how I loved hearing your voice… you were changing and so was I, but it was funnier on you because you didn’t have that childish, girly voice anymore. Your voice became deeper; I almost thought I had the wrong number when I heard you that day, but you reassured me it was you. I then went on to “make fun” of you, which you only laughed off and said how cute I was being. That made me blush...

You sent me a picture of yourself a few days later. People can change a lot in two and a half years, I thought, because you definitely looked a lot more mature (You were kind of cute too....) You told me that you grew a few inches and I took it in a completely wrong way. Your height, I know. But can you blame me? I was young. Stuff like that grossed me out. Words were never safe anymore after that point. Everything sounds perverted these days.

Anyway, you begged me to send you a picture back. I told you I didn’t have one. “Just take a picture with your phone. You can do that, right?” I was afraid. I didn’t want you to see me. I didn’t want you to compliment me and make me feel all tingly inside like you usually did. I didn’t want to fall in love with you again. I know myself. I fall pretty fast.

The fact that you’re not here was the main reason. I didn’t believe in long-distance relationships. Also, I didn’t want to ruin our friendship if something were to happen between us. You know, the normal…

That’s because I don’t want to lose you. I already feel lonely without you here, but at least being able to talk to you on the computer made up for it. But now, I can’t stand it anymore. I want to see you, yet I don’t. I want you to be here forever. That’s why I don’t want you to just come and visit. I want you to stay.

I guess I haven’t really explained myself to you—my feelings that is. I’ve kept them inside for so long, thinking that one day they’ll just go away and I can move on with my life. I was wrong. People used to make fun of me because I would never date anyone. I had to lie and tell them I wasn’t allowed to. But really, all I wanted was you. Nobody else made me feel so good about myself. You were always there for me. You always understood me. Everything seemed so right with you… but then you had to leave.

Life can separate two people, but love can always bring them back together. That’s what I believed at least. However, when we didn’t talk for weeks at a time, that belief started fading. I became more and more attached to you by then. I wanted to call you, but I didn’t want to be obsessive. I wanted to talk to you; I would go online once every hour that that I could to see if you were there, but you weren’t. My love for you was eating me up inside. I wanted to know how you were doing. I wanted to be reassured that I had someone out there that cared for me, but even your absence online made me doubt everything I’ve ever felt. Not only was it bad enough that you were already living somewhere else, but not hearing anything from you? That killed me.

You apologized a million times for being so busy, and every time I pretended to brush it off and say it was okay. I felt like we were not only distant physically, but were started to become distant with each other mentally as well. I never told you, though, I just kept lying to you and saying everything was alright. Then you had to go again—another soccer practice, another night with friends. You told me that I should probably work on my homework, but even that wasn’t going to stop me from thinking of you. My grades were falling. I was getting yelled at by my parents constantly to do better. I told you about that. You urged for me not to give up. You told me you were counting on me. When you said that, everything changed. I studied and studied, thinking to myself that I didn’t want to let you down. It wasn’t about my parents anymore and what they wanted, it was about you. You wanted me to succeed. You gave me the courage to succeed. I wanted to show you that I can be just as great as you were. You were always a hard worker; I was a little lazy. Maybe if you saw that I was improving, you would think differently of me…?

As time went on, my last year of high school began. I had spent almost three years without you. I can’t believe it went by so quickly, even though it felt like an eternity. Tomorrow was New Years Eve, the same day you left three years ago. I still have all the cards you’ve sent me; birthday cards, Christmas cards, and even the New Years card you sent me last year. I haven’t gotten one this year yet. It’s almost disappointing, but maybe it’s just late. I don’t know. However, this year you would be here. Could I really bear to watch you leave again…?

Tonight was the longest night ever for me. You’ll be in town tomorrow. You kept texting me, telling me where you were and how excited you were to be coming back to the Islands for a few days. You had even made plans with Riku, one of your best friends. You wanted me to come along so it could be just like old times, but honestly I think it will be a lot different. Riku has changed too, you know. He and I didn’t really talk much anymore after he found out my feelings for you. I’m surprised he didn’t tell you, but I’m also glad. He liked me a lot. I felt terrible for turning him down. Did I tell you about that? I really don’t remember…

You finally said you were going to go to sleep and told me goodnight. Just one more day, you said. My heart was racing more than ever. What am I going to do if you show up at my door? I can’t face you…

At least behind a computer screen it was easy; you couldn’t see me and I couldn’t see you. I could take as much time as I wanted to respond. I didn’t have to feel pressured right in front of you. I could choose my words carefully without anything bursting out, even though all I’ve ever wanted to tell you was how much I love you. It’s on my mind every single time I talk to you. You’re just amazing to me.

But I don’t know how to tell you that.

+.+.+

You arrived at about nine in the morning. “Did I wake you? I’m sorry, haha.” You said you were going to stop by your grandmother’s house first of course, because that was where you were staying. I got up, took a shower, brushed my teeth and ate. I had to find a way to get away from here so you couldn’t find me. I’m sorry, I just can’t take it.

I went over to my friend Selphie’s house. She wondered what I was doing there so early, but let me in after I explained myself.

“Come on, Kairi… he came back to see you. Don’t miss this chance…” She said, yawning.

“I don’t want to… I’m too scared…”

“Of what?”

Just then I got another text from him. “Where are you? I went to your house but your parents said you weren’t home. They invited me in though.”

Oh no… you were at my house. I froze up. Selphie made her way towards me and looked on my phone. “Go home, Kairi. He’s waiting for you.”

“But…I…” I was getting really nervous now. I was shaking all over. I felt like crying. I didn’t want to see you if you were just going to leave again. For me, it made perfect sense. It meant that I didn’t have to hurt again. So why do I feel so guilty?

Selphie pushed me out of her house. Now I had nowhere to go. She was my only friend that I trusted in anymore, besides you of course. It was her way of saying, go get him.

“Kairi, what are you doing? I want to see you…” Ahh, you messaged me again. “You told me you wouldn’t be busy today… are you avoiding me?”

“No…” I said back, closing my phone and putting it on silent. I walked over to the beach and sat down in the sand. I’m pretty sure you were sending me tons of messages back right now, but I couldn’t read them. I had to keep my distance.

I set my phone next to me and just watched as about two or three text messages showed up, and even a call from my parents. I ignored it and just watched the ocean. After a while, the texts stopped coming. You gave up on me, didn’t you? I deserved it, though. After about five minutes, I opened my phone and read the messages.

“I guess I’ll just have to see you some other time. I’m kind of on a strict schedule. My grandmother only wanted me to be out for about an hour.”My stomach twisted.

“Talk to ya later!”

End of messages.

That was it? That was all you were going to say about it? I began to hate myself even more. But facing you now was impossible…

I sighed and stood up, taking my shoes off. I stacked them neatly in the sand with my phone next to them and walked over to the water. It was cold, but I got used to that quickly and stepped in further. I didn’t really care if my clothes were wet. The water was up to my knees, about the farthest I was going to go. The ocean seemed to stretch on forever. I wondered which way Twilight Town was. There was no telling.

I felt something tingling at my feet. Freaking out I ran out of the water and back towards where my shoes were. As I was drying my feet and putting my shoes back on, I heard some laughter in the distance. I thought I was the only one here. I didn’t want to turn around.

“That was cute.” Said a familiar voice. I heard the footsteps behind me come to a stop. I turned my head slightly. I saw some huge black and yellow shoes but that was it. I knew who it was.

“Sora… how did you know it was me?” I closed my eyes tightly. You came around and stood in front of me, kneeling down on both knees at my level. I couldn’t look at you. I didn’t want to…

“Come on, who else is that beautiful?”

Those words made me cringe. You complimented me… one of your good ways of making me weaker...

“What are you doing? You look silly with your eyes all scrunched up like that.” You were so cute when you laughed.

I tried to cover my face with my hands, but you grabbed them both away from me and held them. Your hands were so warm…

“I… can’t look at you.” I said finally.

“What? Why not?” You asked, confused.

“Because… it’s…” I turned my head away.

“It’s what? Do you think I’m that ugly? Thanks, Kairi…” You then let go and stood up. Pain engulfed throughout my body.

“No… of course not!” I was getting tired of keeping my eyes shut. I would have to face you eventually. It was quiet for quite some time; I thought you might have left already…

I opened my eyes. I didn’t see you anywhere. Was it all just a dream? Am I crazy?

“BOO!” Two hands touched my shoulders. I screamed and jumped up.

“Haha, gotcha.” That voice again…

I turned around slowly. There you were…

“S-S-Sor—“

You were smiling at me. I looked away shyly. I couldn’t believe you were right there. After three years of never seeing your face, Sora, here you are...

You tried to get closer to me, but every time you took a step forward, I took a step back. You stared confusedly, folding your arms and staying in place. “Is something wrong?” You asked, feeling a little strange.

It was coming. I couldn’t hold it in any longer. I felt a tear roll down my cheek. You rushed over to me.

“Hey! Don’t cry, Kai…” I loved it when you said that…

But no, I had to put my wall back up. I couldn’t love you. I’m not supposed to, right?

But then you just had to do it, didn’t you?

Your arms around me, your warm body against mine… gah, why did it all feel so right? I wanted to pull away, but you wouldn’t let me. You just held me and told me…

“Cheer up… please?”

“But—“

You shushed me. My toes curled up. No… this wasn’t happening…

“Are you afraid of losing me again?” Your tone was low, but you were right on the dot. How did you know me so well?

I didn’t speak. You took that as a yes. Still close, you stared into my eyes and smiled. Another thing I loved about you. You were so gentle and sweet all the time…

“I lied to you, Kairi. I guess we’re even.”

“Even? What do you mean?”

“We’re the same, Kairi.”

I couldn’t figure out what you were talking about. You didn’t let me wonder for too long, though.

“The day I left, I made you a promise. I’ll come back for you. I’m here, aren’t I?”

“But… you have to—“

“Nope, lied.” You smiled again. What are you talking about??

Pretty soon you were inches away from my face. I thought for sure you were about to kiss me. I waited for it. I wanted it. All those feelings of denial left me.

Instead, you just said, “You have nothing to worry about.”

And that’s when your lips touched mine…

I almost felt like I was committing a crime against myself at first, but all of that faded away. Your fingers tangled into mine as you pulled me closer. I eventually shut my eyes. You were such a good kisser…

I didn’t want it to end, but sadly, it did. You moved away from me, blushing severely. We were both speechless to say the least. You let out a small chuckle, making me do the same. We both had no idea what to do next, but being you, you always came up with something.

“I love you, Kairi. I always have.”

I immediately thought of your ex-girlfriend. “But… what about—“

It was like you knew exactly what I would say. You shook your head. “She was alright, but I never loved her. We broke up because I said your name instead of hers. She looked so much like you…”

“What?” I was shocked. “But you told me…”

“I think we’ve lied to each other… and ourselves long enough. Kairi…” You paused and took my hands in yours. “I’m not going anywhere. I will never leave you again.”

I shook. I wasn’t sure exactly what I was feeling at the moment. All of this seemed so unreal…

“That’s my new promise to you.”

“Oh… Sora…” I started to cry, but this time it was tears of joy. I threw my arms around you and tried to take in everything you just said. You didn’t hesitate to hold onto me either.

Now was the perfect time to say it. Nothing could hold me back now…

“I love you too, Sora… more than anything in the world…”

So it sounded cheesy, but they were my true feelings. No longer did I have to hide behind a computer screen—my own little shield of protection. You were here, right in front of me, with me, and there was nothing better than that. I didn’t have to worry about you going back to that place you called hell. I didn’t have to worry about losing you forever.

We were meant to be and there was no doubt about that.

All of this time we’ve pretended to be friends, just because of the distance between us. Now that I think about it, I honestly believe that when you left, we became a whole lot closer than we ever were. Sure, maybe sometimes we didn’t talk from time to time, but looking back, it all seemed like it was meant to happen to bring us to where we are today. It made us both stronger, in a sense. All those nights of feeling depressed because you weren’t here—no more. Now we only have the future to look forward to.

It’s just you and me now.

I wouldn’t want it any other way.

+-+-+

A/N: Well? What did you think? I got the idea from a song called “Aitai,” I don’t want to say the artist on here in fear of the story being deleted. If you want to know who it’s by, just ask! Review, please!